Acting to React

[sidewalk_bends]

So many times when we are bothered by another's actions or words, we react without care or thought. Whether it is because we think we are being attacked, accused or labeled something we have have this need to defend ourselves. Why do we feel the need to say our piece or be heard? Why is it we must get our two cents in? Are we so afraid no one will see it our way that we must defend the very ground we stand on, or the words, thoughts and beliefs we hold dear. If we truly knew who we were and where we stood, would there be a reason to try and convince others of our way? Would we not be comfortable in our own skin and in knowing that others may not always see it as we do? If we knew ourselves, would we not learn to walk away or stand back? Only when we know ourselves can we be prepared to know others.

[Jewel Cherie]

Your paragraph of questions is the very script of conflict I have also gone through in the mind over many years,
whilst dealing with people's criticisms, judgements, comments, sarcasm, cynicism, arrogance or other such similar things.
I wasted many years giving both mental/emotional energy and consequently verbal ouput, to situations that were futile when it came to receiving my opinions, thoughts, feelings etc.
So in the light of this, I have no choice but to turn inward ...drew my attention as to why I was needing to react back, speak out, justify my stand on any issue. I had no idea at first, what was causing what seemed to be a (lil' obsessive even) need to jump down someone's throat without stopping to see their heart, mind and feelings or anything about them.
It was hard, and very upsetting as I realized it was Me that was the problem...not what they said or did.
I had no sense of self-worth I guess, didn't think I mattered or amounted to anyone or anything much.
Oh yes, my childhood was most difficult, my marriage and challenges in motherhood, divorce and many other life events...all had their place in being blamed.
But in the long run, for me, I realized it wasn't even fair to blame those things, either.
It is hard to describe the notion of being satisfied with one's own breathing skin, and one's own mind and every encompassing thought therein.
It think is possible though, and is a daily challenge these days, to be confident in who I am, and my purpose on this earth.
I tend to follow the flow of things, for want of a better way of putting it.
It is in this, that the mind conflict has finally waned and acceptance of myself and eventually others seems to occur.
Battling and fighting to be on top of whatever or whoever it was, created much strain and even affected my health at times, I believe.
Lol, either I'm just getting old and can't be bothered to upset the apple cart anymore, or hopefully I've actually learned something about myself, which in turns makes me look towards other people and their needs more than I did in my youth.
Taking the time to Stop, Look, Listen and Learn is such an oldie...but it's been a goodie for me!!  :)

[Prof. Akers]

Keep going great Sage, I'm enjoying it (that's not a dig by the way - I mean it).
Damn I meant to keep my mouth shut.

[sidewalk_bends]

Jewel,

Thank you for sharing that. I thought that was great!



Prof,

No worries.

[spiritalk]

We can all get caught up in the ego self of justifying our existence.  Or we can get up in the spirit - standing firm in our own inner being.  Both of these feelings come and go with the challenges and attacks that life offers us for opportunities.

Spiritual growth is made of this struggle.

[Angelique]

I struggled with this myself last night with the 'psychic vampire' I posted about back in May. I try to pick and choose my battles as best I can. Yesterday, instead of unleashing the damn I opted to bite my tongue instead of react when in my heart I wanted to rip her a few new ones and I'm very effective when I do go off.  But I didn't and part of me is sorry because I'm still steamed and I didn't because I feel you should never bite the hand that feeds you and this person keeps biting all the hands that are feeding her. The only reason I stick around is because 1. we grew up together and I do care about her 2. her mother and I are best friends so I have to and lastly 3. I want to make sure her kids have a fighting chance in this world and have every opportunity available to them that she is too incompetent to provide; they shouldn't have to suffer because their mother is a complete idiot. I said nothing because I know it would be a waste of energy.

Sometimes we react to make ourselves feel better. Just as I would love to say my peace, because it would make me feel a heck of a lot better. To pause, to think something out and act upon it properly (as opposed to reacting) takes will power, control and is something we all learn master over time, it's not a given. And I am by no means a master...

[Nyteshadecreed]

Well speaking for myself.... I like to let the other person know where I am coming from and why I say/do/believe the things that I do, I feel that NOT talking is in itself a way to create more problems, I listen openly, and although at the time much of what is said is to me, I can not take as it may be meant, I feel like if you can talk through it and work it out without being insulting to one another it is a much better way to communicate, even if tempers flare up a bit... These kinds of talks usually have more of an impact on my life... I also, like here, walk away and think about what I want to say and not just the first thing that pops into my head... I often 'say' it badly, or with an attitude... but I am human and I do have emotions that often don't make much common sense... *shrugs* I have learned that there is a point where there can be no more conversation and I usually stop... but yet again I am human, and I do sometimes just keep going no matter what, I guess wanting a fight and going for it. The biggest problem I have is when someone else, dismisses what I say or only uses what they want to make a point. If only part of it was relevant then why bother to write anything other than that? Taking the time to see things through someone else's eyes, even if you never agree, helps to make us closer to everyone around us... *shrugs* Perhaps this is a weird way to look at it, but No matter how angry I get at someone, I still love them... strangers too... How can you not love someone who has affected your life? *sighs* it takes a lot to make me mad, but it doesn't to offend me, that being said, I usually continue to talk to try to understand the point of view of the other person and to help them understand my point of view... it doesn't matter if it doesn't change what either thinks, just that we connected, even over a disagreement. I hope all of this makes sense...

[sidewalk_bends]

We can all get caught up in the ego self of justifying our existence.  Or we can get up in the spirit - standing firm in our own inner being.  Both of these feelings come and go with the challenges and attacks that life offers us for opportunities.

Spiritual growth is made of this struggle.

Maybe the there really is no struggle. Struggle comes from wanting to be right versus what may truly be right? Humility?

[sidewalk_bends]

Maybe it's about understanding that everyone has as choice, and that not all choices are good for oneself or for others. Some people also have that choice taken away or subjugated as in Angelique's story - so maybe it's about sticking up for those who may not be in a position to make choices for themselves or others.

[tmosley]

Remember that we all are human ... and are all subject to mistakes.

[spiritalk]

Maybe it's about understanding that everyone has as choice, and that not all choices are good for oneself or for others. Some people also have that choice taken away or subjugated as in Angelique's story - so maybe it's about sticking up for those who may not be in a position to make choices for themselves or others.

Making any changes and/or enhancements to one is only possible by the person themselves.  To expect to change another is a lesson in futility.  

We can change only self - sometimes in that change our environment changes and others see us differently - sometimes they don't.

[stan]

Isn't this what one learns after thousands and thousands of dollars and years in psycho therapy and that is-We can not help you. We can point to the way that leads to the fountain of life but only you can drink from it and experience the freedom from that which imprisons you?

[Malkovri]

One day I was on my way to work with a friend and we made a stop on a newspaper stand where he usually buys the newspaper.
- Good Morning, may I have the newspaper please?
The person on the stand said something to himself and was very rude an impolite, took a newspaper and just threw it on top the counter. Mi friend took the money out of his pocket put it carefully over the counter, took the paper and said to this person.
- Thank you very much, have a nice day.
As we waked out, I said to mi friend.
- That’s a very unpleasant person; he doesn’t have any people skills at all, Why do you let him treat you like that? Doesn’t it bother you?.
My friend looked at me and said:
- Well, at the beginning it did, but then I realized that he’s got no right to determine the way that I should feel.

It’s not easy at all, believe me (I’m still working on it), but when we accept people the way they are, we get more control about our own feelings. Along the path of life we’ll find people we like, that we can relate to, and people we don’t like, in this case the best thing to do is to let them follow their own way wherever it leads them.

We can’t change anyone but ourselves, for the desire has to come from within. Even if some one asks for help, al we can do, is point the way. As stan wisely points out,

…We can point to the way that leads to the fountain of life but only you can drink from it …

But everyone makes his own decisions, life it’s all about choices.

[sidewalk_bends]

One day I was on my way to work with a friend and we made a stop on a newspaper stand where he usually buys the newspaper.
- Good Morning, may I have the newspaper please?
The person on the stand said something to himself and was very rude an impolite, took a newspaper and just threw it on top the counter. Mi friend took the money out of his pocket put it carefully over the counter, took the paper and said to this person.
- Thank you very much, have a nice day.
As we waked out, I said to mi friend.
- That’s a very unpleasant person; he doesn’t have any people skills at all, Why do you let him treat you like that? Doesn’t it bother you?.
My friend looked at me and said:
- Well, at the beginning it did, but then I realized that he’s got no right to determine the way that I should feel.

It’s not easy at all, believe me (I’m still working on it), but when we accept people the way they are, we get more control about our own feelings. Along the path of life we’ll find people we like, that we can relate to, and people we don’t like, in this case the best thing to do is to let them follow their own way wherever it leads them.

We can’t change anyone but ourselves, for the desire has to come from within. Even if some one asks for help, al we can do, is point the way. As stan wisely points out,

…We can point to the way that leads to the fountain of life but only you can drink from it …

But everyone makes his own decisions, life it’s all about choices.

Well said. Thanks for the story.

[Gem]

Malkovri, welcome to Mystic Board,

Thanks for that story, it really is humbling. Just wait till the next time someone throws something at me <gg>