Arranged marriage or leave family

[larsson]

Hello everyone,

Since this is supposed to be a general discussion board I thought I could post my thread  here.

My parents have told me that they have received a call from their friend in India who holds a great position in the Indian police to talk about the arranged marriage. Apparently, my grandmother who knew another family of  great influence decided early that they would turn their friendship into  family relationship.

I have recently graduated and am applyong for jobs whereas the girl has completed her degree as well. Neither do I nor the girl know anything about each other.

Since my grandmother gave her word of turning a friendship into family, my parents are expecting me to fullfill my grandmother's word.

I am in my mid-twenties and don't want to get married yet. Not until 30s. At least not now or in the next few years. My parents are essentially trying trying to talk me into the marriage. And sre using emotional blackmail and to think of my systers' future as well. Then they could also find high-flying grooms. If I marry into a influential family them obviously they will find powerful grooms as  well. Moreover, they keep saying that people are talking thay  I am useless , an odd person, and why I am not getting married. In addition, my parents think I have a mental disease for not listening to their advice and for not being friendly with them.


The problem is that I dont want to get married  so young. And definitely not to someone  that I dont know nor that I love.  I have always followed my heart. My heart says not to marry. So essentially, of I follow my heart then it will break my family.


Should I follow my heart knowing the fact that ....it will split my family?

[swetha]

Why dont you site down and speak to your parents and make them understand. If need be you can ask some close friend or relative to help out.

[Cyrenius]

I don't think they will understand(the parents).
My friend you already know the solution. You have to chose betwen your "duty" and what your heart says.

Eventualy you can say that you can give it a try, meet with the girl(date with her till your 30) and then decide.

[larsson]

Swetha,Cyrenius.... Thank you very much for replying.

Swetha,

I wish I could have a way of talking to my parents but they are hypocrites. If I use their weapons against them ( such as speaking loudly, namecalling and etc) for  they sick to even lower standards.

I have actually worked on my anger. I think it's been brought to an incredibly low level.However, they still haven't worked on their own traits.

I have learnt that people who say they will work on their on bad traits or refuse to acknowledge their our faults are never going to change when the circumstances demanded it. Something that Nelson Mandela said... at least in Invictus.


Cyrenius,

If I am in a situation were things are "pressing on", I will delay things for some months and then I will leave my family. The only easy day was yesterday.


Thank you both for your replies. I have initiated the plan.

[Cyrenius]

Good luck and strenght with your plan. It may be ruff in the start severing the bonds, but remember, after the storm comes the calm.

[angel-eyes]

Hi Larsson:)

I understand ur problem, i come from a back ground that has arranged marraiges as well - but my generation is a little bit more loose.  Meaning that parnets will attempt to introduce u to suitabel mactehs - you cna talka dn message and go out on dates and then decide if you want to get married.

Maybe that is something u want to talk to your parents about?  I understand u not wanting to get married now and i was the same way ....but i will say this.....i am in my 30's now and not married and wish i ahd looked sooner.  You know kismet - whne it is meant to happen it will.  What's not to say that you won't like and fall in love with thsi girl?  You need to meet her to get to know her.  Whoever you are going to fall in love with - her or someone else - u are not going to be in love with them teh first second u meet them are u? u need to build that relationship right?  So maybe this is a comparmise with ur parents - say that u are willing to meet her and get to know her but if you don't "feel it" then they shouldn't force youa nd they shodul respect that.  It's worth a try right?

ALos, if your parents really love you they will want you to be happy.  They wodul never want you to marry and be unhappy - u need to communciate this to them.
My parenst sued to get so upset that i was getting older and not married and finally one day i said:  It woudl not eb that hard for me to get married and if your want me to get marreid just for teh sake of it i can - but do u want to see me unhappy later? what if the person i marry emotionally abuses me? will u be happy? what if he physically abuses me? what will u do then?  Youc annot force theses thinsg they are for teh erst of yoru life.  I even told my parenst do u want to see me divorced later????   That was when teh light went off in their heads and they realsied that i am happy and they always want me to be happy.  I woudl rather be singel and happy than married and miserable.

Don't get me wirng i want to be married and have wanted that for years - just with teh right person.  But u never know who that right pesron will be.  I ahve seen many couples of all differnt ages that had arranegd marraiges and they look like they were made for each other.


How your soul mate will be delieverd to you - u don't knwo - u just have to put yourself out there - and u don't knwo when they will come along.  just be open and talk to your parents.
Hope this helps:)

[soccerchick15]

I would go with what your heart says for you to do...good luck!

[Charlesman]

Why would you even want to get married at all? Name one thing you gain from that, as a man. I'll be waiting.

Beyond that, I agree with soccerchick - follow your heart.

[Duchess1964]

Okay ... have you thought perhaps that a selfish attitude by you is what has you wanting to decide WHEN?  I've heard alot of reasons for this ... I need more money, I need more time, I need more experience ... The list goes on and on.  How about you actually go there and meet the girl your families have in mind (it's not just YOUR family to consider).  She may be what the Gods have in mind to HELP you with your future.  Remember, we are given to our parents for a reason.  Try trusting Them is you do not trust your parents.

Good luck to you.,

[symulhaque]

I believe in arrange marriage. God has already made anyone for you.