Jokes for the day.

[prasanna]

Jokes

Hoover!

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occured & Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!"

By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".

"It's the biggest dam I know." he replied.



The Rabbit

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says...

(Are you ready for this?)

"Hair Spray: Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."



Why men are happier

-- Your last name stays put.

-- The garage is all yours.

-- Wedding plans take care of themselves.

-- Chocolate is just another snack.

-- You can be President.

-- You can never be pregnant.

-- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Actually, You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

-- Car mechanics tell you the truth.

-- You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

-- Same work, more pay.

-- Wrinkles add character.

-- Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

-- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

-- One mood all the time.

-- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

-- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

-- You can open all your own jars.

-- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

-- If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

-- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

-- You almost never have strap problems in public.

-- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

-- Everything on your face stays its original color.

-- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

-- You only have to shave your face and neck.

-- You can play with toys all your life.

-- Your belly usually hides your big hips.

-- One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

-- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

-- You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

-- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

-- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!



Anniversary Dinner

On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down in the den with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself.

"How romantic!" she thought.

Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess.

Her hurried husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long but I had to refill the pepper shaker."

"Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?"

"More'n an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin' it through those dumb little holes."

[ondesko]

you have the best jokes I really enjoy them keep them coming

[ChiefOren]

The pepper joke was lame.