What does my near future hold?

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What does my near future hold?

Post by Crow » Sat Oct 23, 2010 8:26 am

I've never had a psychic reading so I am a bit nervous. I had my charts done and things along this order but I am requesting a reading if you have time.

There has been changes since I started therapy and I am about to leave a 8 year relationship.

The depression was getting so bad that I was shutting down from responsibilities. And I know that I am at fault here, I allowed it to get to me. I was becoming detatched from all that I love, as my therapist puts it.

She is supporting me in my choice to leave. She knows the details. And adds that they will be there to help me when I do go. They have given me a caseworker, here they have those through an organization for people who have mental conditions. They are your advocate to help you get what you need to remain healthy.

I will be placed on a list that helps people with rent. I just got a cell phone. I have found the daycare. I have called and have an appointment with an organization that places people with mental conditions back to work. I am so excited about that! I know things are going to change. Need to change.

I admit I haven't been the best of people.  I have many flaws. One of them is to quit on things. I had given up years ago. The depression was severe. I let myself go. I stopped caring about my surroundings. But now that I have surrounded myself with a few strong women, I am starting to embrace wanting a healthy life for me and my children.

With the therapy I have noted that there were many things in my life that needed to be addressed. My relationship was one of them.  I still love him deeply. And I have never gotten this far when I say that I was going to leave.

I will admit. I was a poor role model of a mom. I wallowed in self pity. I didn't do everything that I could have for them. I have placed the relationships with men above the needs of the kids. That is a hard pill to swallow.

I'm taking those steps to put them first. I am terrified that I cannot do this alone.

I kept on looking outward instead of inward for the problems.

Therapy was my wake up call.

My questions are what do you see in my near future?

Thanks in advance.

Safe Journey




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You only temporarily quitted, or gave up on yourself, or you would not be here now

Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:06 am

Welcome friend,  :smt006

My readings are not mainly focused upon predicting what your most likely future over the next six months or so is, although I do understand that you would be comforted to have some clues what that future might look like.

I am much more interested and involved in helping other valued members and friends such as your very good self to learn to better understand what makes them tick, and by so doing help them to create a better and brighter future for themselves, as well as for their loved ones.

Your only true point of personal power to influence your future for the better lies in the present moment, primarily through what series of conscious decisions that you make now.

The first major decision on your list which needs to be made ASAP, if you are going to offer yourself the maximum chance of making some real forward progress towards surviving this traumatic experience is decide here and now to stop beating up on yourself for either having given up at some time in the past (if you really had given up you would not be here now to ask for my help through a reading), or for having such common human failings as you have just described.

I have myself suffered the self confidence and soul destroying effects of chronic anxiety and depression for most of my nearly 58 years on this Earth, and have gone through at least one nervous breakdown. I have also been to many of the same dark places which you have visited, and for a time did consider ending it all although I never got to the point of actually following through with my plans to do so.

Now I could write pages about why I feel that you are being incredibly unfair on yourself for feeling you are not doing the best you are able to with whatever resources you have already been given, but I feel that I might unintentionally offend you and that I would only be speaking to your logical mind.

But when we are depressed it is the emotional side of our minds which are almost always in control, and therefore me attempting to disagree or reason with the logical side of your mind will most likely be worse thn useless.

So instead of asking my inner guidance to predict your future, as this is to a large extent in your own hands to create, I asked it to give me the best possible ways to comfort and assure the emotional side of your mind that you are going in the right direction for you with regards to your recovery from this long dark night of your soul, and you eventually having the deep and long lasting type of love you I feel so richly deserve to have.

But at the same time I did not wish to offend or put your logical mind on the defensive by unknowingly suggesting that this has been easy for you, or that there are no further challenges ahead still waiting for you in the way of escaping this valley of darkness.

And what my inner guidance appears to be saying to you through his reading is to up to a certain point, feeling depressed is a perfectly logical and useful response during periods of extreme stress. Depression has been getting some bad press lately as if it is always abnormal or pathological for human beings to feel this way, when the reality is that it is a vital but often overused tool in every individual's survival toolbox.

It is believed that it goes right back to the days when humans lived in caves, and their biggest worries revolved around being either eaten alive by the next passing predator, or not having enough food to feed themselves and their families. As well as keeping themselves sheltered and protected from the weather through the long harsh winters.

Because both parents were the only thing between all these dangers and their children to protect and preserve the next generation, it as often to their advantage to put everyone's minds into a state similar to hibernation seen in other animals. So in these more modern times, depression is seen almost as the equivalent of a state of mental hibernation here thinking and worrying too much would only be counter-productive and also indirectly put everyone in greater danger.

So what your therapist or doctor is trying to do is not to change you into some type of cold, purely logical machine which does not have feelings or ever have any negative doubts or dark thoughts as all human beings do at some time, if only they are willing to admit it. They would be attempting by this to make you into something which is definitely not human.

While up to a certain point some slowing down of our minds and bodies can have the potential to maximise our chances of survival, when the levels of stress go well beyond our abilities to cope, then that is when depression can quickly become too deep seated and chronic for it to be thought of as a positive survival tool.

Psychologists clearly discern between positive, healthy stress or EUSTRESS, as some degree of stress in life makes us perform at increasingly higher levels to improve ourselves, and the destructive, negative form which is appropriately called DISTRESS.      

During the period of time commonly thought to be covered by the type of reading given here which is approximately the next six months, if I can predict anything with a reasonable and useful level of certainty based upon this one reading, I would expect that you will be given more than one opportunity to get the balance better and more manageable between what relative levels of eustress and distress you are currently under at the time.

It is not so much the event itself which determines what will eventually become either positive or negative sources of stress, but it is more associated with how we think or feel about that event. This is why two people can have the identical same event happening to them, but their responses may be completely the opposite of one another.

If you see n event as being further evidence that you have failed or that you are powerless to change your future for the better, this must seriously damage you confidence in and respect for yourself. And it must make you feel more like no longer trying and giving up prematurely.

But on the other hand if you see these challenges as valuable opportunities to grow and develop as both a human and spiritual being and to show everyone as well as equally importantly yourself that you have everything to make the grade, you eustress levels will go way up, and your distress levels will fall down like a rock. And your resulting levels of self confidence and self respect will be correspondingly much higher.

This must make you feel much more like keeping trying longer, and not giving up prematurely when you feel that it is important not to. When someone is still in the process of successfully recovering from a severe and/or chronic case of depression, EVERY SINGLE EVENT CAN BECOME IMPORTANT TO THEM IN THE WAY OF IMPROVING THE BALANCE BETWEEN THEIR LEVELS OF EUSTRESS AND DISTRESS AS A RESULT OF THAT EVENT.

Progress in this direction which might seem trivial and unimportant to someone else who has never been badly depressed can often take on great positive and above all encouraging and soul rejuvenating personal significance to people such as ourselves, who must often unwillingly but also courageously share the common burden of depression?

Love, Light and Healing,

eye_of_tiger (male)  Image

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Post by Crow » Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:42 am

Dear Eye-Of-Tiger,

Thank you so much for your reading. I have read it a couple of times and will read it some more. So much information you have shared. :)

Thank you for sharing your personal insight as well as that information from your guide. I have found in my support circle, it helps to have those who really understand the downward spiral. And we call each other to stop the trigger from happening.  58 years of wisdom you have to share with us. :)

There was no offense taken. My logic mind understands the depression to a degree. I never thought of it as a survival tool. But this would make sense why we hear children blocking out tramatic events as a child only to have them resurface as an adult. We humans have a lot of coping skills. ;)

I agree the choice needs to be made quickly. The longer I am here the more cold the house has become.

The relationship wasn't addressed in your reading, so I am not sure what your take on that is. But then my guide whispers, would it matter. ;) I am a stubborn woman.

That is why I can understand the need to change how we see problems, events, etc in our lives. I used to see them as growing pains, stairs to my destination, etc. Then I regressed into what you mentioned as Distress.

I was comforted in knowing that there will be plenty of chances to find that balance of EUSTRESS and DISTRESS during this phase of my life.

This reading has provided more hope that I am making the right choice. Why? I don't really know. Just moved me in that direction. It spoke to me.

Tomorrow I see my therapist and will get updated on what is going on reguarding my caseworker. I have to now go to the grocery store and ask them to save some boxes for me to start packing. I already have a cell phone, and all the important papers out of the house in a safe place. If it comes to being rushed, there are numbers that I have of places to go.

I have tried to leave before but I was afraid that I couldn't handle my own. The dark thoughts I had reguarding myself swallowed me.

Once I left only to return 2 days later.

Somehow I think this is going to be different.

Things are getting tense around here and I don't know if I will have a month to find a place like planned.  That is why I had asked what you had seen in my near future.

But I see now the answers you gave were more deep than any time line I sought after.  It is survivalism, and how I need to learn to cope with stress.  I would become like a deer in headlights. It would debilitate me. I couldn't move out of fear of the unknown.

If need be I can always go to a shelter, I know this. And I have the love and support from a few friends. I don't have many, but they are my family.  And then there is the love of my therapist who smiled when she heard the news. She knows the details, and has been waiting patiently for me to spread my wings.  She told me if I do leave they will be there to do what they can to make sure we are okay.

And for some reason that just made me feel so loved.

I was touched by that sentence you wrote.

I asked it to give me the best possible ways to comfort and assure the emotional side of your mind that you are going in the right direction for you with regards to your recovery from this long dark night of your soul, and you eventually having the deep and long lasting type of love you I feel so richly deserve to have.



I didn't think I was worthy to know such love. Then I found some friends who modeled for me a healthy love.  For those who read, you know of my past.  I have that love right now. In my best friends, and my children. :)

Thanks again for taking the time to read for me. If I write to much I appologize. I am really a chatter box today.

Safe Journey,

Crow
I drempt that I was one of a million pieces only to find myself whole in everything I looked at. Only to re-shatter the memory.

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You deserve nothing less than that!

Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:15 pm

Dear Crow,  Image

You wrote in your response which was BTW much appreciated by yours truly......
The relationship wasn't addressed in your reading, so I am not sure what your take on that is.
Although it is perfectly true that the most possible future of any relationship you currently have was not directly referred to in your reading, it was felt that if you could find a better balance between the relative levels of eustress and distress in other important areas of your life as a whole, that your love life would eventually also automatically pick up over time as a result.

If this is you being a chatterbox then please go right ahead with my blessing as I enjoyed it immensely, and it also greatly helped me to better be able to help you through future readings to be given on this forum.

And anyway I wrote far more than you did (as you said does it really matter, as in the end quality is always more important than quantity), so if I then accused you of doing the same (which I do not), surely I would become the world's worst hypocrite by doing so.

Some readers have a special gift of being able to predict the most likely outcome of a current series of events with an accuracy which amazes even myself, but I believe that mine lie in a completely different direction in both encouraging and inspiring people to find the hidden strengths which have always been there within them, and to reactivate their coping skills which can then be applied as they are needed with regards to many other issues other than the one they were originally asking about in the first place.

This is precisely what I think you were talking about when you typed the following sentence........
But I see now the answers you gave were more deep than any time line I sought after.
But I do at the same time feel your sense of urgency in wanting to get this move over as soon as possible, and still have enough peace of mind and money left over once you have moved to be able to fully enjoy and take maximum advantage of what you have gained through so many sacrifices on your part in the best interest of your children.

It was both a pleasure and privilege to be given the opportunity not only to meet you, but also to be allowed to share at least this small part of your personal quest towards ultimately finding love and self healing.

My statement that I feel that you so richly deserve a deep and lasting type of love of course includes the love of your own children and friends, but I was talking specifically here about you eventually having a special man in your life, to warm both your heart and bed.

No number of support group members, children or life long trusted friends can ever hope to replace the company and romantic affection of another adult who loves us deeply for being the person whom we already are, and whose heart belongs only to us.

This type of romantic and/or sexual love does not in any way devalue the others, but actually each type enriches and enhances the positive soul building and self healing effects of all the other types of love which we receive, when combined.

May your God go with you always, and may you during this current lifetime have all of these different but equally heart warming types of love in your life.

You deserve nothing less than that! IMHO

Namaste,

EoT  Image

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Post by Crow » Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:50 am

Update: Just If You Were Wondering

He is moving out tomorrow to stay at his brother's house.  This is going to speed up things on my end because now the family is involved and the house we live in is his father's and we do not pay rent. I don't know if his dad will let me stay.

It is all too real. There is no going back and I am terrified. Today I cried like I hadn't cried in years.

I have a jealous heart, I only sought to be treated with respect that he gives others. To beg for hugs...like a child. Yes I was jealous! I went stark raving mad with jealousy. I wanted that attention he would denie. I would see him talk to people, but would tell me to get to the point. I don't need a 25 minute discussion when it only takes two minutes to spit it out. Yet I would sit there with puppy eyes longing in my heart to partake in a conversation like that with him.

I never loved so dearly, so deeply.

I even answered ads on the Clasiffieds to try to satisfy his taste. Thinking he would hold me, like I so wish to be held.

Sorry to rant, but I am just saying what is on my heart. I know that there have been so many blessings that have come from this site. One of them being my best friend who I talk to everyday whom I met here on this very board!

Sigh...the time has been sped up. And I am freaking out!

Safe Journey
I drempt that I was one of a million pieces only to find myself whole in everything I looked at. Only to re-shatter the memory.

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Post by Crow » Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:53 am

PS:

Eye Of Tiger,

Sorry I didn't address it but I know you mentioned that I would find someone who will love me for the way I wish to be loved. Right now I am not looking. I got a lot of healing to do. But it is nice to hear. Brings hope. :)

Safe Journey

Crow
I drempt that I was one of a million pieces only to find myself whole in everything I looked at. Only to re-shatter the memory.

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sat Oct 30, 2010 10:45 pm

Crow,  :)

I am so happy and grateful that you asked me this honest question AT ANY TIME.

It is always better late than never in my opinion for you to ask me any questions which are currently worrying or confusing you.

This reading was always meant to be a valuable part of your healing therapy, and if you do not fully understand it, it will only confuse and worry you more instead of offering you hope and comfort as I had intended it to.

What I was attempting to say was that I felt that you would eventually find someone who will love you in the way in which you would wish to be loved.

But it is clear that at least at this particular stage of your personal healing journey, you are not actively looking for such a person.

There is as you freely admitted yourself still a lot of healing to be done, before you will be both ready and looking.

This is perfectly normal, but you do not on the other hand need to necessarily be fully healed, before you begin looking again.

L&L,

EoT  :smt006

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Post by Crow » Sun Nov 28, 2010 4:08 am

Greetings All,

Hope you are all having a festive holiday season. This is my favorite time of year. :)  

Just wanted to update since it has been a month.  My former fiance's dad already knew about us breaking it off and has no problem letting us stay here until we locate a new place to live.

We have choosen to have the children spend one last Christmas together in this house as a family. We spent our last Thanksgiving together. It went good.  Saddened a bit since it would be the last one I spend with him.

Section 8 has just opened up where I live. I have filled out an pre-phone application for this.  That way I do not have to try to call in the day that it opens up in December. It is nice to have a caseworker to help you.  I also filled out that application for the other place that helps families with mental conditions.  I was told that they would help me pay for the deposits for utilities, I would just have to make payments to pay it back. Which is no problem. I am just thrilled about these blessings.

My former half is being really good and we are closer now as friends.  He watches the children so I can go to my appointments and will do so if I get a part time job.

Breaking up has allowed us to be ourselves for some odd reason.  And we are laughing and joking around like we used to do prior to the relationship.  Actually talking for hours instead of dead silence. It has been a wonderful 3 weeks for both of us.

A lot of growing and seeing what I have done personally and what I need to work on.  Breaking through on so many levels. :)

He and I have made peace.  And this helps with the closure. So that is another blessing.  I have loved this man for many lives... it is time to just be friends and work together for our children's sake. I believe we can do that.  I hope it will be like others that I read about where mom and dad are really cool with each other and the children feel at ease.

The children are taking it better than I expected. They are still playing, not really acting out because of it. And just being kids.  He still comes over 2-4 times a week to check in on them. On those days that he spends the day I try to stay away as much as possible so it is their time.  He will cook them dinner and they will eat it together and he will cuddle until our son with Autism falls asleep in is arms like he used to.  So that was a big worry was our son with Autism. They don't like change and I was worried that he would stop talking. It has been the opposite, he is talking more and communicating better with both of us.  I think we are both relieved that the children are taking this okay.  They do not sit and cry for their father when he is gone.  I was worried that they would. So I try to keep them busy, then they just started to play by themselves and just team together. Which is something new, all three will play with each other and team up.  

Enough rantings, just feel the need to share. :) I am in a good place right now.  His family isn't going to be telling us to leave anytime soon and that was a big worry since I didn't want to take the little ones to a shelter.  His mom is even calling me to see how I am doing every week.  Telling me that she still loves me. Imagine that. She still loves ME.  I am blessed with so many people in my life here that have been helping me through it.

The biggest one is my former half.  Underneath it he is a good man, just not where we needed to be.

Happy Holidays and Merriment!  Eggnog sounds good right about now. :)



Safe Journey
I drempt that I was one of a million pieces only to find myself whole in everything I looked at. Only to re-shatter the memory.

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