Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word,
Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel, after thinking
for a moment the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps
back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom,
her husband asks,"Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor,"
she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he
owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information with your colleagues and
stakeholders, you will be better positioned to prevent avoidable
exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The
nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the
nun
sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the
priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek,
further
up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
Know your job, if you are not well informed in your field, you
might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and
a
Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one
wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff!
She's
gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're
up,"
the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two
back
in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure , why not." So, the rabbit sat on
the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got
the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied
the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a
lump
of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung,
he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey
was
proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold
the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he
was
lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the
frozen
bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm
he
was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate
him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not
everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're
in
deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
