DOB 8/2/61 I live in Rhome Texas.
My Career has finally gotten so much better and I have finally increased my income that I have been praying for. However, my Marriage has been suffering for just over 2 years.
Thank you very Much
May I have a Ready Please - Sorry I had posted in the wrong forum last week
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eye_of_tiger
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Dear Lady Di,
I am probably stating the obvious here, but if your marriage has been suffering for over the last two years, then you really badly and urgently need to see a marriage counselor as your top priority instead of depending entirely upon a psychic reading to guide you to happier times. Of course the success or otherwise of such an attempt to save your closest relationship hinges largely upon whether your spouse is also willing to attend counselling sessions with you. You cannot achieve much of any significance in this positive direction if you do not have his full co-operation in this sensitive matter.
As your reader I symbolically have my intuitive hands tied tightly behind my back in the way of trying to help your marriage to heal by my inability to directly read your husband's thoughts and intentions towards you by way of a third party reading, which is not allowed on Mystic Boards. Most readers including myself regard an attempt to do this as being a form of psychic eavesdropping or an uninvited invasion of your spouse's right to the personal privacy of his own thoughts and feelings.
I can partially get around this third party restriction by indirectly reading your husband through your relationship with him, but I must at the same time caution you that any predictions or insights made as a result of such an indirect reading tend to be on average far less reliable and therefore significantly useful in the overall healing process. And readings of the type given by me on this board are only believed to cover the period of approximately the next six months.
While we must remain as positive as it is humanly possible to be about the most likely future of your marriage, we must at the same time be practical and realistic about your chances of making any reasonable degree of impact upon your marriage difficulties over the last two years in less than six months. This is particularly the case if you are forced by your situation to go it alone, without consulting a professional marriage or relationship counselor. The possibility of you fixing most of your marriage problems could be close to 100%, but the probability or chance of this happening is depressingly low.
In order to get some further insights into what could be the root cause of your problems, I turned over some Tarot cards on your behalf, mainly as a focus tool for my intuition. I do not regard myself in any way as giving full Tarot readings. I leave that to much more gifted in that specific area reader colleagues of mine, whose readings I am constantly in awe of.
The first card out of the starting blocks which automatically becomes your main theme card was the Five of Cups - the so called card of crying over spilled milk, or more precisely crying over spilled wine. All members of the Cups Tarot suit and the 5 is no exception to this general rule of thumb are involved with determining both the nature and depth of our closest relationships - with marriage being on the top of the list.
While fours are about stability and maintaining what you have built up, the fives are more about instability and the loss of at least some of what you already have, in exchange for something much better in the future. Fives first present us with the problem, and then secondly suggest a possible or workable way for us to escape the fear which we understandably and naturally experience when confronting that problem, head on.
The primary question or problem presented to us by the Five of Cups is...
How can I quickly and most effectively stop myself from becoming so obsessed or tied down by my constant regrets about how my marriage has frustrated and disappointed me in the past, that it now prevents me from getting a clearer perspective concerning and better handle upon my current marital problems, and in the process removes most of my hope and faith for my most intimate relationship's future?
The secondary question or problem presented to us by the unconscious symbolism of the Five of Cups is............
What are you willing to lose or give up or surrender in the short term, so that you can give your marriage the maximum chance of lasting the distance over the longer term?
And the combined answer to both questions which keeps repeating throughout your entire reading is that you are being strongly urged to lose your subconscious beliefs that your marriage cannot be saved. Based upon what has happened so far since you took your marriage vows it may appear that for all intensive purposes that your marriage is heading for the rocks, and is about to be shipwrecked. Logic and reason keep reminding us ad nauseum (until it makes us feel sick to the stomach with anxiety for the future) that we often have only a very limited amount of control over all the many and complex factors which will ultimately decide whether our marriage will survive this emotional ordeal or trial of the soul.
But logic and reason alone are not enough. If both intuition and faith are left out of the mix with logic and reason, it is no surprise that we feel that there is no valid reason to hope and expect that things will ever get better with our marriage. Although we may only have limited control over our surroundings and the factors affecting our marriage's success or failure, we have much more control of our subconscious beliefs than the experts and self help authors are normally willing to admit. If you largely solve your own marriage problems through your own efforts, they have lost you as a potential source of income. Now do you understand why they often do not want you to feel in control over these factors? It is consequently in their financial and ego interests to keep you at least partly in the dark with regards to identifying and working with these factors without their help.
I appear to be contradicting myself. First I advised you to seek professional counselling help with your marriage. Now I am saying that you should do whatever you are able to keep the marriage counselor away from your door, through your own time and energies.
Please make up your mind EoT! :smt018
Your reading is basically saying that you should do some of both, and that it is doing both and not so much the order in which you do both of them, which really matters in the end. Just as God designed or intended you to use both logic and intuition when dealing with your life's challenges, the reading is prescribing both self help and professional help as the optimum solution for your marital woes.
Qualified and properly trained professionals have access to special techniques which are good at bringing these subconscious negative beliefs to the surface where they can be examined more closely, and have their truths questioned in the light of reality. By all means do whatever you feel able to to help yourself to save your marriage, but without these special techniques that practitioners of the mind possess as an extra healing tool, it is likely to be of only very limited success.
Why not get all the outside professional help which you can access or easily afford where you live, when it is made available to you? Combined with your own efforts to achieve the same healing goal for your marriage. Once these negative subconscious beliefs are dredged up by a professional and shot full of holes, are you then willing to give them up to make more space for hope and faith about your marriage to come back into your life? This is also going to require bucket loads of patience, both with yourself as well as with the healing process. Rome or should I say Rhome was not built in the space of only one night!
Loving regards,
EoT :)
I am probably stating the obvious here, but if your marriage has been suffering for over the last two years, then you really badly and urgently need to see a marriage counselor as your top priority instead of depending entirely upon a psychic reading to guide you to happier times. Of course the success or otherwise of such an attempt to save your closest relationship hinges largely upon whether your spouse is also willing to attend counselling sessions with you. You cannot achieve much of any significance in this positive direction if you do not have his full co-operation in this sensitive matter.
As your reader I symbolically have my intuitive hands tied tightly behind my back in the way of trying to help your marriage to heal by my inability to directly read your husband's thoughts and intentions towards you by way of a third party reading, which is not allowed on Mystic Boards. Most readers including myself regard an attempt to do this as being a form of psychic eavesdropping or an uninvited invasion of your spouse's right to the personal privacy of his own thoughts and feelings.
I can partially get around this third party restriction by indirectly reading your husband through your relationship with him, but I must at the same time caution you that any predictions or insights made as a result of such an indirect reading tend to be on average far less reliable and therefore significantly useful in the overall healing process. And readings of the type given by me on this board are only believed to cover the period of approximately the next six months.
While we must remain as positive as it is humanly possible to be about the most likely future of your marriage, we must at the same time be practical and realistic about your chances of making any reasonable degree of impact upon your marriage difficulties over the last two years in less than six months. This is particularly the case if you are forced by your situation to go it alone, without consulting a professional marriage or relationship counselor. The possibility of you fixing most of your marriage problems could be close to 100%, but the probability or chance of this happening is depressingly low.
In order to get some further insights into what could be the root cause of your problems, I turned over some Tarot cards on your behalf, mainly as a focus tool for my intuition. I do not regard myself in any way as giving full Tarot readings. I leave that to much more gifted in that specific area reader colleagues of mine, whose readings I am constantly in awe of.
The first card out of the starting blocks which automatically becomes your main theme card was the Five of Cups - the so called card of crying over spilled milk, or more precisely crying over spilled wine. All members of the Cups Tarot suit and the 5 is no exception to this general rule of thumb are involved with determining both the nature and depth of our closest relationships - with marriage being on the top of the list.
While fours are about stability and maintaining what you have built up, the fives are more about instability and the loss of at least some of what you already have, in exchange for something much better in the future. Fives first present us with the problem, and then secondly suggest a possible or workable way for us to escape the fear which we understandably and naturally experience when confronting that problem, head on.
The primary question or problem presented to us by the Five of Cups is...
How can I quickly and most effectively stop myself from becoming so obsessed or tied down by my constant regrets about how my marriage has frustrated and disappointed me in the past, that it now prevents me from getting a clearer perspective concerning and better handle upon my current marital problems, and in the process removes most of my hope and faith for my most intimate relationship's future?
The secondary question or problem presented to us by the unconscious symbolism of the Five of Cups is............
What are you willing to lose or give up or surrender in the short term, so that you can give your marriage the maximum chance of lasting the distance over the longer term?
And the combined answer to both questions which keeps repeating throughout your entire reading is that you are being strongly urged to lose your subconscious beliefs that your marriage cannot be saved. Based upon what has happened so far since you took your marriage vows it may appear that for all intensive purposes that your marriage is heading for the rocks, and is about to be shipwrecked. Logic and reason keep reminding us ad nauseum (until it makes us feel sick to the stomach with anxiety for the future) that we often have only a very limited amount of control over all the many and complex factors which will ultimately decide whether our marriage will survive this emotional ordeal or trial of the soul.
But logic and reason alone are not enough. If both intuition and faith are left out of the mix with logic and reason, it is no surprise that we feel that there is no valid reason to hope and expect that things will ever get better with our marriage. Although we may only have limited control over our surroundings and the factors affecting our marriage's success or failure, we have much more control of our subconscious beliefs than the experts and self help authors are normally willing to admit. If you largely solve your own marriage problems through your own efforts, they have lost you as a potential source of income. Now do you understand why they often do not want you to feel in control over these factors? It is consequently in their financial and ego interests to keep you at least partly in the dark with regards to identifying and working with these factors without their help.
I appear to be contradicting myself. First I advised you to seek professional counselling help with your marriage. Now I am saying that you should do whatever you are able to keep the marriage counselor away from your door, through your own time and energies.
Please make up your mind EoT! :smt018
Your reading is basically saying that you should do some of both, and that it is doing both and not so much the order in which you do both of them, which really matters in the end. Just as God designed or intended you to use both logic and intuition when dealing with your life's challenges, the reading is prescribing both self help and professional help as the optimum solution for your marital woes.
Qualified and properly trained professionals have access to special techniques which are good at bringing these subconscious negative beliefs to the surface where they can be examined more closely, and have their truths questioned in the light of reality. By all means do whatever you feel able to to help yourself to save your marriage, but without these special techniques that practitioners of the mind possess as an extra healing tool, it is likely to be of only very limited success.
Why not get all the outside professional help which you can access or easily afford where you live, when it is made available to you? Combined with your own efforts to achieve the same healing goal for your marriage. Once these negative subconscious beliefs are dredged up by a professional and shot full of holes, are you then willing to give them up to make more space for hope and faith about your marriage to come back into your life? This is also going to require bucket loads of patience, both with yourself as well as with the healing process. Rome or should I say Rhome was not built in the space of only one night!
Loving regards,
EoT :)
Hello EOT
THank you so much for the reading.
Yes we went to counceling last year and then my husband stopped going and I only went a few more times on my own.
It seems that this decision has been so hard that I kept saying one more month, one more month and this makes for no resolution. However, we did separate between Thanksgiving and Christmas and his attitude gave me such guilt that I asked him to come back home. I had called an attorney to arrange a divorce and did not follow thru. I knew when I made this choice I would regret it but I really wanted to give it my best effort and put the past behind us. He usually has no suggestions for resolution, but mine was to list all of the issues that cause stress or problems and to agree on a plan to avoid the past habits of conflict and staying in conflict over them. THe main one being finances and that we came to an agreement, but never really tackled the others.
With that said I think we both agree the love has been lost over this, due to such anger of these issues and the handling of the issues. We love each other but are not in love. There is no love or affection between us.
You know I had read Fundoomasters reading and it was like I was reading my situation. THose are all the things I think about my husband. He never lived on his own before we met and really has no idea of struggling or overcoming struggles or putting others first.
You are right I do think I am crying over spilt milk....I feel like I have lost who I am and the things I love and showing love and caring to others. I keep telling myself I am not responsible for his happiness and needs to overcome what is causing his anger issues. I am not the teacher for him and what he needs to learn about life and improve on. Many things have caused me to feel like his parent and there is no way to have a marriage in this situation. And I do not want my children to think this is normal for marriages as it will effect them in their future relationships.
Blessing EOT
Prayers and Blessing to you and your wife and family, to good health and happiness
THank you so much for the reading.
Yes we went to counceling last year and then my husband stopped going and I only went a few more times on my own.
It seems that this decision has been so hard that I kept saying one more month, one more month and this makes for no resolution. However, we did separate between Thanksgiving and Christmas and his attitude gave me such guilt that I asked him to come back home. I had called an attorney to arrange a divorce and did not follow thru. I knew when I made this choice I would regret it but I really wanted to give it my best effort and put the past behind us. He usually has no suggestions for resolution, but mine was to list all of the issues that cause stress or problems and to agree on a plan to avoid the past habits of conflict and staying in conflict over them. THe main one being finances and that we came to an agreement, but never really tackled the others.
With that said I think we both agree the love has been lost over this, due to such anger of these issues and the handling of the issues. We love each other but are not in love. There is no love or affection between us.
You know I had read Fundoomasters reading and it was like I was reading my situation. THose are all the things I think about my husband. He never lived on his own before we met and really has no idea of struggling or overcoming struggles or putting others first.
You are right I do think I am crying over spilt milk....I feel like I have lost who I am and the things I love and showing love and caring to others. I keep telling myself I am not responsible for his happiness and needs to overcome what is causing his anger issues. I am not the teacher for him and what he needs to learn about life and improve on. Many things have caused me to feel like his parent and there is no way to have a marriage in this situation. And I do not want my children to think this is normal for marriages as it will effect them in their future relationships.
Blessing EOT
Prayers and Blessing to you and your wife and family, to good health and happiness
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eye_of_tiger
- Site Admin
- Posts: 8489
- Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:47 am
- Location: Adelaide, South Australia
- Contact:
Dearest Lady Di, 
Yes it can be incredibly difficult to save your marriage when only one of you is committed to or even interested in doing so. Not going through with the divorce is certainly not a valid reason to beat up upon oneself, as the flame of hope still burned within you that your husband would eventually come to his senses and realise what he is losing by not participating in the healing of your relationship with him.
However this having been said, from an emotional perspective this all makes complete sense to those of us who are able to look beyond logic.
In a similar manner it is perfectly possible to love someone but at the same time dislike them intensely for what damage they are doing to the relationship, as well as to themselves.
So it is quite within the realms of possibility to simultaneously feel what is interpreted to be love for each other, but have since fallen out of love.
Your comments about Fundoomaster's reading speaking to your own problems brings up an important point which I want to remind other members about, if I may.
And that is my observation over years of giving readings through the internet that you just never know when or how much your own postings could potentially help someone other than yourself who is in a similar situation to your own and possibly also has the same questions to ask.
Let's be honest, the high marriage failure rate these days is nothing to be proud of and any two people who live under the same roof for more than 24 hours at a time are inevitably at some stage going to experience conflicts and disagreements about virtually anything which could affect them both. Usually these conflicts are either about sex or money in that order.
Marriages which do not contain some level of conflict at some time are what is abnormal here, and not marriages which do. What frequently separates a marriage which survives such conflicts from one which does not is how effectively these normal interpersonal conflicts are resolved by each partner in turn, and whether there is a willingness by one of them to be the first person to say sorry that I hurt you so much (and really mean it).
But even a saint has his or her own limits of patience when waiting for their partner to take responsibility. And neither of us I believe are in any imminent danger of suddenly turning into a saint, any time soon. There must come a point when we say enough is more than enough, and draw a line in the sand beyond which we are not willing to wait any longer for a miracle which clearly in all likelihood will never happen.
You will always have my complete understanding, empathy and support in your ongoing struggle to salvage what made you love your husband when you first met each other from what that marriage has become over time, as well as preserving your self confidence and self respect in the face of very adverse factors in your marriage in the process.
I am proud to be numbered amongst your friends and admirers, of which you obviously have many on Mystic Board. Your postings are a regular and valuable source of inspiration, comfort and encouragement to many other people in addition to the highly perceptive and insightful person who wrote them.
Blessed be,
From your Aussie friend EoT 
Yes it can be incredibly difficult to save your marriage when only one of you is committed to or even interested in doing so. Not going through with the divorce is certainly not a valid reason to beat up upon oneself, as the flame of hope still burned within you that your husband would eventually come to his senses and realise what he is losing by not participating in the healing of your relationship with him.
Logically this statement of the facts as you see them does not make any sense. Love which is not reciprocated is not love in the commonly accepted meaning of the word.We love each other but are not in love. There is no love or affection between us.
However this having been said, from an emotional perspective this all makes complete sense to those of us who are able to look beyond logic.
In a similar manner it is perfectly possible to love someone but at the same time dislike them intensely for what damage they are doing to the relationship, as well as to themselves.
So it is quite within the realms of possibility to simultaneously feel what is interpreted to be love for each other, but have since fallen out of love.
Your comments about Fundoomaster's reading speaking to your own problems brings up an important point which I want to remind other members about, if I may.
And that is my observation over years of giving readings through the internet that you just never know when or how much your own postings could potentially help someone other than yourself who is in a similar situation to your own and possibly also has the same questions to ask.
Let's be honest, the high marriage failure rate these days is nothing to be proud of and any two people who live under the same roof for more than 24 hours at a time are inevitably at some stage going to experience conflicts and disagreements about virtually anything which could affect them both. Usually these conflicts are either about sex or money in that order.
And I will continue to agree wholeheartedly with you that he must ultimately accept responsibility for the negative consequences of his bad decisions and misbehaviour. That is an important part of growing up, so your feeling of being a mother substitute is perfectly understandable when he is acting like an emotional child. This section of your response demonstrates a wisdom and level of insight which are both well beyond what the average person's are expected to be.I keep telling myself I am not responsible for his happiness and needs to overcome what is causing his anger issues. I am not the teacher for him and what he needs to learn about life and improve on. Many things have caused me to feel like his parent and there is no way to have a marriage in this situation.
You are so right about the urgent need for you to find a better model to give your daughter about how a marriage should be, but there is a real danger that if you unknowingly give her the idea that marital conflict is abnormal or completely avoidable when two people with different and constantly changing needs live together, then you could be setting her up for a life of disappointment and even bitterness when she discovers that there is no such thing as a conflict free perfect marriage.And I do not want my children to think this is normal for marriages as it will effect them in their future relationships.
Marriages which do not contain some level of conflict at some time are what is abnormal here, and not marriages which do. What frequently separates a marriage which survives such conflicts from one which does not is how effectively these normal interpersonal conflicts are resolved by each partner in turn, and whether there is a willingness by one of them to be the first person to say sorry that I hurt you so much (and really mean it).
But even a saint has his or her own limits of patience when waiting for their partner to take responsibility. And neither of us I believe are in any imminent danger of suddenly turning into a saint, any time soon. There must come a point when we say enough is more than enough, and draw a line in the sand beyond which we are not willing to wait any longer for a miracle which clearly in all likelihood will never happen.
You will always have my complete understanding, empathy and support in your ongoing struggle to salvage what made you love your husband when you first met each other from what that marriage has become over time, as well as preserving your self confidence and self respect in the face of very adverse factors in your marriage in the process.
I am proud to be numbered amongst your friends and admirers, of which you obviously have many on Mystic Board. Your postings are a regular and valuable source of inspiration, comfort and encouragement to many other people in addition to the highly perceptive and insightful person who wrote them.
Blessed be,
From your Aussie friend EoT
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