That day we were fighting a lot over our relationship and there were many reasons for it, but the end result was that she started to loose consciousness a few times for a few seconds when her emotions were at it's highest. Also, later she started to have like mini-seizures, muscle contractions that punched her out to the ground. Simply she just couldn't confront with herself. The final results was that she started singing phrases like: "I'm mad, I'm mad, tralala..." I will conclude that this was a reaction to the mind in order to protect itself from this unbearable emotional state.
That was something that I couldn't bear and I said to myself: "Why on earth things like this are happening only to me!?" That was a question that I couldn't answer at this time. I decided to call her father to take her and handle with her, because this was such a burden, a responsibility that was beyond my abilities.
The next day I decided not to call her for a period of time. I knew that she was on the verge to commit suicide, but I still decided to ignore her calls and vanish from her life as if I've never existed. I'm aware that this sounds very selfish, but I had a reason for it. I somehow knew that this was a decision I need to apply and I knew that she would either kill herself, or (the one thing I really deeply believed) that she will confront with herself and change completely.
After a month I decided to send her just a simple smiley by email, as an answer to her unanswered emails, just to tell her that I'm not mad at all for all that happened and that I vanished from her life (although I didn't wanted) because if I stayed with her things were going to become worst, and my God how much worst they could've been.
Beside a lover, in me she found a mother (because here mother was dead) and a savior (because all the things sen didn't had the courage to do, I could). She lost her life and her ambition and all that she wanted to do, was connected to me. If I wasn't, than she was feeling mentally dead. Those are sentences that she was telling to me. So I realized, no matter how selfish and unemotional it was, that I need to decide to vanish and let her fight with herself until there is a victory, or the worst thing to - commit suicide. I was prepared for the latter, although I wouldn't live the same life if that happened. But I so strongly believed for the former.
Surprisingly, when I went to see her at her birthday, she was completely new person. I was astonished and so happy that I couldn't resist my tears that the one thing I so strongly believed became a reality. She was way more confident in herself, had a balance with her emotions, and most importantly, I was a real, sincere smile on her face after a long time.
So, after a few weeks of contemplation I finally find the answer to what the hell really happened, and for that I will give a more detailed elaboration of the answer below.
***
There are things in life that can't be learned by reading a book. Simply, words are not strong enough and don't contain meaning enough to tell real truths. So if one person wants to learn real knowledge in life, he/she must learn from the book of life - meaning from experience. The stronger the truth - the stronger the experience. The stronger the experience - the more hard to bear mentally. Those are truths that when learned can touch really deep into the soul and change the person completely from inwardly.
The madness to my girlfriend had a reason, and that reason was to enter into a new phase of life that will reflect new abilities, new achievement and new reality. And she succeed in making the impossible possible. There is nothing to fear of getting mad! There is nothing to fear of radical change!
But that's not all. Changes have come to me also. By experiencing my girlfriend's madness I realized that she was not getting mad at all, but instead she was waking up too much into reality. She was simply too emotional to accept this mad reality where true values were lost a long time ago. This is a world where only reason is accepted and the heart is just pumping to keep us alive, so emotions are hardly given any value. Sadly, but that period I was more or less a robot, as I didn't payed attention to what my heart is telling me. I was the perfect person that is socially accepted in this mad world.
So I realized, I was the one that is mad and blind, she was far more human than me, she had a heart, she was feeling! When I realized this I simply busted into tears. It was too powerful when I suddenly accepted that I was living half-dead life. My heart had died a long ago. After my hour-long crying like a baby I reborned my heart and started to feel warmness in my chests. The more I cried the more I felt cleansing and purification of my corrupted soul. I was live again!!! She transformed me without knowing it. She was so pure in her heart as if she was an angel... and she was.
Now, I always say to her: "I gave you a reason and you gave me a heart!"
