Enough is Enough

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N4AKILL
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:25 am
Location: Montgomery, AL
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Enough is Enough

Post by N4AKILL » Sun Aug 29, 2010 6:36 am

Ok, so I am 22 years old, and have been on a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs my whole life, lost a brother to suicide, suffer from multiple mental illnesses (borderline personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, socialphobia, major depression), fail drastically at succeeding at a normal loving relationship, I am gay, and STILL have no earthly idea what I want do for a career.....Oh and don't have job.

Well, my name is Chris(topher) Adam Strickland, my date/time of birth is 08/18/1988 at 4:20 PM in Birmingham, AL.

I usually wouldn't do something like this, but I have just been diagnosed with the supposed hardest, chronic mental disorder known to live/cope with. 8-10 of people commit suicide (don't see that happening with me), and only 2-3 of the population have this specific type I have. I finally know why my life has been a living hell! But all I want to know is why!?

Any advise would be GREATLY appreciated...
I just want the madness to end!


MOST ASPECTED PLANET: Neptune
LEAST ASPECTED PLANET: Jupiter

Sun: Leo/H8
Moon: Scorpio/H10
Mercury: Virgo/H8
Venus: Cancer/H7
Mars: Aries/H3
Jupiter: Gemini/H5
Saturn: Sagittarius/H12
Uranus: Sagittarius/H12
Neptune: Capricorn/H1
Pluto: Scorpio/H10

Chiron: Cancer/H7
Ceres: Aries/3
Pallas: Aquarius/2
Juno: Cancer/7
Vesta: Virgo/H9
North Node: Pisces/H2
Lilith: Virgo/H2
Part Of Fortune: Pisces/H2

HOUSES
1: Capricorn
2: Aquarius
3: Pisces
4: Aries
5: Taurus
6: Gemini
7: Cancer
8: Leo
9: Virgo
10: Libra
11: Scorpio
12: Sagittarius
13: Aquarius

ASPECTS ACCORDING TO CHAOSASTROLOGY.COM
Sun Trine Saturn
Sun Trine Uranus
Sun Sesquiquadrate Mars
Sun Semisquare Venus
Sun Sesquiquadrate Neptune
Moon Conjunct Pluto
Moon Sextile Neptune
Moon Trine Venus
Moon Sextile Mercury
Mercury Sextile Venus
Mercury Sextile Pluto
Mercury Trine Neptune
Venus Square Mars
Venus Trine Pluto
Venus Opposite Neptune
Mars Square Neptune
Saturn Conjunct Uranus
Saturn Semisquare Pluto
Uranus Semisquare Pluto
Neptune Sextile Pluto
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spiritalk
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Location: Etobicoke, Canada
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Post by spiritalk » Sun Aug 29, 2010 2:11 pm

We all have many ideas about why we are here and what is our purpose.  The most important thing that we are here to learn is balance - body, mind, spirit.  There are many triangles in life - 8 hrs each - play, work, sleep, 4 seasons, and all things in balance.

If we see the design in the universe we just know God has a purpose for it all.  And we are a part of that balance too.  

Sometimes from our birth we can not find that balance of body, mind and spirit.  It is essential to our growth.  Just like a bonzai tree we can be shaped and grow by whatever the experiences cut into our balance.  It is your responsibility to self to find that balance and keep it fresh and growing all the time.

Evard
Posts: 924
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 12:36 am

Post by Evard » Mon Aug 30, 2010 2:03 am

I will focus on your personality disorder.  You save saeun Goed disorder ./.
It means you were born with hearing upon nascent and thot the God deuir,
was speaking with your mentation as separate from your cranial thought...

H7 , H12 was system approach Neptune colaset noted a race seen as evil :
was your friend of man toward the Even of Holy proper idea there was aum
another system of planets than the one you keep as home System 1 and a
reason social mania disorder was seeing Heaven as speaking in your mind
near the right ear. Your Virgo Uranus was not local .. it was horary system
other than Neptune System to Sedna . Recommend: don't listen to the voc
(voice saying) all good men r dying with Heaven before them.. it's loud and
strong right ear with you. Try Zi Yenda yoga. I will explain : Cast Roman @
thot not name : Bablion .. Cast Sednus Heaven away and not any mor vial.

Note to Board : if this comment makes not any sense.. he's got spatio phoria disorder.
I won't apologise.. It's a multiple system space heaven hearing disorder. S Hvn Amen.     Evard

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StormGirl Blue
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Post by StormGirl Blue » Mon Aug 30, 2010 2:05 am

Hi Chris,

Your call for help was the last thing I read last night before going to bed. I did not reply then for some reasons Ill explain in a moment. I cannot read for you and will explain this also. A big kudos to you, who are strong that you have reached out and acknowledged the need for outside help.
I see that Spirt Talk, who is very much respected by myself and all has replied, My response is not to come in over the top. I support everything Spirit talk has told you. I am a full believer in balance and purpose.
I reply also because I want you to know that I see you. You are such a beautiful boy, I want to cry that you are so so beautiful and don't see this in yourself and that you don't feel this.
I did not reply right away because I simply stopped in my tracks and believe that you deserved a full focused response that I could not be confident in providing at the time.
I cannot go into a reading as such for you due to my ethical standards and respect for the professional help that you need.

No psychic, astrology, metaphysical reading of any kind should ever be given without full authorization from the doctors that are helping you to manage your condition. Energies become confused and confusing in the delivery of a reading for someone who is not adequately managed. Eg. energy may reveal a path that I may suggest for you but your condition may make this appear impossible at the time ( its not usually, but.. ) This would only add to your pain and frustration .

You ask what is wrong with you... You know what.. your dealing with a double edged sword here. You do have your conditions, but you also face now, and have lived through some extremely difficult circumstances. things that would have the most solid character cracking at the seems.
You have had to deal with your brother suicide and other difficult life challenges in your past. You are also a gay man... This is not at all a bad thing but does present some very trying emotions living in a world that is dominated by standards or rules that don't fit.
My aunty is gay, and also my young nephew who is not much older than you. I have seen what they have had to face in life.. that's a big deal be feel so alienated and frustrated at seemingly every turn.
From my own story I can also relate to the pain of loosing your brother, and having to live through the aftermath of suicide.
I lost my brother who I share a birth date with when I was young.
My mother is bipolar. I have been there so many times..
This year, well actually a little over 12 months  my daughters 16 year old boyfriend killed himself.. today in fact would have been his 17th birthday.. his twin lives.
I am also a very close friend to a lady whos son was a friend that killed himself about 16 years ago now.. I know the devastation to the survivors of suicide too well.
On this reflection. there is nothing wrong with you. Wow, it pretty normal that you would be feeling so pained.

This reply should not be about me. I only mention these things o that you can appreciate that I do feel your heartache. I am not being closed off by responding without reading for you. I choose this with love.
In fact I have to say how much I admire your courage and resilience.

The truth is a reading of such would not be able to even touch on providing you with what you think you need right now.
I guess an examination of your astrology chart may be able to give you hight days and low days n advance that may or may not help you to organize your schedule. ie job interviews etc .. but given your condition I would not be so confident that the configurations would fit so prefect, ie you may not be so intuned with the lunar cycle as someone who is not living with a condition/-phobia or clinical depression.
I am just guessing this, Im not an astrology expert myself .

I also want to address what you think a reading might be able to do for you.
A reading cannot replace professional consult or therapy, a reading cannot tell you what specific events that will occur in your future with any concrete certainty.  At the end of the day you are still paining the canvas of your life story. You need to be proactive in making your story the one you want.

To do this you need to sit down with your therapist, or the doctor that diagnosed you and create a plan that includes your goals and challenge "work arounds"
You cant fight or cure conditions but you can manage them and learn skills that include acknowledging them and working with them to achieve goals. You need your professional therapist to help you with this. they can help you with complete understanding.
 This may include medications and such, if you find that you are not functioning well on your medication you need to speak to your doctor who may adjust dosages or prescribe alternatives.

I now refer back to Spirt Talks reply on balance and seasons.... I suppose this whole heartily .. your had some pretty wild weather going on there.. know that there sunshine ..
Its been a cold winter and you have some toiling to do to prepare for better weather.

Your a stronger person than most I know. and more beautiful than you can comprehend. you remind me of a broken angel , I wish for you grow and see you the way I see you right now. I hate that you are feeling this. I love that I have seen something so beautiful in you.
You came asking, instead right now, I feel that you have given.

Much love to you Christopher Your awesome.

N4AKILL
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Location: Montgomery, AL
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Post by N4AKILL » Wed Sep 01, 2010 9:43 pm

Aw, thank you so much, that made me tear up a bit!
You're right on so many levels, and I understand a reading will not solve even half of my problems, but I'm hoping that one can give me more insight into the hidden elements of the problem. Either way, I respect your decision and I thank you with all of my heart for your kind words. I don't hear those words enough in my life, and do underestimate myself. I'm working really hard to put my life back together, but I'm just wondering, when the big break? How about one day without a mealtdown/explosion. I love with all I have, but the negative side of that is worse than anyone else I've come across, and I demonizing as much as I love, making others frightened, confused, and let down. It's nice to hear from someone who has dealt with some of the same thing I have. Thank you for putting my best interest on the front lines and hopefully one day I will be ready for that reading. :)
Christopher Adam Strickland

Lorina
Posts: 72
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:19 am

I am a crazy person too!

Post by Lorina » Tue Sep 07, 2010 6:14 am

thank you dear, sometimes I feel I am all alone and no one understands how I feel...My diagnoses is clinical depression with auditory and visual hallucinations.
I am presently on the maximum dose of seratonin allowed by law and a couple of antipsychotics for good measure. the right medicine helps even if its for something supposedly different from what you have. I by the way have been suicidal most of my life.
I tried to cut my own throat with a box knife razor and cut my wrists more than a few times with broken glass.
the knife was as sharp as it was supposed to be but it only left a scratch on my neck.
the glass cut my wrists but healed minutes after I did it and I tried six or seven times.
I only have two scars on my left arm and they arent very visible for some reason.
so i figured i was here for some cosmic good reason and I think you are to.
maybe its only to be a comfort in misery dear...but its very comforting to know someone appreciates what you have been and are going through.
self knowledge is the best healer aside from healing someone else. god and the universe bless you and I am here if you want to talk. thank you for your openess and good heart, living in love with the truth, your friend lorina. :)
the path to hell is paved with good intentions.

Evard
Posts: 924
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 12:36 am

Post by Evard » Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:19 am

Hello Lorina.  It sounds like you have 'drinkin disorder' Rosisan Veganel  .
You actually don't scar with vestal promise ./.  Did your advanced science
clinician say you regenerate or heal with 'amytrolatern newly found order'
and did you have bad dreams about being prodded with scathing hearing.

I some factually apologise about saying clinician. The foreign disorder with
improper including awful dreams of losing one's wholeness to mal science,.
can be terrifying.  You might have a bond to a foreign planet with disastrus
intention hoping to heal the humanity properly with warning about horrific ,
practice and I say you are safe and not bothered by these dreams really . .

I won't bother you with it .. senopsychosic dreaming was an awful disorder.
I suffer with them occasionally. Don't mind my statement. I will cast a spell
for you to send away the foreign menace I see as bothering you from afar.

As often, maybe this comment did not make sense.. SaLah. Intention given.     Evard

Aquo
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Post by Aquo » Sun Jan 06, 2013 9:13 pm

I had great time reading this topic, and your posts guys. You all talk so interesting and smart. Thank you for the increased motivation for my life :) I feel happier now after I read all this

~aquo
Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. ~Thomas Alva Edison

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