Backbiting and Lies

[swetha]

Hello,

Back biting and lies... How do you deal with it?

I go out of my way mentally, physically, financially to help someone and what do I get in return? I don't expect anything, I know its my duty.. but atleast I don't deserve to have my words twisted and cross questioned when its not me who is at fault but the other party?

It just disturbs me so much and I cant work...
How do I deal with it?...Have a confrontation or just ignore and carry on my work and not get caught in the web?

And its family who behave this way!

Dont I love to come and bawl here  :smt003

[firetopaz]

Learn from your mistakes.  I had what I refer to as  "save the world syndrome"...I wanted to help everyone who hurt and was in need.....and people took advantage..and I let them.  I still like to help people, but I am more choosy about who I help and in what way I help them.  I do not expect anything in return.  There will always be people who want to take you down but if you know that  your heart and mind are in the right place it will not be possible for them to do it.  

The people that know and love you will never believe the bad things being said...and if they question it they will come to you for clarification....as for the rest of them...do you really care?

At least you know who your friends really are and that is not a bad thing.  Maybe you had a karmic debt to pay to this person.  Consider it paid and go on with your life.

Be Happy!  That is the best revenge.


P.S.  you chose to be born into this particular family for a reason.  They are helping your soul grow...and they don't call them growing pains for nothing.

[spiritalk]

There is truly nothing one can do when someone decides to 'stalk' you with their lies and backbiting.  I am in a stalking situation with someone for over 4 years and when I think it has ended, their own hate comes out.  

I have to say...It is funny how it does not affect me in the end result so much as themselves.  Their own hate will eat them up.  

So yes, success is the best revenge.  Be yourself.  Release those who are hateful (there are even visualization exercises for this purpose) and live and love well.

[Mystic Cadet]

In my honest opinion... I would confront them.

[spiritalk]

Confrontation adds fuel to the fire and it flares up.  

A confrontation situation is red, to respond with same just escalates red.
See it as an arrow being aimed at the solar plexus.
Turn the arrow around adding white light.  
Red + white = pink (Love) as it returns.

[swetha]

I guess I just felt that day
now I am like.. I am not mean so why should I behave like them.
I will give an answer if I am trampled over else I have better things to do in life. so will not break my head over it
but I still dont understand what pleasure people get by behaving this way.

[spiritalk]

Swetha:  Well meaning people can never understand the petty, jealousy and downright mean spirited people.  They have merely risen above such pettiness.  If we respond to it, we are returning our spirit to a lower state than we have attained.  

Worrying about their involvement in lies and/or our lives give them the power of our thoughts.  Why waste good energy on bad practices?

During 2008 I had a word that helped through many things.....RELEASE!  We can always release people, places, things to the universe for God's attention.  It is certainly diety's job not mine to find out reason and involvement.

[Mandimedea]

I look at people's intentions, and if their intentions are good, I try to look at that and let some things go or should I say that I don't give it my energy.  If their intentions are bad, or you are truly hurt and affected by it, I suggest you calm your mind and relax before you make any type of confrontation.  You need to be calm when you approach them so you can express what you truly feel without them getting defensive before you even speak.  I only say this because I am going thru it right now and when I am angry or I confront someone before I calm down they don't listen to me.  It is hard to let go when you feel wronged, it really is.  I am trying to find balance with feeling wronged and how to deal with in constructively.

[kgirlsmomma]

Hello,

Back biting and lies... How do you deal with it?

I go out of my way mentally, physically, financially to help someone and what do I get in return? I don't expect anything, I know its my duty.. but atleast I don't deserve to have my words twisted and cross questioned when its not me who is at fault but the other party? :smt017

It just disturbs me so much and I cant work...
How do I deal with it?...Have a confrontation or just ignore and carry on my work and not get caught in the web?

And its family who behave this way!

Dont I love to come and bawl here  :smt003

Family?  Our No. 1 Teachers in this world..of all lessons.  We picked 'em out before we arrived on this earth.

My first 'law' of spirituality that I practice is "Honor & Integrity...Take care of yourself without harming others; then care for others without harming yourself".  Ask yourself BEFORE you 'go out of your way to help others'..is this harming me?  If the answer is yes..proceed no further.  If the answer is no, then ask..is this harming them.  If the answer is yes, again proceed no further.  If it is no..then by all means help out, but helping should never be a duty.  Practicing honor & integrity cuts down on a lot of the being taken advantage of, and releases the feeling of 'duty'.

Now..the definition of harming them, can be tricky.  If someone asks to borrow money...it could be harming them..if you give them money, they can't manage, don't pay back..it harms them as they haven't learned the lesson to earn it, and respect it.  If you give them money you really can't afford..it's harming you.  

As far as 'words being twisted' and 'cross questioned'..The truth, your honr and your integrity..never needs to be defended or explained.  Let the words & gossip roll past.  When someone comes to you and says "Did you hear what so and so said about you"..just reply "Is that so?"  Then they ask "What are you doing to do about it?"  The answer is "Nothing".  Quickly these things drop, and one adds no fuel to the fire.