Jokes for the day.

[prasanna]

Jokes

Buying a Car

A husband and wife were debating on buying a new car. She wanted a fast sports car. He wanted a pickup. As time passed on, her birthday came up and she thought it a great time to fulfill her wish.

She told her husband, "Look, I want something that can go from 0 to 200. Furthermore, I want it to be able to do it in just a few seconds!"

The husband bought her a bathroom scale.

(The funeral is at 3:00pm Wednesday)


Breakfast

The first morning after the honeymoon, the husband got up early, went down to the kitchen, and brought his wife her breakfast in bed. Naturally, she was delighted.

Then he spoke: "Have you noticed just what I have done?"

"Of course, dear. Every single detail!"

"Good. That's how I want my breakfast served every morning."


Life as a Bear

In my next life -- I Want to be a Bear...

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup..... I wanna be a bear.



Signs Found In Kitchens

1. Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!

2. Martha Stewart doesn't live here!

3. I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!

4. So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust!

5. Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself!

6. I clean house every other day.... Today is the other day!

7. If you write in the dust, please don't date it!

8. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!

9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.

11. COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

13. If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your standards.

14. You may touch the dust in this house...but please don't write in it!

15. Apology...Although you'll find our house a mess, come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse.

16. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

17. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.

18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

21. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

22. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

23. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

...and the best one of them all...

24. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

[ChiefOren]

The bear essentials.