Male Female Jokes

[Pravin Kumar]

Definitions
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

How to make a woman happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. intelligent
5. a father
6. funny
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a good mother
15. creative
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
Without forgetting to:
26. give her compliments regularly
27. love shopping
28. be honest
29. be very rich
30. not stress her out
31. not look at other girls
And at the same time you must:
32. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
33. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
34. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
It is very important to:
35. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Bring beer
2. Hand over the remote. !!!!!!!


Aisi apni Wife ho
5'3" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehara jiska bright ho,
Weight mein thodi light Ho,
Umar me difference slight ho,
Thodi see wo quiet ho,
Aisi apni Wife ho....



Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,
Bhid me sab kahe "side ho, side ho"..
India ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho...

Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Dinner candle light ho,
Dono me na kabhi fight ho,
Milne ke baad dil delight ho,
Yeh kavita padhke sab kahe "Guru, tum right ho,
Aisi hi apni Wife ho..."

Kaash yeh concept 0.0001 percent bhi right ho
Agar aisi apni wife ho to kya haseen life ho
Har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho
kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho
Ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho
Aisi apni wife ho, aisi apni wife ho....

Marriage
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.She went downstairs looking for him. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw tears rolling from his eyes as he sipped his coffee.

"What's the matter with you, my dear? Why are you down here at this time of the night?" she asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us while dating?"

"Yes, I do remember," she replied.

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"

"Yes, I do," she said, getting a little teary- eyed herself at his fond recollection.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know... I would have been released today."

Banking Procedure for Male and Female:
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:

Drive up to the cash machine.
Put down your car window.
Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
Put window up.
Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Drive up to cash machine.
Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
Set parking brake, put the window down.
Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
Attempt to insert card into machine.
Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
Insert card.
Re-insert card the right way.
Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on it.
Enter PIN.
Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
Enter amount of cash required.
Check makeup in rear view mirror.
Retrieve cash and receipt.
Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
Re-check makeup.
Drive forward 2 feet.
Reverse back to cash machine.
Retrieve card.
Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
Restart stalled engine and pull off.
Redial person on cell phone.
Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
Release Parking Brake.

Girl Friends
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!

Equation
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!

[jennifercrowe]

These are ok.