Help?

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MarisaHues
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 4:54 am

Help?

Post by MarisaHues » Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:39 am

I've been on quite the spiritual/mystical/shamanic journey, I'm not sure what to refer to it as but I was hoping someone here could help me and offer guidance.  I'll start with three Sundays ago, which is not really a beginning, but a good enough place to start- some quick background information, I'm a student, a Creative Writing and Philosophy double major, am deeply empathetic... perhaps you'll be able to glean more from the rest of this, if you care to read (I think its a good read, but I'm sorry its so long!):

- June 19th: Head out of apartment around 9:00, and I feel... enchanted, powerful and excited and very alive.  I'm soon met by a little wild rabbit on the sidewalk ahead of me.  I try to communicate as much love and well-intentioned energy as possible, and it seems I succeed because I don't scare him; he lets me get close, then hops a few feet further, and this continues as I walk down almost the entirety of my long block though the little rabbit had plenty of opportunities to hop off into some perceived safety in the grass.  It felt like a dream sequence because it was so out of natural laws as I had previously experienced them.  In the next hour, I observed several more low probability events in a row.  

- June 22nd: I'd been walking home late from other places and thought that it would be fine for me to go for a walk at 3:00a.m. because I hadn't felt unsafe before.  The air felt.. negative as soon as I stepped out of my apartment, and I soon learned why people don't walk in the city at night. I was given pretty legitimate reasons to fear beyond vague intuitions- a Jeep pulls over on the road ahead of me, I turn onto another road to avoid it, it drives on, I double back because I wasn't sure where the road I had started down led and find that he hasn't gone, just pulled into a driveway, and when I approach he backs slowly out.  I cross the street, my heart's racing, I look to the left into a slightly elevated yard and see a little wild rabbit, who immediately stamps his feet and sprints into the sidewalk in front of me, doesn't go for any of the closer yards but waits and runs into one enclosed in a black iron fence.  The message I got was that I wasn't safe and that I should get to safety, which involved some running and cautiously hiding behind trees from a man in an unmarked white van who looked at me with all kinds of malice.

- June 24th: I went back to my much more rural home so that I could leave with my family for the beach the next morning and decided to go for a long walk.  I saw a firefly on the road, and I hadn't seen a firefly in a while and I think I may have also felt that she was unsafe there so I put my hand down, she crawled up on and peered over the edge of my finger like she was the Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog and we walked together for a little while before she flew into the grass.  Later, the road forked, and I only knew where one of the roads led.  The one i didn't was all aglow with fireflies, so I chose it, and found myself in some deep darkness and in the rain, at times I could only see a few feet in front of me because of the fog, but I never felt afraid, just in awe really.  I was, in some sense that attempts to straddle the quantifiable and cerebral and the perhaps mystical, resolving to open myself up to all of life's little curiosities.  

(Between the 24th and the 29th, there were some strange occurrences where I seemed to be communicating with people without realizing it, like when I watched a Werner Herzog film on evening and my roommate posted something about him to my facebook wall the next day, but I will gloss over these to save time.)

- June 29th: I walk a couple of miles down the beach and have just turned around when I see a pair of crows, one a little in front of the other.  I walk over to say a hello and get close, then the one in front flies to her friend and they fly away over the dunes.  I started following them out of boredom and curiosity, but the only path through the shrubs and brush was blocked by a pair of partially clothed lovers, who, though I watched as I slowly passed, never noticed me.

- July 1st: My family and I go to a boardwalk/pier.  I walked ahead of my family a ways and again saw two crows, one closer to me on a lamppost, the other behind.  The first one flew to the other and then they flew off and away. Later, on the other side of the big 1.5 mile loop of a pier, my brother and father and I were eating kettlecorn, absentmindedly feeding the catfish and ducks below, when one of the crows came and flew down to the edge of a pavillion roof just above me, only a few feet away.  It was being rather talkative, and I offered him some kettlecorn, which he seemed to be considering coming and getting, but wasn't comfortable enough to, and then my brother crudely threw some at him and he flew away.  

- July 2nd: Drive home from the beach, and when we pull into the road my family lives on, I again see two crows.  (Also while at the beach and at the pier, I repeatedly saw and heard a solitary dove.  When we finally arrived home, I saw one sitting on the telephone wire above my yard)

Later that evening I'm driving back into the city with a friend, and get so absurdly hungry that I decide I have to eat before leaving, and my best fast vegetarian option is a Burger King veggie burger.  We drive through the drive thru and are given some steak-y thing instead of what I ordered, so I go inside to remedy the situation, and see a distressed firefly bouncing off of the lights.  I hold out my hand and will it to come over to me so I can take it outside, and it does, lands right on my palm. I do the getting-of-veggie-burger-and-offered-refund one-handed because there's a firefly sitting on my other hand, then take it outside and let it down into the grass.  

- July 4th: Driving back to my rural home for a fourth of July party, I see a dead rabbit on the side of the road, and it distresses me enough that I feel compelled to I gather him in a t-shirt shroud and lay him off the road in some nearby woods.  I lay down some wildflowers and leave.  Later I go for another long walk.  I take some graham cracker in case there were more crows to hang out with, and didn't see crows but a million dragonflies; I stopped counting when I got into the double digits because I figured that I was counting the same ones and that they were just floating my direction down the abandoned railroad tracks I was walking.  At one point, I watched a pair land a few feet apart on the same tree, and decided to sit down there and try out whatever I could to communicate with everything I'm trying to understand, which involved some yoga deep breathing and focused visualizations.  No crows came but I heard two, one on one side of the adjacent creek and one on the other.  I then heard a rabbit hopping through the woods, but only got to see him for a few moments before he ran further.

I eventually headed home, but on the way I heard a deer rustling through a shallow patch of woods, and loped around to the other side to see if I could get a picture (I had my camera and got lots of lovely dragonfly pictures).  The deer was gone, but there was a rabbit, who let me get close, hopped further away, until I was heading up this hill and saw a few more rabbits.  I kept going, and as one rabbit fell away into the woods or some brambles, there was another one a little further ahead (8 in total?), until I was at this house that was lit my Chinese lanterns and small Victorian lampposts, decorated with bird baths and statuettes of geese and turtles and one of some Eastern goddess that was set in front of mirrors.  There were fireflies everywhere, they just bustled around her house like it was their favorite place.  The place spoke to me- or rather the essence constructed by whatever woman that lived there did.  I felt like I was supposed to be there, and it seems I was because when I knocked on the door after gathering the chutzpah required to decide that meeting the person who lived there would only be a good thing that I should do, I met a woman named Kitty.  We didn't talk much at first because it was getting dark out, but resolved to meet the next morning to talk.

I went home and told my family a little about my meeting, and my brother was quite curious.  He asked me if I was crazy, but then asked if I thought I had some gift or if I thought I had developed a skill, if I thought I was one of the only ones who could interact with their environments in these ways or if it was something you just had to learn and hone.  A few hours later I showed him a fly that I had asked onto my hand that was content to just sit on my fingers in hopes that it would help kill any questioning of my sanity.

July 5th: I went back to Kitty's house, and I learned that she was a psychologist, was now retired and had her own publishing company, wrote novels and children's books, played the piano, was also as attuned to her environment and animals and had similar concepts of self.  There were many things in common between us, and there wasn't any pretense in our conversation.  We talked for a few hours, and then she gave me her number and email address and told me to call up whenever I was home to chat.  

Driving back into the city, I saw a number of  beautiful Red-breasted blackbirds that I had never really seen before.


Help?  I seek wisdom.  Can anyone offer fresh perspective on all this?

spiritalk
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Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 10:49 pm
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Post by spiritalk » Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:43 pm

I hear the meanderings of a very active imagination here.  You have said you are into writing and it would all make good chapters in your next book.  What help are you seeking?
God bless, J

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