I would appreciate a relationship reading

[Songstress]

Background information:

My best friend and I have been sleeping with each other for the past 4 months now. We're not dating. He says he doesn't want a relationship yet because he is divorced. The other night me and him were talking about how we never use condoms. He asked why I never bring them up because he figured I'd be worried about getting pregnant. I honestly couldn't answer why I wasn't worried about it. I turned it on him pointing out that he never brings them up and he could end up with another kid. (He has two from his previous marriage and has custody of them.) He simply responded with "kids are easy to take care of". Kinda made me laugh because we both know that's not true.

I'm really unsure of how to approach this because we've made it clear to each other that we don't want to lose the other as a best friend.  I could just use some outside clarity on the issue.

I really appreciate you taking the time to do this for me.  I can't wait to discuss this more with you.

[happy]

This is a no-brainer.  Use a condom, every time.  You're the one who will be carrying a child for 9 months, and taking care of it for the rest of your life, if you survive childbirth. Don't have sex without a condom.

If he isn't using a condom, then he wants to get you pregnant.  Have a serious discussion with him.

[Songstress]

I was requesting a reading regarding my relationship with him.  Where we stand, and where we're headed.  I wasn't asking for a lecture on condom use or the realities of having a child.  I am aware of that already.  Having sex unprotected isn't smart all the time, but it's something both me and him are responsible an I'm not going to get onto him about using them when I'm just as responsible for the use.  Plus we're agreed that we'd be fine with having a child together if it happened.

[eye_of_tiger]

Songtress,

Not that happy requires any help in offering you good advice with this, but I agree that it is another excellent example of using a person to satisfy your own physical needs, without at the same time wanting to accept the consequences and responsibilities that such an intimate relationship necessarily involves.

He wants to use the old and outworn strategy of gaining your sympathy and agreement to go to bed with him unprotected by telling you that if you really loved and cared about him, you would not be thinking twice about going ahead and having unprotected sex.

And I also agree that even in these times of the liberated woman, you still has much more to lose than any man does when he loses interest in and unceremoniously and without any conscience dumps you, when he almost inevitably gets over the novelty and passion of the moment.

Then he will go looking for greener and younger pastures with a woman who is willing to put up with his nonsense and blatant manipulation of your deepest feelings for his own selfish purposes.

I cannot tell you what to do, nor do I have the right to, but if I were in a similar situation I would give him his marching orders at my earliest possible convenience.

It is not only I feel the danger of an unwanted pregnancy or STD which is at issue here, but also the negative karma you would undoubtedly attract to yourself by being involuntarily involved in a love triangle which comes between him and his ex wife whom I sense he has only left in his mind, but not unfortunately for you equally in his heart.

He is still dragging quite a lot of negative emotional baggage behind him into your relationship, from his failed marriage?

I am saying this based upon your reading, and because I care for you instead of wanting to lecture you about the ethics of the situation.

Stay safe and relatively happy, and not just in bed,

EoT