YOU MIGHT BE A PAGAN REDNECK IF...

[)O( Summer Peta Rose )O(]

YOU MIGHT BE A PAGAN REDNECK IF

1. Your cakes and ale are Beer and Moonpies
2. Your ceremonial robe has Holiday Inn monogramed on it
3. You invoke the elements of Air and Fire by lighting a fart*
4. *this could also be called a poot for any offended females
5. You say DAMN STRAIGHT instead of Blessed Be
6. You have ever marked off your circle with duct tape
7. Your wand of power is a cattle prod
8. You choose your High Priestess with a wet T shirt contest
9. You choose your High Priest by the size of their beer belly
10.You have ever written a spell on a Waffle House Bathroom wall
11.Your ceremonial wine is a choice between M/D 2020 and Pabst Blue Ribbon
12.The High Priestess is your sister and your cousin
13.You have ever financed a ritual tattoo
14.You have never cast a love spell at a family reunion
15.Your totem animal is a coon
16.Your circle dances to boot scoot boogie
17.You use your spitoon as a cauldron
18.You mark off your circle with old tires in your yard
19.Your familiar is a hound dog
20.Your High Priestess's ceremonial clothes consist of a tube top and hot pants
21.You have ever cast a lotto spell
22.Your HP and HPS magikal names are Bubba and Sweetcheeks
23.Hank Williams and Merle Haggard wrote most of your ceremonial chants
24.Your herb of choice is Skoal Wintergreen
25.Your altar cloth is a Confederate Battle Flag 2
6.A reference to drawing down the moon means pulling down your neighbors outhouse
27.Your annointing oil smells quite like Old Spice
28.You think a goblet is a young Turkey
29.Your athame is a switchblade
30.You invoke the gods by saying "Hey ya'll watch this!"
31.Your coven holds ole ladies only circles during hunting season
32.Your alter clothe runes spell out "Roll Tide"
33.Your high Priestess dips snuff
34.If you think Gerald Gardner is farm equipment.
35.If you have ever done LOVE MAGICK on livestock and FAILED

Redneck Charge of the Goddess
Tune: The Beverly Hillbillies Now listen to the words of
the Great Star Mother, In days long past called by one name
or tuther, "I am your Mammy, Queen of Earth, Air, Fire, Sea,
So you better quit your yappin' an' listen to me."
(Isis that is, Astarte, Cerridwen) "Now y'all listen up,
'cause I'd hate to be a bitch, When we have our shindigs t'aint
none should wear a stitch. Y'all will eat an' drink an' dance an' love,
to show that you're free, 'Cause all acts of pleasure are
sacred to me." (Skyclad that is, Great Rite, Cakes an'
Wine) "If you wanna know my secrets, then look in your own
hide, 'Cause if what you seek aint there, well, it won't be found
outside. The greatest Mysteries t'aint really dread nor dire,
I'm with you at the star, and at the end of desire. (That's right,
listen to your heart. Y'all will come back now,
y'hear?)

[dreamfairy]

Love it!   So funny!   Lol.