My ex boyfriend

[bettyboop19]

Hi,
I would love a reading about my ex boyfriend and I.
I feel like It was all of my fault. I just want to know the truth, and if theirs anyway that him and I can reconcile/or is it over for good.


Thank you

[eye_of_tiger]

Hi Betty,

All reading requests must be posted as a new topic, with its own unique subject heading.

I am unable to give you a relationship reading directly about your ex boyfriend for two reasons explained in more detail in the forum rules, which are here.

"Please Read BEFORE Requesting a Reading"

http://mysticboard.org/vi ... hp?t=73424

The first is that third party readings (readings directly about a person other than yourself) are strictly out of bounds.

Secondly it is not possible to give you a reliable relationship reading concerning a relationship, which apparently no longer exists.

So I need to modify your question(s) in a way which will allow me to offer you some guidance with regards to giving you some answers, but keeping within the rules.

I feel like It was all of my fault.

It is perfectly normal for you to feel this way, but it is NOT ALL YOUR FAULT. Sure you must take your share of the responsibility for whatever caused your relationship to ultimately fail, but he must do the same thing. Fault finding or apportioning blame either to yourself or to him is not only likely to be counter-productive to any chance of you getting back together, but it will actually drive a further nail into the coffin by causing bad feelings, anger and resentment in both of you (although we all do it at some time, as being human means that we are all far short of being perfect).

Anything which makes you lose confidence in yourself such as telling yourself it is all your fault or you are a complete failure or that you do not deserve anything better is almost guaranteed to cause increased feelings of self dislike or self hate, anger and resentment, which has the same damaging effect as you throwing gasoline or petrol on the funeral pyre of your relationship in a vain attempt to put out the flames.

It is always much easier than said but if you are wanting reconciliation and healing of this relationship (and he wants the same thing which I cannot establish through a third party reading), you must approach this by learning to value and respect yourself more as you are, which is the true definition of self love. You are being challenged to love yourself in spite of any human weaknesses or mistakes which you might have made in the past.

The only people who never make mistakes are those who never do anything which is important to them, or those who have fooled themselves or their friends or family into believing they are perfect. We frequently learn far more of lasting value about ourselves and the world and other people through the mistakes which we make, than we ever do from our successes.

So if you never give yourself permission to make mistakes and deal with the consequences of your mistakes, then you are basically short-circuiting any chance of you making real progress as a spiritual and human being (for that is what we all are - spiritual beings having a human experience). The best way I know to stop giving yourself permission to make your mistakes is what you are now doing to yourself. That is punishing yourself needlessly for being an FHB (Fallible Human Being), and not giving yourself enough self love or self compassion. Logically this is what we all should be doing all of the time, but who ever said that human beings always act logically, especially with reference to love and romance?

I just want to know the truth, and if theirs anyway that him and I can reconcile/or is it over for good.  

The truth? Whose truth? Yours, his or mine? I cannot directly read his thoughts and intentions towards having another relationship with you in the future, but unless there are other important factors which the reading does not know about which would act against you ever getting back together, then there is always hope that you will (eventually) get back together as a loving couple, although it might involve a lot of concentrated effort on your part in the meantime.

These readings are only thought to apply to the period of the next six months, so anything beyond that is a subject or question for future readings. Instead of trying to predict what that future will turn out to be, why not instead ask yourself what you could practically, positively and reasonably do in order to greatly increase the chances of it happening during the next half year.

I am picking up in this reading a significant loss of trust between you, POSSIBLY based upon some very shaky circumstantial evidence that one or both of you has been unfaithful (in thought or action) to his or her partner, while the relationship was still very much a goer. Remember that a person cannot be labelled as unfaithful to their partner before they are in a relationship with each other, or after they have left the relationship. Or it could be some other completely different reason for you not trusting each other. Conflicts about money are another potential minefield for many relationships.

Ask yourself if there is enough real, solid physical evidence that he is no longer trustworthy in the fidelity or any other department, before accusing him of being unfaithful/untrustworthy, as if you do not first have that evidence then you could seriously regret making such a damaging accusation if it turned out to be false. Or is it instead that you are so insecure in yourself that you see every mistake he makes as damning evidence of his untrustworthiness? The reading feels that this may be closer to the truth.

You might have been hurt several times before in your relationships with other men, and by unconsciously looking for evidence of something wrong about him, it may unconsciously give you a convenient way out of the relationship before you could get your feelings hurt again. And of course there is also the possibility that he has been unfaithful or untrustworthy, plus you being highly insecure at the same time.

Now you cannot change his behaviour, whether he turns out to have been guilty or innocent of what you are suspecting him of doing. Only he can change that, and only if he really wants to. So in the end you will need to change or improve things about yourself to offer yourself the maximum probability of you reconciling your differences. How do you make yourself feel more secure, and less insecure?

By practising greater self love and by stopping beating up on yourself for possible past mistakes or blaming yourself for factors which were never under your control to change. Such as the negative emotional baggage which he bought with him into your relationship. Or are you blaming yourself for something which could have happened in his life experiences, long before you arrived on the scene?

None of this however is going to make a gram of difference if he really does not want to get back together with you, and is unable or unwilling to work with you with the co-operative intention to achieve your common goal. THIS IS CRITICAL TO YOUR CHANCES OF RESURRECTING THIS RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!

In summary the possibility that you will get back together as a couple within the next six months is near to but not quite 100%, but unless you can work upon some of the above issues in a balanced and mature manner approximately between now and the middle of December (~6 months) the probability of the happy event is more likely to be close to the 50% level which would be expected by random chance or luck.

There is no way on Earth that you can guarantee that the reconciliation will happen before Xmas arrives, but there is challenging emotional, self healing work which you could do during this period to boost your chances of success, well above the 50% mark. Anything which you can practically, positively and reasonably do to increase your self esteem, boost your feelings of security and sow the seeds of renewed trust both in yourself as well as in him is going to go a long way in the desired direction towards reuniting you.

Finally if you look long and hard enough at any human being (including yourself), you will always eventually find mistakes, weaknesses and reasons not to always trust what the person tells you is the truth. If you are looking for someone to love who never makes mistakes or never consciously or unconsciously hurts your feelings, or never does things which can shake your ability to trust them 100% of the time, or never give you reason to feel more insecure or less confident about your abilities to deal with the situation, you are definitely on the wrong planet and dealing with the wrong (human) species.

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  :smt008

[bettyboop19]

Eye-of-tiger,
Thank you for your time and energy for my reading,
It was very insightful. you pointed out several things I should be aware of.
Love myself and I need respect myself. I'm taking your much need advice. Starting today, I'm going to work on loving myself and gain respect for myself!

And  I never cheated on him,or accused him of cheating on me, even though I caught him lying on several occasions.

Thanks again,
Betty

[eye_of_tiger]

Betty,

It is always a pleasure to be of some help to my internet friends. Thanking you in return for your useful feedback.

And  I never cheated on him,or accused him of cheating on me, even though I caught him lying on several occasions.

Of course being unfaithful, disloyal and betraying the trust of your partner through either your thoughts or actions can include sexual infidelity (cheating), but clearly this is not the case in your relationship.

POSSIBLY is the operative word here. Sexual infidelity is only one of many possible ways in which your relationship can quickly come to grief.

Lies are what we tell our partners in an attempt to cover up our unfaithfulness, disloyalty and betrayal of their trust, as well as trying to comfort ourselves into believing that doing so will make the problem magically disappear, and that two wrongs will always make a right.

All the very best,

EoT