Reading request for Eye of Tiger

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Oct 29, 2018 10:01 pm

Vogue,

These are not baby steps.

These are GIANT STEPS which you have taken during the last 19 days since I first met you.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Brian :smt026 :smt026 :smt026 :smt026 :smt026 :smt026 :smt026 :smt026 :smt026 :smt026

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:15 am

Hello Eye of Tiger :smt006

I hope you’re well??

I’m writing to give you an update, following the kind advice that you gave me.

I’ve been supporting charities for the past two months, which has built my confidence. It’s helping to bring some meaning to my life, and social connection, so thank you so much for the recommendation.

I was wondering if I could seek further advice from you, if you have the time? I would be so grateful. Thank you.

I’m around 20 to 40% in terms of my level of confidence, up
from -0%. I’m toying with potentially resuming a “traditional “social life (nightlife). My rationale is that this might help me space to make new friends, and potentially meet somebody romantically. Though I'm extremely shy/introverted, so not sure if I can actually see those goals through.
In the past I’ve drunk to get drunk, as I was numbing out emotional pain. I’ve been teetotal for 2/3 years.
So, I don’t know if resuming my old lifestyle would be a help or hindrance. The reason I’m considering it is because it’s very easy for me to go back to clubs and bars, despite solitude. It’s a long story for how/why.

My reservations are, that I might relive groundhog day, and meet toxic people in nightclubs, as was the case in my past (i.e. repetition compulsion).
BUT, it might be that the emotional maturity that has developed over the years would mean that I’d be engaging in a different way, from a place of ‘balance’, (and therefore might be capable of ‘social drinking’). I used alcohol as a way of giving me (false) confidence in the past.
So I'm a little worried that the worst possible outcome might be to wake up with a literal and metaphorical hangover!

I guess I’m at the stage where I’m wondering if I should just leave the past in the past, and not reopen any sort of 'night life adventures''?

Or perhaps I’m being over cautious, and potentially missing out on meeting new people, and inappropriately making assumptions.

I’ve been going to hobby groups, and it’s been nice to get out of my house and have topline conversations with like-minded people.
But friendships haven’t materialised from this, and I don’t want to “push” or force things, given past wounds and other reasons. I also am not keen on online dating, as I prefer real life connections.

Anyway, any advice, feedback, wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Of course, please only respond if you have the time.

And on a separate note, I recall that you have health issues. I also have long term health issues (mental and physical health issues).
I have been doing something called red light therapy for 6 months, that has massively helped me. I don’t have any agenda through mentioning this, I just like to help people as best I can whenever I can. So feel free to research it, it’s of interest.

All the best

Namaste 🙏

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:25 am

I must be psychic. :smt005

Possibly you are, as well. :smt002 :smt002

I was only earlier this week looking at this thread, and was wondering how you were going.

Your response has answered most of my questions, before I even asked them.

Freaky?

Eh?

What do you think? :smt045

At this stage I simply wanted you to know that I have seen your request, and that I fully intend to get back to you ASAP with some balanced and above all healthy and safe friendly advice.

Time is one of the few things that have no shortage of, and I choose to use what time I do have available to me, helping good and decent people like yourself.

As I have mentioned to you before, and I know exactly where your habit of endlessly apologising for being yourself and needing help with your personal issues comes from, it is not necessary to continue to do this when you are among true friends and kindred spirits.

No man or woman is an island unto themselves. Humans are social creatures, and we all need somebody else to help us when required throughout our entire lifetime (and not only when the going gets really tough).

Leave this with me!

Hugs 2U,

Brian :smt049 :smt049

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sat Mar 09, 2019 9:36 am

Vogue,

If by a traditional social life (nightlife) you mean regularly going to places such as clubs and bars where people depend upon alcohol as a social lubricant to give them false courage to be able to form new relationships, then a traditional social life is not for you.

If you want to risk undoing all of the positive progress you have made over the last two to three years towards better physical, mental and emotional health by remaining teetotal (completely free of all alcohol), then the worst possible outcome is likely to make a hangover look relatively attractive in comparison.

Just one or more alcoholic drinks in order to be social, particularly if you have been going cold turkey for 2 to 3 years, is the royal road back to the same bad habit which you were attempting to escape from.

If you on the other hand want to form new relationships (friendships or the romantic variety) with men and women who share your interests and like volunteering to help others who are in need of assistance, stay away from the clubs amd bars, and instead go to places where you would most expect to find people like yourself.

You say that friendships have not yet materialised from these hobby groups or from places where charity volunteers gather.

They do not usually do so without some effort on your part.

This is very different from pushing or forcing things along, in the direction that you want them to move.

Relationships of any kind usually require considerable amounts of patience and hard work by both participants, not only in forming their new relationship, but also with regards to keeping it fresh and alive (maintaining it).

Bars and nightclubs are not the only and best places to socialise.

What about going to a snack or health shop, or perhaps a coffee bar instead or a hotel bar?

Going to see a movie or live theatre together does not require you to have to continually come up with something intelligent and interesting to say to the other person, every minute you are with them.

You may find a shared visit to either of these places less confronting and less intimidating, than having to maintain a two hour conversation over a sit down type of meal (in contrast to getting a takeaway).

Unfortunately our society is uncomfortable with members of the opposite sex being good friends only, or enjoying a completely platonic relationship.

Do not give sometimes well meaning or sometimes manipulative people your permission to decide if your relationship is an acceptable one. It is none of their business.

Nor is it the business of their relatives to be your judge, jury and executioner.

It is important that before you enter into any new relationship, that the both of you are clear about what you are expecting to gain from it, as well as what you are both willing to sacrifice or contribute to your relationship to help make it work ( and better).

While it can often happen that your best friend in life is also your lover and soul mate, do not make the common mistake of expecting this person to satisfy your every need, all of the time.

Or expect them not to want to have their own friends, or have some different interests and hobbies from your own.

Be willing to set boundaries to what you feel comfortable with, and be willing to respect the other person's boundaries in return.

In the end it is your decision, but my advice would be to avoid heavy drinkers (or social drinkers who think that they have it completely under their control when to stop), or men who are looking for a replacement for their own mother.

Someone to whom sharing quality time with their family is the most important most positive aspect of their life, is what you need to help compensate for the positive family life experiences which you missed out on, through no fault of your own.
I guess I’m at the stage where I’m wondering if I should just leave the past in the past, and not reopen any sort of 'night life adventures'?
Carry any postive lessons you are able to from your past into your present and future relationships, but leave any negative lessons where they belong.

Night life adventures do not necessarily have to involve alcohol or time spent (possibly wasted) in bars and night clubs.

You need to balance the risk (s) involved with entering into any new relationship, against the risks of staying lonely and depressed.
Or perhaps I’m being over cautious, and potentially missing out on meeting new people, and inappropriately making assumptions.
You have every reason and right to feel cautious about starting a new relationship, after what you have endured with such dignity and courage (your family and mentor's behaviours).

Be kinder to yourself and give yourself permission to make your mistakes, as your friend or partner will also be at times unkind to him or herself and make their own mistakes (some being the same as yours, and some different from yours).

Self proclaimed "perfect people" are a literal and figurative pain in the backside.

Relationships are probably the most challenging but at the same time potentially satisfying part of being human.

You are not expected to do or get everything right on the first attempt, so do not expect your friend or partner to do this.

God bless,

Brian :smt038

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Sat Mar 09, 2019 10:16 pm

Hello Brian

Thank you so much for your kind words.
I know that you say that I should just expect this sort of treatment as standard, but I am very grateful for it, and it’s important to express gratitude and not take things or people for granted.

Your advice has brought clarity. And your thoughts and focus on me have also brought a shift of energy in my life. I woke up and seem to have complete clarity about the ‘nightlife’ part of my question, before I had even read your message. Today is actually the day that I was supposed to resume the “nighttime adventures".

I would’ve gone out with somebody from my past, a girl that recently got back in contact after 3 yrs. I ran a night life company in my past, and was able to get into high-end venues complimentary with my entourage, with free drinks + food each time at VIP venues.
So, I imagine the potential free VIP treatment is why she re contacted me after 3 years, but I don’t know 100%.
Anyway, I had a LOT of anxiety for the past fortnight, ‘umhing’ and ‘ah-ing’ about if I should go out tonight, and drink for the first time in several years, and return to superficial venues and people. I woke up with 100% clarity.
I knew within myself that it was completely the wrong thing to do, and felt relief at the feeling of closure. I was also able to reflect back on the past three years, and feel gratitude and pride in terms of what I’ve achieved.

I was the very person that you have described in the past, i.e. with false ‘confidence’ created by drinking too much, and masking my insecurities ... with my real ‘agenda’ being looking for an emotional saviour. It never materialised, because everyone in the clubs was different shades of dysfunction.
I eventually attracted an EXTREMELY dysfunctional man (masked as an 'emotional saviour' for the first 8 weeks), and similar ‘friends’ in the meantime. I can’t believe that I was considering going back to that!!
Alcohol is a crutch, and an easy ‘go to’ for the people that are running away from their insecurities.
In my last workplace, my ex workmates told me I was a boring, weird, prude for not socially drinking (they weren't joking, and are all older than me) ... so this was one of the reasons why I felt like I should try to reintegrate myself into 'socialising', and that I was somehow being 'overcautious'.
However, I’m glad that I didn’t fall down the rabbit hole/took complete responsibility for myself, and I’m really grateful for the clarity that I have , and that your feedback has kindly helped to reinforce.

Volunteering is the one thing in my life that I can look at and feel positive about. It’s lovely going to a non judgmental place every week, and supporting people that genuinely need it, rather than the toxic people that realistically didn’t need the kind of support that I co-dependently provided. They took massive advantage of me, and then disappeared when the gravy train dried up.
That is in my past and I don’t want to dwell on it, but I mention it as I am grateful that the comparison to my past (substance abuse) and my present (volunteering for 3 charities), really homes in the good feelings that supporting those in need brings to me. Volunteering helps me to feel uplifted and needed in a healthy way, and brings some meaning to my life.

In regards to my ex-mentor, it did cause slight upset to read what you had written, as I’d started to erase memory of her from my mind.
I’m focused on moving onward and upward, but I’ll address the points raised in your last message about her conduct.
I imagine that I wasn’t the ideal case study of investing in a 15 year mentorship, which I imagine was one of the reasons for her actions (she runs a highly successful, well known personal development community for INFJs) - so someone in my situation isn’t a good reflection of her work.
Perhaps it is frustrating for someone to be at the same stage in their life decades on, with no change as to where they were at the start of the mentorship etc. She is also not under any obligation to help me.
The situation is what it is, it isn’t my business to try to change people. The situation was hurtful enough, so not knowing the real reason she departed is probably for the best. As you said, you can drive yourself crazy trying to understanding people's actions.
All I can do is learn lessons, and respect and be kind to myself.
Success means different things to different people. I’d rather look at what I do have, rather than what I don’t have, and stop trying to process what other people might be ashamed of as a reflection of them.
I’m proud of being sober, and committed to being my highest and best self. The lesson I've learnt is to not over rely on anyone else again, and everyone has their saturation point. I myself have suffered the healer's disease you mentioned in the past, so I guess I can understand in a way.
Also, I think you previously said that I come across to some people as unintentionally emotionally needy.
So, I no longer talk about my problems to to anyone, unless we are co-running a mental health suppprt group for others, and our past experiences are relevant to refer to (which I did recently with a co-volunteer). I shall speak of any issues in my life with a paid counsellor in the future, and understand people have their own problems to deal with. I certainly don’t mean to sound dismissive of the kind support that you give me here with that comment, I’m just saying that I’ve learnt my lessons.

I guess the above is the reason why I don’t want to/don’t feel comfortable “taking the lead” with forming new friendships. I don’t want to unintentionally scare people off, since I didn't know that I came across as needy and overbearing until recently.
I go to hobby groups and always know within myself that the most it will materialise is topline chat about a shared interest.
I set the criteria in my head that if somebody is that interested in getting to know me, then they can make the effort to ‘pursue’ spending time with me.
I spent the past 20 years over giving, and desperately pursuing friendships with people that were just interested in what they can get out of me.
And I need to learn from my past.
I’m not saying that others initiating friendship means that I won’t experience toxic dynamics, but I do feel that it’s my turn to ‘receive’ (through mutually respectful friendships). If it doesn’t ever materialise, it doesn’t materialise. If it takes a lifetime to attract decent types, then so be it.
I prefer to spend solo time meditating and nurturing myself, vs surrounding myself with disingenuous toxic types.
So, I acknowledge your advice around friendships, but I feel that I have more work to do on my subconscious via meditation, before I attract emotionally healthy, kind respectful personalities such as yourself, in a real life friendships.

I also seem to have a consistent pattern of people/ colleagues/‘friends’ appearing to be very friendly, and then abruptly cut me off out of the blue, sometimes even days later volunteering their unrequested support ( when I hadn't initiated or demanded anything from them at any stage).
I understand it’s mostly my negative subconscious messages that attract these incidents, so all I can do is meditate and trust in a better future.
I’ve become used to spending time on my own for years now, and the above happens nearly fortnightly ... so I’m no worse off when they disappear.
Volunteering reminds me that kind, consistent and normal people definitely exist, BUT I’m there to volunteer not to make friends ... so it’s best to leave things as they are, and not “push” for more right now in any area of my life.

In regards to a romantic partner, my fear + anxiety around rejection, given its high incidence in my life is far too big to delve into dating.
Men don’t approach me and never really have, nor do I meet any given my lifestyle + other reasons ... so don’t worry about any misunderstandings about intentions 😂.

Your reminder of men that are looking for substitute mothers to over rely on/punish for their upbringing brought back bad memories, since that is the only 'acquaintance' that I’ve had in my life. I’m not keen on using the word ‘relationship’ as a descriptor, as the poor behaviours I experienced were don’t warrant that title.
Again I’ve learnt my lesson, and I won’t be entertaining needy and/or manipulative types again. I don't have the emotional energy left, even if I tried to engage myself in something like that.
My hobbies are crafting, flower arranging etc, which are all female dominated also! I spend the rest of the time in professional and volunteering spaces, or alone mediating or resting.
So thank you for your advice around this, but I can assure you that those sorts of people will not enter my life, given my hypervigilance around toxic personalities etc.

You’ve given me a lot of food for thought, and I think the main thing I realised is that there is no hurry to bring about or force change.
Of course, I do feel lonely and depressed at times, but in all honestly, space and solitude is cathartic.
Meditation, volunteering, having the flexibility to work my own hours is where I need to be right now, and who knows what the future holds ...😃
Actually, I have one last question around this. I stopped the meditation we discussed previously.
I wasn't seeing any change in my life, and was investing 2-6 hours a day on it, going nowhere fast for 2 years. I've found a new one, that is 40 minutes a day, and it feels more productive than the last one.
Do you feel it will bring change in my life, or is just useful for relaxation and nothing else?

I feel meditation will put me on the right path for continued healing, and perhaps hobby groups will help me to eventually make connections that are more than fleeting, and help me to eventually become less daunted at the thought of being in regular contact with someone (friends or more).

Anyway as always, your words have help me to feel uplifted and have helped to raise my energy/vibration. Thank you so much, and also thank you for contributing to the positive changes in my life. For example, my finding the confidence to volunteer certainly has had a positive effect on my life.

I’ll keep you updated on my progress, and I trust thing will continue to improve.

Thank you from all of the members on this site, for the support and energy is invested in running the website and supporting it's members.
We are all very appreciative :smt048

Namaste

V :smt003

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Mar 10, 2019 4:43 am

Vogue, :)

The positive and encouraging news just keeps coming. :smt041

Thanking you sincerely for your honest and very comprehensive feedback.

I am in no way offended by you choosing to consult a paid counselor in the future, as the free service which I provide on MB is not ego driven.

We have always tried to make it perfectly clear to all members that a reading is never meant to replace professional help and advice.

The main purpose of my readings is to point you in what I feel is the best direction for you to take, but it is always your conscious decision as to whether you will accept that advice.

Up to 6 hours of meditation each day sounds like an extreme form of mental torture to me.

40 minutes maximum per day of meditation with the simple intention to relax, sounds much more reasonable and sustainable.

Once your body is relaxed and you are no longer attached to your thoughts, your subconscious mind has all the resources which it needs to bring about the emotional healing which you are looking for.

Once you are relaxed and clearer, the emotional healing and all the other many benefits of meditation will happen naturally and automatically.

Trust in the process, instead of always trying to control it.

NEVER USE FORCE.

Up to 6 hours of meditation day after day is like using a 20 Kg sledge hammer, instead of you applying a gentle nudge in the desired direction.

L&L,

Brian :smt031

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Sun Mar 10, 2019 2:11 pm

Hello Brian

Thank you so much for your response, and feedback.

I think there was a slight misunderstanding between us though.
I wasn’t suggesting that I wasn’t open to your feedback at any stage. I was just saying that I’ve learnt the lesson from the feedback you gave in me last year, that my emotional neediness drove people away, and that is one of the reason I’m alone.

I don’t want to te experience that, so I was just saying that I won’t ever talk about any problems in my life, if I ever made friends again. I wasn’t referencing this exchange. I was saying that it was the exception, as you have kindly made me feel welcome to openly discuss my challenges and collaborate on solutions :)

So, if you do have any opinions, comments or feedback on the remainder of what I wrote, it would be most welcome.

I am grateful for your wisdom, and I’d be very grateful.

Thanks so much

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Sun Mar 10, 2019 2:14 pm

Thank you for the feedback about meditation also.
It is another one that reprograms the subconscious.
So I was going it would transform outcomes in my life, to make making money, friends etc manifest.

That is what it claims to bring about. It is relaxing though, so even if it doesn’t work - I have that (as you pointed out). :smt048

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Sun Mar 10, 2019 2:56 pm

In all honesty also, I’d mentioned the “paid counsellor” to respect your boundaries.
I don’t intend to drive people away, or overwhelm them with my problems, and I am very grateful for your continued support. So I wanted to make it clear that i understand that I should go to a paid counsellor, if it was the case that I’d caused overhwlhem with my write up or seemed needy
I’d planned on also saying this to a anyone else that I might meet in the future, that I have a rapport with, to have a better chance of sustaining a connection.

I also was curious about your mention of bei judged by friends and family of others. What brought about this intuitive feeling?

Many thanks for your advice

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Mar 10, 2019 11:02 pm

Vogue,

I think that most of the misunderstanding is on your side, so I am hesitant to make any further comments at this stage about your feedback, in case I unintentionally make our communication problem even worse.

What brings about any intuitive feeling?

You are asking me to analyze something which has nothing at all to do with the logical and analytical part of my brain.

Few psychics and intuitive have any understanding of why they know what they know, when they know it.

Regards,

Brian :smt023

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 12:31 am

Hmm. I am a little confused. But I’m grateful for all that you have contributed to date , so will just use this message to reiterate my gratitude.
If you are interested, I’ll post periodically to update on my progress.

Many thanks and best wishes.

V
:)

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 12:32 am

And understood regarding your intutive feeling. I understand :smt006

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:24 am

If you are interested, I’ll post periodically to update on my progress.
I am definitely interested in receiving periodic updates of your progress (in this thread).

Love, Light and Healing,

Brian :smt024

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 10:16 am

Thanks. And thanks so much for all your advice to date.

It wasn’t my intention to cause overwhelm with my extremely lengthy post earlier, my mind just ran away with it, and was very self absorbed.
I’m in a more grounded and self supportung space now. And guess what helped - meditation!.

I’m looking forward to the future.

Hope all is well on your end, and you are continuing to enjoy your return to Mystic Board.

All the best

V :smt006

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Re: Reading request for Eye of Tiger

Post by Vogue123 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:41 pm

Hello Brian

Not my intention to spam, but I really just wanted to let know the following.

I’ve woken up today literally a new person!! I’ve somehow magically woken up for the first time in over 15 years (if not a lifetime), bright and full of energy.

I’m not sure if this because I spilled my past out through my messages above this weekend, and manage to FINALLY move on.

I’m sure that your energy / involvement in the situation also helped me to get me where I am. My intuition makes me feel as though that is the case.

So again, thank you. It is always important to express gratitude.
It like there are literally only positive thoughts in my head, which is a complete transformation. Thank you, thank you 🙏
I’m sure I’ll be posting more positive outcomes in 4-6 months.

Namaste :smt040

V :smt049

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