Mystic Board

ALIENS What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air-conditioning unit? A frying saucer -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you get if you cross an ex-Popstar with an extra-terrestrial? Kym Martian ------------------------------------------------...

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave discovers a single bat STANDING upright underneath on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What's wrong with you? What are you doing down there?" And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!" -----------------------...

The Dalai Llama has toothache so he makes an appointment to see his dentist. When he gets there and enters the surgery he tells the Dentist that he wants no anaesthetic of any kind for his treatment. The Dentist asked why and he replied that he wanted to - Transcend Dental Medication! --------------...

Taurus These people are earthy, natural, and have a direct approach to the opposite sex which can only be called tactless. The typical Taurus pickup line is "wanna f&*%^?" The typical Taurus comeback to that line is "no, thanks, I already have one ******* in my pants." But once a Taurus has his mind...

Aries like to overfeed their fish. Tauruses need to dump that zero and get themselves a hero. Geminis like to eat their food one item at a time in order of color from red to yellow to green and prefer their food components not to touch but will eat anyway if they are hungy enough. Cancers like to op...

ARIES “Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.” “I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.” “Who will tell whether one happy moment of love o...

Aries: Everything is marked "New and Improved"! Just Loves the "free sample" stands in the supermarket. Pay with whatever their latest account offers. Taurus: Buys the same brand forever, but only the best. Decisions are made on the basis of test reports in consumer magazines. Pays cash. Gemini: Has...

ARIES: gets competitive over who's the speediest sweeper or whose rag is dustiest. TAURUS: goes over the same spot a million times with the vacuum, refusing to bend down to pick up the offending crumb. GEMINI: finishes their chores in half the time of everyone else. CANCER: becomes preoccupied with ...

Aries: Oh those are all for me Taurus: Make sure it's all your finest............cheapest beer Gemini: I'm gonna grab the ***....err hands of everyone in this joint! Cancer: I'll go drink mine in the corner and cry. Leo: Everyone love me for being so generous Virgo: Hmmm are those glasses clean? I d...

list of reactions: Aries would have tickled back until *you* were begging her to stop. Taurus would just roll over and sit on you. Gemini would have giggled and tickled back, then realized that she had forgotten what she was going to say just before the tickling started. Cancer will just get up with...

Aries: Wants to be the absolute best who reads natal charts. Taurus: Nah, they're too lazy to study astrology. Gemini: They are curious; as simple as that. Cancer: Needs predictive astrology to know how many people are coming over to dinner. Leo: They want to know what astrology says about Leos. Vir...

Aries: Snoring so loud and forceful it actually butts into you with its intensity. Taurus: Peacefully stubborn snoring; don't bother trying to wake them up. Gemini: They snore until you try to tug at them to get them to stop; then they unconsciously change their mind and stop all by themselves, only...

An ARIEN will be one of the first to arrive at the mall on Black Friday and, after fighting tooth and nail for a parking space and damaging their car beyond repair, they will shove, kick, bite, scratch, and claw their way to the front of each outrageously long line. Although they may reemerge from t...

Aries: Something fast... and red! Taurus: A volvo Gemini: Car? you mean two cars. Cancer: A family car Leo: A limo.. with a chauffeur Virgo: An economic car. Virgo will have it clean and neat and ready to drive everyone everywhere. Libra: Will not be able to make a choice and will end up riding with...

An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects.

The astrologer says, "Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion".

The econometrician replies, "That's because of external shocks. Stars don't have those".