Building self-discipline when interacting with opposite sex

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Jayashree Ravi
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Building self-discipline when interacting with opposite sex

Post by Jayashree Ravi » Thu Nov 12, 2015 10:25 pm

A lot of complexities in human interactions can be avoided if we can somehow inculcate self-discipline when interacting with members of opposite sex.

Sometimes if we find someone (a 3rd person) with similar views, and a great personality, we feel a certain "pull" towards them automatically.

Also, due to several reasons, if we find ourselves "treated special", then also we feel the same "pull".

Everyone must be aware of the above as they grew up through their teens and later into early adulthood but nevertheless the lessons 'interacting with opposite sex' can bring can last until much later...

Given the scenario, and given that, these days the interaction with opposite sex is everywhere - work, social media, neighborhood, friendships, how does one avoid feeling this "pull"? How does one define their own and other's boundaries, when interacting with the opposite sex cannot be avoided? What strategies do you apply?

Sorry for the sensitive topic.
Srimathe Ramanujaya Namaha

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Thu Nov 12, 2015 11:45 pm

I don't think that you can avoid feeling the pull (feeling attracted to a person) as it is an energy thing and it is perfectly natural and normal for us to sense the connection, just as it is normal to feel a sense of repulsion towards someone when your energies are not compatible with theirs, or a gut feeling instantly tells you that they are untrustworthy.

Unfortunately in our sick society when a man feels attracted to a woman it is automatically assumed that the attraction must be of a sexual nature, and will always therefore be a lead up to him making sexual advances towards her.

I think that it would be unhealthy for anyone to even try stop feeling the pull or attraction. If it could be done, which it cannot. We are not responsible for feeling the pull or attraction, but it is what we consciously decide to do about our feelings where self discipline and being responsible for our behaviour enter the picture.

If every man who ever felt attracted to a woman and had sexual fantasies about her were arrested and imprisoned, then a woman looking for a genuine partner is going to be in big trouble. Fortunately only a small small number of men who have had sexual fantasies about a woman act upon in them in the physical sense. Self discipline and respect for women as human beings, are largely responsible for this.

Many people are surprised to learn that rape has very little if at all to do with feeling the pull or him wanting to have sex with that woman. It is much more about the use of physical force to make her feel powerless and guilty. It is all about controlling and manipulating the woman so that she essentially becomes his slave or play thing, and so she believes that she does not deserve any thing better than she is getting from him.

A sensitive subject this is true, but one which is certainly not out of place on a spiritual forum such as this one.

L&L,

EoT

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Post by Jayashree Ravi » Fri Nov 13, 2015 1:01 pm

My own views are much more rigid than yours, EoT ji!

I think that grown-up people, either married or into strong relationships, should respect their better-half even when not in their presence and should set solid boundaries within which 3rd persons (men/women) can behave. I think that not encouraging someone who you find a pull towards to interact with you more than that is needed for the situation (namely, avoiding 'loose talk'), limiting 1-on-1 communication with them as much as possible but choosing the alternative of emails/phone calls and clearly expressing disappointment or dislike when approached with a flirtatious-note are what we could do to avoid getting into a messy 'near relationship' (affair) with any 3rd person.

Most people, in my opinion, do not mean harm to their respective better-halves but they fail to feel the 'pull' when it happens in its initial stages and when they realize their folly, they are deeply into the new-found relationship.

Ofcourse, as stated already, I am rigid in my views, but expressing my thoughts aloud...

Thanks. :)
Srimathe Ramanujaya Namaha

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sat Nov 14, 2015 12:29 am

Jayashree Ravi wrote:My own views are much more rigid than yours, EoT ji!

I think that grown-up people, either married or into strong relationships, should respect their better-half even when not in their presence and should set solid boundaries within which 3rd persons (men/women) can behave. I think that not encouraging someone who you find a pull towards to interact with you more than that is needed for the situation (namely, avoiding 'loose talk'), limiting 1-on-1 communication with them as much as possible but choosing the alternative of emails/phone calls and clearly expressing disappointment or dislike when approached with a flirtatious-note are what we could do to avoid getting into a messy 'near relationship' (affair) with any 3rd person.

Most people, in my opinion, do not mean harm to their respective better-halves but they fail to feel the 'pull' when it happens in its initial stages and when they realize their folly, they are deeply into the new-found relationship.

Ofcourse, as stated already, I am rigid in my views, but expressing my thoughts aloud...

Thanks. :)
Sister,

Partially at least I feel that my beliefs may be viewed as less rigid than your own in these sensitive areas, because of our different cultural and religious backgrounds. Also because in most cases the woman still has much more to lose than the man if her marriage is violated by her partner's infidelities, you would only be expected to have a different way of looking at these behaviours. There is absolutely no reason for either of us to feel guilty for expressing our own honest opinions, and to sometimes have to agree to disagree. This is what makes for a healthy mutually respectful discussion between two adults.

I completely agree with the need for setting definite boundaries in what we will allow from a person outside of our relationship, either in or not in our partner's presence. It is the idea of setting definite boundaries on the energy pull or attraction itself with which I am having issues. As adults we are only held responsible for those things over which we have some degree of conscious control to be able to change.

But the energy pull itself is completely unconscious.  

It is a natural consequence of us living in and being part of the energy exchange web of all living creatures (not just human beings). It is our conscious decision as to what we will or will not do because of us feeling an attraction with this outsider, which we must ultimately take responsibility for.
Most people, in my opinion, do not mean harm to their respective better-halves but they fail to feel the 'pull' when it happens in its initial stages and when they realize their folly, they are deeply into the new-found relationship.  
 

Am I understanding you correctly here? Are you talking here about the man not feeling a strong enough pull/attraction back towards his partner, in time to stop him straying from their relationship and having an affair with another woman?

Once again you appear to be talking about setting definite boundaries or limits on some energy pulls (those towards an outsider), but at the same time are wanting to significantly increase the energy pull back towards your partner to the point where it is so strong that he would never again feel tempted to be unfaithful.

Please explain how we are expected to find or develop this fine conscious level of control over these various energy pulls, without completely isolating ourselves and our partners from the rest of humanity?

How do any of us gain such a high level of conscious control over something which is by definition entirely unconscious?

Surely it would be much more practical and realistic for us to look for and develop a greater degree of conscious control over our behaviour, which is our conscious response to these various energy pulls that we are experiencing? That would then be a visible outward expression of your level of self control, self discipline and your respect for your partner (whether or not she is present at the time).

Actually I do not feel that your beliefs and attitudes are that much more rigid than mine. We seem to be in almost complete agreement about a large number of the points which you are making in your posting (s), and with reference to the remaining 1% or less of points where on the surface we appear to be disagreeing with each other, our "differences" may mainly be a function of the different meanings which we associate with a particular word, rather than our beliefs about the need for fidelity, self responsibility and self control within a relationship being so different from each other as you could be suggesting.

Be kind to yourself,

EoT

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Post by Jayashree Ravi » Sat Nov 14, 2015 5:48 pm

EoT ji,

Let us say a woman finds a 3rd person very attractive (as per her standards which define attractiveness of personality). Normally we do not encourage people who we recognize to have a flirtatious note about them, when interacting with us. But this woman does not "mind" this kind of attitude about this said person (a 3rd person outside of her relationship). To onlookers nothing seems out of the ordinary but to the woman, she knows this man's behavior is not completely cordial and within limits. Inspite of it, she finds it to be some kind of "fun" to keep interacting, because this person is otherwise "cute". Now what she is doing is not correct in my opinion. It may lead to deeper involvements in this type of "affair" to both parties involved. Once the lady finds someone not interacting within limits and this person is also attractive, that is the point she has to "wake up" and "act". :)

I am glad we are actually in agreement, EoT ji. Thanks for your valuable input. :)
Srimathe Ramanujaya Namaha

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:01 am

Thanks for your valuable input.
As always, it has been my pleasure to do so again on this occasion.

Your discussion topics are always interesting and worth discussing, and you always show respect for the ideas and opinions of other members, even if they disagree with your own.

That is a positive quality which I admire in anyone.

You come across to all who is fortunate enough to meet you on Mystic Board as a very kind and intelligent and generous woman, who is sensitive to the feelings of others.

Sorry if this embarrasses you, but that was never my intention.

L&L,

EoT  :smt038
“Life Is Too Short To Worry About What Others Say Or Think About You. Have Fun, And Give Them Something To Talk About”
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Post by Jayashree Ravi » Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:58 pm

Ha ha... you made me laugh EoT ji !

Surely I love compliments, I will take them, especially from a good, good soul as you! :)
Srimathe Ramanujaya Namaha

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Post by Rohiniranjan » Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:44 pm

With the advent (onslaught?) of the neo-new age tsunami of ideas and information, say since the 80s or so with the rising popularity of cyber-realm aided by a few popular docu-fiction novels, a few by the accomplished author Richard Bach (Jonathan Livingston Seagull fame!) the concept of 'soul-mate' had become rather popular and still surfaces in divinatory seekings (aka reading requests) along with another mine-field of engaging potentials: reincarnation! Neither are romantic terms by themselves or not exclusively anyways but often highlighted so! For instance in the astrological 'flavour' known as synastry!

Since all of the above are difficult to separate from faiths and beliefs and often get muddled with 'emotional overtones', it becomes difficult for many to see the baby separately from the bathwater...?

Anecdotal accounts proliferate in the ever-expanding haystack of information of any and all kinds of quality on re-calling or even re-living reincarnations (hypnosis, meditation, and the sometimes delicious porridge created by ancient adages and sayings mixed with anecdotes with a dollop of imagination {the magic of mind!} and divinatory symboligisms, etc).

Individuals give accounts of all kinds of relationships in past-lives with current relatives, friend, acquaintances, neighbours, strangers, passer-byes and in some cases even with higher beings (!). Spouses had been born as siblings, parent-child, master-subordinate, strangers and all sorts of permutations and combinations imaginable.

Are or can some of these described 'energy-pulls', flirtations, feelings of amity etc that people are describing and reporting related to these quantum, multidimensional reincarnation connections?

Possible...?

Just a thought...!


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