I hope all of those reading this are well. And EOT, I hope this message finds you in good health.
I am very impressed by your style of readings, and would (if not too much to ask), as for some guidance and advice.
I am a 31 year old woman. I have 'lost' a lot in my life and find it hard to not be depressed. I cant sleep and take slepeing pill and anti depressants, that have little to no effect , despite being strong prescriptions.
I am woman that is consistently not attractive to the men that I find attractive (I have been consistently rejected since I was 15 for my whole life) and obviously have never had a relationship, I have tried many different careers, and am always advised I am not good enough for the job and been sacked or been forced out.
I have kind friends around me though , which I am grateful for - the one positive in my life , and the only thing that is consistent and good in my life. I don't know if my friends know how much they help me, and how much their support and love means to me.
All of the above(bar my mention of my friends) has got me down over the years. I have tried hard to help myself in many ways, pick lower skilled jobs, try to look better, change my lifestyle to enable myself to meet more people, i am afraid (to quote fact vs just self pity- nothing has changed/given. I have been single for my whole life, and unemployed for most of it. If i don't find a job soon, I will lose my home and have no leads, just rejections for months for interviews.
I have agreed to a date on Sunday via someone I met online. I had a date this past Tuesday and was told i was too fat and ugly to be in the company of and he left in horror. He admitted I looked facially like my photos, but as I was a UK dress size 8/10 , and he imagined me to be slimmer, I was ugly etc. I know I am unattractive, but it hurts to be reminded explicitly and implicitly for so long.
I feel like I should just keep on at life, despite all of the above and keep trying, but I've run out of steam. I'm sorry if that sounds negative, but this is pure honesty for me at this stage. If i could EOT, ask, what your advice is.
What advice you have for the near future and otherwise?I'm not looking for sympathy and am sorry if the post sounds elf pitying, I just don't know where to turn.
I understand if you are too busy etc, and don't have time, or if this is too much to ask of you.
Reading request for Eye of Tiger
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eye_of_tiger
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Welcome Ribbon,
I feel that for the purposes of this reading that in order for me to be able to even begin helping you I need to be equally honest about what I am experiencing in my own life as you have done in yours, as well as what intuitive thoughts came to my mind as I read through your request (which is how my readings work).
I am similarly to yourself not doing this in order to get your sympathy as I believe that sympathy is always a degrading put down, and is almost guaranteed to destroy what little if any of your self confidence remains after the many ordeals of life.
I will therefore according to the golden rule (treat other people as you would want to be treated, if your roles had been reversed) never offer you any sympathy on this or any other forum, but instead I will offer you empathy (an attempt by me to temporarily tune into feeling what it is like to be you, then offer you achievable and practical suggestions with the healing intention to help you with your problems, as a friend and an equal partner in a close working relationship which is built upon mutual honesty and trust.
Have I been honest enough with you, or too much?
Much of this stress is caused by the huge difference between what you expect of yourself, and what you observe in yourself. Or more precisely what you believe that you observe in yourself, whether or not it is true. The stress is mainly being caused by your undeserved disappointment in yourself for not satisfying your sometimes unrealistically high expectations about how pretty you should look or how good you should be at work. Expectations and goals are useful in making us want to improve ourselves, but only if our goals are practical and based upon reality. Unless you have ambitions about becoming a super model (leave it to the stick insects to do this), or becoming the richest businesswoman in your country, will 90% good looking and a decent and reasonably satisfying and reasonably well paid job do? If you cannot have the perfect man of your dreams, will one of us imperfect men do in his place, as long as he loves you, treats you well and with due respect?
Finally, it has been said that our friends and lovers reflect back to us like a mirror what we think about or expect about ourselves. If your expectations about yourself are way beyond what is realistic or achievable and you are never satisfied with anything less than them, you will project the disappointment and dissatisfaction you are experiencing onto everyone whom you meet.
This is not yet another reason for you to beat up upon yourself for unconsciously doing this, but treating the vast gulf between your expectations about yourself and what is achievable by the rest of us will eventually be reflected in the outer world by you getting a man who is a human being but not Mr Perfect, and a job which may not be the best one in the world, but adequately pays your cost of living and leaves something over from your pay packet each week or fortnight or month for you to do the things that are really important to you, and that you love and which make you feel that life is still worth living, in spite of its and your own imperfections.
As much as the difference between your expectations and observations about yourself come closer to each other and to reality, you will attract a much better quality of man, as well as a much more appropriate job for someone like yourself, when compared to the men and jobs which you are currently encountering.
Check out with your doctor if you do have diagnosed PTSD, as this will need to be treated separately.
We are all a complex and constantly changing mixture of the best and the worst qualities which are possible in any human being? It goes with the territory of being just another FHB (Fallible Human Being).
EoT :smt059 :smt077
I feel that for the purposes of this reading that in order for me to be able to even begin helping you I need to be equally honest about what I am experiencing in my own life as you have done in yours, as well as what intuitive thoughts came to my mind as I read through your request (which is how my readings work).
I am similarly to yourself not doing this in order to get your sympathy as I believe that sympathy is always a degrading put down, and is almost guaranteed to destroy what little if any of your self confidence remains after the many ordeals of life.
I will therefore according to the golden rule (treat other people as you would want to be treated, if your roles had been reversed) never offer you any sympathy on this or any other forum, but instead I will offer you empathy (an attempt by me to temporarily tune into feeling what it is like to be you, then offer you achievable and practical suggestions with the healing intention to help you with your problems, as a friend and an equal partner in a close working relationship which is built upon mutual honesty and trust.
I cannot speak on behalf of other people looking at this and I am not sure whether you really wanted to know this, but I am in anything but good health most of the time. Nor am I without my own family and other challenges. Being "psychic" does not automatically mean that we are immune to illness, know all the answers to life's biggest questions or that we usually know any more than you do what the future holds in store for us. In the past I have survived at least one major nervous breakdown with suicidal thoughts, as well as 8.5 years of treatment with tricyclic antidepressants which left me psychologically addicted and nearly resulted in my death. Eventually it all came crashing down on me and I had to resign from my teaching career, retire from paid employment at the age of 30, and now live on a disability support pension with my wife of over 35 years who was diagnosed with advanced but thankfully still localised cancer nearly three years ago, but whom fortunately has remained in total remission since her radiotherapy and chemotherapy treatment was apparently 100% successful. Our daughter who turned 32 three days ago has just been dumped by the man she was living with for four years and our son who is 28 has an autistic spectrum disorder (Asperger's Syndrome) lives in an aged care facility with people who are mentally ill or suffering with varying stages of dementia (or sell drugs and are well known to the police for taking part in criminal activities). Yet we cannot keep him any more at home with us since he left here in September 2011, with my wife and myself being each others carer. One of my main ways of coping with all this is trying to help people from all over the planet through the internet, with me becoming increasingly housebound and my wife being the only one of us who can drive our car.I hope all of those reading this are well. And EOT, I hope this message finds you in good health.
Have I been honest enough with you, or too much?
With humility I thank you sincerely for your genuine, heartfelt compliments, and it is definitely not too much to ask of me for me to give you this reading and support.I am very impressed by your style of readings, and would (if not too much to ask), as for some guidance and advice.
I am a 61 year old man. I and my family have all "lost" a lot in our lives and often find it hard not to be depressed. I suffer with chronic insomnia and have not slept in a bed since 1989 due to my medical condition. I have never taken sleeping pills and I have already told you about the antidepressants which only momentarily dulled the emotional pain. I was also administered too numerous to count here consecutive courses of hospital strength broad spectrum antibiotics, which completely and it now appears permanently destroyed the balance of my gut flora.I am a 31 year old woman. I have 'lost' a lot in my life and find it hard to not be depressed. I cant sleep and take sleeping pill and anti depressants, that have little to no effect , despite being strong prescriptions.
I am wondering what happened to you at the age of 15 which appears to have ruined your self confidence and self respect and mainly has torpedoed your concept of your body and appearance as being acceptable (have there been eating disorders), or was this age simply when you first became really interested in men and in having an intimate relationship with one? You must have had the misfortune of encountering some very shallow and superficial and notably immature men, to be treated in such a disrespectful and to be honest cruel manner as you have been mistreated and abused over the years. Sacked or forced out of one job after another supposedly because you were not good enough? Sorry but I do not believe that if it was true that it was the only reason for you becoming chronically and intermittently unemployed. I feel that the real and main reasons for this happening to you over and over again were either profit driven from within the company, related to the current state of your country's economy, or because you shook their cage and it was therefore used as a good excuse to dismiss you (to get you out of the way). Also I feel there may have been personality clashes with other workers, where you were sacrificed for them to be able to get ahead. The reading recognizes that if you were low in self confidence and unhappy when you had these jobs that your health and work efficiency are going to suffer as a result (did you take too many sick days off because of genuine illness?), but that is only I intuit a small part of the whole otherwise muddy picture.I am woman that is consistently not attractive to the men that I find attractive (I have been consistently rejected since I was 15 for my whole life) and obviously have never had a relationship, I have tried many different careers, and am always advised I am not good enough for the job and been sacked or been forced out.
You are indeed blessed if you are surrounded by kind friends. So much for your theory that you are unlikeable or unattractive enough to keep everyone away from you. With that statement your chances of lasting the distance just went up by a factor of 100 or more, for I view your friends as the best emotional support network you could ever have hoped for, with or without a man who loves you and whom deserves to be loved by a warm, generous and sensitive woman such as yourself. Unfortunately your low self confidence unconsciously attracts these sort of losers and users, but fortunately with time, extra help from outside yourself as well as you learning what self love is and what great power it has to turn your life around in a more positive direction than it is now, this damage can eventually be slowed down then reversed. In the mean time make it crystal clear to your friends how much their love and support means to you through not only your words but also through your actions. Not only will it make them feel good and want to continue to want to be your friend, but the love you send out to them will be returned to you many times over. You need those feelings of love being reflected back to you from your friends, to keep going.I have kind friends around me though , which I am grateful for - the one positive in my life , and the only thing that is consistent and good in my life. I don't know if my friends know how much they help me, and how much their support and love means to me.
The reading is very aware of how hard you have been trying to cope, and it is not giving you advice which is meant to replace what you have already been doing so bravely and so patiently. It is wanting to help you to find ways on top of or in addition to what you have already tried to do to help yourself. The idea is to get to the cause or source of your low self concept, so that you can more easily get the relationship and job. Treat the cause, as well as its many symptoms (which you and your friends have been doing so far, but which by itself can only get you so far and then no further)? If you do lose your home (nothing about this in the reading) could you share with a friend, until you can find somewhere else to live and get another job? As a backup, just in case of an emergency eviction?All of the above(bar my mention of my friends) has got me down over the years. I have tried hard to help myself in many ways, pick lower skilled jobs, try to look better, change my lifestyle to enable myself to meet more people, i am afraid (to quote fact vs just self pity- nothing has changed/given. I have been single for my whole life, and unemployed for most of it. If i don't find a job soon, I will lose my home and have no leads, just rejections for months for interviews.
Unbelievably immature, shallow, cruel, superficial and abusive. Consider yourself fortunate that the relationship never went any further or even worse that you my have bought a child into the world with a father who chooses his partners like children choose lollies. However what happened with him being only one of an ongoing series of men who you say have rejected you in the past has revealed through this reading the primary cause of all your problems, as well as more importantly what you could do about gradually ridding yourself of this burden you have been carrying around with you for so long. You may or may not be diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by your doctor, but you do display all the symptoms of combat fatigue.I have agreed to a date on Sunday via someone I met online. I had a date this past Tuesday and was told i was too fat and ugly to be in the company of and he left in horror. He admitted I looked facially like my photos, but as I was a UK dress size 8/10 , and he imagined me to be slimmer, I was ugly etc. I know I am unattractive, but it hurts to be reminded explicitly and implicitly for so long.
Much of this stress is caused by the huge difference between what you expect of yourself, and what you observe in yourself. Or more precisely what you believe that you observe in yourself, whether or not it is true. The stress is mainly being caused by your undeserved disappointment in yourself for not satisfying your sometimes unrealistically high expectations about how pretty you should look or how good you should be at work. Expectations and goals are useful in making us want to improve ourselves, but only if our goals are practical and based upon reality. Unless you have ambitions about becoming a super model (leave it to the stick insects to do this), or becoming the richest businesswoman in your country, will 90% good looking and a decent and reasonably satisfying and reasonably well paid job do? If you cannot have the perfect man of your dreams, will one of us imperfect men do in his place, as long as he loves you, treats you well and with due respect?
Finally, it has been said that our friends and lovers reflect back to us like a mirror what we think about or expect about ourselves. If your expectations about yourself are way beyond what is realistic or achievable and you are never satisfied with anything less than them, you will project the disappointment and dissatisfaction you are experiencing onto everyone whom you meet.
This is not yet another reason for you to beat up upon yourself for unconsciously doing this, but treating the vast gulf between your expectations about yourself and what is achievable by the rest of us will eventually be reflected in the outer world by you getting a man who is a human being but not Mr Perfect, and a job which may not be the best one in the world, but adequately pays your cost of living and leaves something over from your pay packet each week or fortnight or month for you to do the things that are really important to you, and that you love and which make you feel that life is still worth living, in spite of its and your own imperfections.
As much as the difference between your expectations and observations about yourself come closer to each other and to reality, you will attract a much better quality of man, as well as a much more appropriate job for someone like yourself, when compared to the men and jobs which you are currently encountering.
Check out with your doctor if you do have diagnosed PTSD, as this will need to be treated separately.
We are all a complex and constantly changing mixture of the best and the worst qualities which are possible in any human being? It goes with the territory of being just another FHB (Fallible Human Being).
EoT :smt059 :smt077
Thank you
Eye of Tiger.
Thank you so so much for responding and your incredible kindness in doing so. To be honest, I feel quite guilty having have asked, following reading your post. I appreciate that you made mention of this website being cathartic for you, but the adversity you have been through does make me feel guilty for taking up your time and energy, especially as I know full well how it feels to never be fully 'rested'.I am so so sorry to hear about the adversity that you mentioned.
I am glad to hear though, that you do have a family and one that it sounds like cares about you a lot and vice versa
To answer some the questions you asked.
To quote: "I am wondering what happened to you at the age of 15 which appears to have ruined your self confidence and self respect and mainly has torpedoed your concept of your body and appearance as being acceptable (have there been eating disorders)"
15 was the age that I first found myself attracted to a man. It is pretty much groundhog day in that area tbh.
The men that I am attracted to, don't want me and ignore me or jut advise me that I am not attractive to them.
These men are not models in case you or anyone reading this is wondering. They either just want me for short term encounters and then disappear or just aren't interested, and convey this in various ways.
If I may ask some questions, to better understand a couple of your comments. With my 'rattling employers cages'. To be honest, when I have thought back, yes I did challenge certain inappropriate behaviours I encountered.
For example, I had a very senior individual there decide that I wasn't allowed to work remotely (from home) at times (despite the rest of the company doing so), as he wanted to physically monitor me, for his own personal unknown reasons.
I didn't wish to be treated this way, so I challenged them and ended up losing my job. They had no actual explanation for his conduct, or why I was in the wrong for the above and challenging them. They ended up paying me money to not sue them, but it was still traumatic to go through. And the above has happened in nearly every single job I have ever had, i.e bizarre situations that always seem to arise from dysfunctional/ awkward relationships, as you picked up on.
The fact that this kind of stuff happens a lot, does make me wonder why it comes about as I am 50% of the dysfunctional engagement. Perhaps I have an unintentionally, subconscious antagonistic personality ?
I ask for insight (if not too much to ask), as I don't want to lose future jobs, if maybe I am doing something that kind of keeps bringing these scenarios about.
After 11 years of this stuff happening frequently, in total honesty, I've completely run out of steam for revisiting these scenarios. In regards to your mention of 'too many' sick days - yes, you are right.
I have suffered from quite severe depression and anxiety for 10 years, which has worsened, despite receipt of several therapies, drugs, natural remedies etc.
I can't sleep, which makes normal working hours difficult, so (as outlined earlier) - I preferred to work from home and get the work done in my time , for a company that allowed flexible working. My immediate bosses had no issue with this, and were happy with the quality of my work spanning the 3 years I was employed by the company, but as mentioned above, their bosses (who I didn't report to and who had a tenuous link to me and no clear, just reason for why they were so interested in me) assumed that my lack of visibility meant I was not working and taking advantage in some way, and decided to physically monitor me etc litreally on the hour every hour for a year and complain when I was not visible to them, which caused me more stress.
I find that companies view depression as something you can 'snap out of'/a choice, so I always struggle with trying to pretend to be 'normal' but sometimes it gets the better of me I cant go in as I have had no sleep, feel physically sick for stress, depression and anxiety - but the fact that I don't have anything visibly wrong with me i.e a 'visible' disability such as broken leg etc, means that they assume that I am just skiving. Nearly every single company has treated me this way to date.
I have no idea how to make this situation work out for me in the future, as I have to date struggled to find solutions.
In regards to the jobs that you make mention of. I have always tried to go for less skilled jobs, to avoid more rejection, but as they are not my dream jobs (PA work, despite my having a degree), I try to go for the higher salaries, as I have a mortgage etc and my goal was to invest some money in a business, with a view to be self employed (Unfortunately, the businesses never took off).
Was your meaning that even with the jobs I am going for (mentioned above), I am setting myself up for failure as they are out of my league, and I should go lower yet again?
In regards to why I feel unattractive, to answer your question. Men that tell me that I'm attractive, disappear . The men that I like, aren't interested and/or always reject me. This has been the case from 15 to 31 (present day, as of circa 5 days ago). Therefore, consistent rejection from men I am attracted to and men that I don't find attractive, is what makes me feel like I am generally unattractive and undateable,as realistically , attractive women are able to not experience the above for their whole life.
The men that do want to be part of my life tend to be mentally unstable, i.e sending 100s of messages per day despite my asking them not to, threats etc etc. I have even had situations where the police has had to get involved to get them to stop, and they still didn't. So I prefer to be alone vs with someone who perhaps just wants to control etc and therefore isn't even genuinely interested in me, and just acting out on their mental health issues etc.
re your query about my weight/an eating disorder - I was previously a UK size 6/8 from 15 to 29. I put on weight from 30 to 31 and am now a size 8/10. I personally think that parts of my body look slightly bigger than average, but I'm certainly not starving myself, as tbh, the guys I like rejected me irrespective of when I was thin or not, so I'm staying as is, as Im not encountering health issues such as not being able to move owing to being obese etc, so I am just accepting my weight as is. I have comfort eaten given not being happy, but it is my one thing that makes me feel a bit better at the moment, so I can't face relinquishing it, however people perceive me as being fat/ugly etc.
Re my close friends. Funny you make mention of explicitly advising them that they mean a lot to me, as I had made a conscious decision to do so this week and have done so,just ahead of my receipt of your message. My friends mean SO much to me, and have got me through suidical thoughts that have popped up these past few months, following being pushed out of my last job in June.
Eye of Tiger, if I may trouble you with one last question. I am obviously very hurt at hearing all of my insecurities confirmed by the individual that I went on the date with on Tuesday. However, i feel that I should just continue my life as best I can, this is the objective advice I would give someone else that has faced consistent rejection.
I'm sorry if it sounds weak, but my self confidence and self esteem is so low and shattered that I feel that one more encounter of being rejected, will destroy me, however much work I have done on myself with therapies etc in the past, on my self esteem).
Do you think I should go on the date schedule for tomorrow, or just leave it and resume this kind of stuff if/when I ever feel better about myself/stronger. I'm especially weak at the moment owing to being unemployed, encountering a lot of rejection following only getting 5 interviews in 3 months and being rejected from all , for reasons such as 'your personality is too serious' after putting me through 3 stages of interviews, some of 3 hour sessions etc. I'm taking each day as it comes, but wondering if this looming date is one stressful scenario too many, and one I should perhaps just cancel to void more rejection at an already painful time.
Sorry again if this sounds like self pit, not my intention...
Thank you so so much for responding and your incredible kindness in doing so. To be honest, I feel quite guilty having have asked, following reading your post. I appreciate that you made mention of this website being cathartic for you, but the adversity you have been through does make me feel guilty for taking up your time and energy, especially as I know full well how it feels to never be fully 'rested'.I am so so sorry to hear about the adversity that you mentioned.
I am glad to hear though, that you do have a family and one that it sounds like cares about you a lot and vice versa
To answer some the questions you asked.
To quote: "I am wondering what happened to you at the age of 15 which appears to have ruined your self confidence and self respect and mainly has torpedoed your concept of your body and appearance as being acceptable (have there been eating disorders)"
15 was the age that I first found myself attracted to a man. It is pretty much groundhog day in that area tbh.
The men that I am attracted to, don't want me and ignore me or jut advise me that I am not attractive to them.
These men are not models in case you or anyone reading this is wondering. They either just want me for short term encounters and then disappear or just aren't interested, and convey this in various ways.
If I may ask some questions, to better understand a couple of your comments. With my 'rattling employers cages'. To be honest, when I have thought back, yes I did challenge certain inappropriate behaviours I encountered.
For example, I had a very senior individual there decide that I wasn't allowed to work remotely (from home) at times (despite the rest of the company doing so), as he wanted to physically monitor me, for his own personal unknown reasons.
I didn't wish to be treated this way, so I challenged them and ended up losing my job. They had no actual explanation for his conduct, or why I was in the wrong for the above and challenging them. They ended up paying me money to not sue them, but it was still traumatic to go through. And the above has happened in nearly every single job I have ever had, i.e bizarre situations that always seem to arise from dysfunctional/ awkward relationships, as you picked up on.
The fact that this kind of stuff happens a lot, does make me wonder why it comes about as I am 50% of the dysfunctional engagement. Perhaps I have an unintentionally, subconscious antagonistic personality ?
I ask for insight (if not too much to ask), as I don't want to lose future jobs, if maybe I am doing something that kind of keeps bringing these scenarios about.
After 11 years of this stuff happening frequently, in total honesty, I've completely run out of steam for revisiting these scenarios. In regards to your mention of 'too many' sick days - yes, you are right.
I have suffered from quite severe depression and anxiety for 10 years, which has worsened, despite receipt of several therapies, drugs, natural remedies etc.
I can't sleep, which makes normal working hours difficult, so (as outlined earlier) - I preferred to work from home and get the work done in my time , for a company that allowed flexible working. My immediate bosses had no issue with this, and were happy with the quality of my work spanning the 3 years I was employed by the company, but as mentioned above, their bosses (who I didn't report to and who had a tenuous link to me and no clear, just reason for why they were so interested in me) assumed that my lack of visibility meant I was not working and taking advantage in some way, and decided to physically monitor me etc litreally on the hour every hour for a year and complain when I was not visible to them, which caused me more stress.
I find that companies view depression as something you can 'snap out of'/a choice, so I always struggle with trying to pretend to be 'normal' but sometimes it gets the better of me I cant go in as I have had no sleep, feel physically sick for stress, depression and anxiety - but the fact that I don't have anything visibly wrong with me i.e a 'visible' disability such as broken leg etc, means that they assume that I am just skiving. Nearly every single company has treated me this way to date.
I have no idea how to make this situation work out for me in the future, as I have to date struggled to find solutions.
In regards to the jobs that you make mention of. I have always tried to go for less skilled jobs, to avoid more rejection, but as they are not my dream jobs (PA work, despite my having a degree), I try to go for the higher salaries, as I have a mortgage etc and my goal was to invest some money in a business, with a view to be self employed (Unfortunately, the businesses never took off).
Was your meaning that even with the jobs I am going for (mentioned above), I am setting myself up for failure as they are out of my league, and I should go lower yet again?
In regards to why I feel unattractive, to answer your question. Men that tell me that I'm attractive, disappear . The men that I like, aren't interested and/or always reject me. This has been the case from 15 to 31 (present day, as of circa 5 days ago). Therefore, consistent rejection from men I am attracted to and men that I don't find attractive, is what makes me feel like I am generally unattractive and undateable,as realistically , attractive women are able to not experience the above for their whole life.
The men that do want to be part of my life tend to be mentally unstable, i.e sending 100s of messages per day despite my asking them not to, threats etc etc. I have even had situations where the police has had to get involved to get them to stop, and they still didn't. So I prefer to be alone vs with someone who perhaps just wants to control etc and therefore isn't even genuinely interested in me, and just acting out on their mental health issues etc.
re your query about my weight/an eating disorder - I was previously a UK size 6/8 from 15 to 29. I put on weight from 30 to 31 and am now a size 8/10. I personally think that parts of my body look slightly bigger than average, but I'm certainly not starving myself, as tbh, the guys I like rejected me irrespective of when I was thin or not, so I'm staying as is, as Im not encountering health issues such as not being able to move owing to being obese etc, so I am just accepting my weight as is. I have comfort eaten given not being happy, but it is my one thing that makes me feel a bit better at the moment, so I can't face relinquishing it, however people perceive me as being fat/ugly etc.
Re my close friends. Funny you make mention of explicitly advising them that they mean a lot to me, as I had made a conscious decision to do so this week and have done so,just ahead of my receipt of your message. My friends mean SO much to me, and have got me through suidical thoughts that have popped up these past few months, following being pushed out of my last job in June.
Eye of Tiger, if I may trouble you with one last question. I am obviously very hurt at hearing all of my insecurities confirmed by the individual that I went on the date with on Tuesday. However, i feel that I should just continue my life as best I can, this is the objective advice I would give someone else that has faced consistent rejection.
I'm sorry if it sounds weak, but my self confidence and self esteem is so low and shattered that I feel that one more encounter of being rejected, will destroy me, however much work I have done on myself with therapies etc in the past, on my self esteem).
Do you think I should go on the date schedule for tomorrow, or just leave it and resume this kind of stuff if/when I ever feel better about myself/stronger. I'm especially weak at the moment owing to being unemployed, encountering a lot of rejection following only getting 5 interviews in 3 months and being rejected from all , for reasons such as 'your personality is too serious' after putting me through 3 stages of interviews, some of 3 hour sessions etc. I'm taking each day as it comes, but wondering if this looming date is one stressful scenario too many, and one I should perhaps just cancel to void more rejection at an already painful time.
Sorry again if this sounds like self pit, not my intention...
Also, (and I sincerely mean this), if I am asking too much or too many questions, please don't worry about responding. I feel guilty even asking and also the advice you gave me was really insightful and helped me also. So, please please don't worry if it is too much to ask at all. I won't take any of fence
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eye_of_tiger
- Site Admin
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Dear Ribbon,
As long as the questions directly relate to what is already in your request or are mentioned in your reading please do not feel that you need to apologise. It is only when people ask me totally new and unrelated questions where a new reading would be needed in order to try to answer them.
Firstly, I wanted to thank you for taking the time and making the effort to provide me with such excellent and useful feedback. This helps me to get a much more accurate picture not only of your own personal situation, but also how well or otherwise the reading did in picking up the information.
It appears that it was correct when it gave me the impression that 15 was simply the age when you began looking for a partner, but I was just checking that this was not the only significance of that particular age. I did not expect that they would be models or not models.
That refers to the part of your reading where it mentioned the possibility of eating disorders, which are in turn related to a distorted idea of how much person weighs so common amongst models of either gender. The models look more like stick insects because they have dieted and caused themselves to repeatedly vomit up their food because even though their weight is dangerously low they think that they are fat and therefore need to continue to starve themselves to death in looking for what they see as a perfect body. Very tragic indeed. It turns out however that this did not apply to you, although you do seem more sensitive to comments about your weight which maybe explains why you seem to attract men to whom your body weight is an issue above everything else.
I can quite understand you not wanting to revisit these upsetting scenarios in your past, but that is how a reading works. Different scenarios are shown to the reader about the sitter, and the most likely is then selected based upon what has already been picked up about them. By examining and analyzing past scenarios, it is hoped that your needless guilt about your personality can be replaced with increased self love, self compassion and self acceptance. Yes like everyone else you have both personality strengths and weaknesses, but that only makes you more like the rest of the human race. Having a personality weakness or two or three does not mean you are a bad, worthless or sick person, as we all have them. Do not focus exclusively upon your personality weaknesses, as you have more than enough personality strengths and good character qualities about you to balance any of them that do exist. Your strength of character and courage in facing adversity comes through loud and clear to me.
For example Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I have has been called the malingerer's disease. Basically I am supposed to have wanted to get out of going to work for the rest of my life by making myself so sick and depressed that I am now enjoying a life which is one long holiday at the tax payer's expense. You are not telling me anything new about the widespread discrimination practiced in our society against people with mental or emotional illnesses which I do not already know all too well.
Depression is seen to be the common cold of the mind. It is in epidemic proportions these days. Are all depressed people malingerers looking for any easy life? Do they really believe that being severely depressed is easy or fun?
BTW what is a normal personality, and why is it that it is always their personality which is the normal one?
:smt002
Take good care of yourself,
EoT :smt007
As long as the questions directly relate to what is already in your request or are mentioned in your reading please do not feel that you need to apologise. It is only when people ask me totally new and unrelated questions where a new reading would be needed in order to try to answer them.
Firstly, I wanted to thank you for taking the time and making the effort to provide me with such excellent and useful feedback. This helps me to get a much more accurate picture not only of your own personal situation, but also how well or otherwise the reading did in picking up the information.
It appears that it was correct when it gave me the impression that 15 was simply the age when you began looking for a partner, but I was just checking that this was not the only significance of that particular age. I did not expect that they would be models or not models.
That refers to the part of your reading where it mentioned the possibility of eating disorders, which are in turn related to a distorted idea of how much person weighs so common amongst models of either gender. The models look more like stick insects because they have dieted and caused themselves to repeatedly vomit up their food because even though their weight is dangerously low they think that they are fat and therefore need to continue to starve themselves to death in looking for what they see as a perfect body. Very tragic indeed. It turns out however that this did not apply to you, although you do seem more sensitive to comments about your weight which maybe explains why you seem to attract men to whom your body weight is an issue above everything else.
Clearly while it is not your fault that this continues to happen, you or more specifically your personality does play some role in this dissonance you are experiencing in one job after another. I seriously doubt however that the role your personality plays is anything like 50% and only a qualified doctor or psychologist or psychiatrist could diagnose whether you have a subconscious antagonistic personality. The reading was merely suggesting that there was a conflict between your personality and theirs. It was not suggesting that you have a pathological personality which automatically sets you up for trouble.The fact that this kind of stuff happens a lot, does make me wonder why it comes about as I am 50% of the dysfunctional engagement. Perhaps I have an unintentionally, subconscious antagonistic personality ?
But that is the whole point. Your personality is not under your conscious control to change, so you are not actually doing your personality. Your personality just is. And the question here is why you should always be expected to change your attitudes towards your work colleagues when the other workers are not expected to also similarly modify their negative attitudes and behaviors towards you. Why should your personality always get all the blame for any conflicts? It sounds to me that many of the places in which you have worked badly needed their cages rattled, but you did not consciously create your problems. Fortunately we are only held responsible for those things over which we have conscious control to change, and your personality is not one of them.if maybe I am doing something that kind of keeps bringing these scenarios about.
After 11 years of this stuff happening frequently, in total honesty, I've completely run out of steam for revisiting these scenarios.
I can quite understand you not wanting to revisit these upsetting scenarios in your past, but that is how a reading works. Different scenarios are shown to the reader about the sitter, and the most likely is then selected based upon what has already been picked up about them. By examining and analyzing past scenarios, it is hoped that your needless guilt about your personality can be replaced with increased self love, self compassion and self acceptance. Yes like everyone else you have both personality strengths and weaknesses, but that only makes you more like the rest of the human race. Having a personality weakness or two or three does not mean you are a bad, worthless or sick person, as we all have them. Do not focus exclusively upon your personality weaknesses, as you have more than enough personality strengths and good character qualities about you to balance any of them that do exist. Your strength of character and courage in facing adversity comes through loud and clear to me.
Completely undeserved by you, but unfortunately every boss has his or her own boss to answer to in carrying out their orders. I m sure that this policy would have been equally applied to any of their workers who chose to work from their own homes. It is supposed to boost work efficiency and security, but it usually does the complete opposite. When will employers realise that a worker who is happy and feels trusted is always good for their company's health and future?decided to physically monitor me etc litreally on the hour every hour for a year and complain when I was not visible to them, which caused me more stress.
So do many doctors and people. Only if you yourself or someone very close to to you has been severely depressed can you even begin to understand that depression is an unconscious response to situations which the personality cannot easily cope with. Unconscious means not under your conscious control. If you did not make yourself depressed, how can you then be expected to unmake your depression? I have learned that most people's disabilities are invisible and seriously misunderstood.I find that companies view depression as something you can 'snap out of'/a choice
For example Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I have has been called the malingerer's disease. Basically I am supposed to have wanted to get out of going to work for the rest of my life by making myself so sick and depressed that I am now enjoying a life which is one long holiday at the tax payer's expense. You are not telling me anything new about the widespread discrimination practiced in our society against people with mental or emotional illnesses which I do not already know all too well.
Depression is seen to be the common cold of the mind. It is in epidemic proportions these days. Are all depressed people malingerers looking for any easy life? Do they really believe that being severely depressed is easy or fun?
BTW what is a normal personality, and why is it that it is always their personality which is the normal one?
:smt002 By continuing to apply for position, brushing up on your work skills, improving your education (what area is your degree in) and following some of the suggestions offered by this reading, with professional help.I have no idea how to make this situation work out for me in the future,
Absolutely and categorically NO! Again you are blaming yourself for something which never will be under your conscious control. You must not lower your expectations of what type of job you are capable of doing well, but you must not be so hard upon yourself that you automatically see every setback as your own work or fault. These days if you stand up for your rights to be treated with respect by other people they so often defend themselves by trying to convince you that you or your personality are the problem. And they and their personality play no part in any conflicts. Or so they want us to believe is the truth.Was your meaning that even with the jobs I am going for (mentioned above), I am setting myself up for failure as they are out of my league, and I should go lower yet again?
So now you are almost expecting a man to walk out upon you, which only makes it more likely that they will walk out on you this time and other men will do the same in the future. This is called a negative self fulfilling prophecy, but is not conscious. Basically by expecting that to happen to us strongly and often enough, our unconscious minds and habits of thought attract the very factors into our lives which set us up for repeated walk outs well into the future. It is our unconscious minds which need to be reprogrammed for success. Only qualified professional can help us to do this. Self help books only usually have limited success at subconscious reprogramming.Men that tell me that I'm attractive, disappear . The men that I like, aren't interested and/or always reject me. This has been the case from 15 to 31 (present day, as of circa 5 days ago).
Which only demonstrates that you are not fat. Few people are happy with the proportions of different body parts. It is quite normal to put on some weight as you get older, but your eight is still well within the normal range so their claims that they re rejecting you because you are overweight are ridiculous and dishonest. They are looking for excuses to not have to commit to the relationship, and are using a weight problem you do not have as a reason for retreating. They do not want to admit that they are a big part of any problems between the two of you, so if they can make you feel that you or your weight are the problem, they do not need to do any emotional work upon themselves and examine their own faults.am now a size 8/10.
Particularly if you are feeling especially weak at the moment, my advice would be to just leave it and resume this kind of stuff if/when you ever feel stronger about yourself as a result of having your subconscious reprogrammed for success by a qualified professional. Without the subconscious reprogramming, the wait for you to become strong enough by yourself, could be too long for you to have to endure. It is most unlikely to happen spontaneously, but not impossible. So far you have only done the self esteem therapy on yourself. You need to work with professional to give you the self confidence boost you need and deserve to get. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. If you had been weak and pathetic, you would not have got this far.Do you think I should go on the date schedule for tomorrow, or just leave it and resume this kind of stuff if/when I ever feel better about myself/stronger.
You are mixing up self analysis with self pity. Self analysis with the positive, healing intention to improve yourself and to work upon your personal issues has nothing at all to do with self pity. Anyone who accuses you of self pity (I certainly never would) does not know what he or she is talking about.Sorry again if this sounds like self pity, not my intention...
Take good care of yourself,
EoT :smt007
PS- re the working from home comment. No, it was a large corporate. Literally thousands. Every single other worker worked from home, it was only me that this man decided wasn't allowed to work from home,. and treated me differently. Despite the fact that I did 3 times more work than others in this time period (which was my key argument,as I didn't understand their logic -i.e being out of sight doesn't mean i am skiving). This man litreally stalked me for a year, and (with no exaggeration), had an unhealthy obsession with me, that felt more personal than professional. It felt like it was about control vs any genuine work related reason.
oh and btw (in order to help myself, as I have done whatever I felt would help me move on emotionally from all the stress) - I sent the 56 year old man that I had met up with that told me that I was too fat and other negative stuff, an email that outlined (ahead of receipt of your advice), a number of points that made it clear that he was trying to avoid his own issues by belittling others(it wasn't just me that he put down that night, he was also obnoxiously rude to the waiters in the venue, to a ridiculous level). How self assured can someone be that they spend the majority of their time putting others down, and whilst looks aren't everything, Im not sure that a 56 year old balding man is any place to judge others lack of physical perfection etc.
Sending this helped me, not out of revenge, but owing to seeing the facts in black and white, and realising that rejection isn't always just about me, and perhaps shouldn't be taken as personally as I have taken it. This man's reaction proved that his conduct was about his insecurities, vs me also. Therefore your comments below were spot on
"Which only demonstrates that you are not fat. Few people are happy with the proportions of different body parts. It is quite normal to put on some weight as you get older, but your eight is still well within the normal range so their claims that they re rejecting you because you are overweight are ridiculous and dishonest. They are looking for excuses to not have to commit to the relationship, and are using a weight problem you do not have as a reason for retreating. They do not want to admit that they are a big part of any problems between the two of you, so if they can make you feel that you or your weight are the problem, they do not need to do any emotional work upon themselves and examine their own faults"
Sending this helped me, not out of revenge, but owing to seeing the facts in black and white, and realising that rejection isn't always just about me, and perhaps shouldn't be taken as personally as I have taken it. This man's reaction proved that his conduct was about his insecurities, vs me also. Therefore your comments below were spot on
"Which only demonstrates that you are not fat. Few people are happy with the proportions of different body parts. It is quite normal to put on some weight as you get older, but your eight is still well within the normal range so their claims that they re rejecting you because you are overweight are ridiculous and dishonest. They are looking for excuses to not have to commit to the relationship, and are using a weight problem you do not have as a reason for retreating. They do not want to admit that they are a big part of any problems between the two of you, so if they can make you feel that you or your weight are the problem, they do not need to do any emotional work upon themselves and examine their own faults"
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eye_of_tiger
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"Wearing our hearts upon our sleeves"
Ribbon,Sending this helped me, not out of revenge, but owing to seeing the facts in black and white, and realising that rejection isn't always just about me, and perhaps shouldn't be taken as personally as I have taken it. This man's reaction proved that his conduct was about his insecurities, vs me also
All power to you! :smt026
You have already begun to penetrate his armor by demonstrating to him in a manner which he can no longer ignore that his behaviour towards you was not only unacceptable, but also primarily a symptom of his own insecurities projected outward onto you, as well as onto any other person with whom he comes in contact.
Not taking everything personally to heart is an ongoing challenge for so many of us on Mystic Board, myself included.
I often wonder whether the increased tendency to do this when compared to the general population is a challenge which we need to face in return for our heightened sensitivities, and our increased empathy towards the people who come to us for help. Our empathy which is so necessary for us to be able to continue to do this healing work.
The phrase "wearing our hearts upon our sleeves" immediately springs to mind as being symbolic of what is without doubt simultaneously our greatest strength (empathy) as Light-workers, and greatest potential weakness (the tendency to take every one of life's arrows of misfortune as a personal attack).
BTW I must thank you again for your brilliant and very comprehensive feedback, as each of your revelations adds one or two more puzzle pieces to the big picture of who you really are at the soul level.
Let your inner light shine through more brightly than ever before, with the intention to methodically and comprehensively dispel and dissolve the darkness of ignorance and negativity, which constantly threatens to engulf us.
Thank you as well in gratitude for your positive energies, healing thoughts and prayers sent in my direction, which are always I can assure you deeply and sincerely appreciated by yours truly.
Loving regards,
EoT :smt052
Thank you so much for your further comments.
I honestly cant thank you enough, as your words and reading have literally lifted me from an incredibly dark place.
And helped me to understand/slightly clear the 'fog' in my mind, that had crippled me into deeper depression ahead of writing to you.
I googled PTSD and am DEFINITELY experiencing that, everything made sense. I come from a very dysfunctional background, of a dismissive, disinterested and absent Father who I saw a total of 5 times in my life, and mentally and physically abusive Mother that has made my life hell and did her best to destroy my in all sorts of different ways over that time period. I lived in that situation for the best part of 25 years.
I have been in therapy since then. However, a lot of my reactions to what I know realise are 'triggers' from my past now make me feel better about myself.
I read forums about the disorder and about consistently attracting abusive relationships, and feel so much better and less alone/isolated, as people talked about their coping mechanisms and journeys.
This research then lead me to read up about CBT. I then carried out an online exercise for more positive thinking , and it made me better understand my reactions and the conscious part of why I attract to cretins such as the imbecile and phony that 'fat shamed' me into my life.
Obviously,I am just at the VERY start of another journey of helping to better myself (am going to phone MIND the charity) tomorrow to ask if they are able to enrol me onto CBT therapy programmes (1 year wait on the NHS).
But , before I wrote to you, i was seriously entertaining suicidal thoughts,as I saw that as the only exit out of this pain, given years of what felt at that stage, like dead end attempts to stop negative patterns ensuing.
Your approach and advice has turned things around to pull me out of that sticky mud. I feel better equipped to move forward, and the discovery of the CBT self help tools, is something that will help me ahead of seeking professional help and tackle the PTSD also simultaneously ahead of such. Re reading the content of your reading has also helped add to my mental strength atm, which i kind of thought was never going to be possible after reaching total rock bottom last week, ahead of posting.
Thank you so so much EOT. I honestly can't thank you enough.
Love and Light
R
I honestly cant thank you enough, as your words and reading have literally lifted me from an incredibly dark place.
And helped me to understand/slightly clear the 'fog' in my mind, that had crippled me into deeper depression ahead of writing to you.
I googled PTSD and am DEFINITELY experiencing that, everything made sense. I come from a very dysfunctional background, of a dismissive, disinterested and absent Father who I saw a total of 5 times in my life, and mentally and physically abusive Mother that has made my life hell and did her best to destroy my in all sorts of different ways over that time period. I lived in that situation for the best part of 25 years.
I have been in therapy since then. However, a lot of my reactions to what I know realise are 'triggers' from my past now make me feel better about myself.
I read forums about the disorder and about consistently attracting abusive relationships, and feel so much better and less alone/isolated, as people talked about their coping mechanisms and journeys.
This research then lead me to read up about CBT. I then carried out an online exercise for more positive thinking , and it made me better understand my reactions and the conscious part of why I attract to cretins such as the imbecile and phony that 'fat shamed' me into my life.
Obviously,I am just at the VERY start of another journey of helping to better myself (am going to phone MIND the charity) tomorrow to ask if they are able to enrol me onto CBT therapy programmes (1 year wait on the NHS).
But , before I wrote to you, i was seriously entertaining suicidal thoughts,as I saw that as the only exit out of this pain, given years of what felt at that stage, like dead end attempts to stop negative patterns ensuing.
Your approach and advice has turned things around to pull me out of that sticky mud. I feel better equipped to move forward, and the discovery of the CBT self help tools, is something that will help me ahead of seeking professional help and tackle the PTSD also simultaneously ahead of such. Re reading the content of your reading has also helped add to my mental strength atm, which i kind of thought was never going to be possible after reaching total rock bottom last week, ahead of posting.
Thank you so so much EOT. I honestly can't thank you enough.
Love and Light
R
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eye_of_tiger
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Dear Ribbon,
Your tribute is a reminder to me of exactly why I came to this website in the first place, and why I continue to carry out my spiritual labour of love on these forums.
The mere thought that my words of comfort and support have unknowingly started you out on a new and much more postive part of your spiritual journey honestly excites me like no drug could ever possibly do.
Your response has caused me to be on an emotional high, and it may take some time for me to come down from my cloud in order to be able to put my reading hat back on for helping someone else.
Love, Light and Healing to all,
EoT
Your tribute is a reminder to me of exactly why I came to this website in the first place, and why I continue to carry out my spiritual labour of love on these forums.
The mere thought that my words of comfort and support have unknowingly started you out on a new and much more postive part of your spiritual journey honestly excites me like no drug could ever possibly do.
Your response has caused me to be on an emotional high, and it may take some time for me to come down from my cloud in order to be able to put my reading hat back on for helping someone else.
Love, Light and Healing to all,
EoT
Very kind words.
I am glad that this is the case! Also, in regards to perhaps generating an income during your hardship, have you considered working for physic tv channels and providing spiritual readings? Or even advertising such on gumtree? That way you can work as you wish and do something that you thoroughly enjoy, that also continues to bring good into your life ,and others, the way that you have done me?
All the best
R
I am glad that this is the case! Also, in regards to perhaps generating an income during your hardship, have you considered working for physic tv channels and providing spiritual readings? Or even advertising such on gumtree? That way you can work as you wish and do something that you thoroughly enjoy, that also continues to bring good into your life ,and others, the way that you have done me?
All the best
R
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eye_of_tiger
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Ribbon,
Thank you for the kind suggestions but I prefer to work as I am already doing and could not cope with working professionally, as I would put too much extra pressure upon myself to meet my client's higher expectations as they would be paying for it.
Fortunately I have the luxury of not needing any extra income in order to survive financially.
Fame and fortune are of no interest to me, and therefore I will continue to give free readings on Mystic Board until those in Spirit who have placed me here to carry out this labor of love, decide to call me home.
EoT :)
Thank you for the kind suggestions but I prefer to work as I am already doing and could not cope with working professionally, as I would put too much extra pressure upon myself to meet my client's higher expectations as they would be paying for it.
Fortunately I have the luxury of not needing any extra income in order to survive financially.
Fame and fortune are of no interest to me, and therefore I will continue to give free readings on Mystic Board until those in Spirit who have placed me here to carry out this labor of love, decide to call me home.
EoT :)
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