Reading request for eye of tiger ?

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mysti1983
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Reading request for eye of tiger ?

Post by mysti1983 » Sat Jan 11, 2020 5:31 pm

Hello Brian :smt006

Hope you are well.

If I may, I would love love a reading ?

I recently made a friend. I have chronic mental and physical health issues, which for complicated reasons has resulted in my finding it hard to make lasting friendships, or connections of any sort over a lifetime. To say I’m a loner is an understatement.

I thought this recent friendship was unique ... since we have the same issues, and seemed to have similar personalities.

The best I’ve been able to achieve is 6 months friendship with anyone , and then I’m cut off out of the blue (... after 50:50 contribution with communication in the apparent ‘friendship’).

I’ve been told that it is because I overwhelm people with too many problems etc , even though I feel I’m happy to co support similarly, and am a generous and considerate person.
I ask if my recent friendship has come to an abrupt end (or if this is my paranoia - given rejection from x50+ people in the past) ... and if so - what I can do to break the pattern of rejection/ abandonment?

Thanks muchly

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eye_of_tiger
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Re: Reading request for eye of tiger ?

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:16 am

mysti1983 wrote:
Sat Jan 11, 2020 5:31 pm
Hello Brian :smt006

Hope you are well.

If I may, I would love love a reading ?

I recently made a friend. I have chronic mental and physical health issues, which for complicated reasons has resulted in my finding it hard to make lasting friendships, or connections of any sort over a lifetime. To say I’m a loner is an understatement.

I thought this recent friendship was unique ... since we have the same issues, and seemed to have similar personalities.

The best I’ve been able to achieve is 6 months friendship with anyone , and then I’m cut off out of the blue (... after 50:50 contribution with communication in the apparent ‘friendship’).

I’ve been told that it is because I overwhelm people with too many problems etc , even though I feel I’m happy to co support similarly, and am a generous and considerate person.
I ask if my recent friendship has come to an abrupt end (or if this is my paranoia - given rejection from x50+ people in the past) ... and if so - what I can do to break the pattern of rejection/ abandonment?

Thanks muchly
Hi Mysti,

Having had chronic health issues, depression and anxiety myself over many years, I feel that I have a better understanding than most people do of how challenging it can be to make and keep new friends. Finding the proper balance between being honest that you are having a difficult time of it and risking being labelled as a chronic complainer or hypochondriac can potentially add to your existing problems in living your life to its fullest potential, in spite of your illness.

Yes it could well be that after you having repeatedly experienced rejection and/or abandonment in previous "friendships" that you are now almost expecting it to happen. And that you are therefore unknowingly sabotaging the friendship, as you do not understandably want to suffer the pain of rejection again. Basically you could be unconsciously bailing out of the friendship, before the other person gets the opportunity to reject you.Your words could be telling your friend that you want to remain friends with them, but your behaviour and body language could be telling them that you want to end it now.

If this is true, then you cannot hold yourself as being responsible for doing something unconsciously, which by definition you are neither conscious nor aware of doing. Also none of this behaviour is in any way abnormal for human being. We often build walls around our hearts, supposedly to protect us from ever being hurt again. The only big problem with building walls as a means of protection, is that they can very easily become our mental prison cell.

As for whether the latest friendship is over, to know that I would have to read your friend's mind. Even if I could do that (which I cannot), so called third party readings (a reading about a person other than the member who requested it) are seen by me as an invasion of of the person's right to the privacy of their own thoughts. This is also the main reason (among other legal ones) why third party readings are not allowed on Mystic Board.

But do not worry. Even though I cannot read your friend directly, I can offer you a first party reading about your own chances of saving the friendship from going the same way as many have done before this. Since this reading is ONLY about you, any suggestion of it being third party is instantly removed.

The Tarot card which I drew on your behalf, to help answer your question, was the King Of Cups.

In general the Cups cards in the Tarot deck tell us something important about our relationships, particularly of the romantic kind. But of course it also includes friendships. Specifically, the King of Cups represent the recommended use of kindness, compassion and wisdom in your relationships with others. You failed to mention in your request whether this person is the same gender as yourself. I wonder if the problem is that you have not come to an agreement with them whether you are to simply remain good friends, or whether you want them to be more than a friend to you.

The King Of Cups is encouraging you to use kindness, compassion and wisdom towards your potential friend, but it is difficult to do this if your are not able or willing to first use kindness, compassion and wisdom towards yourself. I feel that you do not like yourself very much, so you find offering kindness and compassion to yourself, exceedingly difficult. Am I right in believing that your dislike of yourself sometimes borders on hating and loathing yourself, and you often feeling guilty for something for which you were not responsible, or which was not under your control? Join the club!

You actually have very little control over whether this person wants your friendship to end, but you have much more control over deciding what you tell yourself that them wanting the friendship to end means to and about you. If you tell yourself every time it happens that you were completely responsible for the friendship coming to an end, no wonder you are beating up on yourself for being imperfectly human.

Your input into the friendships was you mentioned 50 - 50. So the responsibility for your friendship ending must also be shared between the both of you (not necessarily 50 - 50).

Which means that even if you did everything right, and your words and actions were in complete harmony with each other (unlikely when you are human), the friendship could still fail because of his or her issues, and not yours. Understood?
what I can do to break the pattern of rejection/ abandonment?
There are a variety of ways which you could try to break this repeating pattern of rejection and/or abandonment (as they are not the same thing). If a person sees you as rejecting them, they do not judge themselves as abandoning you. Understood? There are too many ways to approach this problem, to be able to fit them into this whole forum. Let alone fitting them into to one or more postings.

Your reading makes me feel that the best and quickest way for you to make new friends and keep them in future (with minimal chances of you feeling rejected or abandoned), is to begin by learning to become your own best friend.

Give as much kindness, compassion or wisdom to yourself (as you are doing the best you can with what you have), as you give them. Not only will this increase the chances of you keeping your friendship, but this will attract a much more positive type of person who wants to become your friend from now on.

Maybe the problem was that in the past the people you have been trying to make your friends, do not like themselves either. Two negatives often do not make a positive?

Whereas two positives almost always make a united or joined positive.

People who do not like themselves often (but not always) seem to be attracted to other people who do not like themselves. Not a good recipe for a positive and healthy long term relationship.

Learn to like/love/value and respect yourself more, and what type of person would you expect to attract instead of someone who does not like themselves, as your next friend?

Does all this make sense to you, and help you to know where to begin taking down the walls around your heart, one brick at a time?

Love, Light and Healing,

Brian :smt023

mysti1983
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Re: Reading request for eye of tiger ?

Post by mysti1983 » Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:58 am

Thank you so much for your reading Brian, and also your honesty and candid advice.

I'm also sorry to hear about your own health issues, I send you healing (and completely understand as you know).
I would have never guessed, since you give such sound and wise advice to those seeking a positive path.

The friend is female, to answer your question.Romance doesn't factor, as we are both straight.
In all honesty, it is (or was, depending on what unfolds in the future) the only connection I'd ever had that felt mutually kind, honest, respectful and supportive.
I shared my insecurities with her, and my long history of rejection, and that she was my only friend (she said the same) ... so I'd be surprised if she thinks I don't wish to continue a friendship with her after a year of the above.
I comp'd a meal and a belated xmas gift when I last saw her, to reciprocate her kindness, so I feel I have done all I can do retain the friendship. I potentially talked too much about my issues at the last meeting, but assumed she knew I was there to talk if she needed similar.

In regards to people from my past, in all honesty you are right about self loathing. I've experienced a lot of loss, rejection and abandonment in a number of areas in my life, for most of my adulthood. This has stripped my confidence, health, you name it - down to near to nothing. It is hard to feel good about myself when I've pushed hard to claw out and make a success of my life, to kind of feel like i've gone backwards vs forwards - despite working hard on my issues. I've met people that have had the same early life challenges I've had that are now wildly successful in their lives (financially, marriages etc) - so it feels embarrassing to be in the way you have described.
Most of the people from my past were very self confident and proud of who they were and their attractiveness etc etc, and made consistent comments about my being comparably less than (unprovoked).
They mostly had a low opinion of me (given their comments and treatment towards me), and took advantage of my empathy and generosity. The past is in the the past though. I have occasional bad flashbacks to these 50 plus incidents, but I don't indulge them or the past and just focus on the present.
I was grateful for the new friend, as she didn't behave like them and had exactly the same issues I have - so I thought we would have a better chance of having a long lasting friendship and continued meaningful connection. As you said, I have no control over it and what will be, will be.

in all honesty - I don't really know what self love is. I've tried to practice it since over indulging ex 'friends' to avoid rejection. They walked anyway.
I treated myself as I'd like to be treated and as best I could afford on a limited budget these past 3 years - time spent in nature, taking myself for meals, listening to inspiring motivational talks, meditation, joining hobby groups that were setup for similar personality types etc.
I try as best I can, but my worsening mental, physical health and long term financial issues have made it hard. As well as the loneliness.
If you have any tips for a different prescription for self love, I'd appreciate it.

Thx so much :smt026

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Re: Reading request for eye of tiger ?

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Jan 12, 2020 11:21 pm

in all honesty - I don't really know what self love is. I've tried to practice it since over indulging ex 'friends' to avoid rejection. They walked anyway.
I treated myself as I'd like to be treated and as best I could afford on a limited budget these past 3 years - time spent in nature, taking myself for meals, listening to inspiring motivational talks, meditation, joining hobby groups that were setup for similar personality types etc.
I try as best I can, but my worsening mental, physical health and long term financial issues have made it hard. As well as the loneliness.
If you have any tips for a different prescription for self love, I'd appreciate it.
You are very welcome for the reading and advice.

Thanking you in return for your equally honest, balanced and very comprehensive feedback.

Trying your best with what you have and treating yourself as you would like to be treated, is exactly what self love is all about. I do not have a better prescription for you practicing self love than what you are doing or have already done, particularly of such a practical nature.

The definition of self love is to value and respect ourselves, including all our human weaknesses and personal failures. The shadow self is that part of us which we hope other people will never find out about. We all have our secrets and regrets. If we reject our shadow self, we are at the same time rejecting an important part of ourselves and thereby denying ourselves of the healing which could come about through being honest that it exists, and integrating it into the rest of your personality.

Self love is not a destination. Instead it is journey. Just as unconditional love is an ideal we can work towards, but which will probably never exist at this physical level.

Nobody said that this would not be hard. Indeed developing a greater degree of self love is regarded as a first step towards any form of spiritual development.

This does not mean that we can completely avoid all the negativity and to be honest cruel way in which some human beings lie, steal and cheat even members of their own families (especially other family members), but focusing exclusively upon the negative aspects of human behaviour will only through the law of attraction attract more of the shame into your life. Something which the both of us really cannot afford to do.

I do not know if my advice would qualify as wisdom, but your comment about being surprised that someone like myself could suffer with chronic health issues is the very reason why I do not want to be placed up on a pedestal as someone who has all the answers, or who has special abilities that other MB members lack. Do not get the wrong impression. You did not offend me in any way. I can understand why you would think that, as it is a common error.

Actually I have come to with the luxury of hindsight my chronic health issues as a plus, instead of only as a negative. I feel that if it was not for my illness, I would not have been given the opportunity to help good people like yourself, from all over the internet. The illness has taught me to have greater humility and compassion for others who are doing it tough, and may not have all the advantages in life which I have had. I told you about it not to get your sympathy (always a put down), or to make you feel guilty for asking me for a reading. I told you because it gives us something in common, which I hoped would allow you to relax in the knowledge that I am also imperfectly human, so that we can work together more as equals, instead of me always being the teacher, and you always being my student. I am learning new things every day from those members whom I interact with on MB.

While I feel great compassion for you and am genuinely sorry that life and other people have not treated you well in the past, perhaps your own physical and mental challenges could alternatively be viewed as a major opportunity or excuse for you to learn to love yourself more. They say that illness of any kind can serve as a circuit breaker, effectively giving the patient permission to take better care of him or herself without having to constantly explain why this is necessary. Opportunities which you would not have been given, if you had been working full time, and had had your health.

Not that it is easy to view your illnesses in this very different light,when you are experiencing physical, mental and emotional pain on a daily basis.

Finally, please never start believing that nobody likes you enough to want to be your friend. By all means listen to what your heart is telling you, in order to protect yourself from people who would intentionally harm you. That is not being paranoiac. It is being understandably cautious not to always wear your heart upon your sleeve, or make yourself unnecessarily vulnerable to people who can not always be trusted to do the right thing towards you.

But there is NO prescription which I can offer you which can or could always 100% protect you from the often negative consequences of unpredictable and illogical human behaviour.

Whether it is their behaviour, or your own.

Love, Light and Healing,

Brian :smt109

mysti1983
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Re: Reading request for eye of tiger ?

Post by mysti1983 » Tue Jan 14, 2020 12:05 pm

Hello Brian

Thank you for your most recent message.
Much appreciated.

I will do my very best to implement your kind advice , and have sought out counselling sessions in my local area - to help work on my unconscious mind.

If I may ask one last question (but honestly - please don’t worry if this is one too many).
I know you can’t do 3rd party readings - but I was just wondering if you got a feeling that I drive away decent people like the recent friend/potentially ex friend by overwhelming people with recounting my past negative experiences and problems?

I ask, as I have received this feedback from people that were kind/mutually supportive for 6-12 mths, that then randomly turned hateful and abusive a year + on.

I heard from others, that the reason was because I’m “overload” people/ am too self involved in my (apparently superfluous) issues etc.

That wasn’t my intention, I’m always happy to mutually support, but if I hear at this stage that this still applies, I can try to work on it to hopefully have a better chance of retaining friends in the future.

My recent friend and I had near identical mental and physical health issues, so I assumed that we were on a par with mutual support - but I suspect I misjudged it, given my history around this.
Again, pls don’t worry if this is one message too many to address. I COMPLETELY understand, if so.

Thanks so much again, for your time invested so far. Very, very appreciated.

All the best

M

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Re: Reading request for eye of tiger ?

Post by eye_of_tiger » Tue Jan 14, 2020 11:42 pm

If I may ask one last question (but honestly - please don’t worry if this is one too many).
I know you can’t do 3rd party readings - but I was just wondering if you got a feeling that I drive away decent people like the recent friend/potentially ex friend by overwhelming people with recounting my past negative experiences and problems?
As I said before, a reading which is only about you is first, and therefore not third party.

I strongly disagree that the many physical, mental and emotional issues with which you are having to deal with are superfluous (or superficial, and therefore not deserving of you spending any more of your time and energy on them).

But isn't whether your issues are to be regarded as superfluous or overwhelming RELATIVE, when compared to what issues the other person is having to deal with at the same time, as well as their ability to cope with hearing about your issues day after day?

People who are currently seriously challenged by their own issues would be expected to be much more easily overwhelmed by yours.

Their threshold for feeling overwhelmed would be more quickly reached.

My feeling is that this could go a long way towards explaining why you received kind and mutual support from them for on average a period of 6 to 12 months, then randomly turned hateful and abusive a year + on.

I am suggesting by this that over the first 6 - 12 months, that their ability to deal with both their own issues plus having to deal with hearing about your issues are both significantly compromised as time moves on. Once they have reached the threshold of their ability to continue to emotionally adapt to their issues and yours, anger and desperation soon sets in.

So they turn their anger outwards onto you, and/or turn it inwards upon themselves (depression).

All that negative energy must go somewhere.

When they get angry with you, especially when you appear to be coping better, they see your issues as being superfluous (+ relatively insignificant) when compared to their own.

Indeed they could be feeling jealous about how well that you have dealt with your issues, which would in turn make them feel diminished, adding to their feelings of hostility towards you.

When they feel angry, jealous and diminished/inferior, it is perfectly natural that they would no longer want to be around you.

Your reading has already told us that you are very likely unconsciously attracting people who already have serious physical, mental, emotional (and possibly spiritual) issues of their own to deal with.

And it has been suggested in your reading what you could practically do to reduce attracting people like this from now on.

Plus it emphasizes that you are not a bad person for having these unconscious behaviours, and that your issues ARE significant.

My final advice (for this particular reading) would be to sometimes talk with them about subjects totally unrelated to your issues and theirs, in an attempt to delay or even better prevent them from reaching their critical coping threshold, and in turn giving your friendship a much better chance of surviving over the longer term, well beyond the first 12 months.

Take good care of yourself,

Brian :smt032

mysti1983
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Re: Reading request for eye of tiger ?

Post by mysti1983 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 11:31 pm

Thank you so much Brian.

If I may, I’m wondering if can seek your advice on one last aspect?
I’m considering sending the friend/ex friend a message saying that I apologise if I seemed self involved when we last met, and the door is open if she ever needs any support, with thanks for the kindness she has shown me, but also ending the message respecting the fact she might ignore the message.

I feel that this rectifies things, if i have unintentionally engaged in a self absorbed way, but is also thankful to her and the universe (as it is always important to express gratitude) - for the support and kindness she unwaveringly showed me, until she seemingly ghosted me after our last meeting. She was my only friend and only person that has treated me with respect in my life. Your recent reading helped me to understand how I come across to people - I had no idea, and this is what has prompted me to consider sending the message.
I’d have just left it otherwise, and just accepted that it was ‘same old’ with the usual pattern of people ghosting me.

Please don’t worry if I’m asking too much, or equivalent.
I don’t have any further questions after this, and am very grateful for all that you have so kindly delivered so far.

Many thanks

M

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Re: Reading request for eye of tiger ?

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Jan 19, 2020 12:49 am

My final advice (for this particular reading).................
My FINAL advice about this subject, means exactly that.

No bad feelings from me about this.

The same rules apply to everyone.

Thank you for being so polite and understanding.

Regards,

Brian :smt041

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