Remaning kind in the most upsetting situations/revelations.

[Sapphire927]

Has anyone ever dealt with a negative situation or revelation and still remained kind despite what happened? I hope to get some responses!

I'm kind of dealing with that right now. I just reconnected with an old friend from high school and he told me he had a confession to make. My friend told me that his girlfriend at the time told him that her brother knew that my ex cheated on me while we dating. Her brother and my ex are friends. Also, the reason why my friend's ex decided to tell him that was just out of spite (long story). Anyways, its been a year since me and my ex broke up. I shouldn't even let this bother me but I guess the shock of finding out and the dreams and gut feelings I had while we were together deeply hurt.

So, the next day I'm downtown trying to get to my class and strangely I see my ex's new girlfriend. I tried to keep myself focused and avoid eye contact, but I guess she recognized me. I had a feeling she knew who I was and to me she didn't look too happy. So I felt odd for most of the day. After finding all this out I'm surprised I haven't become mean. I've been told that when a person goes through tough situations (small or big), it changes them for the good or bad. After what happened, I find myself more considerate and helpful to others. To be honest, it feels great. I hope I can remain this way. I also hope I can get over this setback in regards to my ex...I'm going to stay optimistic

[ristina]

when you go through a rough time, I firmilly belive we can allow our selves to learn from the experinance and come out stronger and better I know this for a fact went through a very tramuaity time 14 years ago where I fought for my life but lost my daughter. at the start of recovery I was bitter and could not understand why all this had happened to me. Within months I started to recover. My friends say to me how did I cope I dont know But I do know I am a better person from it all Look to future not back, only go back for the happy times mermories are some thing that are presious.
You seen quite strong because you are the better person, My advice do not do to others that you would not do to your self. I wish you the best

[spiritalk]

Some of those things (like cheating) can have us react in kind rather than heal the others who may be experiencing the same betrayal.  Now you know how it feels - never wish that pain on anyone else.  Healing and helping others (particularly in the same situation) helps us heal and move on.

[Crow]

Sapphire,

I wish my heart was as compassionate as yours. If a former friend witheld info like this from me I would NEVER trust that person again. Just my nature...

At the same time I would try to think about how that friend had felt when they found out the information. Without any evidence, it is all hear say.  That friend could have told you, but would have you been so inclinded to believe him or her?  Or would you have become upset with that friend?

I try to look at it both ways, but sometimes my heart gets the best of me. And I am a very mean person when crossed.  It takes alot to get me to show my claws and teeth. This situation would have taken me there.  After having a former best friend, and then another friend go after my boyfriends.....I do not really trust women.  Even though I be one. haha!  So there is a reason it would have hit a little "trigger" of emotions for me personaly.  

Just feel like a friend shouldn't withold something like this. Kinda like letting your friend walk around with a booger on his or her face all day.  A friend would tell you the TRUTH. After all you could've caught something!

Hats off to you for being so level headed when confronted with such a situation!  Thank you for sharing this to remind us of our human nature and how we can react in a mature manner. Without the claws.  :smt005  

Take care.

Safe Journey

[spiritalk]

In a situation of telling some truth to a third party you might remember....the messenger is the one who is shot.  A friend will be lost.  And that will be the one who delivered the message.

[Crow]

We all come from different places and different phases.

Wonder how others feel about this.  If they can keep their composure while faced with such a negative situation. I applaud Sapphire. One day I hope to be as mature as her.  

But I am not.  :smt002  

Safe Journey

In a situation of telling some truth to a third party you might remember....the messenger is the one who is shot.  A friend will be lost.  And that will be the one who delivered the message.

[Sapphire927]

I just wanted to say to those who replied, thank you. I haven't been on in awhile. I didn't know anyone responded because I thought I was being too negative focusing on the ex and all. I do have an update. After my friend told me this confession, he also confessed that he liked me and wanted to see what will happen between us. When he told me this, I was completely turned off. I felt like he was using this devastating confession about my ex to get closer to me and I personally didn't like that. I don't talk to him as much because I feel like I was manipulated.

After the incident with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend, I continued to see her on campus and every time she would see me she would have this really bad attitude. We were at the same elevator on campus and while we were waiting, she was all fidgety and rolling her eyes. It was CRAZY! I just remained composed. She was so strange, she told her friend that they were at the wrong elevator and should move. They move, but the elevator that she was originally at opened. I got on because it was my final exam and I didn't want to be late. Once the elevator opened, she changed her mind and tried to get on too but it was too late. Then I overheard her friend yell asking what was wrong with her. That was the strangest incident ever.

Last week, I saw my ex for the first time in a year. We both looked at each other...nodded our heads and kept walking. It was for the best and I'm glad I didn't make a fool of myself knowing what he did. I've been told maybe me & him will be friends, but after finding out all the lies he's committed I'm content with just keeping the distance. He's a part of my past and that's how it will stay. Plus, his girlfriend is weird and whatever he said about me to her is basically coming out with how she reacts. This was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. I don't wish this on ANYONE!

[swetha]

Hey Sapphire,
It's really good to hear that you behaved the way you did
Sometimes it may be difficult to let things go....but I guess thats the best way.
Very few people would have been so stable in your position. You have plenty of good things coming to you.. so good luck

[MangoMom]

If the girlfriend is acting so wierd, your ex must have had some really nice things to say about you or she would feel so threatened.  You Go Girl, keep it up!

MangoMom

[spiritalk]

All this wonderful advice for when under stress and.....I blow it!  Have been going through stress trying to sell my property since May 19th and last night I blew up!  Sort of the final straw kind of thing.  

The house inspector was looking through and I forgot the old adage he has a job to do and if he finds nothing, they think he hasn't done his job - every house has a problem.  But he got carried away and took 3 hours to do it!  Patience, patience, patience - where was I when they passed them out.  

The bottom line.....the house is sold ..... I have 3 weeks to find and buy a place for me!  Of course I know where I want to go and that is now hanging fire for the details.

[MangoMom]

Well Hon, somethimes God opens doors and puts a slide in front of it for us to move a bit faster.  God Bless and Good Luck!!!!

MangoMom

[spiritalk]

And yes, MM, I put in an offer right away and I am now all settled to move June 29.  Time to get the movers in place and replace my bills to the new location.

Thanks for the reminder.

[carfon]

i  feel that situations of the past should be left in the past, there is no reason to feel upset  about it now, the important thing here is that what we do makes us feeel good now, because that is what it will become the future and by bringing bad memories or feelings we are only creating more of this for the future, so keep in that state of peace and that will become your soon reality.