Help me please

[heartk0re]

We were best friends for 3 years, he was my only friend because everyone else left. At many times, I was his only friend too. I told him I was thinking of suicide this morning, and he said he couldn't take it anymore and texted me that we couldn't be friends anymore. He's not texing me back anymore and ignores my calls. Have I lost him for good or should I wait for a month of not contacting him and then try again next month? Even though we have had bad fights before, we always made up and he was my rock and I really think it's over now. I don't want to kill myself anymore. (I'm bipolar) but I want him back as a friend.

My dob is 3/11/1987
He is 1 month older than me.

[eye_of_tiger]

We were best friends for 3 years, he was my only friend because everyone else left. At many times, I was his only friend too. I told him I was thinking of suicide this morning, and he said he couldn't take it anymore and texted me that we couldn't be friends anymore. He's not texing me back anymore and ignores my calls. Have I lost him for good or should I wait for a month of not contacting him and then try again next month? Even though we have had bad fights before, we always made up and he was my rock and I really think it's over now. I don't want to kill myself anymore. (I'm bipolar) but I want him back as a friend.

My dob is 3/11/1987
He is 1 month older than me.

Heart,

I realise that it was your depression talking, but now that you have said it cannot be easily taken back. What you have told me strongly suggests that this was only the most recent of a series of incidents where your bipolar has got in the way of your relationship being a relatively harmonious and positive one. He has forgiven you several times in the past as I feel that he genuinely cares for you and has been more than willing to make allowances for your erratic behaviour up until now, but this threat to top yourself is the final straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

In order to directly know whether he would take you back if it was shown by your actions and not just through your words that a threat of suicide would be highly unlikely to ever happen again (it could never be 100% guaranteed, even if you did not have the bipolar), I would need to give you a third party reading which I am not allowed to do. I feel a great sense of empathy and caring with you, having been severely depressed myself so many times and I do want to help you get through this. You definitely will need professional help including from the doctor who is monitoring and treating your condition, in addition to what limited intuitive assistance which I can offer you over the internet.

So let us turn around your question upon my friend who requested it. Instead of asking whether you have lost him for good (or permanently), ask what could you be doing practically and reasonably with both professional and my help and support over the next few months, to help to convince him that you are making major progress in the right direction. We are not looking for perfection here.

Just solid evidence that you are making every reasonable effort with the assistance of your team of helpers (he could become part of that team) to get the parts of your own personality which are making you behave in this upsetting to everyone manner(magnified by the bipolar) more under your understanding and control.

While I cannot read his mind or feelings directly through the third party route, my impressions are that there is still potential at this late stage for your relationship to be healed and for it to blossom again, although it would be dishonest and even cruel of me to say that this is going to be easy or that I can guarantee success.

He has been your rock in the past, but now and in the future you have to also find an emotional anchor within yourself which is always there. It is unhealthy to ONLY have your emotional rock, anchor or foundation in another person. If you do, what happens if for whatever reason they are temporarily or permanently no longer there to be a rock for you? This is not saying that another person cannot or should not be a rock for you, as well as you being a rock for yourself. Understood?

Your reading is saying that unless he does decide to contact you before this that you should wait at least until the new year. I know that sounds like an eternity to you and you might be wondering if he would remain faithful to you if you did wait that long. But the reading feels that after three years of friendship only apparently being at an end 3 to 6 months of time used in working on your emotional health and personality problems would be well spent and a good investment in your future happiness.

What you consciously decide to do based upon the advice given above during the next six months or so will largely determine whether your friendship (or is it something more) will survive this most recent attack. Get professional help immediately, and I will help and support you as well. Without that professional support in addition to my own, your chances of saving your friendship are minimal at best.

I can only help you up to a point, but I lack the qualifications and training of a doctor, and am not local to where you are living. Even though I am with you psychically, I can never be in the same physical room as you are to be your shoulder to cry on, if you feel like doing so.

Also my wife of nearly 35 years could get the wrong idea if I did. lol

If you do genuinely want him back first as a friend, then only with the help of several people both professional and non professional and the willingness by you to do the long and difficult emotional healing work which will be required for you to make any real and lasting progress in the right direction, will your attempt to resurrect the relationship have an above average (50%) chance of success. Without you first doing this emotional healing work, him coming back to you or you going back to him is felt to be the best way for you to stop being each other's friends: FOREVER! Especially after only one month.

Let him find out what you are doing to help yourself through your shared friends, rather than trying to contact him directly. If he does still want you as a friend knowing that you are now getting the right treatment and are making real progress, he will then contact you.

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  :smt020

[heartk0re]

Thanks. We only have mutual acquaintances, I don't keep in contact with his friends that I know of. I used to have a psychiatrist and was in the hospital on medication but since I'm 26 and not working, I don't have insurance anymore. :(

The thing that saddens me the most over the friendship being almost completely over is that he always used to cling on to me emotionally, calling me all the time, wanting to cuddle, etc. and he was late out last night and didn't call before the fight, which means he's finally dating someone new and since he seems indifferent, he probably is having his closure. I can't talk to his sister about my depression/bipolar disorder because she's really ditzy/shallow and doesn't understand emotional stuff lol don't want to weird her out.

My mom isn't really there for me and is always tired from work and doesn't want the stress of me being depressed, mostly she just tells me to play with my dog, or read, my dad has parkinson's and when he knows I'm depressed or suicidal, his episodes start and something happens with his brain/body neuron stuff and he can barely move and is in pain.

I guess I'll just not contact him until his birthday which is Feb. 5 and get him lots of awesome presents as a peace offering, if he doesn't respond after that, then I guess I'll have to erase him from my mind for good. In past fights, all I had to do to make it better was come to his house (he lives with his family) and he's been begging me to come over a lot, I have been saying no because I have been too depressed and didn't feel social enough to talk to his whole family.

I can't believe he abandoned me when I needed him most!

[heartk0re]

I'm tempted to just go to his house and talk about it in person! It always worked with other fights in the past! :( he ended it through text and not even on the phone. 3 years and it was done with a text, no way am I letting that end so easily!

[eye_of_tiger]

Dear Heart,

What a complicated and unfortunate situation yours is! My heart feels so sad that my friend has had to undergo such great challenges in her life.

If your mother keeps your father updated about when you are feeling depressed or suicidal then his Parkinson's symptoms are likely to be such that anything you say to him about what you claim he did not do for you in the past probably will not get through to him.

I would suggest that you put it in written form instead, but be prepared for him not wanting to have any further contact from you because you are understandably no longer willing to give in to his emotional blackmail.

A direct confrontation in person is only likely to make things worse for your mother as well as yourself, but I feel that if you put your feelings in writing, that if it does not work out at least your mother will be left of it.

He is also much likely to blame your mother  for making you rebel against him, if you went there in person.

But you have to do something to blow off your suppressed anger, as it is eating you up from inside.

Whatever you decide to do about this (if anything), I will support and respect your right to do so.

Loving regards,

EoT  :smt049

[heartk0re]

Thank you! Yes, I need to start working out again to get rid of pent up anger. Got some new 15 pound dumbells lol working out will probably help with being bipolar too.

[eye_of_tiger]

Got some new 15 pound dumbells

I suppose that the worst might be that you could end up with unusually elongated or overstretched arms, if you over did your exercises with the 15 pound dumbbells.

EoT  

[heartk0re]

Lol I would supplement the weights with cardio and pilates though.

I'm excited about the weights because someone stole them a few years ago and I just stopped working out regularly after that. :x

[eye_of_tiger]

I'm excited about the weights

It is difficult to know who gets the most lift out of this.

You or the weights?

EoT

[heartk0re]

Lol