New here (re-posting)/Guidance for relatively new psychic (?)

[Doe]

(I just posted what's below on the "Introduce Yourself" forum, but it was suggested that I re-post it.  This seems like it might be the most appropriate place--I hope so!)
I'll try to make a rather long story short.  17 years ago, someone I loved dearly died.  Last year I started to write a book about him (he'd asked me to; it just took a while for me to get around to it!), and found myself going through an intense grieving period that I hadn't allowed myself, for various reasons, when he first died.  Although I'd never really believed that it's possible to really contact the dead, I was desperate to talk to him again and apologize for some things, and to tell him I loved him (again, for various reasons, I'd never told him before).  I was in BAD shape--total basketcase.
But things started happening for which I couldn't come up with any explanation other than that he was, in fact, around--a lot of beautiful visuals, synchronicities, and just truly odd and sometimes funny things.  Slowly, I became able to see him, as well as other figures--especially in the dark, but often in broad daylight too.  Late last summer I also started to be able to "talk" to him, and to other spirits (I actually see the words sort of in the air in front of me--no voices, but I think that's because at the beginning I kind of requested that I not hear voices so that I wouldn't feel schizophrenic!).  To my absolute joy, he's now here with me all the time, acting as a kind of spirit guide (and a wonderful, caring, positive one at that).  He reminded me that on the day after his death I "prayed" to him to come back and find me if he ever could, so he did.
I have two small problems--one is that sometimes it gets really hard to "read" what he or any other spirits are saying.  It all just gets very faded, and it's frustrating (at other times it's incredibly clear).  The other is that I seem to attract spirits wherever I go (I'm a travel writer, so I travel a lot).  I THINK that I often kind of see their last thoughts, but at other times they just want to talk.  Some are very angry and/or frightened, and some of their anger and fear gets directed at me.
I don't know anyone else who does this, and, aside from all the guidance my friend gives me, I'm kind of lost and "in the dark", so to speak.  I'd like to be able to help the "lost" spirits, but I have no idea how--previous attempts have usually just made them angrier.  I feel that I need a non-spirit guide as well--not a TV psychic, or someone who sees it all as a business, but someone who has had similar experiences and is more advanced than me with it all.  I'm not nuts, and I'm not imagining things.  I just could use some guidance!  (So much for keeping the post short.)
Help?
Thanks!
Doe
P.S.  On occasion--only when it's really important, my friend gives me hints about the future (we call it "peeking").  He just told me to "keep writing" here; he said that he'd peeked, and that I'd be able to find someone to help.  So I'm encouraged!

[Doe]

I think I should probably be more specific about what my "problems" are.  My friend, D., had a very rough life before I knew him--he'd been terribly abused as a child, and had been addicted to drugs, and had gotten into some of the trouble inherent in that lifestyle.  I only knew him during the last 8 months of his life (as you might guess, he died of AIDS, and I moved in with him and did my best to take care of him in that time until his death), but during that time he was the sweetest, kindest, most caring person I'd ever met--he'd decided that he wanted to change his life, and he did.  I believe that some of the spirits who bother us now are people who weren't too happy with him in the "old days" (but there are others, too, I think, who are just "stuck", and don't know how to get to the "place of peace", which is how it's been referred to to me).  They often try to pretend to be him when I'm trying to talk to him, or they'll give me "predictions" which are false--whereas he's warned me about real dangers on a number of occasions.  I guess my problem is one of identification; I just want to be able to "see" a little better so that I know right away when I'm being duped, and not have to be suspicious every time I talk to someone.  D. always has thoughtful, positive, non-judgemental advice, but sometimes I'm fooled into thinking I'm talking to him and then end up realizing that some bitter spirit has tricked me.  (They can be insulting, too, but I'm no longer so worried about that.)  I've tried reasoning, and asking them to go to the "place of peace", but some of them don't budge.  As I said, it's a long story, but I'd love to be able to talk without interference to D. and get his help and support, and also help the spirits who are stuck.
I hope that makes things more clear.
Doe

[spiritalk]

When we have psychic abilities it is important to start our development with some good techniques and exercises to keep us grounded, protected and shielded from all spirit input.  You have not done this - you have assumed the presence of a lost loved one and put a lot of faith and time into believing they are there and guiding you.  Our loved ones come to visit to bring comfort, our spirit guides work with us in love and partnership.  Everyone has their own job, so to speak.

Dismissing all spirit contact at present would be a good start.  There does not appear to be anyone there that is worthy of your attachment.  Do not start with 'rescue' work when you have not even considered what is good psychic practices first.

Take charge of what is happening.  To do that you begin with the tools of your own consciousness (visualization, meditation, affirmation) and make it in your own time and space that contact is made.  You use techniques that contact your own spirit guide and that is who you communicate with - the rest will come through your guide who is the filter for the negative spirit you are receiving.

Reading through the Mediumship Development notes allows an understanding of what may be happening here and enable you to dismiss the present ones for the loving spirit.

[Doe]

Thank you for responding, Spiritalk.  Although I can't agree that D. is not "worthy of my attachment" (we've had many discussions in which he's proven to me who he is, where he's been, and why he's back, and he's also been nothing but positive, kind, and helpful to me and my family--there's a lot more to it than I've written here, and I've got 45 pages worth of journal entries on it!), it's very true that I haven't worked on techniques and exercises.  But that's only because this all came about on its own, slowly (over a year's time) and gradually enough that none of it really scared me (that's also because I knew right from the start that it had to do with D.).  I don't know anyone who I can really talk to about this; there's no one I know personally who would believe me.  So all I've been able to do is to go online and do whatever "research" I could, and I've been very much alone with it (not unhappy, just alone) until I found this site.  Believe me, I've done a LOT of thinking on all of this, and I've learned a lot, and I take it all very seriously, because I feel that I've been given a gift of incalculable worth, and I'd like to be worthy of it.

I've been reading through the posts on mediumship, etc., and I'll continue to do that.  It does feel great to be in a "place" where I can actually communicate to people who understand and believe me!

Thanks again,
Doe

P.S.  This is something that I found on Kundalini-Teacher.com, and I feel for a lot of reasons that it describes D.:
The sweet ghosts are the ones who have gone into the light, and retain a connection to the Light while being present to love and support their children or loved ones…These spirits are connected to Divine wisdom, so they aware of the passage of time, supported by being in the light so they have no need of being fed by your attention. They see you through Goddess eyes, and may guide but do not judge. They have gone through the life review and know the purpose of their life and death, and return simply for the sake of love for those they have left behind.

[Doe]

Hi again, Spiritalk,

I took a long bath after I replied to your post, and did some thinking about your feeling that my friend is not "worthy of my attachment."  I thought about the things he's done and said, and (although it might sound defensive) I decided to tell you what some of them are here.  I've read a lot about "discernment", and these are some of the things that tell me that I'm not wrong about him.
--He asks (never tells--just asks) me to do healthy things--exercise more, get off the computer and out of the house for walks outside, not drink too much, etc.  (He's got his work cut out for him here!)

--He tells me that I need to love myself more--"stop listening to the old voices", and be happy with who I am.

--Although he's not thrilled with my estranged husband because of some of the things he's said and done, he's asked me to try to love and be friends with him for my son's sake.  When my husband was sick, D. insisted that I get him to go to the doctor.

--He was the one who actually reminded me to buy some new boots and mittens for my son when we were getting ready to go on a trip to Canada in December  (yeah, yeah, I was gonna think of it myself!).  He LOVES my son.

--He said something along the lines of, "God is in your body.  You just have to find (his?) love."

--He's warned me, and been right, on a number of occasions about people and possible dangers.  I made the mistake once or twice of disregarding what he said, and I regretted it later!

--He also just told me to keep writing here, even after I told him what you said.

--When I first found that I could see what spirits were saying, I thought that I needed to listen to everything they said, respond, try to "help", argue, etc.  I'd stay up all night trying to do that, and I was exhausted and pretty freaked out a lot of the time.  D. kept asking me to stop, to ignore it all, to just go to sleep, and not to respond.  "Just give it time," he says (he still says it); he says I need to learn a lot before I try any of that.  I finally learned to listen, for the most part, and things have been much better.

There's a lot more like that.  Now, in a living person I think there wouldn't be any argument of the person's worthiness if he or she did those things.  Is there any reason that it should be different with a spirit?

Doe

[spiritalk]

I can't argue with you on who you think is talking.  The problem is you have not done any exercises to find out who it is.  With love and attention to you, it does sound more like a guide than a loved one - but they are two separate things.

[Doe]

Thanks again, Spiritalk!  There are many reasons that I know that I've been talking to D.  He's told me a lot of things about his life (things I didn't know when he was alive) that have checked out completely in the "real" world, and we've talked about things that happened between us when he was alive.  His basic personality also remains unchanged (he's just calmer now, and not afraid any more, and he's had a lot of time to think)--his sense of humor hasn't changed, which makes me REALLY happy!  Our story is a pretty unique one, and there are a lot of other reasons that it makes sense that it's him.
I've heard from others that it's possible for loved ones to return as spirit guides too (maybe not spirit guides--maybe the problem is one of terminology on my part!).  Maybe D. has just returned because he loves me, and because we took care of each other before he died when no one else was around to do it, and because I asked him to.  Whatever his "title", he's done me nothing but good, and I want him around, if that's what he wants--and it does seem to be what he wants.
Lately, though, he's been saying something about loving me too much to be a spirit guide--I think he means he can't be "tough" enough about the harder stuff with me (I can be stubborn as hell!), and that someone else needs to take over on that end.  There is someone else who is willing to do that (someone I "met" as a spirit--I didn't know him when he was alive)--more on that later.
I really appreciate your help!  It feels so good to "talk" about these things without fear of ridicule or of being thought crazy...

Doe

[Doe]

One more thing--would a spirit guide lie about who he/she was?  I can't imagine that a spirit who came to guide and take care of me would pretend to be D.--it seems that that would break some kind of cosmic rule or something!

Doe

[spiritalk]

Hi again, Spiritalk,

I took a long bath after I replied to your post, and did some thinking about your feeling that my friend is not "worthy of my attachment."  I thought about the things he's done and said, and (although it might sound defensive) I decided to tell you what some of them are here.  I've read a lot about "discernment", and these are some of the things that tell me that I'm not wrong about him.
--He asks (never tells--just asks) me to do healthy things--exercise more, get off the computer and out of the house for walks outside, not drink too much, etc.  (He's got his work cut out for him here!)

--He tells me that I need to love myself more--"stop listening to the old voices", and be happy with who I am.

--Although he's not thrilled with my estranged husband because of some of the things he's said and done, he's asked me to try to love and be friends with him for my son's sake.  When my husband was sick, D. insisted that I get him to go to the doctor.

--He was the one who actually reminded me to buy some new boots and mittens for my son when we were getting ready to go on a trip to Canada in December  (yeah, yeah, I was gonna think of it myself!).  He LOVES my son.

--He said something along the lines of, "God is in your body.  You just have to find (his?) love."

--He's warned me, and been right, on a number of occasions about people and possible dangers.  I made the mistake once or twice of disregarding what he said, and I regretted it later!

--He also just told me to keep writing here, even after I told him what you said.

--When I first found that I could see what spirits were saying, I thought that I needed to listen to everything they said, respond, try to "help", argue, etc.  I'd stay up all night trying to do that, and I was exhausted and pretty freaked out a lot of the time.  D. kept asking me to stop, to ignore it all, to just go to sleep, and not to respond.  "Just give it time," he says (he still says it); he says I need to learn a lot before I try any of that.  I finally learned to listen, for the most part, and things have been much better.

There's a lot more like that.  Now, in a living person I think there wouldn't be any argument of the person's worthiness if he or she did those things.  Is there any reason that it should be different with a spirit?

Doe

The worthy comment is getting a bit overdone.  All spirit is worthy of our consideration in some fashion.

What is important is to form a partnership with spirit.  As this is a loved one partnership it is not in the same realm as a spirit guide.  Whether it is good advice (and we would certainly expect that from a loved one) or not is not the issue.  The issue is....there is a heirarchy in spirit realms - just as on earth.  Some things are done - some are not.  Our loved ones and family do NOT return as our spirit guides - it is just not a part of the whole picture.

Now that may be a belief system or can be dismissed as not valid in your case - do as you see fit.  But spirit realms are organized on natural laws and that is what will play out in some way over time.

[Doe]

I'm actually not all that concerned about the spirit guide/loved one issue; I'm happy to receive love, good counsel, insight, protection, and a good joke or two  :) from anyone, spirit or otherwise, who is willing to offer it.  It's been made clear to me that there is a hierarchy, and my friend has always made it clear that he's not too far up on it so far, but that he's working on it, and learning as he goes too (by virtue of sheer first-hand experience, he certainly knows more about things "there" than I do).  I didn't mean to make this about my friend or what his role is in all of this; by bringing him up I was merely trying to explain the circumstances surrounding my "emergence", or whatever you'd like to call it, and I was explaining why I wouldn't "banish" him along with other spirits who are clearly NOT trying to help or guide me in any way, shape or form.  I'm not arguing one belief system over another; I can only go on my experiences, and my sincere efforts to understand them, so far.

Of greater importance to me is understanding my own role in this--why it happened to me, what it means, if I'm supposed to be working toward something (although I keep getting told that I'm "trying too hard"--still trying to understand that one...whoops!--trying again!), and how I should relate it to my day-to-day life.  If possible, I'd like to use it to do something good for others, living or not.  99% of it is incredibly beautiful, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.  I'm just trying (there I go again) to figure out how to get more clarity so that I can learn what I need to learn from anyone who can teach me anything useful.  If there's a spirit guide waiting in the wings too, I'm all ears.

Doe

[DragonKnight]

right your first problem is the land spirits. Ill give you a small run down on the spirit system.

Right off the bat i can tell that D is not the kind of spirit that i usually work with these spirits are some what limited in strength. They do yes, have to power to climb the spiritual ladder, however this will happen at the same time as you progress you skill.

What you are looking for is spirit recognition, he has a fear that any spirit that is larger than him, will trick and mislead in order to null the impact that he is having on your life. How this is done is by what i would call sentinel spirits, or as i have said a land spirit.

I live in New Zealand and we have many land spirits, or gaurdians, some of which motives are not as you would like them to be their powers are that of creating mental illnesses, physical objects to cease to work etc.

I have had expirences of them pretending to be people that i know that i can telepathicly communicate with.\

The problem that you will have is that they are much larger than you and i but they sometimes forget that we can become strong enough to be able to see for ourselves and reach a point of clarity and understanding that allows us to overcome their illusions.

A small beastary will help let you discern and begin to see the spirits that are plagueing your communications with D

From the Top, God, ArchAngels & Deva, Objects like the Sun, Moon and Earth, Demons, The 4 Elements, Children of the 4 elements ie dragons, spirit of the water falls etc, Souls, passed loved ones, pet souls.

It is all about finding a honest spirit that is high enough and that has the focus of helping the human race insteed of trying to influence it via illusion, misconcetions and such.

When you begin to uderstand the size of beings that are arround, you will understand the limitations of spirits.

How to see, wow now one would think that this is a difficult thing to teach but it isnt really, just think along these line whats the nearest mountian arround? ok, now if a spirit live in that mountian being that mountian would that not be the physical size of the spirit in question? Now we all have Auras how big would that aura be? What things could that mountian manipulate?  We send energy world wide, yet we are just human.

What to look for is the person inside the voice, behind the writing. You just see it!

When you look at the human shape of a spirit you see it in human size. When you look at the source of the projected human image you get an understanding of the scope of the spirit as a whole. How big is the lake you take the dog to, if we take all the potential energy stored in that lake and place our own image of a human over it we begin to understand that the ladder to the spiritual system is huge.

What you now have to learn is that when you speak to a spirit speak to its image see its face, that way you know that your messages is being recieved. With out seeing the face of that which you are communicating to what are you really talking to? Who out there is really listening. It is a tried and true telepathic communication method.

Next thing you need to do is find out where you stand in your spirit and its potential agains other spirits. This is called energetic develpment. What you need to learn is how to see an aura, how to guage a spirits size.

To see an aura you zero in of a person, and then expand a ball out of them. What it looks like at first is a grey sphere surrounding the subject. You then watch and you begin to see the colours of that person within that orb. These colour relate to what the person is thinking and feeling at that time.

Next is being able to read a persons colours. You open your third eye and you just look at the chakras quiet similar to seeing auras.


You need to meditate more often, meditations that you should look into are merkaba, the merkabs is called the vehical of asscenscion and that is just what it is, the merkaba is strong enough of a meditation to clean and clear your chakras, and one that i like to call batting for the fence.

Sit in a light trance or meditation state and feel you energy expand out of your body, much like feeling your mind expand.
Then begin trying to force that energy sphere larger and larger untioll it cant get any bigger.

That meditation is good for occasional checks to see how far you have come in your energy development. It shows your you full energy size and give you a yardstick to compare yourself to other spirits.

If you have any questions ill be glad to help

DK

[Doe]

Thanks so much, DragonKnight! That was really helpful in a number of ways.

Again, my purpose here wasn't so much to talk about D.; I just believe that my desire to see him and talk to him was what led me to the other stuff (in other words, I believe that, in order to see him at all, my "eyes" had to be opened up to a lot of other things as well).  Whatever his role is in my life, he's staying, so that's not a question.  So far, he's never let me down.  There have been a number of occasions on which he's said or predicted something that, I thought, didn't make any sense, but later turned out to make HUGE sense, and helped me a lot.  He also agreed with what you said--as I make progress, he gets stronger (and can therefore be even more help in my progress).  First lesson?  Love myself (he's always consistent on that point).  So simple, but not always so easy...

In any case, as I said, I'm open to hearing from any spirit or non-spirit who can help me figure out what all of this means...if they've got something useful to say, I'm not too worried about "rank" (same as in my day-to-day dealings with people)!

Trying to visualize the person/spirit speaking to me sounds like a very good idea.  When I talk to D. in the dark (easiest to see like that), I do see his face, or at least his eyes, which were very distinctive (you could see his Ojibwe Indian ancestry in them--beautiful!).  And I see his, and others', colors.  Most often he looks like a red cloud that sometimes turns to an ocean-green if I reach out to touch him, and sometimes there are beautiful sparks of deep blue.

There are other faces, and lots of eyes, in the dark (and sometimes in the light) as well.  One thing that really threw me when I first realized it was that sometimes I'll see my own face reflected in front of me (and once or twice--this sounds so crazy, but I'm not crazy!--I saw it in the sky).  I also see a lot of symbols--mostly, again, having to do with eyes (I posted about it elsewhere here).

So yes, colors and faces already play a big part in what I see.  By following some of your advice, maybe I can get a better idea of what they mean, and how they can help me get more clarity.

Sorry for the long posts--there's so much that I haven't even begun to talk about!

[spiritalk]

I'm actually not all that concerned about the spirit guide/loved one issue; I'm happy to receive love, good counsel, insight, protection, and a good joke or two  :) from anyone, spirit or otherwise, who is willing to offer it.  

J:  I believe this is just the point - we can open up like a candle in a fog and accept all and sundry - they are just not on a love vibration.  When we focus in on our own best guidance, that is what we will get.  

It's been made clear to me that there is a hierarchy, and my friend has always made it clear that he's not too far up on it so far, but that he's working on it, and learning as he goes too (by virtue of sheer first-hand experience, he certainly knows more about things "there" than I do).  I didn't mean to make this about my friend or what his role is in all of this; by bringing him up I was merely trying to explain the circumstances surrounding my "emergence", or whatever you'd like to call it, and I was explaining why I wouldn't "banish" him along with other spirits who are clearly NOT trying to help or guide me in any way, shape or form.  I'm not arguing one belief system over another; I can only go on my experiences, and my sincere efforts to understand them, so far.

J:  The fact is that at the lowest levels there are pretenders.  Call them what you will - they exist.  While, for a time, it does appear to be 'good' advice there can and is a problem with these pretenders.


Of greater importance to me is understanding my own role in this--why it happened to me, what it means, if I'm supposed to be working toward something (although I keep getting told that I'm "trying too hard"--still trying to understand that one...whoops!--trying again!), and how I should relate it to my day-to-day life.  If possible, I'd like to use it to do something good for others, living or not.  99% of it is incredibly beautiful, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.  I'm just trying (there I go again) to figure out how to get more clarity so that I can learn what I need to learn from anyone who can teach me anything useful.  If there's a spirit guide waiting in the wings too, I'm all ears.

J:  When we are content to attune to the uneducated level, the spirit guides back off and allow all those 'beautiful, wonderful' experiences that tend to draw us in.  Spirit attunement is work.  When we apply the efforts we are well rewarded with so much more.


Doe

Reading through the mediumship lessons will help you see some of this heirarchy and some of the work needed by self for spirit attunement at the best level.

[Doe]

Spiritalk, while I appreciate your taking the time to "talk" to me about some of the things I brought up at first, I feel that this is devolving into something more argumentative than I was hoping to find here.  While I'm sure that many of the things you say have validity, and I'm giving thought to them, I'm also pretty sure that 100 other people would have 100 other ways of seeing things (and that's fine, because I believe that spirituality is, and should be, a very individual thing)--all of which may be just as valid.  You give no indication (at least not that I've seen) of how you came to believe/know the things that you believe/know, or what makes you speak with such certainty about things that (I would think) are beyond people's ability to know with absolute certainty.  My impression is that your belief system leaves little room for differences in other people's experiences/beliefs, and I believe that that can be dangerous too.

What I hoped to find here was--yes--guidance, but guidance based more on a sharing of experiences and discussions, rather than a "my way or the highway" approach.  You advise that one shouldn't just take any and all advice (even if it's been loving and positive) from spirits without question, but I feel that you expect people here to do that, or be lectured.  I see that people on these boards have a lot of respect for you, and that's a good sign.  However (and I REALLY don't mean to be rude), I'm not likely to assume that one person on one website has all the answers.  I don't believe that anyone can.  We're all learning; I'm sure that you still are too.

Doe

[spiritalk]

Work with the spirit realms on a constant and continuing basis has brought many lessons of spirituality as well as spirit communication.  While I am not perfect, God knows, and can come across too strongly on ocassion, I have also seen the down side to ignoring some of the pitfalls.  I must learn to remember that all have to find their own path and have the pitfalls to reinforce the message.  As stated, I suggested each to their own.  You will do as you please anyway.

While I don't always have books to back up the thoughts I have gained, I have also written 2 books to outline some of what the spirit realms have taught me.  It then is still just personal experience.  And we all have our own personal experiences to lead us.  God bless your journey.