At a Crossroad

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Connectedacrosstheworld
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At a Crossroad

Post by Connectedacrosstheworld » Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:19 am

Hello EOT,

First of all I want to offer my heartiest congratulations to your wife. I just read about her health in one of the other posts. It's so gladdening to hear about her test results, but I sympathize with the chronic fatigue. I have had over 11 major surgeries and many more hospitalizations and it is amazing how frustrating fatigue can be. She must have a wonderful spirit for her to be so courageous.

As I wrote in my previous post, I would like some guidance about to have a more congruent relationship with my parents considering the cumulative abuse over the years and whether or not my parents will ever give their blessing for me to marry my fiancée.

Moderator note: Your DOB is already in your forum profile. The time and place of your birth is only of use to an astrologer.

I appreciate what you are doing so much; thank you for investing so much time and effort into this process!

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:34 pm

As Thursdays are my regular weekly day off from giving any readings, I plan to do this sometime on Friday morning (South Australian time is currently GMT + 9.5 hours).

In the meantime, could you please click on the following link and learn why predicting the future through a psychic reading can often be difficult?

http://mysticboard.org/vi ... hp?t=83713

CU soon,

EoT

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eye_of_tiger
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Find out what resources you have available, and then use them to their fullest

Post by eye_of_tiger » Fri Apr 24, 2015 1:49 am

Back again,
whether or not my parents will ever give their blessing for me to marry my fiancée
To do this I would need to directly read your parent's minds without their knowledge or permission, to see what your chances are of them ever giving their blessing for you to marry your fiancé.

But a reading about any person or persons other than yourself is called a third party reading, and third party readings are not allowed on Mystic Board according to the rules.

Also I would be attempting to predict the future, which as I explained in detail in my forum sticky (link to this in my previous message), usually ranges somewhere between difficult and impossible.

Which then reduces your question on which this reading is to be entirely based to........
I would like some guidance about to have a more congruent relationship with my parents considering the cumulative abuse over the years.
And here is a link to the background information, which you provided us with earlier.

http://mysticboard.org/vi ... 095#337095
I have been in a long distance relationship with my fiancé (I don't feel comfortable with the term "boyfriend") for almost 2.5 years. He lives in India and I live in America. In our culture, as in many, the blessings of our parents are essential. However, my mother wanted to marry me to someone who was extremely abusive to me and refuses to approve of anyone else. She's also been abusive to me my entire life. My father does not take an active role in the situation and remains silent as my mother abuses me.
If by the "abusive" you mean psychological abuse, there is still some hope that your mother will eventually accept that you are not going to marry the similarly abusive man whom she chose for you to marry. It would be wrong and even cruel for me however to say that it is more than less likely to happen, and it definitely would be wrong to say that it is likely to be easy to change her mind. Your father is likely to agree with anything which she decides, so he has very little input or significance in this. It is crystal clear who is in the position of authority in your family, and the fact that you are so dependent on her due to your physical limitations as well as financially only makes her power and influence over your life decisions that much more stronger than they would have been if you lived independently of your parents.

If by "abusive" you mean that she takes unfair advantage of your dependency in order to get her way, and force you to enter into a loveless and abusive relationship, then you are far from being alone especially in a culture where disability is seen as a sign of mental incompetence, and marriages are regularly arranged by parents well before you are the marrying age. I am not saying that arranged marriages are wrong or never work out, or that there is no love in any of them.

But I am saying that some parents can use arranged marriages as a weapon to impose or force their sons and daughters to remain permanently dependent on them or on someone else who does exactly what they say. Do not apologize or feel embarrassed for feeling  so bad when your parents have given you so many good things as well.

You are absolutely correct in saying that no matter what other good things they gave you, that is no excuse for them using your vulnerability and dependencies against you. If you did not feel angry or hurt about what your mother has done and is still doing, it would not be healthy. If you continued to bury and deny having these feelings long enough, they would eventually build up to such a pressure that they could explode outwards and potentially destroy any chance of you ever having a close relationship again with any man (without you getting urgent professional help).

So you have these natural, normal, healthy feelings of anger and resentment and hurt mainly towards your mother, and to a lesser degree towards a life which seems so unfair. Being a student often keeps young people dependent longer on their parents, and living under their roof helps to get you by and perhaps even allow you to save some money to move out on your own or with a partner after you have graduated. How much longer is your course? If you could start earning some of your own money then your financial dependency on her weakens, and so does her influence over you.

Use your understandable anger and resentment to give you back the power to decide your own future destiny, including who you will marry, and in which country you will decide to live. This will mean that you have to make plans and take whatever steps are required for you to put your plans into effect. You did not learn to become dependent so much as you were given no other choices when living with your parents. A forced or imposed dependency, possibly at first with the best of intentions to protect their only child from the big, bad world.

This is always much easier for me to tell you than for you to do it, but until with or without professional help (is a counselor provided where you study?) you work out a plan to marry then live with your fiance either in India or America, and divide the journey into smaller and achievable and measurable steps, your reading certainly does not see any chance of your situation significantly improving during the next six months thought to be covered by it. You are currently facing such major challenges in so many different areas of your life that a psychic reading by itself is never going to be enough.

Begin thinking about what resources including people who also might be able to help you live your dream with the man you love. I believe that you have far more resources to call on (both inside and outside of you) than you presently are aware of. If you are not aware that you have these resources, how can you possibly use them? A doctor, family member, close friend in a position of authority, professional or non professional, counselor at the school or university or college, people who help other people over the internet.................................................................. etc?

Your three greatest assets on this journey are probably your courage and intelligence (both of them more than enough), and your willingness to ask for somebody else's help when it is needed. You need and deserve all the help that you can get and afford, with this challenging situation.

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  :smt056

Connectedacrosstheworld
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Thank You!!

Post by Connectedacrosstheworld » Wed May 20, 2015 8:22 am

Hello EoT,

Thank you very much for such a comprehensive post. First, I apologize for being absent for so long but I was actually in India to attend to my grandmother, since my grandfather recently passed away.

The points you make ring true to me, and it was helpful to gain that support to the validity of my current reality, as well as the insightful suggestions you made.  

I will attempt to answer your questions as best as I can here:

My mother has been both physically and psychologically abusive throughout my life.
I will graduate in December with my BS degree. I also work, and have the capacity to support myself financially. However, transportation is an issue because I do not live in an area where public transportation will meet my needs, but due to my disability I am not able to drive. For that, I will appreciate my parents who drive me to university and work.
Yes, my university provides free counseling sessions. I suppose I should make better use of that resource, but have only used it once to discuss some issues I had with a cousin suffering from borderline personality disorder.
I plan to tell my spiritual leader about my situation. My parents were trying hard to restrict me from pursuing my spiritual goals but after years of trying, he was able to convince them to let me progress. Even if he does not do the same this time, he may be able to help connect me to others in our spiritual society who have resources conducive to assisting me with these challenges.

Again, I appreciate what you do so much! :)

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Fri May 22, 2015 12:26 am

I am very sorry to hear about your grandfather, and of course being there to support his widow must take top priority over any online activities, so there is really no need to apologize.

Then your mother is responsible for all that I suspected that she was and probably much more. The scars of such prolonged and extreme psychological and emotional abuse often run deep, but are more likely to remain hidden for much of your life, from anyone other than those people who are closest to you.

A combination of a keen mind, no shortage of courage or effort on your part and your unwillingness to sit there feeling sorry for yourself and being seen as a helpless victim of your disability and personal circumstances, will I feel continue to carry you a long way beyond your imminent graduation.

Becoming increasingly financially independent is without doubt the best way out of you feeling as though you are permanently trapped in a situation not of your own making.
but due to my disability I am not able to drive. For that, I will appreciate my parents who drive me to university and work.
I am not sure what is worse. Never being able to drive or having once been able to drive but having to give up doing so for medical reasons, as I was forced to do many years ago for my own and the general public's safety. I am therefore like yourself very appreciative of other family. members who are willing to drive me (in my case it is my wife), but unfortunately this makes you dependent upon somebody else.

I only wish that I had some better suggestions for you that might take some of the load off your parents every now and then, to give them a well deserved rest. Perhaps the local organization for your disability might be more useful in helping you with this issue (e.g. car pooling).
Even if he does not do the same this time, he may be able to help connect me to others in our spiritual society who have resources conducive to assisting me with these challenges.
I am being told that this is the most likely scenario. It is felt that your spiritual leader has done about as much as he is able to and allowed to up until now to guide you, but that the time has now arrived for him to delegate some of his responsibilities to someone who is more knowledgeable and up to date specifically in the area of satisfying some of your special needs which are in turn related to your disability. Someone working at the more practical community level of providing disability aids, as well as the all important spiritual support which you deserve.
Again, I appreciate what you do so much!
Thank you for saying so, but you will probably never know how much in return I appreciate you allowing me to share some of your personal journey with you, even though we will probably never meet each other face to face, at least during our current respective lifetimes.

The need to feel needed and the need to feel as though as though I am making a positive difference in somebody else's life as well as in my own, is very highly developed in my family. So my spiritual work on Mystic Board gives me a deep sense of personal and spiritual satisfaction, which no amount of money could ever hope to equal.

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  Image

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