Love or sex

[kalimullah_3]

What is difference between love and sex?
Is love due to sex or sex due to love?
Kalimullah

[Prof. Akers]

I love my dog, my kids, my parents, pears - I love any number of things and people but I don't wat to have sex with them.
Sex, well I've been blessed by a few discerning women, I havn't loved them all and they didn't love me but the sex was glorious.
Is it 'better' when you are in love, no for me it's just different (more meaningful for a start), what it might  lose in excitement it gains in trust and warmth and ultimately that's (for me) why I like being married.

[rozrokz]

Prof, is it true that a man can have sex with a woman but have absolutely no feelings for her even if he is with her in a "relationship".
Why do some man say they love you but still sleep around behind your back even though they know it will hurt their love ones.

[MissEm]

Difference between love and sex?

I don't believe that you have to be in love with someone to have sex with them - regardless of whether yr a male or female.  A girl can pick up a guy for a one nighter or perhaps even a few nights and then send him on his merry way but not be in love with him.  A guy can do the same.

I do however think it's easier for guys to remain detached - moreso than women and I think that is just in our makeup.  Women tend to be the more emotional of the 2 sexes.

Being in love with someone goes beyond having sex.  I do believe sex can play a big part (pardon the pun!! ll) in a relationship but its not the be all end all.  When yr in love, sex can take on a more warm and loving kinda feel too it (or wild and adventurous depending on yr tastes).

I remember many moons ago having a relationship with someone for quite a number of years (about 13yrs).  We only ever got to see each other once in a blue moon (we lived in different states) and it was purely based on sex.  It was a very casual affair but one time, and I guess toward the end of the affair, I let myself go and felt a bit more for him than perhaps I should have.  I remember feeling at the time how wonderful and warm and 'initimate' it felt being with him at that moment.  I asked him later if he felt it was different that time and he did.  He felt it too.  We both knew though that it wasn't going to go anywhere and we moved on and pretty much dropped contact with each other after that.

So basically for me, love and sex are very different and can be worlds apart in meaning or feelings.

[Prof. Akers]

Roz I think the main reason for sleeping around is the same reason my lurcher (a collie crossed with a greyhound) chases rabbits - the thrill of the chase. It's not some need to spread genes or propagate the species, that's just rationalisation after the fact.
It's all part of the game , you look, they look back, then you see that telltale look that says - we....ll maybeee and you're off, like my dog, after that rabbit. Except sometimes the rabbit turns round and chases you and that's even more fun. Too deep, so I'll stop there.

[Prof. Akers]

An addendum to the above, what is sauce for the goose of course is also sauce for the gander, so the same rules apply both sides.
I've never been able to understand why a couple of teaspoons of fluid causes such angst and jealousy.

[spiritalk]

O Prof. You know there is more to it than that!  LOL

If we operated on a strictly biological basis without any thoughts, emotions, and/or any other twinges in the body, mind, spirit...what a dead world this would be...but that would eliminate some of the negativity too.

[Pravin Kumar]

Difference between Love and Sex


Another friend has asked: Is sex a creative energy? How can the relationship between a husband and a wife be made creative?

This is an important question. There are very few people for whom this question will not be important.

There are only two types of people in this world: one type is the people who are suffering because of sex, and the other is the people who have transformed their sexual energy into love.

You will be surprised to know that sex and love are two opposite things. As love grows sex becomes less, and if love becomes less sex becomes more. The more loving you are the less sexual you will be: and if you are totally filled with love there will be nothing sexual inside you. But if there is no love, inside you everything will be sexual.

The transformation, the sublimation of sexual energy can only happen through love. This is why it is useless to try to suppress sex to get free of it. If you suppress it you can go insane. Of all the insane people in the world, ninety-nine out of a hundred have tried to repress their sexual energy. And you may be aware that as civilization has developed, insanity has increased because civilized society suppresses sex more than anything else.

Everyone suppresses his sexual energy. And that suppressed sexual energy creates insanity; it creates mental illnesses. Any attempt to suppress your sexual energy is in itself madness. Many of the so-called saints are in fact insane.  And the only reason for this is that they have constantly  tried to suppress their sexual energy; they don't know that sex should not be suppressed.

If the doors to love are opened, the energy that was flowing through sex will be transformed through the light of love. What had been the flames of passion will become the light of love. So let this love expand. Love is the creative use of sex.

Fill your life with love. But you will say, "We always love." And I tell you, you rarely love. You might be longing for love...and there is a vast difference between the two. To love and to need love are two very different things. Most of us remain like children all our lives because everyone is looking for love. To love is a very mysterious thing; to long for love is a very childish thing. Small children want love; when the mother gives them love they grow. They want love from others also and the family loves them. Then when they grow older, if they are husbands they want love from their wives, if they are wives they want love from their husbands, if they are wives they want love from their husbands. And who-ever wants love suffers because love cannot be asked for, love can only be given. In wanting there is no certainty that you will get it. And if the person from whom you expect love also expects love from you, it is a problem. It will be like two beggars meeting and begging together. All over the world there are marital problems between husbands and wives, and the only reason for this is that both expect love from each other but are unable to give love.

Think about this a little -- your constant need for love. You want someone to love you, and if someone loves you you feel good. But what you don't know is that the other loves you only because he wants you to love him. It is just like someone throwing bait to fish: he does not throw it for the fish to eat, he throws it to catch the fish. He does not want to give it to the fish, he only does not throw it for the fish to eat, he throws it to catch the fish. He does not want to give it to the fish. He does not want to give it to the fish, he only does it because he wants the fish. All the people that you see in love around you are only throwing bait to get love. They will throw the bait for a while, until the other person starts feeling that there is a possibility of getting love from this person. Then he too will start showing some love until eventually they realize that both of them are beggars. They have made a mistake: each had thought the other was an emperor. And in time each one realizes that he is not getting any love from the other, and that's when the friction starts.

That's why married life is thought ot be hell, because you all want love but you don't know how to give it. This is the basic cause of all fights. As long as what I am saying does not happen, the relationship between a husband and a wife will never be harmonius, no matter what adjustments you make, no matter what kind of marriage you have, no matter what rules society makes. The only way to make it better is if you realize that love can only be given and not asked for. It can only be given. Whatever you receive is a blessing, it is not a reward for loving. Love is to be given and whatever you receive is just a blessing, it is not a reward. And even if you
don't receive anything you are always happy that you were able to give.

If the husband and wife were to start giving love instead of asking for it, life could become heaven for them. And this world is so mysterious that if they love more and stop asking for it, they will receive more love and experience this mystery. And the more they love the less they will be involved in sex.

[spiritalk]

"If the husband and wife were to start giving love instead of asking for it, life could become heaven for them. And this world is so mysterious that if they love more and stop asking for it, they will receive more love and experience this mystery. And the more they love the less they will be involved in sex. "

As sex is an outpouring from our love (or can be) I would suggest the opposite to be true?

[Pravin Kumar]

Dear Friend,

Everyone is welcome to their opinion. Practising what you believe and following it will show what is the outcome. As they say proof of the pudding is in its eating.

You are 64 and I am 60. At this age a man gets attached to his wife and she also gets attached to her husband so much that the need is more of respect and love rather than sex. This is my view. What I have written is written by one of the Greatest Saints of the 20th Century "Bhagwan Rajneesh".

Pravin Kumar

[spiritalk]

A wonderful, spiritual writer for a newspaper in our city once said there are 3 marriages in life.....
The first is the passion of youth when all is wine, roses and sex.
The second is the middle years of building and maintaining a lifestyle and love for each other through mutual endeavours.
The third is the companionship of old age.
And isn't it wonderful when all 3 happen in the one relationship.

The best quality anyone can have and enhance is a sense of humor, all else fades.

[Flame haired one]

I view sex and love as two seperate entities that can intermingle with the right combination.  Sex, is a wonderful expression of who you are and who you are with.  But, in regards to having sex, if you do not love the person you are sharing yourself with is empty and unfeeling; it leaves you cold in the night.  Love, on the other hand is precious and fleeting if not taken care of properly with friendship and sex.  Because the friendship that is nutured changes your feelings during sexual relations to deepen your love and expose your vulnerabilities to another person.  The friendship that you must build upon continuously without the pressure of sex; is what will make your friendship/love change and deepen as your relationship continues.  Hoonesty, committment and friendship tie into great sexual relationships that evolve as you and your body evolve.  What is important to me with my husband friendship wise and sexually has changed and will change as we age.  But, I believe that one without the other (love/sex) is passionless and unfulfilling.  (as we age our desires change, I know..it may be from innocence to passion to lust to hand holding to comfort)

[MissEm]

very well said indeed Flame Haired One

Love and light to you!
xox

[Danny]

oops

[MissEm]

There's a joke about the phases or types of sex in marriage but it's a bit rude (I'll leave out the swearing):

The first phase occurs in the first year or so of marriage when you have sex all over the place - any room of the house, outside, everywhere basically

The second phase occurs in years 2 - 5 and sex tends to be restricted to the bedroom mainly.  You might venture to the lounge or kitchen.

The third phase occurs in the following years and is referred to as hallwa sex.  As you pass each other in the hallway, you look at the other and say xxxx you!

My humble apologies if I offend anyone with this!