Private Messages

tourbi · Post by **tourbi** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 1:04 am

It's amazing to me that people here are so loving and gentle and caring, for the most part. I read the forums, and the posts are very kind.
I have had more nasty Private Messages since I have joined here.  Yes, I have had  incredibly kind and loving Private messages also.

Just because someone takes exception to something someone says, it's not appropriate to rip them apart in Private.

I have been on the internet for years and know that it has a horrible reputation.  I didn't expect to find that unkindness here.

This is not a reflection of the forums, the moderators, the administrators or most of the members here.  I have found wonderful people here.  
If this thread and post are inappropriate, please move them to the trash.

I am not perfect.  I make mistakes.  Please share with me kindly if you take exception to what I have posted.  If you don't like me, don't read my posts. Just don't attack me in private or anyone else here.  If you all don't want me here, please ask me to leave nicely.
Thank you

Post by **swetha** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:44 am

hello,
I am sorry about this. PM is something we cant stop people from doing. thats y we encourage people to be more active on the board.

pls PM me the member names who have been attacking and necessary action will be taken.

Sorrynn · Post by **Sorrynn** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:53 am

That sucks!! I hope you things get taken care of for you!!

(((hugs)))
Brooke

tourbi wrote:It's amazing to me that people here are so loving and gentle and caring, for the most part. I read the forums, and the posts are very kind.
I have had more nasty Private Messages since I have joined here.  Yes, I have had  incredibly kind and loving Private messages also.

Just because someone takes exception to something someone says, it's not appropriate to rip them apart in Private.

I have been on the internet for years and know that it has a horrible reputation.  I didn't expect to find that unkindness here.

This is not a reflection of the forums, the moderators, the administrators or most of the members here.  I have found wonderful people here.  
If this thread and post are inappropriate, please move them to the trash.

I am not perfect.  I make mistakes.  Please share with me kindly if you take exception to what I have posted.  If you don't like me, don't read my posts. Just don't attack me in private or anyone else here.  If you all don't want me here, please ask me to leave nicely.
Thank you

looking_glass · Post by **looking_glass** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 7:16 am

If someone has a criticism that is meant to be private, shouldn't that stay private?

It is sad that it can't be said upfront though.

Rhutobello · Post by **Rhutobello** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:03 am

looking_glass wrote:If someone has a criticism that is meant to be private, shouldn't that stay private?

If we should allow such a thought, then all who wanted to "be cruel" to other only had to do it by pm and no none could do anything.

It is not allowed to go on with discussion from the forum and transfer this to private messages.

The only thing that can open for such a discussion is if both parts agree upon it, and will only happen if both parts burn for a case and they want to explore it further then the forum allow.

To send negative remark as PM for a discussion in the forum is seen as an attack, as if it was posted in the forum, and shall in my opinion lead to "banning" if the message is hurtful or at least closing of the possibility to send and receive PM's.

Any discussion in the forum MUST end in the forum...any other action is seen as violation of your privacy!

Nicole · Post by **Nicole** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:38 am

tourbi wrote:It's amazing to me that people here are so loving and gentle and caring, for the most part. I read the forums, and the posts are very kind.
I have had more nasty Private Messages since I have joined here.  Yes, I have had  incredibly kind and loving Private messages also.

Just because someone takes exception to something someone says, it's not appropriate to rip them apart in Private.

I have been on the internet for years and know that it has a horrible reputation.  I didn't expect to find that unkindness here.

This is not a reflection of the forums, the moderators, the administrators or most of the members here.  I have found wonderful people here.  
If this thread and post are inappropriate, please move them to the trash.

I am not perfect.  I make mistakes.  Please share with me kindly if you take exception to what I have posted.  If you don't like me, don't read my posts. Just don't attack me in private or anyone else here.  If you all don't want me here, please ask me to leave nicely.
Thank you

I just sent you one sis...

P.S.
Now I'm angry~!!

You are such a sweet lady...
It never seems to fail when I meet a nice friend on here they go Puff~!!
and 99.9% of the time It's the same person chasing them away...

I hope to god it's not who I think it is~!!
swetha this lady is a kind and true lady..
I hope something will get done, which I'm sure it will, right~!!
I would comparer pc ID's...

If yeah need help make me mod I'll find them....
I don't take kindly of jerks...

Ask Rutho he knows me~!! LoL

Why not come into my pm~!!
Cause I will find'ya.. Ha-Ha~!!!

She's good don't let anyone bully her...
UGH~!!! I'm so mad

pirbid · Post by **pirbid** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:06 pm

Oh, Tourbi, I am so sorry you are being put through this  :smt011

Even though you probably deserve it less than others, I firmly believe this is not to be born by anybody in the board. The same horrid thing could happen to any of us and it is just not fair. I am sure I would have to leave the board if I was unable to stop the attacks by any means.

Please, Swetha, Rhuto, is there no way to stop them? Is there a way to identify the sender? I am getting freaked out by this. This is such a caring board and I had always felt so safe here. It is not fair!  :smt018

Rhutobello · Post by **Rhutobello** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:17 pm

Yes...we can stop them...and we will...but we need your help...we need to hear it....the best way might be to forward such messages to any of us....and don't feel shy or think that this is something you must be able to endure....it is not!

If the person aren't able to fight in the forum with "sound" reasoning, then no one shall be allowed to do it true pm in order to get it out of their chest that way....what will they try to achieve?  A battle true PM?....or just to make ones opinion clear....well then use the forum....if it is no use for it there..there is no use for it in PM!

It is in my opinion a CRUEL and cowardly behaviour that we shall have no room for here on the site....and yes I am ANGRY!

pirbid · Post by **pirbid** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:29 pm

That is a big relief, Rhuto, I was beginning to feel  a bit  :smt087 worried there.

So, Tourbi, please do as he says: do not be afraid to forward those messages. It is no more than the sender deserves and it is the only way to stop these things from happening right now. Please, do it for the rest of us if you cannot bring yourself to do it for your own good.

I would hate to learn that you have received one more single vengeful PM. Cheer up, girl, we are all behind you in this.  :smt058

tourbi · Post by **tourbi** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:09 pm

Thank you for the support.  I was really taken back.  It felt like being sucker punched.
I started to share with a friend and he told me I was taking it too seriously and shouldn't feel so much about it.
I ended up deleting it instead of doing what I intended, sending it to someone.  

Is there truly a way to forward these messages? or do we copy and paste?
Thank you for your support.  

This was not a post talking about a discussion to share something private.  It was an attack on my abilities, indicating I had injured someone and that I needed to stop using my gifts since I was so off target.  
It's the type of thing that can make a person reassess sharing and passing on info they get.

In having read a great deal about bullies on the internet and forums, the advice is to stay on the forum and tell the administrators.
Please forgive my bad for not having done what was appropriate.  Before my discussion with the person here I knew I was to start this thread and alert people.  I also felt to insecure I reported myself to the administrators in case this thread was out of line.

Again, I apologize to everyone on the forums for not having passed on the e-mail.
I am staying. I need to do some nurturing.  
Your support and what you all have said means the world.  I hope that others who have been approached this way and have backed off will be guided to this thread and take the support that is meant for them also.

pirbid · Post by **pirbid** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:18 pm

 :smt045 Yep, this is our gal!  :smt023

Pravin Kumar · Post by **Pravin Kumar** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:27 pm

Dear Tourbi,

I am shocked to read all this and especially since you are such a nice person. I do get some awkward Private Messages but I just ignore them but nothing insulting. Please do inform the name of the person and if you have messages with you now do forward it to the moderators and I am sure the needful will be done.

Pravin Kumar

Lady of Avalon · Post by **Lady of Avalon** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:25 pm

I really hope that the admins will do something about this. I know first hand what it is like to be attacked on and off board and it really does hurt deeply and make one feel like crying and running away and hiding. Maybe that is why there are so few posting out of a membership of over 20,000?

looking_glass · Post by **looking_glass** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:25 pm

Rhutobello wrote:
looking_glass wrote:If someone has a criticism that is meant to be private, shouldn't that stay private?
If we should allow such a thought, then all who wanted to "be cruel" to other only had to do it by pm and no none could do anything.

It is not allowed to go on with discussion from the forum and transfer this to private messages.

The only thing that can open for such a discussion is if both parts agree upon it, and will only happen if both parts burn for a case and they want to explore it further then the forum allow.

To send negative remark as PM for a discussion in the forum is seen as an attack, as if it was posted in the forum, and shall in my opinion lead to "banning" if the message is hurtful or at least closing of the possibility to send and receive PM's.

Any discussion in the forum MUST end in the forum...any other action is seen as violation of your privacy!

I can understand that. You mean someone had sent a bad PM in response to a thread? That I agree is not appropriate, or at least should be said upfront.

My opinion was only about a private discussion between two people in PM. Certainly folks can discuss amongst themselves. That is what a private message was for I thought. But to then divulge a private message...not so good.

Hopefully there will be peace with everyone.

dhav · Post by **dhav** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:28 pm

HI Tourbi,
I am reading this thread now.Has the guy been continuing PMs you since that day?Don't worry.The Admins must have looking in this matter and solve it now.we are right behind you.
Take care and be strong.

dhav

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