I need a reading please on a love interest

[Draco32]

My name is Alvaro, I'm a male, and I'm 32 years old. In late January of this year, I had an intimate experience with a man who is three years younger than me. I was very attracted to him. He resides in another state, and he left to his state a few days after he and I were together. I haven't seen him since then. Yet, I have thought about him every day. I have a lot of unanswered questions about him in my mind, and that has made me restless. I would like to see him again. I feel that I will gain peace of mind by seeing him again. However, I have no idea how he feels toward me. I don't know if he thinks about me. I don't know if he wants to contact me and/or wants to see me again. And I don't know if/when he will return to my state. I would like to know if I will see him or hear from him again. And if so, will that take place any time soon?

[eye_of_tiger]

Hi Draco,  :smt017

There is a very big difference in my own mind between sharing a single(?) intimate experience and in always necessarily having a long term relationship or genuine feelings for another person. You did not mention how long before you had this experience that you had known this man. I am unfortunately unable to read him directly as this could be regarded as an invasion of his privacy but my feelings are that he will not contact you again, although I feel that he is probably now as confused about his sexuality as you appear to be.

In other words I believe that this was very likely to be a one off experience at least for yourself and this other man, but this does not mean that I do not feel that you genuinely loved him at the time (and still love and think about him with wonderful memories of the time you had together). I am not judging this as being anything other than a beautiful experience and physical expression of love between two consenting adults.

I do not know if either of you are homosexual, but I have read somewhere that a homosexual experience is a normal part of many heterosexual men's development which generally does not last very long and then quickly again disappears for the remaining part of the man's life. I feel a particularly deep sense of inner conflict at least within yourself as to exactly what this lone intimate experience with another man could possibly mean to you and other family members who might be affected by this, while at the same your deep affection grows for him with every passing day.

You may also be feeling a considerable degree of guilt, most of which is not necessary but perfectly human, depending primarily upon your early religious upbringing. Do you believe that you have either failed God, the rest of your family or perhaps yourself for having and expressing genuine feelings of love for a person of the same gender as yourself? The answer is for your eyes only.

I am sorry to have to be honest with you if I tell you that your intimate experience with that man specifically is now well and truly over, but that still leaves many questions you probably have about your own sexuality/possible homosexuality largely unresolved. While I do not wish to impose my own religious and/or spiritual beliefs upon you, I feel that you have quite enough to deal with with your confused feelings to also have to worry that any reasonable God would punish you for being the wonderful person he undoubtedly created you as.

I also apologise that I cannot currently help you with answering some of these highly personal questions, but could I respectfully suggest that you might try contacting a qualified professional in the area of human sexuality in order to assist you in better understanding and dealing with your feelings towards other men. This is not a disease or mental illness to be treated or cured, but it is simply a different part of the very wide spectrum of what is after all entirely normal sexual behaviour from many of us.

Love, Light and Peace be with you now and forever!

eye_of_tiger

[Draco32]

Hi eye_of_tiger,
I identify as homosexual, but I have struggled with self-acceptance issues in the past. I still sometimes view my sexual orientation as a hindrance.

Anyway, it's disappointing to think that he won't contact me again. I had hoped that he would want to contact me. I guess that that was just wishful thinking on my part. However, this is the first time that something like this has happened, where I've had an intimate experience with someone and that person has remained on my mind long after it was over. For some reason, I thought that there might be some kind of "connection" between him and I that would explain why he has remained on my mind for so long.

Thanks a lot for the reading.  :)

[eye_of_tiger]

You are always very welcome, and thank you for your feedback. I realise that you must feel terribly disappointed to hear that you are unlikely to hear from him again, although we can never rule out the possibility completely. Perhaps the fond memories of him are coming to the surface when you dream because it is now time that you examined your problems in accepting yourself and especially your sexuality, in order to move on with the rest of your life with much greater self confidence.

We could all use some of that (more self confidence)!

Rather than torturing yourself with the distinct possibility that you may not see this individual again, use this experience instead as a way to possibly motivate yourself to learn to accept yourself more fully from now on, including your sexual preferences.

I cannot even begin to know how you feel as you struggle with your self identity problems, but can I please add here that you are far from being the only person who is having such difficulties in finding and accepting him or herself, whatever our personal preferences may be? You are the only person judging yourself perhaps rather too harshly here and in an overly negative manner, as you are amongst friends on these message boards.

While I wish to encourage you to remain positive that even if this particular man does not reappear that there will very likely be others in the future, I do not at the same time wish to offer you false hope, and then see you become even more dispirited when what I predicted does not happen. It is important to me when giving readings to be entirely honest about the messages I am getting, even though it might not be the answer you were expecting or hoping for. That is just me!

Namaste,

eye_of_tiger

[April30]

My spirit guides said yes you will see him again and yes it will be in the near future.

[Draco32]

Wow...thank you very much for that, April30. It made my day.