an elevator that won't open and comfy shoes

[sweetsunray]

I had these two dreams last night. I've thought about it, but I think the elevator dream was earlier in the night and not necessarily related to the one I had before I woke up to get to work.

ELEVATOR:

I'm in an elevator with a male colleague (unknown man, I just know he's supposed to be a colleague in the dream), and we're going to some meeting for an extra course (You know, those events your employer sends you too to learn extra stuff in your field, but it's only half a day, and since your time is so short, whatever you can learn from it, is but a tip of the iceberg and thus very unsatisfying, except for the catering of the walking lunch or breakfast). The elevator is white, but grubby... 70-ish style, a bit worn. Anyway, several times we try to make the elevator stop and open the doors at the level we need to be. But it just won't open. The elevator tends to go a few levels higher, then drops slowly to the level we want, but instead of opening the doors it slowly drops further. I think we tried 2 or 3 times. It was very annoying. I didn't pannic, but it puzzled me and it unnerved me to keep trying and then it wouldn't work. Not a nice feeling... a bit like a choking throat.

Next, I'm standing outside the building with the elevator. Apparently I just gave up on trying to get where I was supposed to go, and just chat outside the building. The building is a university-hospital (a place of learning and healing), tall, lots of glass and anthracite dark slick stones. Seventies too, but stylish. And around the building there's a huge park. It's a sunny morning, and the whole environment is soothing, relaxing. Much better feeling than that silly elevator that went up and down alright but never did what it was supposed to do.

COMFY SHOES:

This dream start with me driving in my car through the streets of my city. It's a grey, rainy, winter day. A typical blah-day. I'm driving through a cobbled stone street in the center of the city, and am driving at the pace of my friends who're walking on the pavement. Apparently we're going somewhere together. Either they came with their own transport, or  they already got out of the car while I'm looking for a parking spot. The dream never shows this... It just starts with me driving slowly at their walking pace, and them knowing I'm doing this, and me making sure not to go too fast. Up ahead I see a parking spot and before another car can take it, I race ahead, and lose them out of my sight behind them. So, I wait for them to reappear while looking in the rearview mirror when they would come from behind a curve that's hiding them from sight of me. But I never see them again. It's like they went up as smoke into thin air.

And yet, I'm sure they must come this way and will reappear. So, I step out of the car, and rght next to where I parked there's a shop, its yellow decoration lights warm and sooting. So, I go in. Inside, I end up browsing through the shoes standing there. I'm looking for a particular pair of shoes. I don't need them, but if I end up buying shoes, I'd like them to be that kind of shoe: black, with a high heel... sexy and classy and stylish, and yet wearable. I pick up a pair and show them to the shopkeer to indicate what I'm looking for. But the pair I'm holding has metal heels, ornate and the kind that I know just won't be "me". Almost as if I had been with her all along, shopping for shoes, my mom is in the shop with me, and it's under her urging that I try a total different set of shoes: docksides type. They're in a natural light brown, bit tanned, suede leather colour. These are the type of shoes that I might have bought decades ago, and my mom would end up nagging to me how unflattering they are: flat, they sag as they're worn... And I do consider myself a bit past these type of shoes. And yet, she's the one saying to me, "Try them on." And so I do try them on, and they fit so well. They're comfortable (cause they're flat and the feel of the suede leather), of high quality. The leather has been worked into perfection. And of course, they do look well on me, under my jeans, just showing their tips. They are very much me (just the me I thought I needed to grow past). And I kinda only doubt whether I should buy them, because I fear they might be a trap: I know that if I buy them, I'll be wearing them everyday, until they're worn and thorn, and even then will still wear them. I love these kind of shoes, and will always love them, but I think of this kind of love as something I need to learn to let go. You know, when you were a college student and wore whatever you liked, baggy t-shirts and jeans, but you're in your 30s now and have to be presentable when going to work. The dream ends with me looking at them on my feet, feeling how well they fit, and appreciating their quality and knowing how long they will last, but contemplating whether it's good for me to give into the sale.

That's when I woke up, thinking of my boyfriend. So, I'm pretty sure, the shoes represent him.

[Rook]

Hi SSR

It looks like the second dream is saying that your boyfriend is not what you are looking for.  But from the shopping initially you can't find exactly what you are looking for.  Perhaps your standards are quite high in what you are looking for (sexy, classy & stylish) and you are struggling to find men who fit these traits.  The boyfriend that you do end up 'trying on' is someone you would have liked in your youth (perhaps when what you had different needs?).  There is conflict here between what your actual mother would say and what the dream mother is suggesting, so perhaps this is your wisdom as opposed to actual mother?  The shoes turn out to fit comfortably, and you know it will stand the test of time (it will last).  You also know that if you commit to buying these shoes you will be with them for all time, and it is not what you are 'looking for'.

Overall I see this dream as presenting you having sort of 'cold feet', questioning whether you want to be with him for the rest of your life, considering that he is not the sexy, stylish, classy type of man you want to be with.  Perhaps you feel you should be beyond boyfriends like that, and should be looking for someone of a 'higher echelon' I guess.  It sounds like the other shoe is some kind of sleek businessman.  Ultimately it feels like you are asking, should I settle for what is comfortable but may 'trap me' into my current position in life, or should I risk it and look for "McDreamy"?

I am wondering if the elevator dream isn't related to a struggle in communication with someone, possibly someone you know over the net as they are 'unknown' but a colleague?  It is all about learning, but the learning is very simple & introductory, doesn't go in depth, possibly due to this struggle to communicate.  Oh, I got the struggle to communicate from the 'choking throat' feeling.  Perhaps, going on the basis that the person is someone over the net it is perhaps saying that this forum of communication is inappropriate for what is being expressed, and would be better communicated in the open in person (in the outside world)?  Perhaps the conversation starts with high intents, but drops below the intended purpose without the lesson getting across, or getting to the point you want the conversation to get to?

What are your thoughts from here?

[happyme]

...

[sweetsunray]

Hmmm, the boyfriend... He's actually a handsome guy, and he's a bit of a snob even if he gets the chance. He's more materially focused than I am anyway. The whole scene with my mom is very ironic compared to RL. I was a grunge teen - wide t-shirts, army pants, sneakers or male boots. Over the years I have been wearing more femininely curved clothes, but I always keep something explicitly casual... In fact I teach in jeans, most of the time wear sneakers (my favourites I've been buying since I'm 16), a female fitting t-shirt, a jacket with a zipper and hood, and a leather jacket over that. My mom hates my sneakers (every year sighing in relief when I throw the old pair away, and rolling her eyes in despair when I buy them again) and since I turned 30 she's been saying that the hooded jacket just doesn't belong to my age anymore (and I retort she's not wearing dresses like grandma did either). Sometimes I wear a dress (with cleavage) above my jeans. Sometimes I wear boots with high heels under my jeans. Sometimes I wear skirts. Anyway, in real life I mostly wear casual clothes, combined with something classy. It remains a mix always.

So, the whole situation of my mom urging me to try the comfy stuff and me thinking I should go for something more classy for sure is not representative of my actual views on my clothing. So yes, my dream mom is definitely my inner mom, not my real mom. And what I'm dubious about is not my attire, but something the attire represents... and since I woke up while thinking of my boyfriend spontaneously, those shoes are a representation of my boyfriend, and telling a story of how I came upon him, or more importantly also the relationship.

The whole of the shoe dream symbolizes how I ended up choosing my boyfriend really, a reflection of the past year. First my friends walking on the pavement, and me driving by myself along side of them. These friends are a couple. So, it symbolizes how we all were going through life at the same pace of evolvement, however they are a couple and I was by myself. Then suddenly I move more forward and lose sight of them. The whole of previous fall 2008 till summer 2009 I turned into a bit of a recluse. 2009 was my hermit year. Now I'm actually a very social, outgoing person, and all of a sudden I just didn't go outdoors anymore. First I blamed it on being tired from work all the time, but by springtime I realized something else was going on. I was fed up with superficial contacts. It could not satisfy anymore. To engage in it would not just annoy me, but possibly depress me and make me cynical. Of course I have built up a non-superficial social network over the years, but I have come at a stage in life where I feel no desire to meet them in a superficial setting anymore. When I went to Nicaragua last summer (for a second time) I was convinced I was just going to surf for 7 weeks. I saw myself as being by myself, had no problem with that, and felt no need at all to find a partner. I hadn't even any intention of flirting or having romantic holiday adventures.

Now we arrive at the shoe shop. I start only doing window shopping (even though I'm inside). I feel no need to buy shoes, but I take a look around nonetheless. While my description of the shoes I am glancing around for sounds like it has to do with status and looks, and thus superficial motives, that is perhaps not the correct interpretation. The conflict in my head and heart when confronted with the dockside shoes in comparison to what I was browsing around for has more to do along the lines of "be smart! you've got a lot of -shall we say painful - experiences with 'bad boy' types", or in shoe shopping terms, "be smart, buy the shoes you can use, not what you don't need."

When I first saw my boyfriend walk past my hotel porch he stood out immediately, and yet the last I felt was a desire to get to know him even. I perceived he was real enough of a bad boy to whom I'm instantly attracted to, but have experience enough to turn away from this natural inclination. I didn't do this out of fear (had there been fear, then I would have felt all kinds of rejection feelings from loathing to shyness). Me turning away of getting to know him was a purposeful choice that did not involve any feeling at all. An experienced, wise woman just learns to stay clear from her physical attraction. And while I could not help noting this attention-seeking leo in this small surfer town, I managed to stay out of his awareness for a week at least. Even out first actual interactions went without any desire to get to know each other. And then some things changed. I was actually annoyed with him over something, and as a reaction he had the desire to appease and befriend me, and from there grew his attraction to me. But even that attraction was rather no more than the usual "guy realizes a woman is attractive." I thought it funny, but no more. Until I dream about him, and woke up in shock of the dream's implications... it foretold that if we would become an item, it would become very serious. I refused to give into the growing attraction initially, but even while my head was saying no, he could literally abduct me by just swinging his arm around me, and my feet would start walking, and I'd lean in comfortably, before I could act against it. However, with one last effort to be "wise" I told him that what I saw coming from a mile away was a bad idea... that I perceived him as a 'bad boy' (wild hairs, charming, handsome, daredevil) and that I had grown well past them. He was so shaken by my words that I discovered how innocent he is in his heart in so many ways. And once I had a glimpse of his golden heart, I was sold.

So, back to the shoes shop... I had my share of looking for shoes to fit, and while I was picky (actually I think everyone has the right to be picky... they owe it to themselves) plenty liaisons were either just trials that didn't work out from either side, and in a few cases where the guy was not ever worth reconsidering (a guy telling you he can't choose and making you choose which woman he ends up with for example), and in another few cases I thought it a pitty it didn't work out. By the time I ended up in the shoe shop I was happy by myself, and not even looking for shoes, just keeping my eyes open. I don't initially notice the docksides, nor consider them for trying. They would represent what my real life mother would think of as not-smart, a fancy more than a wise choice. As there is nothing of my initial idea in the shop I'm resigned not to buy shoes. And then some inner wise woman points the docksides out  and urges me to try them. And when I do, I discover how fitting they are.

And my boyfriend is very fitting, and in my way I fit him very well too. He does have class, style and manners (btw docksides used to be one of the clothing items of snobs in the 80s here)... he has a middle class upbringing. He's intelligent, he has a bachelor. He is very loyal and faithful. But he also has the appearance he can charm the ladies well, and may not come across as serious on first appearance as he is, partly because he has a lot of wild party hairs left, and that with a lot of attention getting (a leo through and through). And the latter gets him in trouble too sometimes with people who are envious of his social skills.  

Last week he was in a pickle in his home town,  and it probably triggered my unease, triggered 'cold feet'... not a "smart" choice, and yet it's a "wise" choice, emphasised by my mom's urging and well those shoes felt just like heaven on my feet. So I ended up walking on clouds all morning after that dream

Elevator dream:

I can't think of any specific circumstance for the elevator dream. I certainly don't have trouble with a colleague. I do think it's work related. I've been working long hours to perform well in class. This year is actually a bit too much. I have the theoretical background of an industrial engineer, so I have all the knowledge to teach math and physics. However it's the first schoolyear I'm actually teaching those subjects, and I'm teaching them to high school students wanting to do science in college and university, the last three high school years. So, it's also high level high school physics and math that I got to teach. It's actually 10 years ago that I last had to do an exam myself on these subjects. And while I did keep up my reading on it out of personal interest, that's not the same as having to teach the particulars. I kinda lack a full overview in the back of my head, or am not fully sure of the correctness of what I have for instant background memory regarding some subjects. I teach these subjects on 2 schools. On top of it, my head of the school of my third school would have preferred to keep another teacher. Because of circumstances she had to take me on again, and she piled me with overtime and also other new subjects that I so far had not taught before: economics. I teach more hours than the official max. I have almost no parallel classes (so for each class I have to make a total separate preparation), and they're almost all subjects that need a lot of tests to make the kids rehearse the learned stuff. Math, Physics, Economics and but 4 hours of IT. I'm often working until 1 am in the morning to grade and prepare my classes. I'm exhausted.

ANd hten last week and hte week before I had someone from admin sit in class to watch my performance. She felt there might be a problem in meeting the annual requirements and that I had to sit down with her and the principal over it. In my third school, the one class I've had a confict with since September had complained to a colleague, and just blaming me for not understanding the content, while they refuse to pay attention in class, don't study for tests or don't do their homework. I don't want to lose the physics subject, because I really love doing it. I don't want either of my 3 principals to doubt my capacities or have a bad impression of me, certainly not when I'm working as dodgedly hard as I have worked from september till now. I feel like I'm treading water though witht he workload I have. So, last week I ended up being sick too.

This dream I think must be about those issues. The elevator reminded me of traveling through the spine along the chakras. And yes, my instincts tell me that the door did not open to the throat chakra. The throat is not as much a communication center for me as much as a center of a growth and learning. I know it's rarely mentioned in this way. Often people see the crown as the center of learning and growth. I agree the crown is the center of insight. But any meditation that involved a healing often spend a lot of time at the throat. That makes sense to me when you know the center that releases growth hormone is in the throat. I think the dream was trying to tell me that I needed to solve the issue on the ground with the people, and not internally. It seemed a message about having the need to ground rahter than focus on the throat, and then the environment will heal me.

Luckily, next week I have a week of holiday, to try and prepare ahead and sleep out