When will I finally get a divorce ?

[Geanie7]

Hi,

I am currently separated from my ex and have had enough abuse from him. Although he left home, he keeps coming back and still insists on having keys to home in my absence. He forbids me to meet my good friends who support me and leave children with them.
To top everything else, he has taken a low paying job so he won't have to pay much child support.
I want to ask 1. when is his interference stop in my life?
2. Will I be able to give my children the best values and education?
3. Will there be a decent man ever in my life once this chapter closes?
4. Will I get a fair settlement of assets and child support in divorce?

Thanks

[eye_of_tiger]

Hello Geanie,

Saying that your ex enjoys always being in control over everyone else's life would be an understatement.

Pardon my English but he sounds like a total bastard.

As this is your first visit with us could I please ask you to read the forum rules and introduce yourself, before returning to this thread and letting me know that you are now ready for this reading?

Please read before requesting a reading

http://mysticboard.org/vi ... hp?t=73424

Introduce Yourself forum

http://mysticboard.org/viewforum.php?f=25

We do not predict your future (including your love life)

http://mysticboard.org/vi ... hp?t=78934

While I do want to help you we have rules on Mystic Board  which stop us from trying to predict the future, give medical readings (including predicting or diagnosing a pregnancy), or give readings about someone else without their knowledge or permission (third party).  

I have also made it a personal policy of mine not to interfere when a legal judgement or decision is currently pending, such as is the case with your divorce proceedings.

You may wonder after reading all this if any of your questions are acceptable and whether a reading could still help you. Be assured however that in spite of any rules that I will do whatever I am able to give you some guidance and comfort in these matters.

Particularly because there is a child or children involved as well, it is even more important that you feel safe and are reasonably financially secure.

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  :)

[Geanie7]

Thank you very much EoT,

I have read the rules and introduced myself as advices by you.

I look forward to hear from you on what you can offer in my case.

Kind Regards

[eye_of_tiger]

Dear Geanie,

Yes I saw your introduction and welcomed you to these forums.

Normally we answer one or a couple of questions for each request, but I will answer each of them in turn, based upon the impressions which I am receiving during your reading as well as upon my own experiences as a parent of two now adult children.

Some of what I am about to say may sound overly negative on the surface, and I must apologise for this. While the reading wants to give you hope for a more positive future for you and the girls and encouragement to keep going in spite of the adverse situation you find yourself in through no fault of your own, it does not at the same time wish to create false hope and unrealistic expectations or make promises about what the future still holds in store for your family which are based purely upon wishful thinking. Above all you do not need to be given pick me up phrases such as things could be much worse, so be grateful for your blessings and stop complaining.

This abuse has continued over a long period of time, and unfortunately the signs show that his abuse and terror campaign  is far from being at an end. My first thought was to advise you to get all your locks changed, and let him keep the old and useless key if he wants it, but not knowing how he would respond to this in the way of violence against the three of you, I am hesitant to go down that path.

Because I cannot directly read his thoughts and intentions and personality through a third party reading, I am restricted to reading these things indirectly through you, which automatically makes any insights about him less reliable than they might have been if the third party route had been open to me. Therefore be careful pinning all your hope upon them being a 100% solid foundation on which you can then make important and potentially life changing decisions. For entertainment purposes only does not mean that I am not taking you seriously enough, but it does mean that this information must only be used in combination with non intuitive relevant information coming from other sources, both of a professional and a non professional nature.

1. when is his interference stop in my life?

 

To some degree his influence rather than his interference will always be there inside you, even long after he is dead and buried. The damage he has done to your self confidence and feelings of self worth have left deep emotional scars which will never completely disappear. This might appear to be all bad news, but it is actually not entirely in your best interests for scars to totally disappear or break up. When a wound has healed a scar is often left which makes the affected tissue tougher than the original tissue surrounding it. In a way a scar is nature's band aid and reinforcement. While these experiences of abuse were terrible and inexcusable, your ex has unintentionally created a a much bigger problem for himself.

His ongoing war of terror depends largely upon you being willing to put up with his abuse and to continue to act like a human doormat for him to be able to wipe his feet upon whenever he wants to. But these scars have toughened you into someone who is much stronger and more resilient than ever before. Not the toughness of pessimism and bitterness, but instead the toughness of a healthy, practical, realistic optimism and n even greater determination not to allow anything or anyone to stop you being the best possible mother you can be to your daughters. Your reading is very clear about all the positive qualities of character which you possess both as a woman and as a mother, and these will be used to all your advantages in the future. The purpose of your recovery is not to remove his influence over you, but rather to minimise its impact upon your ability to take good care of yourself and your daughters.

2. Will I be able to give my children the best values and education?  

You cannot help to pass onto them the best moral and ethical values for them. It is hardly a coincidence that you were chosen to be their mother, and just happen to have all the right qualifications to be the best mother whom they could have ever hoped to have. I feel that spirit wanted the best person for the job, and got that person in you. They could foresee what he was likely to do and to protect the next generation  from the same abuse they put you in charge to care for your two greatest achievements so far in this lifetime. What type and level of education you will be able to provide them with will mainly depend upon the local economy and who runs the schools and colleges in your area. And the politicians, local, state and federal will have a major influence on their education opportunities. But honestly with you now being so much stronger and more confident within yourself, your daughters could not have a better person supporting them in getting the best possible education.

3. Will there be a decent man ever in my life once this chapter closes?

That would be me predicting the future, when there is not yet one possible future to predict. There are plenty of decent man around, but many of us errrr... them are simply too humble to admit it.

As I said before do not wait until this chapter is completely closed before you open up to the possibility of having a new partner who loves and respects you, and giving your girls the type of father whom they have always deserved to have. Obviously once the divorce and and associated property settlement are out of the way, you should have a clearer picture of where you stand, especially in the financial or money sense. Until you have that planning anything for your family's futures is going to be difficult, but not impossible. I cannot predict what your love life will be like, any more than I can predict exactly where you will be living in ten year's time.

All I can and will say is that when the time is right for Mr Right, you will attract a very different and much more loving, respectful and better man into your life, when compared to the one which you got last time. For you are and will be more of a very different, stronger woman whom no man would dare abuse. You will not put up with any more bad treatment, from any man blessed enough to be loved by you. This sounds like a line from the movie "Field of Gold" but if you build through your courage and determination never to be abused like that again, he (Mr Right) will surely come as you will be irresistible.

4. Will I get a fair settlement of assets and child support in divorce?

This will depend on how good a  lawyer he can pay for when compared to your own legal representative. And this is where he has a big advantage over you. For you have been progressively starved of money with the sole intention to keep all three of you under his control. Did he really get a low paying job on purpose, only out of his meanness to minimise the child support which he has to pay to help you feed, clothe and educate his daughters? Wouldn't that be like him shooting himself in the foot? Is he really that desperate to keep you tightly under his thumb?

How does he stop you from seeing your friends and using them sometimes to care for your kids, while you go out to have a life of your own and get some paid work? I know that I am giving you more questions than answers in this section of your reading, but my inner guidance feels that by you privately asking yourself these questions with the answers being for your eyes only, that this should boost your self confidence much further than if you had been given somebody else's answers.

The reading sees the only way to loosen his hold over you in you becoming increasingly independent of him, but not as an excuse for him to withdraw all his child support. Generally the law favours the biological mother in most cases, so use your good demonstrated ability as a competent, intelligent and devoted parent to partially or completely neutralise the financial advantage which he has over you, because he has purposely manipulated your situation to be that way through financial starvation. You are looking for justice in the judge's decision. What is fair to one person, may not be fair to another. Fairness is a relative term, rather than it being an absolute one. Looking for revenge in the final decision with reference to the terms of the settlement would be your undoing.

Love, Light and Healing to all three of you,

EoT    :smt049  :smt049  :smt049