Love/Failed Relationship Readint EOT

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AresChain
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Love/Failed Relationship Readint EOT

Post by AresChain » Tue Nov 08, 2016 11:46 pm

Hi EOT,
I've written here before about the same relationship. I'm 22 years old and my birthday was recent, October 14th. About 2 months ago, my ex boyfriend (who originally broke up with me because our relationship was messy with fighting and lack of trust and pushing and pulling back and forth from each other and a general sense that he didn't want to be with me and took advantage of my love for him) called me again, trying to get back into my life. I gave in and we met up to talk about things and catch up. He apologized for the way he made me feel while we were together while also stating that there were things during the course of our relationship that we both did to ruin it. Two days after we met up, we spent the day together. Then I started getting anxious again about our relationship. He was telling me he wanted a future with me, he wanted to be with me forever and make it work this time. I constantly needed reassurance, asking him why me and that he would be happier with someone more normal and less anxious about the relationship. He said he wanted me time and time again and my anxiety questioned that time and time again this time around.

The reason my anxiety was on high alert was because during the course of our relationship, I lost trust in him because I saw text messages he had between himself and another woman, and boasting to friends that he was sleeping with multiple people. I saw these texts because I invaded his privacy and went through his phone. It's important to note that when I lost trust in him we weren't a couple by label yet, but we were doing couple things already. He refused to label the relationship for 8 months until finally around my birthday in 2014, he decided to finally make us official.

So two months ago when he came back into my life, we started hanging out again. Not taking things slow whatsoever. Sleeping over each other's houses and seeing family again like nothing had had between the two of us. And I questioned the relationship over and over to him and he put up with my anxiety like he hadn't put up with it our first time around. He was trying to be more empathetic towards my feelings because he wanted me in his life. He was trying to balance out his life to have me in it.

He spent my weekend with me last month and even though I was panicking about his motives for being with me again on the day of my birthday, he still stuck it out and tried to show me how much he cared. Fast forward to two weeks ago and he has a trip to Florida (back home) to see his cancer-stricken mother through an operation. He left Thursday evening and Friday evening I was already texting him that I didn't trust him and that maybe we should end things (like I'd been doing since we started hanging out again) because I was afraid that since he was back home he was going to sleep with someone else. I told him I didn't trust him. He got upset with me, I blocked him on my phone which infuriated him, and I kept trying to discuss our relationship while he was in Florida dealing with his sick mother. He put up with it till Sunday night when I completely lashed out via text because he didn't respond for four hours.

He decided after that that he was going to come back from Florida and focus on himself and getting himself better because he confided in me that he had been super anxious since we broke up in May of 2015 and had been questioning his sexuality since our break up. He said he wanted to focus on loving himself and getting passed his own anxieties.

I didn't want him to be in my life in any other way other than trying to be with me so I refused his vague "I want to work on myself." So I said mean things to him via text while also apologizing and asking him to stay with me even though I was first and only to say "maybe we shouldn't do this anymore" before he decided to work on himself when he returned from Florida.

My anxieties interfered with me being happy with him, at any chance of happiness that he was offering once again. Everything made me crazy; I didn't like his mere mentions of female friends and didn't trust him in another state with his cancer-stricken mother. He finally had enough and didn't want to be with me in that capacity anymore because he wanted to work on his own insecurities. He wanted me "around" as he repeatedly said but that was incredibly vague and frustrating to me. For as long as he was in Florida (almost two weeks, I think because I don't know if he's even back yet given that he's not speaking to me anymore) I argued with him about our relationship and made his trip about us and my anxieties and took attention away from his time spent with his mom.

I got angry and still get angry and texted him mean things and he defended himself and texted mean things. So now he's ignoring me via text and phone call and I've blocked him so that he can't ever text or call me (and so that if he does neither, I can convince myself that he didn't try to communicate with me because he was blocked).

I have known him since October 2013. We've been hanging out since February 2014. We became a couple in October 2014. We broke up May 2015. I became incredibly anxious and depressed for months after that and started therapy. I ended therapy April 2016. Now that we're not hanging out again these past two weeks, I miss him and I anxious and depressed again and starting therapy again because the anxiety and depression when he breaks up with me is debilitating to the point where I don't want to get out of bed.

I have loved him for three years now. He was my first boyfriend and during the course of our break up I didn't see anybody else but he did. He said he broke up with her because he realized he missed me and wanted me and no one else. I can never seem to move on from him.

We were on and off during the entire course of our original relationship. We weren't nice to each other originally but he was trying to make things work with me this time around. I had sex with someone else after he and I broke up officially in May 2015, a month after we did and he was so angry with me after because he hadn't moved on, yet he refused to speak to me after we broke up and ignored me for two months until calling me up again after I had slept with someone else and was trying to move on from him.

I just want to know what happens now. Is this actually the last of this, will he stay away from me for good this time, or is he gonna pop up again?

He is currently not speaking to me. I don't blame him, I text him everyday saying either horribly awful things or lovey dovey things, as if I was bipolar. And he never responds. I just want to know how to stop texting and calling him and move on with my life. Or if he's gonna return and try to be with me again.

I feel incredibly lonely when he's not around. I have two friends in the whole world. I don't make friends easily and become completely obsessed with him when he's around. I am currently suffering from anxiety and depression caused by the anxiety and sudden loneliness.

His birthday is February 10th and he's a year older than me.

Thank you EOT.

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Wed Nov 09, 2016 9:28 am

There is just too nuch information being given here for me to be able to easily separate my thoughts and feelings about your situation, and therefore give you a useful reading and make any reliable predictions about exactly what might happen in the future.

And because I cannot directly read his thoughts and intentions towards you through a third party reading, I would only be getting part of the story.

But I can tell you now without picking up any Tarot cards, that this is not going to end well for either of you, This is not a healthy relationship but rather a toxic codependency, and he is not the only person who needs to take some quality time out and learn to value and respect themselves for who they already are (mistakes included).

Especially as he has already indicated to you that he has sexual identity issues on top of everything else including taking care of his critically ill mother, I feel that you will need both medical and counselling help to treat your anxiety and depression, and find yourself again.

Continuing to text him like that under these conditions is only going to make the inevitable final separation that much more difficult than it would already be. It will only make your pain deeper and last much longer than you are likely to be able to cope with it.

The reading recommends that you should at least until the end of this year make no further attempts to contact him. Instead use this time to get help and support and learn to love and take care of yourself more than you have done up until now.

You owe it to yourself.

You cannot fully give your love to any person unless you are first willing to give much more of it to yourself. The same principle will apply whether it is with this man (not confident about you getting back together)  or any other man in the future.

Get your own inner house in better order before trying again, but do not expect or wait for things being perfect, as perfection simply does not exist at the physical level.

Being less than perfect is perfectly OK.

Love, Light and Healing,

Brian

AresChain
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2013 9:57 pm
Location: New York City, NY

Post by AresChain » Thu Nov 10, 2016 7:44 pm

Thanks for your reply!

Why does he evoke these anxious feelings in me? Will these feelings of anxiety and depression be with me in the future? Before he came back into my life in September, I had recovered from the first break up; I had stopped having feelings of anxiety and depression and felt normal again about the trajectory of my life, apart from singular moments of loneliness or missing him from time to time.

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:29 pm

Dear Ares,

To answer your questions, one at a time.
Why does he evoke these anxious feelings in me?
Because your intuition or inner guidance is telling you that he is no good for you.

That he is harmful to your mental health and self confidence.

But you still care for him, and this is causing an ongoing conflict between your mind and your heart.

If you did not still have romantic feelings for him, then there would be no problems, and you would have rejected him long ago.
Will these feelings of anxiety and depression be with me in the future?
Yes the anxiety and depression are both likely to continue, unless you can break the energy and emotional bonds which presently hold you together like each other's prisoner.

Fixing this could require professional help, as it has been going on for a long time and each time that you take him back (not your fault, as you have a kind and generous heart) it unfortunately makes the problem bigger and longer lasting.

Also look at the following self help page.

http://processcoaching.com/decording.html
Before he came back into my life in September, I had recovered from the first break up; I had stopped having feelings of anxiety and depression and felt normal again about the trajectory of my life, apart from singular moments of loneliness or missing him from time to time.
Your mind has self healing mechanisms of its own and earlier in the process that was probably all that was needed to help you get on top of your anxiety and depression .

Think of how the body heals itself of a wound. By putting a thin scab over it, in order to protect it from becoming infected.

Your mind has become wounded, and it has its own version of a thin scab to protect it from further harm.

But this psychic defence mechanism was incredibly fragile at the exact moment when he came back into your life, making you even more vulnerable to developing further deepening anxiety and depression.

It is therefore hardly surprising that your anxiety and depression have now increased to a level where the mind's self healing abilities cannot cope alone or entirely by themselves. You will almost certainly require help and support from a qualified professional, in addition to using self help techniques.

Greater self love is your biggest weapon and defence mechanism against further anxiety and depression,  it should ultimately help to stop you from attracting other men with similar personality problems to his into your life.

The self help exercise (decording) which I have recommended above may help in the short term, but over the longer term you need and deserve whatever professional help that you can both get and afford, with this serious and challenging toxic codependency.

L&L,

Brian :smt007

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