My ex virgo

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lovable_pisces
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:58 pm

My ex virgo

Post by lovable_pisces » Sat Nov 08, 2008 12:18 am

A few weeks ago, virgo boyfriend told me he could not be with me. He was in need to "explore" and date more and he was not ready to settle down. I was totally devastated and very hurt. There were no indications how he came to this conclusion, he just did.

He told me it had nothing to do with me and I was the perfect girlfriend to him. I felt something fishy was tied to that excuse. Perfect girlfriends dont get dumped.

After a few back and forths, me taking time apart to go visit my father for a while, I realized he immediately started dating the week I left. He was just looking to casually date this chick apparently. Later he is telling me he could possibly love her. I was very upset that he would take to dating so fast as if he was in a hurry.

We decided before I left that he would join me during election night to watch the elections. This was pretty important to me because Ive been following it all year and probably been driving him absolutely nuts about it. I didnt expect us to have a good time, but I have lately donned a new attitude of happiness and confidence. He was easily attracted and felt comfortable with my nature like ol times, except better.

At first he was distant and polite towards me, but as the night moved on, he became more and more attracted to my carefree, stable and happy nature. Almost to the point that he had to control himself. He told me he would always be at least some what attracted to me because I was just beautiful and he seemed to be flirting with me here and there. We laughed, told jokes, shared candy, and acted like we were just happy together. I didnt do anything crazy or asked him anything appropriate, but he wanted to be closer. I let him lead the situation. He barely wanted to leave when the night was over, he seemed conflicted. He still sounded like he was trying to convince himself that we were "friends" only. But some how I dont see that he even believed that. He even mentioned that I will forever be family to him and under his protection. I told him it was ok to be vulnerable and let his real emotions show. I sometimes can get him to express his true feelings around me and I know he sees me as a deep confidence. I know virtually everything about him, even his darkest secrets and pains. He does talk to me as a confidence and I know he trusts me incredibly with his feelings.

He said he would call me sometime this week and I havent heard a peep out of him so far. I have to come back sunday to start making arrangements to move and get a job. I assume he is still dating mystery girl, but I know he has mentioned he doesnt want to know her past or let her know his. But at the same time...he tells me he can possibly love her?


Do you think this was a good sign or a very bad sign? I really want him back, hes a wonderful person that I can see growing old with. There are a few things he could work on, but he was my rock and joy in life.

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Crow
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Post by Crow » Sat Nov 08, 2008 2:05 pm

lovable pisces,

First off I want to give you a great big hug. This is so upsetting to read.  All those mixed signals, mixed feelings, ahhhhhh!

Perhaps if it becomes too much to bear, to hear, let him know.  What can you live with, what can  you live without.  Will this affect your heart so badly that you may not recover?  Only you know.  In the end it may go as you wish, or it might not.  Please remember I say this only out of love...do not feel that I am judging.  I just worry about your happiness.  Seems like you are doing all the supporting.  You made it to where he can feel honest and openly speak to you, what about you? Are you really able to share the same experience?  Can you openly talk about your feelings?  Perhaps you are open with him, but how I read it...again seems like he is saying all these things openly to you and here you are struggling with your heart.  

If he is talking about how he doesn't want to know of her past or her know his, this is a big flag for me.  Lust is not love.  He is talking like a platonic casual f-buddy relationship.  Can you see it?  That is why your heart is getting mixed signals. With your relationship it was deeper.  He doesn't wish to go deeper, yet he says he loves her and this confusses you.  Yes, it is because from what I gathered from my male companions is that they only wish to love that body, not the mind or spirit that is inside.  But in this he may be confussed too.  Many mistaken lust for love.  Chemistery between too people as a sign as they were ment to be.  What seperates the two is that unconditional love, deeper than sex.  Sounds like you know that, and that is why it just doesn't feel right.

My best friend is Virgo, met her back my sophmore year in HS, so it's been like 15 years.  So Pisces and Virgos can get along.  Also depends on their charts not just the Sun Sign.  I have also ran into a couple who were Pisces and Virgo who had a good marriage.  Again it is the connections, emotional, goal, personal views, etc.  How they click more than the two signs alone.

Will you get him back as a boyfriend?  I don't know.  Sorry really wish I did.

shoody
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 9:44 pm

Post by shoody » Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:46 pm

lovable piceas am so sorry about your situation.
my boyfriend did the same to me only few days after ending it without reason he slept with a so called friend. i adopted the same careree attitude but deep down i was really hurtin not sleeping or eating i lost a stone in 2weeks i was so ill,it is really hard to forgive but everyone deserves a second chance in my opinion then if they waste the chance you know it wont work out. your boyfriend has became so close to you that he is talking to you as a friend telling you he wants to enjoy the dating game, why would someone be so hurtful he knows how much it will hurt to see him date other girls so why go ahead and let you know? could he not of told you a white lie like he needed space or something just to save your feelings? but he has been honest with you and he has already moved on so quickly my advice is have sum fun with your friends and try to put it to the back of your mind if he wants to see you say you are busy let him no you dnt have to wait around for sum loser that wants you there waiting in the background while he has his fun-your worth more im sure ther will be a guy out ther desperate to meet such a nice girl and make you happy,you never know -maybe one day you will look back and thank him for setting you free to find real love and hapiness. please dont be hurt by what i have said im hoping you will see this guy for what he really is and come back stronger

lovable_pisces
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:58 pm

Post by lovable_pisces » Fri Dec 12, 2008 3:55 pm

Hi everyone,

Sorry I never answered back. I didnt think anyone existed on the board because I saw the dates in-between postings.

It has been over a month since I posted my problem. A lot has happened in-between. He is still dating said girl, but he doesnt really know what to do with her. They are not in a relationship still, and I really dont know whats really the issue. I stayed in his apartment for roughly 3 weeks because was trying to work and stuff and see if I could get an apartment immediately. I could not and have to wait til the beginning of february for the one bedroom to open.

During that time I guess I was trying to convince him to get back with me and drop her. I found his behaviors very strange, he would try to spend time with both of us, but I was having issues with that. He said he was highly considering going back to me, but he wanted to give her a chance. When he went on his vacation with her, he texted me to ask how I was doing. I barely answered and a day late. He kept telling me she wont put her wall down and its frustrating to him. Sometimes he would say "I dont have to see her all the time," when I would say "why arent you seeing her? its saturday." He would be buddy buddy with me and then leave to go see her. I felt used and on top of that, we were intimate a few times and he slept in my bed to cuddle with me nightly. I know it was a mistake, but I was going with my instincts. He said that he was nobody's man and she still has not claimed her as his. I felt he might have felt upset at her for continously wasting his time, but he still then goes spend time with her. Sometimes he would take his work with him.

He did notice a spark of change in me that intrigued him, but he was too stuck on wanting to know if there was anything with her. I finally got sick of it and left. I was literally getting frustrated every day and he could tell I was hurting and understood how painful it was. He tried not to talk about her or talk to her around me, but it just wasnt enough. I was already too far damaged to care what he thought and I didnt like playing second fiddle. I just didnt want to share. I told him I was picking up and leaving (a week earlier than planned). He asked me to at least stay one more day so he can give me a proper goodbye, and I told him it wasnt about him and he doesnt make those choices. I left.

So here I am, back at home, waiting for my apartment to be available. I still work with him because I need the money. But I will be switching jobs when I finally get my apartment and stabilize out financially. We don't talk about much except work, I wanted it that way. He tried to express to me how bad he feels about how much he hurt me and felt he fucked up. But I told him that this is only a business relationship and we will not talk about my personal life anymore. He bit his tongue and agreed.

Im still hurting over this. Ive began to try to start dating, but its very difficult for me. At this point, I dont want a relationship because I began to realize that they are too distracting from my life goals. It hurts more that I saw a more sensitive and loving side of him during my three weeks living back with him. He felt very close to me and he wanted it. He saw it too, but it just wasn't enough to turn the tides. I guess I dont regret for at least trying, but I feel bad that it just wasn't enough and I ended up wasting my time. I know I did everything I wasn't suppose to do, but I wanted to see for myself if it could be salvaged. I knew the answer a long time ago, I just needed to see it with my own eyes.

I guess if things were meant to be, they would have happened. Im not going to count on it ever happening at this point. I dont know how his relationship is going with mystery girl, but his actions give me the feeling that they arent getting better. Hes going to spend his saturday teaching me design skills. I really have no idea why I still communicate with him, but I dont do it on a personal level anymore. I do it on a very cold level and I never call him at all, email, or text anything. I just communicate through IM where its easier to mask my feelings.

I will eventually get a good job and totally be out of his life. I recognize he still does have feelings for me, but he doesnt know what is best for him at this time. He doesnt consider me back up and has asked me to not wait for him while he figures out what he wants. He says he still considers me a candidate for marriage in the future? (He doesnt want to get married til hes 30). But I just dont get it at all. If Im a candidate, why am I in this position?

His new girl is 8 years older than him, she is ready to settle down and want kids. He still has at least 6 years before he wants to consider that. From what I heard, she seems cold to him at times until he is cold back, then she warms up to him. He even has said shes kind of on the chubby side and he doesnt like that, but wont say anything. There are certain other things he doesnt like about her, but I guess he likes her enough to stick around to see whats possible. Shes a gemini. I know he wasn't having sex about her, but I don't know about now. Hes the typical virgo where he doesn't just have sex with anyone.

I just don't understand the situation with her, but I understand that I have to move on no matter what. I am trying to do that, it just hurts a lot. He was my best friend, but now I have to consider him no less than a business associate. He still wants to be my friend, but I find that too difficult and I dont want to be friends. I havent told him that yet. Im thinking of doing it when I get my own job and can fully break away from him. And he wonders why he has no female friends....

lovable_pisces
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:58 pm

Post by lovable_pisces » Fri Dec 12, 2008 4:20 pm

To answer your question crow, His moon is in leo and my moon is in aquarius. Thats about all I know. You are right, I couldnt express my feelings very well in the relationship. In the beginning he thought I was too emotional and I thought he was too picky. We had a bunch of arguments, but his friend was talking shit about me too I came to find out over a year later. That is why he seemed like he was kind of picking on me, he didnt trust me because what his friend was saying which were all untrue things.

His trust issues really kind of hurt the relationship and of course me being emotional because I didnt understand him made it worse. We both actually had serious problems from our past that we didn't work out before we met and I felt that was our downfall. If we had been more like now where he was more trusting and sensitive and I was less of a victim and aimless, we would have probably lasted. Once he trusted me more, it seemed to stable out a lot, like a dramatic improvement. But I still had a wall of protection and I never showed who I fully was to him. When I showed him a lot more of me after we broke up, he was like "why didnt you show me this before?" and I told him I felt I couldnt. That is what sparked his curiosity. The thing was, I didnt feel comfortable enough to be totally me because of all the issues in the beginning. I guess I felt lost and didnt know how to explain it to him because I didnt know what I wanted in the relationship anymore, I just knew I wanted it to be better. But he was always so busy and stressing out over his business that I spent a lot of time alone. I expected to be alone, but I felt lonely on top of that even when he was paying attention to me. Im sure counseling would have helped if we could have afforded it.

It just seemed like we met at the wrong time in our maturity.

shoody
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 9:44 pm

Post by shoody » Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:07 pm

lovable pisces
i am so glad to hear your coping ok i hope you get your job sorted, i think this guy is just telling you exactly how it is and that is the relationship is over at least he is being honest so you can now move your life to the next chapter, personally i think most people forgive but it is very difficult to forget and if you do get back together it is not going to be easy you will probably be very vulnerable considering after all the time you spent together he fell for someone else.it is really difficult and it takes two not one for this to work so i just wish you all the luck in getting over this you have to let yourself ajust to this new life without him and move on. best wishes and i hope one day that once youve got your life in order you can say look at me now, i dont need you anymore! x x

lovable_pisces
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:58 pm

Post by lovable_pisces » Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:01 pm

Thanks Shoody, Im trying to get my life together now. Im not concerned about if he will ever consider me because he had failed the test of accepting that chance to rebuild and try again. He would have to fix a lot of things before he could ever be so gifted to even win my affection again. But Even then, I dont know if I will want him back by that point. Too slow to make a decision means you are too slow for me. He has shown a few new traits that I lost respect for like keeping secrets from the other girl and not acknowledging that his need to feel close to me means he is not ready to date or commit to anyone. Instead he wanted to do both and I just dont like playing that kind of game. You are either in it or you are not and if you are not, Im going to kick you out of my life.

I just need to keep focusing on me and what I want. That is going to take time. :\

shoody
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 9:44 pm

Post by shoody » Sun Dec 14, 2008 12:16 pm

good for you luv i am glad to see you are being strong x

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