Is there anything which I can reasonably do to significantly increase the chances that he will love
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Is there anything which I can reasonably do to significantly increase the chances that he will love
Is there anything which I can reasonably do to significantly increase the chances that he will love me?
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eye_of_tiger
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My sincere apologies for the delay in getting back to you
Sindy,
Thank you for reminding me that you are still waiting patiently for your reading, but as you can clearly see from the posting pinned near to the top of this forum about my wife's illness, I have been somewhat distracted and more than a little out of things emotionally of recent days.
http://mysticboard.org/vi ... hp?t=77988
Still that is not an excuse for leaving you indefinitely wondering if you will ever get the reading for which you are eligible, although in future could you please not allow it to go beyond a 48 hour delay before giving me a shout, and could we keep it all under your original thread for the sake of organization and easiness to follow for both of us?
And also built into this loaded question is the unavoidable and unpopular fact of life that readings only deal in or predict what is the most likely outcome if all other factors affecting it remain unchanged in the meantime (which to be honest never happens in real life). There is no way that any reading can guarantee a particular event will or will not happen. And neither can they be depended upon to actually make what you are most hoping and praying for happen at any time.
The Tarot card called The Chariot which was the first one I drew on your behalf which automatically becomes your main theme card for this month's reading attempts to teach each of us with varying degrees of success that a more balanced approach to slowly but surely dealing with life's many challenges is the method most likely to offer us a successful and satisfying outcome in the long run.
I always try my best to explain the usual interpreted meaning of this card with the visual image of a driver of a motor vehicle with both the accelerator/throttle and brake pedals pushed simultaneously flat to the floor boards. It seems obvious to anyone that doing this for too long is neither good for the car or the driver. Something or someone must eventually fail or simply burn out, whether it be the car's engine, the car's brakes or the driver's nerves. We are often in a similar situation symbolically in wanting to do everything which we practically can in order to increase our chances of being successful, but at the same time feeling depressed, powerless and likely to give up prematurely.
I would interpret this card in the context of your question and with this being your reading and not someone else's to mean that during the next approximately six months thought to be covered by this reading that you will be required to use a more balanced approach to significantly increase the chances that he will love you. Another way of expressing the same idea would be to say that you should not stop doing all of the things you are able within reason to do, with the positive intention to re-open the two way channels of communication between the two of you which have recently been closed or broken.
You badly and urgently need to reconnect with each other in a more balanced (there goes that word again) and mutually tolerant manner, where both of you are more willing to go at least half way towards finding an agreeable solution to their differences of opinion. If you do not reach a stage where you are not constantly at each others throat or picking up on and complaining about everything which the other person does, then I see little if any future for your relationship from now on.
Many situations in this world and life are as we are reminded by the white and black sphinx like figures on the face of the Chariot card not clear cut or well defined. We must not attempt to look at this world and our issues only in terms of black or white, or right or wrong. Life and love contains many grey or shady areas. On our washing machine they call this phenomenon "fuzzy logic". Basically it means that there is always a considerable amount of uncertainty about anything happening, and especially when what is happening is a close human romantic relationship. We often have a difficult enough time accurately predicting what we would do in any situation, without trying to do this with someone else with or to whom we have already formed a close emotional attachment (which may or may not eventually end in love).
The main problem with us forming close emotional energy bonds or attachments with another person, is that they may outlast their useful purpose. As I said before there is nothing in your reading which either says or does not say that your relationship with him will finally work, but while you need to remain as positive about your chances of getting back together again as is humanly possible when your heart is breaking, you need to be self honest and self realistic in accepting that there may be nothing which you can reasonably do to save your relationship with this man.
Life is often what happens to us while we are busily making our own plans, and this principle equally applies to our close love relationships. Sometimes no matter how hard we try or how much space we give the other person to work things out for themselves, our best laid plans can still fail regardless. But reopening and making wider the channels of communication between two people, needs two people. This means that no matter what you do to increase your chances that he will learn in time to love and value you, if he does not also make the effort, then what relationship you once had with him is over.
When this happens, close emotional attachments can so quickly turn into unhealthy codependency, where both people effectively destroy themselves and each other. The same energy bonds which can under the right conditions end in true love, can if things go belly up become a trap from which there is no easy escape for either the man or the woman.
If after the next six months or when you decide that enough is enough you have not made any real progress towards getting back together, while it is still possible that you will, your chances are likely to rapidly approach zero, particularly if an unhealthy codependency situation develops between you, making both of you feel trapped and left feeling powerless to do anything to escape which can be an unbearable torture for a sensitive individual such as we both are.
Use a more balanced approach to trying to get him back. Do what you are actively and practically able to do to increase the chances that he will eventually return to you as your partner and not merely as your good friend, but on the other hand don't overdo or force things to the point that they might seriously backfire on you if things do not happen to work out in the end.
What you see and hear and feel are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to forming and maintaining a close human relationship at any time. It is not that it is felt that he is consciously withholding the truth from you about what he is feeling towards you as a prospective partner. It is instead that he is not being 100% honest or complete unconsciously either with himself or with you about what he is feeling towards you.
No human being ever is! :smt009
Wishing you BOTH all the very best of life and love, whatever does or does not happen between you during the next six months, and well beyond that.
EoT
Thank you for reminding me that you are still waiting patiently for your reading, but as you can clearly see from the posting pinned near to the top of this forum about my wife's illness, I have been somewhat distracted and more than a little out of things emotionally of recent days.
http://mysticboard.org/vi ... hp?t=77988
Still that is not an excuse for leaving you indefinitely wondering if you will ever get the reading for which you are eligible, although in future could you please not allow it to go beyond a 48 hour delay before giving me a shout, and could we keep it all under your original thread for the sake of organization and easiness to follow for both of us?
There are some things which you should NOT do to increase the chances that he will love you (including casting love spells or perhaps using physical force to convince him that he has no other option than not to love you), but these are neither reasonable, morally above board nor most importantly likely to achieve the result which you are looking for. One cannot force another person to love them. Such strategies would only be calculated to replace true love and caring with fear and a burning resentment for having your free free will to decide who you want to be with magically or forcefully violated.Is there anything which I can reasonably do to significantly increase the chances that he will love me?
And also built into this loaded question is the unavoidable and unpopular fact of life that readings only deal in or predict what is the most likely outcome if all other factors affecting it remain unchanged in the meantime (which to be honest never happens in real life). There is no way that any reading can guarantee a particular event will or will not happen. And neither can they be depended upon to actually make what you are most hoping and praying for happen at any time.
The Tarot card called The Chariot which was the first one I drew on your behalf which automatically becomes your main theme card for this month's reading attempts to teach each of us with varying degrees of success that a more balanced approach to slowly but surely dealing with life's many challenges is the method most likely to offer us a successful and satisfying outcome in the long run.
I always try my best to explain the usual interpreted meaning of this card with the visual image of a driver of a motor vehicle with both the accelerator/throttle and brake pedals pushed simultaneously flat to the floor boards. It seems obvious to anyone that doing this for too long is neither good for the car or the driver. Something or someone must eventually fail or simply burn out, whether it be the car's engine, the car's brakes or the driver's nerves. We are often in a similar situation symbolically in wanting to do everything which we practically can in order to increase our chances of being successful, but at the same time feeling depressed, powerless and likely to give up prematurely.
I would interpret this card in the context of your question and with this being your reading and not someone else's to mean that during the next approximately six months thought to be covered by this reading that you will be required to use a more balanced approach to significantly increase the chances that he will love you. Another way of expressing the same idea would be to say that you should not stop doing all of the things you are able within reason to do, with the positive intention to re-open the two way channels of communication between the two of you which have recently been closed or broken.
You badly and urgently need to reconnect with each other in a more balanced (there goes that word again) and mutually tolerant manner, where both of you are more willing to go at least half way towards finding an agreeable solution to their differences of opinion. If you do not reach a stage where you are not constantly at each others throat or picking up on and complaining about everything which the other person does, then I see little if any future for your relationship from now on.
Many situations in this world and life are as we are reminded by the white and black sphinx like figures on the face of the Chariot card not clear cut or well defined. We must not attempt to look at this world and our issues only in terms of black or white, or right or wrong. Life and love contains many grey or shady areas. On our washing machine they call this phenomenon "fuzzy logic". Basically it means that there is always a considerable amount of uncertainty about anything happening, and especially when what is happening is a close human romantic relationship. We often have a difficult enough time accurately predicting what we would do in any situation, without trying to do this with someone else with or to whom we have already formed a close emotional attachment (which may or may not eventually end in love).
The main problem with us forming close emotional energy bonds or attachments with another person, is that they may outlast their useful purpose. As I said before there is nothing in your reading which either says or does not say that your relationship with him will finally work, but while you need to remain as positive about your chances of getting back together again as is humanly possible when your heart is breaking, you need to be self honest and self realistic in accepting that there may be nothing which you can reasonably do to save your relationship with this man.
Life is often what happens to us while we are busily making our own plans, and this principle equally applies to our close love relationships. Sometimes no matter how hard we try or how much space we give the other person to work things out for themselves, our best laid plans can still fail regardless. But reopening and making wider the channels of communication between two people, needs two people. This means that no matter what you do to increase your chances that he will learn in time to love and value you, if he does not also make the effort, then what relationship you once had with him is over.
When this happens, close emotional attachments can so quickly turn into unhealthy codependency, where both people effectively destroy themselves and each other. The same energy bonds which can under the right conditions end in true love, can if things go belly up become a trap from which there is no easy escape for either the man or the woman.
If after the next six months or when you decide that enough is enough you have not made any real progress towards getting back together, while it is still possible that you will, your chances are likely to rapidly approach zero, particularly if an unhealthy codependency situation develops between you, making both of you feel trapped and left feeling powerless to do anything to escape which can be an unbearable torture for a sensitive individual such as we both are.
Use a more balanced approach to trying to get him back. Do what you are actively and practically able to do to increase the chances that he will eventually return to you as your partner and not merely as your good friend, but on the other hand don't overdo or force things to the point that they might seriously backfire on you if things do not happen to work out in the end.
What you see and hear and feel are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to forming and maintaining a close human relationship at any time. It is not that it is felt that he is consciously withholding the truth from you about what he is feeling towards you as a prospective partner. It is instead that he is not being 100% honest or complete unconsciously either with himself or with you about what he is feeling towards you.
No human being ever is! :smt009
Wishing you BOTH all the very best of life and love, whatever does or does not happen between you during the next six months, and well beyond that.
EoT
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Rhutobello
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I hope you both allow me to give my thoughts about it...no plan to interfere, but the question hit me.
Since we all have a free will, which also our legal system is build on, we can't change anyone to something we fancy, by spell, prayers, food, drinks and so on, WITHOUT the person in question want it.
The only way you can increase the chances that he will love you are FRIENDSHIP.
A friendship that build on real care, where the eagerness of getting him to love you must not be the driving part.
Through friendship (if he allow) will he be able to learn your inner self, and by that he MIGHT learn to love you.
Through friendship will you learn the guy, and learn if your love was for real, or just for lust.
If he don't want any friendship, then take it into account and try to forget him as soon as possible, because there is lots of good partners out there, if you just allow them to show themselves for you.
I am fully clear that love HURT, but it is UP TO Yourself for how long.
Good luck....hope you will find happiness soon
Since we all have a free will, which also our legal system is build on, we can't change anyone to something we fancy, by spell, prayers, food, drinks and so on, WITHOUT the person in question want it.
The only way you can increase the chances that he will love you are FRIENDSHIP.
A friendship that build on real care, where the eagerness of getting him to love you must not be the driving part.
Through friendship (if he allow) will he be able to learn your inner self, and by that he MIGHT learn to love you.
Through friendship will you learn the guy, and learn if your love was for real, or just for lust.
If he don't want any friendship, then take it into account and try to forget him as soon as possible, because there is lots of good partners out there, if you just allow them to show themselves for you.
I am fully clear that love HURT, but it is UP TO Yourself for how long.
Good luck....hope you will find happiness soon
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eye_of_tiger
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I agree with most, but not all of what you are saying
Hi Rhuto,
I see no problems with you offering your opinion or contributing to this discussion before Sindy herself replies if it is intended to help Sindy, which I believe that it was.
You wrote.......
I only wish that this was an ideal or perfect world, and that you were therefore correct about what you are predicting these other people will do or not do in order to get their way with each of us.
Once again I agree with you that friendship and companionship are often the first and most effective steps towards a person having a deeper love relationship with another, but in Sindy's situation I simply do not feel that she would be satisfied with such an arrangement for very long at a time, if at all.
It is my feeling that them both remaining friends only would cause so much further unnecessary suffering to my friend Sindy, because she is highly intelligent and consequently painfully aware of the fact that by accepting this that she is at the same time basically saying that she does not expect him to agree to take their relationship to the next level at some stage in the future or show any commitment to settling down with her. This reading is about her feelings; and not his (his feelings would be third party).
She would be saying to him by her acceptance that being her friend only is good enough for her: PERMANENTLY. Friends can become lovers. Lovers can become become friends over time. But friends do not necessarily go on to become lovers, and the same is true for lovers not necessarily becoming each others best friends later.
Or at least that is the way that I am currently reading this. I could of course be wrong (it would not be the first time, and it would undoubtedly not be the last).
I am with this possibility in mind waiting on Sindy's feedback to determine if I am way off the mark with what I am feeling about her needs for a soul mate who is not just a friend, and never anything more than that.
Blessed be,
EoT
PS: Whoops! Nearly missed this sentence!
Sorry, but although we do have some conscious control over how long we hold on to the hurts that others have done to us, a person's emotional responses are largely UNCONSCIOUS, and are therefore by definition it follows largely beyond their conscious control to change easily or quickly.
I see no problems with you offering your opinion or contributing to this discussion before Sindy herself replies if it is intended to help Sindy, which I believe that it was.
You wrote.......
While I agree with you that this would or should be true in an ideal or perfect world, this does not mean that people will NOT try their worst to change other people, cast spells upon them or force others to do what they want them to do WITHOUT having their spoken or written permission to do so.Since we all have a free will, which also our legal system is build on, we can't change anyone to something we fancy, by spell, prayers, food, drinks and so on, WITHOUT the person in question want it.
I only wish that this was an ideal or perfect world, and that you were therefore correct about what you are predicting these other people will do or not do in order to get their way with each of us.
Once again I agree with you that friendship and companionship are often the first and most effective steps towards a person having a deeper love relationship with another, but in Sindy's situation I simply do not feel that she would be satisfied with such an arrangement for very long at a time, if at all.
It is my feeling that them both remaining friends only would cause so much further unnecessary suffering to my friend Sindy, because she is highly intelligent and consequently painfully aware of the fact that by accepting this that she is at the same time basically saying that she does not expect him to agree to take their relationship to the next level at some stage in the future or show any commitment to settling down with her. This reading is about her feelings; and not his (his feelings would be third party).
She would be saying to him by her acceptance that being her friend only is good enough for her: PERMANENTLY. Friends can become lovers. Lovers can become become friends over time. But friends do not necessarily go on to become lovers, and the same is true for lovers not necessarily becoming each others best friends later.
Or at least that is the way that I am currently reading this. I could of course be wrong (it would not be the first time, and it would undoubtedly not be the last).
I am with this possibility in mind waiting on Sindy's feedback to determine if I am way off the mark with what I am feeling about her needs for a soul mate who is not just a friend, and never anything more than that.
Blessed be,
EoT
PS: Whoops! Nearly missed this sentence!
I am fully clear that love HURT, but it is UP TO Yourself for how long.
Sorry, but although we do have some conscious control over how long we hold on to the hurts that others have done to us, a person's emotional responses are largely UNCONSCIOUS, and are therefore by definition it follows largely beyond their conscious control to change easily or quickly.
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Rhutobello
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- Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:39 pm
The question was..""""""Is there anything which I can reasonably do to significantly increase the chances that he will love"""""""
You can sit and wait for thing to happen....yes.....but this only prevent yourself from happiness.....and prolong the heart ache.
You can try to do something (which was the question) you can go and ask for love, which I believe will give zero effect....you can hit him in the head and drag him to alters, which I don't think will help....or you can try to befriend him.
By befriending him you have no guarantees that he will be your """Lover""", but you do something that is reasonable, and that increase your chances that he will love you.
I have NOT said anything about the other thing you speculate in EoT.....BUT I have given another important clue.....if you learn a person...then you will also learn if your love is true.......with almost 50% divorces in the western world today one can ask oneself if the LOVE was for real....or... one should expect that both parts was more able to fix their common problems if there was real love involved.
It all stays in the mind, if you allow the mind to carry it...it will...if you work with your mind....you can change...I am not saying it is easy....I am not saying it don't hurt....all I am saying....we have an option.
Have you ever heard about the statement; The only person you can change here in the world, with some certainty, is yourself, and by your own will........this is BECAUSE you have no WILL over others WILL....if they don't want to change....but I can change mine..."if I WANT!"
(Not talking about those who are mental ill, which need treatment)
(and your last statement gives anyone who carry a """heart ache" a sleeping pill...and prolong their suffering....yes our unconscious mind make us a lot of pain.....but our CONSCIOUS MIND is able to change our UNCONSCIOUS Mind if we start working on it, and by that save some pain!....IF NOT, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO FREE WILL BY ANY OF US!....it might be our unconscious mind that might cry """Ohhh I shall kill you"" it is our conscious mind that prevent us from doing it )
You can sit and wait for thing to happen....yes.....but this only prevent yourself from happiness.....and prolong the heart ache.
You can try to do something (which was the question) you can go and ask for love, which I believe will give zero effect....you can hit him in the head and drag him to alters, which I don't think will help....or you can try to befriend him.
By befriending him you have no guarantees that he will be your """Lover""", but you do something that is reasonable, and that increase your chances that he will love you.
I have NOT said anything about the other thing you speculate in EoT.....BUT I have given another important clue.....if you learn a person...then you will also learn if your love is true.......with almost 50% divorces in the western world today one can ask oneself if the LOVE was for real....or... one should expect that both parts was more able to fix their common problems if there was real love involved.
It all stays in the mind, if you allow the mind to carry it...it will...if you work with your mind....you can change...I am not saying it is easy....I am not saying it don't hurt....all I am saying....we have an option.
Have you ever heard about the statement; The only person you can change here in the world, with some certainty, is yourself, and by your own will........this is BECAUSE you have no WILL over others WILL....if they don't want to change....but I can change mine..."if I WANT!"
(Not talking about those who are mental ill, which need treatment)
(and your last statement gives anyone who carry a """heart ache" a sleeping pill...and prolong their suffering....yes our unconscious mind make us a lot of pain.....but our CONSCIOUS MIND is able to change our UNCONSCIOUS Mind if we start working on it, and by that save some pain!....IF NOT, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO FREE WILL BY ANY OF US!....it might be our unconscious mind that might cry """Ohhh I shall kill you"" it is our conscious mind that prevent us from doing it )
Hello,
We are here to help the person asking the question. two people are bound to have different views of looking at the same issue. I KNOW EOT and Rhutobello are trying to help the person here.
so please keep the discussion on the topic and dont get diverted. If you feel you have nothing more to add personally to this, then do not say something that may be taken otherwise too.
Thanks
We are here to help the person asking the question. two people are bound to have different views of looking at the same issue. I KNOW EOT and Rhutobello are trying to help the person here.
so please keep the discussion on the topic and dont get diverted. If you feel you have nothing more to add personally to this, then do not say something that may be taken otherwise too.
Thanks
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eye_of_tiger
- Site Admin
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- Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:47 am
- Location: Adelaide, South Australia
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Sindy,
Your more relaxed going with the flow and seeing where it leads you approach of looking at this is probably the most effective plan for you in the long run.
The use of force or emotional manipulation to get your way is completely against your good character, and there is (not surprisingly I might add) no suggestion whatsoever in your reading that you would even consider doing such an underhanded thing to someone who you still genuinely feel a deep sense of friendship and affection for, in spite of all his harsh words and insensitive behaviour.
God bless,
EoT
Your more relaxed going with the flow and seeing where it leads you approach of looking at this is probably the most effective plan for you in the long run.
The use of force or emotional manipulation to get your way is completely against your good character, and there is (not surprisingly I might add) no suggestion whatsoever in your reading that you would even consider doing such an underhanded thing to someone who you still genuinely feel a deep sense of friendship and affection for, in spite of all his harsh words and insensitive behaviour.
God bless,
EoT
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