At a Scale Convention.
At the scale manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight. A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight.
She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: "One hundred and sixty-three."
Just Jokes.
Moderators: eye_of_tiger, shalimar123
-
soul_flower
- Posts: 1547
- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 5:00 am
- Location: Australia,Vic.
LOL that would be my worst nightmare,haha.
Heres a joke i got in an email.
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she
was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked
up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.
My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be
taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't
want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them
to the zoo for me?
I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were
ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped
into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of
San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde
walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much
to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the
blonde. What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you
$100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left
over so now we're going to Sea World.
Heres a joke i got in an email.
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she
was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked
up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.
My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be
taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't
want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them
to the zoo for me?
I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were
ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped
into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of
San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde
walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much
to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the
blonde. What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you
$100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left
over so now we're going to Sea World.
Game Of Intelligence
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Laughs.. Good one~!! :smt003Samson wrote:Game Of Intelligence
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
He should of just handed her $45.00 back.. rofflmbo~!!
-
Pravin Kumar
- Posts: 7094
- Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2005 2:08 pm
- Location: bombay
Jokes
Thanks there are no Blondes in our Country
Pravin Kumar
-
Prof. Akers
- Posts: 1163
- Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2007 10:30 am
- Location: U.K.
1
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked,
"What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did you manage that?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"
2
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel! : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked,
"What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did you manage that?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"
2
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel! : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
Ohhh I loved this Maude & Mable... roflmbo.....Prof. Akers wrote:1
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked,
"What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did you manage that?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"
2
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel! : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
-
RajeevSharma
- Posts: 334
- Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:16 am
- Location: Chandigarh,INDIA
- Contact:
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a teenage boy with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black make-up around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
-
RajeevSharma
- Posts: 334
- Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:16 am
- Location: Chandigarh,INDIA
- Contact:
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.” Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.” He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” he said.
She said, “I sell tampons.”
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.” Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.” He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” he said.
She said, “I sell tampons.”
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”
-
RajeevSharma
- Posts: 334
- Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:16 am
- Location: Chandigarh,INDIA
- Contact:
A guy who went into the adult section of a department store to buy condoms.
The female clerk told him, “We have the rainbow assortment on sale today, would you like those?”
The guy said, “Good, I’ll take a box.”
A few months later, he went into the women’s clothing section and saw that this same female clerk was transferred into the maternity section.
The guy said, “I’d like to buy a maternity blouse.”
The clerk asked, “What bust?”
To which he replied, “One of the goddamm blue ones!”
The female clerk told him, “We have the rainbow assortment on sale today, would you like those?”
The guy said, “Good, I’ll take a box.”
A few months later, he went into the women’s clothing section and saw that this same female clerk was transferred into the maternity section.
The guy said, “I’d like to buy a maternity blouse.”
The clerk asked, “What bust?”
To which he replied, “One of the goddamm blue ones!”
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests