I started re-learning when I was in highschool, but I soon learned I was in more than I could handle and I shouldn't play with things I don't fully master, so I stopped. A couple of years ago, I decided to continue my path, and I chose a safer way to communicate with the spirits, I bought myself my first Tarot deck. At the beginning I was afraid of the cards, especially because my first deck is really agressive and keeps falling around when it's got something to say. It cooled down now, because we kind of reached a common ground.
What I need, now that I've scattered my fear of the cards, is to go beyond and try direct communication and to open the door I closed. I know I'm afraid of myself and that I am the only one that can really cause harm to myself (even by letting somebody else do that), and it's up to me what I see or don't see. I usually communicate through feelings, I am an emotional sponge to humans, animals and spirits. Right now the communication I have with my angel(s) is through emotions and symbols. I want to hear them, to see them, even to argue with them directly (they must have a sense of humour, after all, what would the world be without laughing). I've read somewhere that some people are better receivers, others do better broadcasting, and what I want is to be able to do both things. I would need a teacher, a master to help me through that path, or at least advices of what to do or what not to do.
I have to add that I feel most confort protecting myself with Christian symbols and prayers (I've grown up with that, and I'm most familiar with them), and I wear a lot of eclectic amulets (like the Turkish blue eye, Egyptian symbols, etc...), but the first thing I do when I feel threated is make a cross and pray for protection. Is this a good enough shield?
Can't wait to read what you guys think and hopefully I will find someone here to help me open my door.
Hugs,
Sonia