I am in Need of Some Guidance.......

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kayemwarren
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Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:37 am
Location: Sicily

I am in Need of Some Guidance.......

Post by kayemwarren » Mon Jun 29, 2015 10:34 pm

So I have been dating this Colombian man for almost a year now. Initially for the first few months, things were great. He was really attentive to my needs, I felt. He would do whatever he could just to spend time with me, if that meant having to shift things around in his personal schedule.....Well then he had a friend visit from Colombia. It was a guy friend from his childhood. Well this friend was going to school, and there was a large array of people that his childhood friend hung out with, they came from all over the world. Well I feel at some point my boyfriend bought into that type of lifestyle of going back out to clubs, and doing things that single men just do, but never pushing me too far away because I think he is afraid to be alone. So keeping me near enough, but not so close so he could have the fun he wanted. Well I went home to visit my family, and didn’t see or really get to talk much to him for a month, and during that time, things were just weird between us. But we said that once I came back to the city where both of us lived that things would be different, and that it was the distance that was causing weird feelings. Well things went back to somewhat normal.....But he and his friend were planning to go to California and do a bunch of trips, and really I felt excluded.....he goes on a lot of these trips and never really cares to invite me with him......Anyways, he went home to visit his family in December, and things just reached a breaking point. I just had (and still do) nasty feeling that he was not being honest with me, that he was sneaking around behind my back. I dealt with that while I was at home, and he was partying it up back in Colombia (he knew I would not be able to go home to see my family for Christmas because of work, that didn’t really matter to him) so I was fed up, and in January when he was heading back stateside, I texted him and told him that it was over and I wanted to break up. Now what followed was just crazy: He landed and dropped his bags off at his place and immediately took a taxi to my place, it didn’t matter that it was almost 2:00 in the morning. He blew up my phone with texts and tried to get into my apartment building and  up to my apartment.......Finally I gave in and told him that we could talk......but that seems to be the story of he and I, I don’t exist or he doesn’t want to put much energy into our relationship until I am out the door......Well the other day, I could not help myself, and I brought up a conversation that is extremely touchy: Getting married. I am not so young anymore. I want to be married and have kids. Well lets just say this conversation went horribly wrong....and he as he always did tried to tell me how wrong I was for thinking thoughts that only come naturally to a woman my age, wanting the things I want out of life. So what I want to know is: So I keep trying, and keep putting so much of my energy and myself into this relationship OR do I need to cut my losses and accept that it was never meant to be and move on? Do any of you see anything for me in the near future or even in the distant future? Do I end up with my boyfriend....is it a case of he and I just need to give things time? Really I am at a loss at what I should do.....

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:47 am

Do I keep trying, and keep putting so much of my energy and myself into this relationship OR do I need to cut my losses and accept that it was never meant to be and move on?

Do any of you see anything for me in the near future or even in the distant future? Do I end up with my boyfriend....is it a case of he and I just need to give things time?
Kaye,

Your reading will try to answer the first part of your questions in bold print, but it cannot hope to answer the remaining questions which would require me to directly read his mind, which I am not allowed to do even if it were possible. Because such a large amount of what happens or does not happen in the future between you relationship wise depends upon his thoughts and intentions towards you which I cannot read, reliably predicting the most likely future outcome is going to be difficult to impossible. Also the period of time thought to be covered by my readings is six months, so if anything was going to happen later than that, it would not be expected to be included in this reading.

This is another example of why believing that being in any relationship is better than having no relationship at all can be terribly damaging to whatever remains of your self confidence and self respect. The relationship as it currently stands is toxic or poisonous to your self confidence and self respect and this person is using your willingness to continue to put up with him treating you so badly with disrespect, knowing that you believe that you are running out of time to find a father for your children and because you fear that you will be alone for the rest of your life if this relationship does not for whatever reason work out.

If you were already in your late 30s the reading would be more likely to agree with you that your biological clock is ticking with regards to you having your first child, but it does see the same worries at 27 to be rather premature. It does not know whether your desperation to find a partner is the result of a series of earlier failed relationships, or whether instead you are being pressured into finding someone by one of your friends or another member of your family.

I sense that it is much more likely that most of the pressure you are feeling is coming from inside you. That is you are pressuring yourself into believing that if this relationship fails, then that proves that you are somehow destined to remain permanently single. Holding such a belief is totally illogical, but who ever said that the human heart has to always be logical is either a fool, or alternately he or she is treating you like you are the fool.

This man claims that he is  feeling as lonely as you are, but at the same time he is telling you by his actions instead of his empty words that his friends and his own needs to always be allowed to live like a single person will always be placed ahead of your own equally important needs for greater security and commitment on his part to the relationship.

So he just continues to show his disrespect and lack of understanding and consideration of your needs as long as you do not show to him that your patience with his selfish behaviour towards you is rapidly disappearing. As soon as he sees any signs of you standing up for your rights and asking him to state his intentions, he tightens his grip upon you by promising you the world, then backs up his claims that you are only imagining that he is treating you badly and then has the cheek to say that you should not feel like you do about his immature misbehaviour.

As you have already told me he wants to keep you near enough to him so that he does not have to worry about you leaving him to go with another man, but not so near to him that you might get in the way of him getting everything he wants from you, before he tosses you aside for another woman. As soon as you begin to complain about how he is mistreating you, he acts like you are making all this up or that you are misreading him. Never so much utter the word COMMITMENT in his presence, or you can expect that he will do anything to convince you that he is committed  to having a relationship with you.

He wants all the advantages of an intimate physical relationship (do I have to spell these out to you?) without either the commitment or any sense of responsibility to you in helping you to get your feelings considered or your needs met. The longer this goes on, the less self confidence and self respect you will have left for any relationships with other men in the future.

So your head or mind is telling you that you need to leave him, but your heart is sending out mixed and confused signals. On one hand it is telling you to tell him where to go, but on the other hand it is wanting you to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that a miracle happens soon and that he suddenly starts treating you like you deserve to be treated. Which would definitely be much better than how badly and insensitively he is treating you at present.

Should you keep trying, and keep putting so much of your energy and yourself into this relationship OR should you instead cut your losses and accept that this particular relationship was never meant to be, and move on? In the end only you can or have the right to make this decision. The best that any psychic reading can do is to provide you with another different way of looking at your problem, but it will never give you a 100% guaranteed to work answer or solution.

It is your life, and you are the person who must live with the consequences of your decisions. It is always easier for me to tell you this than for you to actually do it  but the signs of this relationship being likely to last for much longer or get any better than it is now are very hard to find. Your recent weird conversation which went horribly wrong is further evidence that this relationship is going nowhere fast, but the reading is hesitant to advise you to leave him without knowing what violence or other means he would use against you if he realized that you were about to dump him. The fact that you have your own apartment and are not financially dependent on him is strongly in your favour or to your advantage.

Be careful, but at the same time enough is more than enough with his shabby treatment of the woman who he claims to love and adore. You deserve to be treated much better and with significantly more respect than this Colombian man appears to be capable of or willing to deliver to you.

But until your heart has made some major progress in the direction of seeing through his lies and emotional blackmail, the reading feels that you entering another relationship too quickly with this negative emotional baggage being dragged behind you would almost guarantee that the next relationship would quickly fail as well. It is not you who has failed him, but it is this man who has failed both you and himself.

Often we do not recognise how fortunate we are to be loved by another person, until after we lose them. This will undoubtedly be a difficult lesson or bitter pill for him to swallow, when it is too late for him to correct. But it is his lesson, and not yours.

Respectfully yours,

EoT

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