Portrait of a hard life

A place where you can post a picture of yourself, and see what people can find out from it.

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ellani22
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Portrait of a hard life

Post by ellani22 » Fri Jul 26, 2013 9:47 am

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Last edited by ellani22 on Wed Feb 12, 2014 3:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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eye_of_tiger
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How long ago were these photos taken?

Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Aug 19, 2013 11:43 pm

Ellani,

How long ago were these photos taken?

Were all three taken on the same day?

It is important for your reading for me to know whether or not they were taken after you found your father dead in the bathroom, as you mentioned that this is when your life turned in a negative way.

Thanks,

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spiritalk
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Post by spiritalk » Tue Aug 20, 2013 1:33 am

The eyes do not smile and put up a shield to the inner you.  This is your protection from those who don't seem to care, who are permeating your life.  

My condolences on your father and the method of finding him.  I know, because I found my hubby dead.  

There is a saying we have for when down in the dumps...pick, yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again.  That is the stage you are at and it all depends upon yourself.  

There is no one else can do 'anything' for you that you can not accomplish for yourself and that is where it all begins.  Playing a blame game will keep you stuck.  Standing up in your own energies will take charge of your own life and move you forward to where you want to be.  Make the next project all about you to get the ball rolling.
God bless, J

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Fri Aug 23, 2013 5:26 am

Dearest Ellani,
I really liked the idea of the three photos showing different emotions. Usually we only get one photo of the person smiling, when it is so clear to us that they are at the same time sad and crying inside, but do not want us to feel uncomfortable by them showing us that they are sad or crying where nobody can easily see it. And having them all taken on the same day only makes this mixture of emotions which you are feeling that much more evident to anyone who has the inner eyes to see behind your mask.
Spiritalk has already given you some wise practical advice about what to do about your life from now on. Although it is always much easier for us to tell you what we think that you should do, than for you to be the person who has to do it for yourself. While I agree with most of what has been said, I want to add my own comments as part of this picture reading.
The eyes do not smile and put up a shield to the inner you.  This is your protection from those who don't seem to care, who are permeating your life.
I could not agree more with that. I have said much the same thing above, but using different words.
My condolences on your father and the method of finding him.  I know, because I found my hubby dead.
I also wish to extend my condolences to you, but even if we have found a loved one who has died in a similar situation to yours, we are all individuals and therefore we all deal with the death of a loved one in very different ways. While we have some limited understanding and a sense of empathy about how you may have felt when you discovered his body in the bathroom, the only way to know exactly how you were feeling at the time and exactly what your father's death meant to you personally, is to be you.
There is a saying we have for when down in the dumps...pick, yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again.
Once again I agree, but this advice only applies if you are merely feeling down in the dumps. I believe instead that you are well on the way to becoming or are already showing signs of depression, which can only be properly diagnosed and treated by a qualified medical doctor. To pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again I think that you need to feel that you are worth all of the effort in doing this. On the day of your father's death, something else nearly died within you.

The belief that you are basically a good, intelligent, worthwhile and lovable human being with a beautiful inner spirit to match. Without restoring some of that damaged belief I feel that all the picking up, dusting off and trying your best to start again will never in itself be enough to be able to get you through the worst of this.
That is the stage you are at and it all depends upon yourself.  
I agree that you now find yourself at an important crossroad, and that much of what happens or does not happen to you now or in the future depends on you doing what you reasonably can to help yourself. But you cannot do this completely by yourself. It does not entirely depend on you alone. You have God, some friend or friends near where you live, but you have missed out your new friends on Mystic Board. If you have access to affordable medical care, then there is another potential friend in your doctor.
There is no one else can do 'anything' for you that you can not accomplish for yourself and that is where it all begins.
You can do a lot to help yourself, but some of your friends will be able to do things to help you that either you cannot do by yourself now but may be able to later, or in some cases do things that you will never be able to do for yourself. This is how our society and our communities are meant to work. People who specialize in providing different sorts of help whether it is a doctor, farmer or rubbish collector help people in return for their kind of help. People doing things to help other people, which they may never be able to do by themselves is why we have got this far as a species.
Playing a blame game will keep you stuck.
Absolutely spot on, if you are a person who uses every excuse under the sun to do nothing to help herself. I will not even attempt to help people like that, as I want to use the energy instead on people who are not playing the blame game. People like you who are not playing the blame game in my opinion. You are hurting badly, but you are doing the very best which you know how to cope with this almost intolerable situation which is largely not your responsibility. I prefer the word responsibility to fault any day. Taking responsibility for ones behaviour is always positive, while blaming everyone else or blaming yourself for everything is definitely not.
Standing up in your own energies will take charge of your own life and move you forward to where you want to be.
Again right on target. But first you need the energy, as well as the belief that life has something better waiting for you in the future. At the moment I feel that both your energy and your belief that there will be something better to make it all worth it, are almost totally exhausted. You cannot use energy which you do not have, and you cannot often restore a belief instantly, especially completely by yourself.

Looking deeper into your reading I see three different common human emotions which are combining together to hold you back from moving forwards with your life and following Spiritalk's otherwise excellent advice which is almost completely in line with what I was getting until I dug even deeper still.

I want to once again say here that nothing which my respected friend and reader team member has told you is wrong or not in your best interests, if your situation was not so different from most of the others which we come across on Mystic Board. We are all on the same helping members (as well as each other) team or side.

ANGER - At God for allowing your father to die. At your father for leaving you and your mother not provided for. At the world in general, and at your relatives including your grandmother for unfairly taking their own feelings out on you in particular (but also out on your mother for not stopping her husband from dying). Anger and blame are not the same thing.

FEAR - Fear of losing your mother as well. Fear of never having another home, a boyfriend or any friends again. Fear of being permanently out of work, and therefore never financially independent enough of your grandmother to move out of her home and life. Fear that you will never earn enough to help your mother get out of the rent trap.

GUILT - Most of that guilt being undeserved and unnecessary. Guilt that you could not get your father to change his mind and get better treatment. Guilt from feeling that you did not love him enough, and that is why this has happened. Guilt related to your religion which MAY use fear and guilt to keep you in the Church. Guilt that you were not strong enough at the time to deal with this completely by yourself. Guilt that you might have done something to make your grandmother hate you, or your friends and cousins not want to see you again. When how unkindly they are treating you is much more likely to do with their own feelings of anger, fear and guilt.

The list of opposites of ANGER include high up on the list LOVE.

The opposite of FEAR is LOVE.

The opposite of GUILT is INNOCENCE.

There is very little that a reading can do to get you a job or boyfriend, or give you and your mother enough money to buy your own home. A reading cannot be used to change the way in which your relatives are treating you. So your challenge is to do whatever you are able within the restrictions of your situation and lack of your own income to love yourself and take better care of yourself. With professional help wherever and whenever you can get and afford it.

You will need people like us to help convince you that not everything which has happened is your responsibility. Your father was not open to your advice. Your relatives including your grandmother and cousins are having trouble dealing with their own feelings, so they are taking their frustrations out on you. You are as innocent of the complete responsibility for what has happened to you and your life since that fateful day as all imperfect human beings are.

Use greater SELF LOVE and increased LOVE for those people who are open to and ready to accept it, as well as your INNOCENCE from the complete responsibility for all of your problems in order to significantly reduce your levels of ANGER, FEAR and GUILT.

Love, Light and Healing,

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ellani22
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Post by ellani22 » Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:16 pm

thanks for the reply and for your beautiful words.
I feel the pleasure to share with you that from 16 settember I will start to study nursing for 3 years.

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Post by spiritalk » Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:47 pm

There you go!  One step at a time to your own best good!
God bless, J

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Tue Sep 03, 2013 1:32 am

ellani22 wrote:thanks for the reply and for your beautiful words.
I feel the pleasure to share with you that from 16 settember I will start to study nursing for 3 years.
Dear Ellani,

This has been to our mutual pleasure.  :smt002

You are very welcome for the reading, and I wish you all the very best of luck and success with your nursing studies, which will begin in just under two weeks from today.

I have a great amount of appreciation and respect for anyone who works in this noble profession.

Having spent a considerable amount of time in hospital over the years to me a good nurse is like a healing angel, but without the wings.

L&L,

EoT  :smt059

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