My Wife Dresses to Kill

[Pravin Kumar]

[/siExcuse me all Married ladies

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met. -Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong. -Milton Berle

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,

"There was water in the carburetor."

I asked her , "Where's the car?"

She replied, "In the lake."

-Henny Youngman

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

"You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and

didn't notice."

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than

to let him keep her.

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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to interrupt her.

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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

So I got myself two girlfriends.

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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided

not to report it since the thief was spending much
less than

his wife did.

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost

to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa a

Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real

happiness was until I got married; then it was too
late.

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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "You can have mine."

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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the
friend.

"A billionaire." she replied,

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience.

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It's not true that married men live longer than single
men.

It only seems longer.

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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through

life Thinking they had no faults at all.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife

can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such
a man.

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for

whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double
of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a

million dollar and beat me till I'm half dead."

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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage.

They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

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The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is

to forget it once.

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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive
   
ze]

[Tyrinaniel]

Aww man.  This just made me laugh! Hehe, I've heard similar jokes before.  It's great to see a full list! :P

So what are you saying about your wife?