General guidance, EOT. I need help.

[AresChain]

Hi,

My name is Nicole and I'm 18. I was born on October 14, 1994. I think the subject says it all, but I'm in need of guidance. I have always been worried and anxious and I like planning ahead to avoid getting nervous because I rarely don't get nervous about everything. Literally the smallest things make me anxious, including meeting new people and being around them. I don't feel like I have any sort of personality; I'm not funny and I'm not great at anything other than being in school.

The reason why I'm posting here, really, is because up until the moment I graduated high school, I thought I knew what I wanted to do with at least the next few years of my life. That was until last August, when I was moving into my college dorm room. My entire family and I drove to the small New England town that I was supposedly going to make my new home for the next four years. I had even spoken to the girl that would be my roommate and I thought she was cool. But as my family unpacked my belongings and placed it in my new room, I felt like my heart was growing really heavy. I was panicking as I sat down on my dorm bed and tried to breath and feel better. But it didn't work. I turned to my sister and I asked her what would happen if I couldn't do "it," as in, if I couldn't dorm. She obviously didn't know I was panicking so she told me that I would be fine. Soon after that, I informed my family that I couldn't stay there; that I couldn't go to school in another state and be away from home. My sister thought I was crazy, and in retrospect, I think I'm losing my mind too. I had a full scholarship to this college and I said I couldn't stay there so my family and I repacked all of my belongings and we drove back home. I was supposed to be starting my new, independent life away from home, at a great school, and my body told me I couldn't.

In all honesty, I have never been independent and I have always stayed pretty close to my single mother. But I thought that I'd get over it, that I'd be able to be just like everybody else, to have the college experience. But the anxiety took hold and I couldn't.

I'm also terrible and making and keeping friends and I haven't made a friend all by myself in almost two years. And that friend, I'm not even friends with her anymore due to a stupid argument I instigated. My best friend before that, we also aren't friends anymore and even though we tried reconnecting almost a year ago, when she started college at another school and I didn't and stayed home for a semester, I stopped responding to her text messages because so much was going on in her life and nothing was going on in mine. All the friends I've ever made I no longer speak to. They are all away at college having fun and even before that, I didn't speak to them. Also, all of the best friends I've ever had, each one succeeding the next so that I only have one true friend at any given time, have been really friendly, really outgoing people, very unlike me. I just wish I could be the life of the party, the go to for having fun. Nothing has ever really happened in my social life. I've always been alone but I've always had one friend at any given time that would force me to be friends with her friends. But now I have nobody, nobody to do absolutely anything with, not even my sister who moved away at the end of last year.

I started college in the Spring at a college just a subway ride away, insuring that I still live at home. My entire family thinks I'm losing my mind because all I ever want is to be alone and I don't speak to anyone and don't make friends with anyone at school.

When I was younger, I thought I would get over this feeling, this continued sense of angst and the feeling that everyone is better at living, at being a person, than I am. But the feeling continues and I'm still here, still in the same place I've always been.

I just want to know if things will change for me, or if this is all I'm supposed to look forward to in my future.

I'm sorry this post is so long, I didn't mean it to be. I just really need some kind of help. I've never posted anything to any forum ever but I found you and thought you might be who I should speak to.

Thank you.

[stephybabes92]

Hey. I know this post is for EoT, but I just felt the need to say something to you.

Your post made me cry because, for me, this is re-reading something that I also said when I was 18. I used to go on sites and ask for the same advice, in fact posts like this from me are dotted all over mystic board from the past few years.

I'm 21 now and I have to tell you the difference 3 short years can make both physically in your life and emotionally is unbelievable. People say that this is the supposed to the best time of your life but it's not, it's the hardest.

The reason I'm banging on about myself is because I know if I can be happy, so can you.

When I was younger, I thought I would get over this feeling, this continued sense of angst and the feeling that everyone is better at living, at being a person, than I am. But the feeling continues and I'm still here, still in the same place I've always been.

I just want to know if things will change for me, or if this is all I'm supposed to look forward to in my future.

Can I just promise you something?

Things WILL get better and you will end up in situations where you'll think "how the heck did I manage this?" , "how did I get here?!" , "how has this happened to me in a space of 1/2/3 years?!" Because life is ALWAYS changing and everything happens for a reason.

Remember I'm telling you this because it has HAPPENED to me. It IS, happening, to me.

Please please please please don't talk about yourself badly because you are amazing I can honestly see it and I feel so much sadness and happiness for you at the same time - sadness because I know just how much pain there really is in there, inside you, but happy because I know you will be transformed just like me .

You WILL learn to be your own best friend, but more than that. You will, one day, have people in your life that are MEANT to be there.
And I know maybe at the moment you couldn't ever imagine loving yourself but trust me that day will come because right now you are your only company and that is for a REASON ;) There is a lovely person in there inside of you, and they want you to be friends with them before you become friends with anyone else!

Btw, you were saying that you're no fun blablabla etc etc etc?
Well, um, Why did these "fun" amazing outgoing people spend time with you then?...lol, no offence..........

.......

BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO deliberately spends time with a "friend" that they hate being with?

Face up to the fact that
a) you are actually amazing. because i can see that.
b) you are in the shitty marshland of life right now
c) this is for a reason
d) you are going to learn and you will be FORCED to make friends with yourself ;)
e) you will be happy. there is a future!! you have so many cool decisions and options ahead of you
f) you feel a millennia old but you ARE ONLY 18!

Thanks for coming to class now go do your homework ;)

Hahahaha sorry I just HAD to have a rant at you!

Love you!!

Stephanie x x x x x x x x x x

PS: POSITIVE THOUGHTS (and chocolate. and laughter)

PS PS: Read this blog. It is friggin' HILARIOUS:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

[eye_of_tiger]

Hello Nicole,

Rather than being upset or offended in any way by Stephanie's kind efforts to lift your spirits, I was so delighted by what she wrote that I wondered if you would be willing to accept this in place of a reading from me at this stage.

Because it is not regarded as a reading you do not have to wait another 30 days, but can have both if you want to.

Just to say that I know all too well about the soul destroying effects of chronic depression and panic or anxiety attacks from painful first hand experience, but that although I have had to deal with this condition for a few more years than most of you, Stephanie is right about things eventually getting better over time, but only with the right support team in place.

If things ever get too much for you and you start to think that your life is not worth going on with, immediately see your doctor, ring a crisis help line or there is a link provided to a suitable website in the forum rules sticky.

We can only be a part of your support team.

http://www.befrienders.org/  is a very good link for those who are in need of help and who are feeling suicidal and require help now.

"Please Read Before Requesting a Reading"

http://mysticboard.org/vi ... hp?t=73424

Please let me know in your next posting in this thread if you also want a reading from me at present, as Stephanie's contribution to your recovery will definitely be a hard act to follow.

Blessings,

EoT  :smt049

[AresChain]

Thank you so much Stephanie for taking the time to write such a beautiful response. I really hope and wish that what you say is true, that it will indeed get better and I will be happier. It's harder to see things that way now, but your kind words made a great difference in my outlook. My future seems a bit brighter because of what you've said, how things are better for you now. It allows me to have something to look forward to.




EOT, thank you for continuing to offer a reading, but Stephanie's response was more than enough! I really do appreciate your willingness to give me one and Stephanie's willingness to take time out of her day to give me such an insightful response.

Both of your responses really did make a difference. Thank you.

[Tham]

It's quite possible that you may have a mild form of avoidant personality disorder,
which shares similarities with social anxiety disorder.


http://feelgoodtime.net/what-is-avoidan ... rsonality/

http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/ ... oidant.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_p ... y_disorder



You may wish to consider counselling with a psychologist or psychiatrist,
They encounter such disorders quite frequently in their line of work and it
is not that unusual.

They should be able to help you with effective treatment like group therapy sessions
such as cognitive behavioural therapy. A short course of SSRIs may also be useful.

In this respect, it is better to find one who is trained in hypnosis (not all are),
which, in my opinion, can be a highly valuable and effective therapy in cases such
as yours.

[eye_of_tiger]

Welcome Tham,

Thanking you for your kind support and practical suggestions.

With some excellent links to back them up.

Thanks again for caring and sharing,

EoT  

[eye_of_tiger]

but Stephanie's response was more than enough

I could not agree more with those sentiments.

A very good example of the type of close teamwork which is missing on many other psychic/spiritual websites, because people's egos have often been allowed to get in the way of really helping that individual.

Another woman's loving touch of empathy, was definitely needed here.

Blessings to the both of you,

EoT