What are u thinking at this moment??

[MissEm]

ps Did you know? With a newborn baby. Mummy has to feed every 2 hours, 24 hours a day for about 3 months. Try putting your alarm clock on every 2 hours, waking up preparing a bottle (In my case I had to do this) feeding baby about 15 minutes, changing nappy, burping, cleaning up spew, dressing baby again, go back to sleep, wake up again in another hour and 1 1/2 do it all again for minimum 3 months. Yes Samson put your alarm clock on for 2 hours sleep, then wake up for 1/2 hour, put your clock on for another 2 hours (Lucky you) and do it all again. Maybe after 2 days of this, you might start to understand. After 3 months we get 3 hours sleep instead of two. This goes on for many years.

And then multiply that by 10 times worse when they get a bit older say around 6 - 12 months and develop separation anxiety and want to cling to mummy (or daddy) all day - and mummy/daddy still has to shower, get breakfast/lunch/dinner, chores etc etc etc

I love my gorgeous little girl and I love being a mum and I certainly dont regret my decision at all but don't anyone tell me (or mums/dads) that its not hard work and just as demanding as physical type work or sitting in an office all day.

Love, peace and light to all!

[LibB]

ps Did you know? With a newborn baby. Mummy has to feed every 2 hours, 24 hours a day for about 3 months. Try putting your alarm clock on every 2 hours, waking up preparing a bottle (In my case I had to do this) feeding baby about 15 minutes, changing nappy, burping, cleaning up spew, dressing baby again, go back to sleep, wake up again in another hour and 1 1/2 do it all again for minimum 3 months. Yes Samson put your alarm clock on for 2 hours sleep, then wake up for 1/2 hour, put your clock on for another 2 hours (Lucky you) and do it all again. Maybe after 2 days of this, you might start to understand. After 3 months we get 3 hours sleep instead of two. This goes on for many years.

And then multiply that by 10 times worse when they get a bit older say around 6 - 12 months and develop separation anxiety and want to cling to mummy (or daddy) all day - and mummy/daddy still has to shower, get breakfast/lunch/dinner, chores etc etc etc

I love my gorgeous little girl and I love being a mum and I certainly dont regret my decision at all but don't anyone tell me (or mums/dads) that its not hard work and just as demanding as physical type work or sitting in an office all day.

Love, peace and light to all!

MissEm this is a continuation of your comments not an attack to you.

Sweetheart, you know as well as I know, it's more demanding. I feel for you. To think employment is more important than a child's wellbeing (I'm not meaning you, I'm meaning society as a whole). This world is disgraceful to Mums and yet it's men who seem to put us all down. Where do they think they come from? Always a woman. Whether you like your Mum or not, you need to give thanks that she gave birth to you, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
If children are abused by parents, underfed, unnourished, the children are taken away from them, Apparently for their own protection (In some instances this is the right thing to do). To tell a woman single or not, she has to go to work to make money to provide for her family when her children are under the school age and 100% dependent on her is more than abuse. To see a child screaming Mummy Mummy when she has to leave is heartbreaking. This child knows nothing of money, this child only knows Mummy loves him/her and that Mummy is her/his security.

With women Like MissEm (Single with children).
She has to get up early in the morning to feed her child, have a shower, get breakfast for both of them, get ready for work, try and feel alive at the same time, dress baby who is only 1 1/2 yo., get bottles, nappies and clothing, snacks and everything a baby needs for a whole day (this in itself is like having to move home everyday), Make her own lunch, Check that she has everything needed. This is before leaving home.
Then she has to get her child to daycare say a very very teary and emotional goodbye, get through peak hour traffic to make sure she is at work on time. Then try and take a few deep breaths for what can be a very stressful days employed work. Longing to be with her child, not knowing what is the right thing to do for her child as regard to working or not) knowing that without the money they could become homeless or starving. After work getting through peak hour traffic to pick up a beautiful bundle of joy who doesn't know why Mummy leaves her/him, get home, make dinner for both, bath child, play games (education), read a story, put them to bed (hope they stay there and go to sleep peacefully). Then maybe another few deep breaths and probably 15-30 minutes of exhaustive crying while cleaning up after dinner. Unpacking babies bags, washing and sterilizing bottles, washing babies clothes, cleaning pusher/pram.

All of this has to be done every day. We haven't even touched on cleaning the house, organizing and paying  bills, doing the shopping, unpacking the shopping, washing the clothes, linen, changing beds/cots, vacuuming, dusting, Making sure the petrol is in the car.... and remember poor MissEm or other Mum/Dad hasn't even had time out to relax and rejuvenate their own energy sources. To recharge their batteries.

By my estimation of time needed:
Wake up 15 minutes
Wake up baby in a healthy way 15 minutes.
feed baby 20-25  minutes
burping baby 10-15 minutes
Have a shower 10-15 minutes
Make up, hair etc (for work) 20-25 minutes
Organize breakfast for both 10-15 minutes
clean up 5-10 minutes minimum
burping baby 10-15 minutes
Organize babies bottles and other things for whole day 30-40 minutes
Dress baby 10-15 minutes
Make lunch, snacks 10-15 minutes
Check that you've got everything 5-10 minutes
Put baby in car and pack car 5-10 minutes
warm up the car 5 minutes
Add an extra 15-30 minutes depending on how much baby is sick after each meal.

So far this is 3-4 hours of stressful work for a single parent and any parent at that. There shouldn't be any stress involved but there usually is. It is definitely strenuous.
And this is in the morning we haven't even touched the evening.

To make children be away from them for such a long time is cruelty to children.
To men: One day I hope alot of people wake up and start to respect women for what they do to ensure you have a life when you grow up. It is the first 5 years of life that make or break who you will be in the future.
Ask all orphans, speak to orphans, You will find out how shattered they are and feel due to not having parents. This generation of lost children due to their parents being at work is not fair to mother or child.

Spending tens if not hundreds of billions of dollars on war and murder during war and weapons is OK but not letting children have their Mum at home where she is needed for 5-10 years that is NOT OK. HA!!! It's a disgrace.
Wake up and smell the roses!!!!!!! If the government cared more about our  family environment and the rights of children, imagine how happy our world if not country would be.
If you ask any child what they want the answer will be MUMMY and Daddy.
If they had to choose one, then it would be MUMMY.
Remember you all come from women.  

Sorry MissEm this is not directed at you. I had the impulse and went with it. If something isn't right I know you'll let me know. I'm sure I have said most of what is needed to be said.

If a woman wants to work she really shouldn't have the children who want to be with her. Being a Mum is More than a full time job and to expect her to do a full time job as well is like slavery.
Give women the choice. If they want to work let them. If not be assured that heaven has good reason to applaud those for their choice and the community will grow with unconditional love and true happiness in return. When the time is right they will find their work and prosper for it. Everyone will gain from this.


I'll stop now

Samson Read this!!!!!!!!

[Samson]

If by any chance anyone thought that I was making a big deal about how a mother should be is wrong, I know for a fact what the average Mother has to go through with bringing up children, I know it's not a easy job and yes you are right, the other half of the family network should do there bit as well, but as you know not many men like showing that side of them selves especially when it comes to looking after there own kids.

[Pravin Kumar]

Dear Libb,

I read what you wrote with interest and do agree in totality with what you have written. Even if the mum is not working still it is a very difficult task. But they get their reward in the fact that children love their Mum's more than their Dad. There are various reasons. One of the them -- and this could be main one -- children are nearest to Mum as Dad's go out to work. I am an Indian and referring to those couples where man works and woman is in the house. I am my mother's favourite and my wife would always say grudgingly why I always tilted towards my Mother and now we have two sons doing the same. They both look after Mother and love her and obey her. She has got her reward for being a good Mother.

So whatever you do it will always come back to you at the right moment. Of course men are what they are and I know my mother saying once: If you keep the house neat and clean and if you teach your children the right thing (We call it Sanskar in Hindi) then no matter if the man roams with other women still he has to come back to home and if there he finds peace he will forget other women fast.

My Guru also told me once (I am referring to Indian Conditions and in our country as I am an Indian living in India) that a child may payback the debt of his Dad but no child can ever pay back the Debt of his Mother. She is such a great human being.

So hard work by Mothers at the right time with their children will definitely get them the rewards ten times multiplied at the right moment.

There is another incident that happened in my life which shows how a good  mother's teaching will help the whole family. I was taught never to give anyone trouble, or even ask for help. Do it yourself and if you can't do it try hard, use your brains but do it. Do not ever trouble others. I had this in my mind since birth. I met with a Near Fatal Accident at the age of 30 and almost Died. I was in a autoriksha ( very small vehicle ) and an oncoming huge truck struck it in the night. I never saw the Truck and never knew what happened. I was simply down bleeding at my throat, lying unconscious. They took me to the hospital and within an hour I was on the operation table. Later I was asked whether I wanted to send a message to someone I knew. I did not inform my parents. They came to know about my accident only when I returned back on the 5th day after the accident. My mother asked me why did I not inform them: I said you only taught me Mum not to trouble others. Face the situation yourself. At that time my Mother cried and said I never knew what I taught you when you were young would help me later on. She said had I sent a message she would not know where I was and how they would reach there as I was travelling extensively throughout the country and the city where I met with accident was not familiar to them.

Pravin Kumar

[tengypsies]

Don't feel bad.....I did it too and so did my children!  I let them play hooky from school.  They were so over tired from a good weekend that I thought I'd be a nice Mom....at least for one day....lol

Brightest Blessings,

Gypsy

[suzisco]

i am thinking that being a mother is really hard work, especially when you work full time.

[MissEm]

It is indeed Suzico!

LibB you said it how it truly is and absolutely no offence taken!

As LibB mentioned, I'm a single mum (by choice) and work full time.  Monday to Friday my day starts at around 0530am and I generally have about 15mins to myself to have a quick shower and get dressed before Libby wakes up.  Sometimes she's awake before me so there goes that "free time".  I get breakkie ready, finish getting myself dressed and ready, get her dressed and lunches and bags ready and we're out the door by 0651am.  Luckily her day care is only a few minutes away and after saying bye bye's Im on the road by about 0710am.  What should take about 30mins normally takes an average of 50mins so I'm usually at work by around 8am.  I finish work at 4pm and then make the 30min trip to pick Libby up again.  Latley she's started having little tantrums doesnt want to go home or doesnt get her favourtie bikkie.  So we get home and its in the door, dump the bags and try and remove the clingon from my arms and a mad rush to get dinner ready for the neighbours call the police thinking someone is being murdered. lol  Dinner is at least reasonably calm once the food is there and then a few minutes to relax and play before having a bath. 20mins in the bath and 10mins fighting to get out and get pj's on and its about 0630pm.  A little play time and a bottle before bed at 0730pm.
Cleaning up the bomb site, load(s) of washing on, doing dishes and getting the lunches and bags ready for the next day. 0930pm and I can finally sit down for a rest and have a little time for myself. 10pm and its bed time and lights out.

That's my day each day monday to Friday.  Weekends are the same thing but just no work but still no free time for me other than when she has her morning/afternoon nap.  I can generally sit down and have a cuppa once in a while.  Weekends are a lot more relaxed and we go off to the park or take walks and read and generally play but its her and I all the time all day.  It's all part of being a mum and I love it and love my little girl.  it would be nice to have mor etha 30mins to myself sometimes but that's the way it is.

I could stay home and live on the dole but what sort of life would that be for libby and I?  I have more ambition and drive than that and I hope that Libby will too.  I want to be able to set a good example for her and have her be proud of me when she's old enough.  On top of that, there is still such a stigma attached to those on the dole - regardless of the nature of the person.  You're basically a dole bludger is what you would be regarded as by the general do-gooders.  They don't know yr situation nor do they care.  All they see is you on the dole and wasting their hard earned taxes.

Sometimes I think mums have been their own worst enemies in making men and others aware of the demands of being mums (stay at home or working).  I think we've been too quiet and have let others get away with putting us down or demeaning our efforts for far too long.  It's time others took us seriously.  Speak up I say and let the world hear us.  Our lot in life is no easier than others and we should be given equal recognition (and rewards) for our job well done.

 Well that soap box has worn out now and time for me to go earn a dollar to put food on our table and clothe us.

Love and light to all!
xox

[Samson]

I apologize to all the single mothers for thinking that they had it easy, I know that you don't.

[swetha]

that post was real touching... Lots of Hugssssssssssssssss to u:) and everyone who goes thru this day in day out...
everytime i think of giving up on anything... something pulls me to MB.. and i happen to see a post that opens my eyes( for maybe sometime!!:-) but it still does.. and i wonder...if i need to do it... i have to .there r no second thoughts:-)

they say a mom's curse comes true.. do u believe in it? u may think i am crazy but i do!
a few years ago.. in a  fit of anger.. when i went against my parents to marry the man of my dreams( who still is my man! so what if he is incapable of understanding this at the moment), my mom said " i curse u that u will never be happy in ur life!" she never remembered she had said it later and may not have meant it.. but it hurt then and hurts now:)

[MissEm]

This is not just about single mums really.  It's about all the mums (and dads) that are perhaps taken for granted by their partners and that the 'work' they do in staying home with their children or being a single parent is not meaningful or not equivalent to the work their partner does away from the home.

It's hard physically to be on the go all day every day from sun up to sun down.  it's hard mentally to try and keep your child amused and happy and content all day every day.  It's hard trying to understand what's wrong with them when they can't tell you - have they got a pain in their tummy, are they hungry, do they need a nappy change (most of those u can smell )  It's hard emotionally being sleep deprived or not getting a solid block of sleep for many nights in a row and waking up the next day to do it all over again.  A mum/dad has to cater for their child's needs and their own and more often than not, it just can't be done.  One has to suffer or be neglected and it usually tends to be the mum.  I can't remember the last time I went and had a facial or did something really girlie for myself.  I buy Libby clothes and things before I buy something for myself.  SHe's my number one thought priority.

[LibB]

The point of the story is all Mums have a full time job with each child. In my case I have 2 children. My full time energy and time is used with Brett 5 and then my full time energy and time is used with Adam 2 1/2. Then cleaning and keeping a house neat and tidy and orderly is also a FULL TIME JOB. Preparing food is a part time job. Sleeping is absolutely necessary if Mum can get any. Then living your own life is a full time job. That's all without a full time job.
In my life I have 3 full time jobs and a part time job. There you go I have forgotten myself once again. There is no time for me to be me and spend full time on myself. If I include myself then it's 4 full time jobs and a part time job. On top of that you have all the other part time jobs included in keeping a house. Shopping, bills, etc.
A man complains that he's been at work all day. Starts at 9.00, finishes at 5.00 gets home and does nothing. This would be standard work only. Then they have the audacity to say they have been working hard all day. Every day they do exactly the same job, things may be a little different from day to day but it's exactly the same and they are working for someone else. At no time are they participating in making their home environment happy and fulfilling for anyone but themselves.
Mum however could have any number of different things to do every single day with totally different timetables and they can change at the drop of a hat. We've already shown you the roster. So for a mum who is already doing more than one full time job to have to go and work full time outside the house also is actually slavery. It can kill the soul of many not just her (usually the children). Then to have a hypocrite of a male to come along and expect that she does this and doesn't value the time and love spent on their very own children is appalling. We haven't included the male expecting the woman to do all of his cooking and cleaning and washing etc.
in this. There's more work.
By the way MissEm has already done half a days work before she has even started work in the world out there. Then has another half a days work after that. That's 16 hours a day minimum. Plus 8 hours of sleep if she's lucky. There's 24 hours. And men complain about the work they do.
Compare a mans day with a woman's (Mum's) day, it doesn't add up, it doesn't make sense and it is downright cruel.
It's been said that a mother at home doing full time work with children and looking after a house amounts to the payment of over $1000 (Australian)per week. This has been done taking the pay rates of exactly the same services available. childcare, washing service providers, cleaners, cooks etc. They then tallied up the hours the Mum's were working per week on each job and added up the amount that a so called Worker would have been paid and it was $1000-$1250. That's what these people would be paid for professional services. give Mum's a break. Give them a massage. treat them to something special. Thanks is always needed, because without them, Most of us wouldn't be here.

So thanks to my Mum for bringing me up the best she could under her circumstances and yes my Mum had to work when I was 5. It totally changed my happiness into depression and this feeling has never left me. I'm crying now...why, because every child needs their Mum.
And to think society is not only being cruel to Mum's, they are being equally if not more cruel to children. Have a look at society, have a look at the depression rates, have a look at how many children enjoy adolescence.
All because of greed and Motherly burnout.

MissEm, I will be in touch with you shortly and endeavor to be a life long friend to you and help in any way I can.

For all the Aussies-There is a charity called-Adults need smiles too. Have a look at their website and see if you know someone who can do with a smile. Maybe you can help in your own small way. If you are a husband and father then stop complaining and earn your keep in the house and home you live in within the home PLEASE. Remember to be a loving and kind Husband, Remember to be a loving and kind Dad and help in any way you can around the house.


Thank you all for listening.

[Samson]

This would make a lot of sense if you are either a Dad or a Husband, but when your not, what's the point in it.

[*~Jasmine~*]

I'm thinking what a long thread how on earth do I catch up?

[LibB]

Sorry I've finished my bit. It is also probably meant to be somewhere else.
Changing the subject... Samson that's my photo, my avatar now you know who you will meet when I get on the train.

[MissEm]

Samson if yr not a Dad or a Husband, then it doesn't apply so ignore it or why even bother reading it.

With all due respect, you made some comments about this topic and yes LibB and I probably bit and replied, but you opened the door.

Your comments:

Yeah that's right get the hubbies to do it all while you sit back and take it as a holiday.

If by any chance anyone thought that I was making a big deal about how a mother should be is wrong, I know for a fact what the average Mother has to go through with bringing up children, I know it's not a easy job and yes you are right, the other half of the family network should do there bit as well, but as you know not many men like showing that side of them selves especially when it comes to looking after there own kids.

I apologize to all the single mothers for thinking that they had it easy, I know that you don't.

This would make a lot of sense if you are either a Dad or a Husband, but when your not, what's the point in it.