Mystic Board

A person received a reading from a professional Astropsychic, but to his dismay, it was totally wrong. So, he emailed the psychic requesting his money back.
  The psychic returned the email, saying, "I'm so sorry! I got your birthdate wrong! Now I owe you an astrology!"

Q: What is an astrologist's favorite food?
A: Dates!

Q: What is an astrologist's favorite chocolate bar?
A: Mars bar!

Q: Why did the male astrologist refuse to sunbathe in the nude?
A: He was too shy to expose his Venus!

Q: Where do naked palm readers prefer to spend their vacations?
A: At a palmist beach.

Q: Why was the palm reader pulled over for speeding?
A: They were reading the center lines.

Q: Why would cheiromancers make good stage magicians?
A: Because they're good at palming things.

Q: What is a cheiromancer's favorite rapper?
A: Tupalms.

Q: What is a common cheiromancer's last name?
A: Palmer.

Q: How was the palm reader rescued when he almost drowned while swimming?
A: He was thrown a life-line.

Q: How did the palm-reader know that his psychic friend was in trouble?
A: Because he read it in the headlines.

One day, a manipulative woman approached a cheiromancer. "Is my husband cheating?" she asked the psychic.
  The cheiromancer examined her hand carefully, then replied, "No, because you are his Moon and Venus, and you have him in the palm of your hand."

Q: Why was the cheiromancer arrested?
A: He was found guilty of palming funds from clients.

Q: Where do cheiromancers like to go on vacation?
A: Palm Springs.

PALMIST: I see a fluctuation in your circumstances.
CLIENT: What do you mean?
PALMIST: Oh, just read between the lines.