NOAH IN 2007
Moderators: eye_of_tiger, shalimar123
NOAH IN 2007
In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
[your country] , and said, "Once again, the earth has become
wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared , "I'm about to start the rain! "Where is the Ark ?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision
.
Then the Hydro One demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of
moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage
for the Ark 's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order
to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodation was too restrictive , and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the Ministry of the Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed
flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the Visa status of most of the
people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Revenue Canada seized all my assets, claiming
I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark. "
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
PS... no I didn't make this up... I don't know who did... but it got a chuckle
out of me
[your country] , and said, "Once again, the earth has become
wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared , "I'm about to start the rain! "Where is the Ark ?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision
.
Then the Hydro One demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of
moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage
for the Ark 's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order
to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodation was too restrictive , and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the Ministry of the Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed
flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the Visa status of most of the
people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Revenue Canada seized all my assets, claiming
I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark. "
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
PS... no I didn't make this up... I don't know who did... but it got a chuckle
out of me
- Rhutobello
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- EarlofLeicester
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