Passing over

[chrisdee]

I don’t Know how to feel at the moment, Im a trainee rescue worker, the following will explain why I just don’t know what to feel                                      
                                        My Father passing
My father used to call relentlessly, time permitting I would answer is calls, calls were always lengthy, thirty minutes an hour some times longer, with long silences between conversation neither of us having any thing to say, sometimes calls were several times a day but I didn’t always pick up. I knew he was lonely with only a few to talk too, spending days with just his dog.
Several months ago I got a feeling my father didn’t have long to go, I told Johnnie my youngest brother about the feeling because I knew he to was close to our father, As time went on I watched my father to see if there were any changes. He started to feel unwell but complained mostly about the bottom of his back, he went to the doctor about three weeks ago, telling him about his back and a tingly burning across the top of his stomach, the doctor checked his pulse then gave him medication for his back, my father persistently said that the tingly burning across the top of his stomach wasn’t heartburn, So after been checked out by the doctor I advised him to change his eating habits. At about the same time I noticed the tip of his nose had changed very, very slightly in colour, this became more noticeable a little less than two weeks ago, with a very slight swelling to the tip of his nose, no one unless looking for this would have noticed but it is a sign of oxygen starvation. I asked him to get his heart checked just as a precaution. I didn’t say this with any urgency as my father was a worrier. He didn’t go to the doctors he said he had to much to do,
While in meditation with my father on my mind, I heard “It will be when your somewhere else“, I had an appointment on Wednesday 21st to take Rene to Hull early in the morning, this was something I couldn’t get out of, as she had heart problems and needs some kind of box fitting.
Tuesday the 20th a little after 4pm, Dad was telling me how he felt, This time I didn’t hold back, I said he had the same symptoms as the lady I look after, it was his heart, he needed to go to the doctors, if they didn’t check his heart out I would take him in and make sure they did. By now it was after five and he thought it was a little to late, so he promised he would go to the doctors in the morning, this been said he looked at me and said, you think its serious then, well if I’m going to go I want to spend my last night in my own bed. I began to cry, so disappeared into the kitchen, I think he saw my tears, he said where you going, I made some excuse for leaving the room, he got up and said he was going, he was hesitant, but I couldn’t go and hug him because he was going home alone and I did want to worry him further, the tears would have just flooded out. I managed to say Ill ring you when I get back from Hull, He replied ok Des.
Wednesday morning I just didn’t want to make the journey to Hull, I knew that no matter what I did his time had come, I couldn’t sit watch and wait for the dreaded moment, I would only be a couple of hours I would be back just after two and see him then.
It didn’t happen that way. We had nearly finished with Rene’s appointment, I got phone call, Dad had had a heart attack at 9:30am at the wheel of his car, pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital, they shocked his heart and got it working again, he was critical and the machines would be turned off at 2pm if he didn’t come round. My world disappeared beneath my feet, I had been right, I had been told I would be somewhere else and I was, I was at least an hours drive away, then I had to drop Rene before I could get up to the hospital, panic set in as traffic started to annoy me. I arrived at the hospital at a few minutes past 2pm. There he was machines assisting him to breath medication to keep his heart ticking.
Dad just lay there until 5.30pm then he blinked I got my hopes up I thought he was going to come around, I called a nurse but at 5.35pm he started to fit, I was told this was consistent with brain damage due to lack of oxygen.
That night Johnnie and me were at my Dads side not knowing how long he would be like this, I gave Johnnie the option he could stay the night or I would, He as breathing difficulties so decided it would be better if I stayed. So at about 11pm Johnnie went, I will never forget that night, I sat at dads bedside sending healing, I stopped for a while to see if spirit were around, as soon as I tuned in it felt like I was in a crowded bus shelter, spirits where behind me pushing and shoving and banging in to me, a nurse came across to check Dad tubes and asked if I was alright, I opened my eyes and said instantly by it busy in here to night, she said no its quiet, I realized what I had said and asked what she thought of spirit and mediums, lucky for me she had had experiences as a child but chose to block them out, she disappeared and I once again closed my eyes, this time I felt my Dads mother at my right side along with one of his uncles, Albert my Dads brother was pushed forward on my left side falling over and regaining balance on entry, he was so excited, I asked what was happening, I was shown a golden tunnel that looked like it was made of pure golden energy, as I travelled the path I saw an arch this could have been the pearly gates people talk about, I realised I was on my own travelling the path so instantly opened my eyes, I didn’t feel it was for me to go any further up the path, But for some reason my Dad hadn’t gone either, By 4am I was exhausted every time I settled I got pushed constantly from behind, so I disappeared to the car park to close down, feeling I had had some success with this I went back to my Dads side, This time all I felt was the energy around the bed on my face, it was still buzzing like electricity on my face but with no pain, morning came, Johnnie returned and I left to get the kids of to school, I saw the kids off and was about to take a shower, When I got a call to go back up to the hospital, to discuss removal of any life support my father had been given.
We were told that on arrival at the hospital Dad was certified dead but they resuscitated his heart not knowing how long he had been starved of oxygen, the fits he was having where consistent with severe brain damage, It was a family decision that any assistance he was receiving for his heart would be stopped along with oxygen support, We were told he would pass within the hour, an hour came and went, then we were told that it could go on for about three weeks his heart was surprisingly strong. I again left the hospital about 12am this time to get a shower a change of clothes and hopefully an hours sleep, I was back at hospital by 3pm to find my father had been moved to a room on his own, he was breathing unaided and his heart was still going strong. I tried to read a book but I could not take my thoughts of my father, I put the book down and started to tell him how much I loved him, I then closed my eyes and opened up, I asked if I could help with my fathers passing, I could not face knowing my father was in distress and that it could go on for weeks, I was told that when they brought my fathers body back it was without his soul, he was still attached and couldn’t let go because of the love he felt for those around him, he didn’t want to leave and let us down, My guides moved in close and I felt calm with an inner strength, it was time to release my father, I explain to him what had happened to him and why he could not return to his body, I then moved to the other side of the bed so that I could see my fathers face for one last time, I told him I loved him so much, I reassured him that I knew there was an after life, that I had seen mum physically in front of me and that as soon as he could visit Johnnie and me would be waiting, he wasn’t to worry about us, we couldn’t communicate now but if he went into the light with Albert he would soon return and I would be able to see and hear him, I then kissed him and put my hand on this chest and released him, with in seconds my fathers chest was moving like he was breathing but no breath was taken, I held my breath like him, a few more seconds and this also stopped at the same time high in the right corner of the room a brilliant large blue flash appeared he was gone.
                                          Blessings Decia

         I went to see a medium friend of mine to get some answers, her guides told her Albert had become a light worker and was over the moon with joy that he had been chosen to collect Dad, the vision I received was Albert’s way of showing me where he was going to take dad, he hadn’t been able to take Dad on Wednesday night because my father felt he couldn’t leave those that loved him, I had released him out of love.

[spiritalk]

I have come across many mediums feeling they should not grieve for their own loved ones because they understand the progression.  This is just not the right approach.  

Grieving is a process we all must go through for our own mental and spiritual health.  You miss him - acknowledge that within yourself.  You are not above or beyond the grief that we all face on the death of our loved ones.

While the attunement process with your own guides can and will continue at this time, do not put yourself to trying anything beyond healing within yourself.  To help others, we must be whole within ourselves.

[chrisdee]

Thank you Spiritalk I do now understand the progression a lot more, but my feelings are still confused, I was woken this morning by the sound of excited voices all talking at once something like an old scratchy gramophone the feeling I got was that dad was celebrating his reunion. so although I want to grieve, Dad seems to be happy. If I grieve would my Guides/spirit think I wasn't listening understanding and believing in what there showing me
                                                                                   Blessings Decia

[Prof. Akers]

You have my sympathies - I'm finding it hard to grieve for my son - I want to, the way I've for all the others who've gone before but it's strange, no tears, no sadness not even numbness.
Just to let you know you are not alone.

[chrisdee]

Thank you Prof.Akers the way I feel doesn't seem so wrong now knowing that others experience the same. I send my condolences for the lose of your son, I don't Know what others experience but for myself, every spirit that crosses then comes back, tell me how good it is over there, there never sad and don't know why we are, Well theres one thing for sure we will all find out one day
                                                     Blessings Decia

[Prof. Akers]

i know he's safe and happy but I still miss him.

[spiritalk]

There is a certain freedom in releasing the spirit from the physical body - when it dies.  While in the spirit realms we feel their celebration and we know they do not like to see us mourn.  But they do understand the need to go through the process for ourselves.  

Never feel guilty about your feelings - accept and work through them in your own way, in your own time.  Each of us mourns differently but each accomplishes the many steps that it entails.

Our spirit guides once walked this earth and know of our attachments to our loved ones and how we mourn that physical presence loss.  They are patient and kind and will wait for your to be comfortable to connect again.

[spiritalk]

There is a certain freedom in releasing the spirit from the physical body - when it dies.  While in the spirit realms we feel their celebration and we know they do not like to see us mourn.  But they do understand the need to go through the process for ourselves.  

Never feel guilty about your feelings - accept and work through them in your own way, in your own time.  Each of us mourns differently but each accomplishes the many steps that it entails.

Our spirit guides once walked this earth and know of our attachments to our loved ones and how we mourn that physical presence loss.  They are patient and kind and will wait for your to be comfortable to connect again.

[chrisdee]

Spiritalk reading through your posts have helped enormously, I am now mourning for the lose I feel, not my father who I know is alright
                                      Thank you again Blessings Decia

[chrisdee]

Spiritalk reading through your posts have helped enormously, I am now mourning for the lose I feel, not my father who I know is alright
                                      Thank you again Blessings Decia