what would you do?

[lostinspace]

Hi folks! I'm wrestling with a problem right now, and I really would appreciate some thoughts from y'all....well here goes, I went to Ethiopia on holiday (combined it with a conference my husband had to attend, otherwise I'd never have dreamed of going there!) Utterly beautiful land, but most of the people are dirt poor. The people are lovely, but unfortunately the instant they see a foreigner, they see a walking bank, and so many encounters started off promising and ended up being some sort of way to wring money from you, and some got really quite unpleasant. Being treated as nothing more than a cash opportunity was really sad.

Anyway, while we were exploring a path, I encountered this charming little girl (about 10 or 11) who came to practice her English, though by now I was waiting for the usual money request. She told us a bit of a sob story about how poor she was, but didn't actually ask for any money, though one of her relatives came rushing up to her and demanded that she charge us a whole load of money for acting as our 'guide'. Anyway, we exchanged e-mail addresses, and sure enough, the 2nd e-mail is a request for money, otherwise, according to her, that will be the end of her education, etc etc....

My husband is dead against it. he says we owe her nothing, and her relatives have put her up to demanding money, and it's very clear to him that we simply shouldn't.

But to me, it's as clear as mud. What if she really needs it, and her future goes down the drain because I refused her? Anyway, a monthly wage in Ethiopia is around $40-50 or £20-40. So about £50 would go a long way. But I also feel bad about being "used", though I don't always mind being ripped off. If a person asks me, then I feel they probably need it. Not that I have very much money of my own, I'm generall pretty hard up, though I could afford £50, which is the sum I thought might be ok.

I tried using dowsing to figure it out, and the answer was 'give the money'. However, I've realised the dowseing has been giving me the wrong answers to some things. So now I just need to use some common sense plus a bit of compassion....

If you've read all the way to the end of this this..  thanks! So, any thoughts?

[flight _of_angelwings]

My only question is which way would help you sleep at night?

In the end because you dont know the whole story or how the  money will infact be used then all you can do is decide which way would help you sleep better at night, even if the money was used for something else.   One thing I would like to add is that once you hand over money their want of more will bring them back again to ask for more.  Survival shows we go to where we know we will get what we need in life, whether we truly want to ask or not.
Its a true shame that in the end the 50 wont go that far it may last the month and for the rest of the time they will be back to square one....

[sidewalk_bends]

I would try to follow what my heart asked of me. It's not about trying to convince yourself one way or the other. Your heart knows what it wants, but your mind allows influence from others and influence from what you think her life should be.

The sad thing is, even if you sent money I doubt it would go to her education if that is what you wished it to go towards, but that is just me. Does it matter though how it is spent? Maybe it does to you, I don't know. The fact is people live difficult lives all the time. They'll probably still live difficult lives even with your help, but nevertheless, your heart still speaks.

Sorry I could not be of more help, but I'm sure you will make peace with it.

[Evie]

Hello Lostinspace    :smt006

First thing... I love your name, not only is this the title of my favorite childhood television program,
I am a Space cadet myself. LOL

Your query here has touched my heart.  You poor thing, carrying the world on your shoulders... [Heavy sigh]
I am a bleeding heart too.  (((HUGS)))
Awwww, Hun anyone who visits poor countries has to somewhat harden. Begging is a job.  FOA is right, you can ease your mind with a donation... but in the end.... ???
The thing I see strongly here is the adult relative coming out of hiding... The young girl is being used.... if anyone is getting ripped off here it is her... no matter how much you send, she likely won't see it.  

I know this young girl has snatched a piece of your heart...    Offering a gift is a nice gesture.  Maybe something other than cash money...  a care package; books? a dress? art supplies?  You understand what I am getting at...  Hmmmmm....  if this families correspondence is just about the cash thing... they will probably stop emailing you when they are sure you are not going to.  Sending cash once... just once... is going to make you feel further obligated...  I'm gonna side with your husband.

Here's another (((HUG)))

P E A C E
Evie

[lostinspace]

Thanks for your replies sweet folks!

From your replies I see that there is no clear right or wrong, and that I just have to decide what I can live with, keeping in mind (flight of angels) that they probably will keep coming back for more..

Sidewalk bends, no, I'll bet the money won't be spent on her education, but that doesn't matter as much as just feeling I responded to a request for help.

Evie, Hi! I remember LOST-IN -SPACE too! I wish they'd show repeats of it. Thanks for the hugs - I could use some right now! I was actually planning on sending her some English books to help with her studies, which is why I exchanged e-mails in the first place. Then she kind of flattened that thought with her request for money...if it's money she's after, probably only money will satisfy

Yeah, sending money will probably lead to me 'supporting'  :smt002  her all the way to university.


So..possibly I might send her some money but make it clear that it's a payment I can only make once a year, and still send those English books.

THANKS and HUGS to y'all for taking the time to reply. Good to get the feedback.  :)

[Rohiniranjan]

Dear LiS,

The answer is all within you, as they say, so you can decide to stop reading my babble right now or keep going if spirit beckons you so :-)

As I was reading your experience in Ethiopia, a question was nagging in my innards: What if LiS was an Ethiopian who made it good and now living in Europe comfortably and visiting Ethiopia. What would she have done?

Another deeper rumbling question arose just behind that as another layer of this cosmic onion that our mind and perception is: What if LiS was once many many years ago, long time ago, decades or even longer earlier someone who was born and raised in Ethiopia and revisiting the country just with vague or feeble soul memories ...

The skein can get quite complex and some religions and cultures have gotten rid of such complexity by denying reincarnation and at the same time taking the life-breath out of psychic perception, in a sense, if you catch my drift!

What do I personally believe or opine (as if you care what I think!), there are no final answers and there are no last opportunities really, to help that little Ethiopian girl. If you are not comfortable at this time, acting this way or deciding that way, give yourself the solace that there will be many other opportunities, even if the country may be different or it may be a different little girl or little boy or perhaps an old man...!

Meanwhile, if it bothers you a lot, look around right where you currently live. There must be a tiny soul who needs the same love or support. Help him or her and in some cosmic and connected way you would have helped the soul that came up to you as the little ethiopian girl.

Not sure if this helps, but the intention to do so was there, sincerely!

Rohiniranjan


[quote="lostinspace"]Hi folks! I'm wrestling with a problem right now, and I really would appreciate some thoughts from y'all....well here goes, I went to Ethiopia on holiday (combined it with a conference my husband had to attend, otherwise I'd never have dreamed of going there!) Utterly beautiful land, but most of the people are dirt poor. The people are lovely, but unfortunately the instant they see a foreigner, they see a walking bank, and so many encounters started off promising and ended up being some sort of way to wring money from you, and some got really quite unpleasant. Being treated as nothing more than a cash opportunity was really sad.

Anyway, while we were exploring a path, I encountered this charming little girl (about 10 or 11) who came to practice her English, though by now I was waiting for the usual money request. She told us a bit of a sob story about how poor she was, but didn't actually ask for any money, though one of her relatives came rushing up to her and demanded that she charge us a whole load of money for acting as our 'guide'. Anyway, we exchanged e-mail addresses, and sure enough, the 2nd e-mail is a request for money, otherwise, according to her, that will be the end of her education, etc etc....

My husband is dead against it. he says we owe her nothing, and her relatives have put her up to demanding money, and it's very clear to him that we simply shouldn't.

But to me, it's as clear as mud. What if she really needs it, and her future goes down the drain because I refused her? Anyway, a monthly wage in Ethiopia is around $40-50 or £20-40. So about £50 would go a long way. But I also feel bad about being "used", though I don't always mind being ripped off. If a person asks me, then I feel they probably need it. Not that I have very much money of my own, I'm generall pretty hard up, though I could afford £50, which is the sum I thought might be ok.

I tried using dowsing to figure it out, and the answer was 'give the money'. However, I've realised the dowseing has been giving me the wrong answers to some things. So now I just need to use some common sense plus a bit of compassion.... :smt017

If you've read all the way to the end of this this.. :)  thanks! So, any thoughts?[/quote]

[lostinspace]

Hi Rohin, thanks for your reply! Wow! well I'm just not 'developed' enough to be able to think about the question in terms of reincarnation etc! But I guess if I was an Ethiopian living in Europe, I bet I'd be less sympathetic!  :smt013  I'd probably be wise to the scams that that are pulled to extract money from guilt-ridden westerners.

SIGH...it's a problem, but I figure I'll send her a bit of money, but just try to not become a ripe money-tree for her relatives...I do feel like I'm being taken for a mug, but I'm wary of not responding to a call for help. Yeah they saw this sucker coming up the path  :smt020

[spiritalk]

LIS:  We give from the heart.  And the exercise your heart receives from exercising it, will be more than any monetary loss or gain that can be measured.  Sure, it is possible, you are being used...just consider all relationships in life to be a give and take and that will finalize its pull.  Give in love!

[lostinspace]

Spiritalk, Hi!
Sure, I'm being used, I can accept that. It wasn't really the loss of money bothering me, more the nature of the relationship that I might be getting into. That's what worries me, particularly since my husband is so against it, and I'll be on my own in this one.
'Give in love' sounds a bit idealistic for me, and I sure didn't love the really creepy guy who came up and ranted at the little girl to charge us for walking with us...No, it's not from love, sadly, just a humanitarian sense of obligation to make a donation.

[Rohiniranjan]

Dear LiS,

Focus on this: The scam is real but not permanent, kind of like each of us!

RR

[quote="lostinspace"]Hi Rohin, thanks for your reply! Wow! well I'm just not 'developed' enough to be able to think about the question in terms of reincarnation etc! But I guess if I was an Ethiopian living in Europe, I bet I'd be less sympathetic!  :smt013  I'd probably be wise to the scams that that are pulled to extract money from guilt-ridden westerners.

SIGH...it's a problem, but I figure I'll send her a bit of money, but just try to not become a ripe money-tree for her relatives...I do feel like I'm being taken for a mug, but I'm wary of not responding to a call for help. Yeah they saw this sucker coming up the path  :smt020[/quote]

[lostinspace]

Sure hope it's not permanent! Thanks Rohin......and thanks to all who replied

[Rohiniranjan]

[quote="lostinspace"]Sure hope it's not permanent! Thanks Rohin......and thanks to all who replied[/quote]

Just in case there is a misinterpretation (I have to be sure, these days given my poor command over the english language... :-(


What I meant was:

We are real but not permanent either...
(very similar, in a LONG-TERM VIEWl, to the ethiopian scam you were talking about...)

[deva]

Hi. Why not try  sending a query to World Vision? They must have a representative in Ethiopia who could perhaps monitor how the money you send (via their organization) is actually being used.

Just my two cents.

[Rohiniranjan]

[quote="deva"]Hi. Why not try  sending a query to World Vision? They must have a representative in Ethiopia who could perhaps monitor how the money you send (via their organization) is actually being used.

Just my two cents.[/quote]


Are you ABSOLUTELY sure about the MONITORING PART?
How do they manage to put Television Ads?

I heard that television commercials cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and counting!

Are you telling us that TV stations have turned saintly and are giving Worldvision or similar funds FREE TIME?

Perhaps! I have also read today that Bill Gates is going to give the windows operating system for 3 dollars each, to Third world nations governments who commit themselves to providing each of their children a computer! I hope that comes with a breakfast deal as well! Rumbly and empty stomachs make for worse 'learning' situations than a full-blown ADD in an affluent american or west european child!!

Perhaps they are all saints and I have no problem with that if you choose to believe same...

RR

[Evie]

.......look around right where you currently live. There must be a tiny soul who needs the same love or support. Help him or her and in some cosmic and connected way you would have helped the soul that came up to you as the little ethiopian girl.

Not sure if this helps, but the intention to do so was there, sincerely!

Rohiniranjan

IMHO.... these words are the best advise...  :smt003

P E A C E
Evie