honesty

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crystala7x
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Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2016 10:57 am
Location: sacramento california

honesty

Post by crystala7x » Sun Aug 07, 2016 11:20 am

well hi everyone this is my first post so i thought i would get it all out there!
I have been wiyh my husband for 16 years and though our relationship has been strong we have went through alot of turmoil addiction,loss&reunite of child incarceration.And through it all we have both been faithful..atleast he swares to me i have never tripped until now why with all our technology and stuff i have caught him in a few lies that he wont admit to even though google maps on his phone said otherwise.I dont know he swares to me and i do believe him.but now that i caught him in a few lies i cant put it in the past .
What do i do.. :smt100

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eye_of_tiger
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To ask for help when it is needed is a sign of strength, not of weakness

Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Aug 08, 2016 12:21 am

Welcome to the site, and to this forum,

You cannot put it in the past that he has lied to you, or you cannot forgive yourself for not finding out about his lies sooner than you have?

Or is it a little of both?

I cannot directly read another person's thoughts and intentions without their knowledge and permission (third party reading) so I cannot determine the exact nature and seriousness of the lies your husband of 16 years has told you.

But clearly your relationship has been one where the ability to trust your partner about most things has often been challenged, and in order to restore a reasonable level of trust to your partnership particularly after having caught him out yet again by means of modern technology it is going to take a lot of positive action on his part, instead of just empty words.

Since confronting him with the truth about his lies has only resulted in his denial that he has actually done anything wrong (he promises you that he has not lied), this is going to be an uphill battle. It sounds like the personality characteristics of someone suffering with some form of addiction. Whatever the person is addicted to takes complete control over their life, and their constant denial that they have a problem is almost guaranteed to make their addiction even stronger and longer lasting than it would have been otherwise.

And on top of all this I feel that these lies may be making you believe that he has been unfaithful to you. Whether or not he really has I cannot tell, for the reason I have already given above. If there is another woman (or man) involved in his possible infidelity, do you know who they are? And if you do know who they are can you talk to this other person about it without your husband's knowledge? Is your husband likely to become violent with you and other members of your family if he was to find out that you had gone behind his back straight to the source?

If you really cannot continue to live with the possibility that he has either or both lied and been unfaithful to you, then you really need an independent third person to help you sort out the truth from the lies.

Whether or not this third person is a professional (marriage counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist) or alternately a member of an organization which helps people with addictions depends a lot upon where you live, how much money you have and what other solid physical evidence which you can find (other than that on his cell phone) with the intention to support your suspicions of his disloyalty.

Finally your reading is coming up with two important warnings. I have already warned you about doing anything about his lies that could potentially put your health, safety or life in any danger. Honestly because I cannot read your husband I do not know if he is likely to use force or violence to get his way, so please be careful.

The other warning is about bringing the police, lawyers and the courts into what is so far a domestic dispute. It is not saying that you should not do this if things are really that bad, but I get a distinct feeling that without you having enough solid, physical evidence not involving his phone or internet records to support your claims against him, he is only likely to continue to loudly deny these things to the authorities, as he has already done to you.

And he could choose to use this as a weapon against you to show the law that you are the one who has a problem, and not him. And he could sue you for defamation of his character. I do not wish to unduly frighten you or put you off the whole idea of asking for professional or legal assistance if it is felt to be your only choice.

But at the same time your reading is wanting you to be cautious and to carefully consider the possible negative consequences of your actions and words, as once you have reported your suspicions about him to the law it is going to be almost impossible to take your actions or words back, as if you had never done or said them. (understood?). Once things have been set in motion, there will always be a point beyond which there is no going back.

Trust always needs to be earned, and once trust has been lost in any close relationship it is naturally going to be a slow and sometimes painful process for both partners to hopefully and eventually feel that mutual honesty has been restored.

Only you can decide in the end whether your ongoing love for your spouse is strong enough to give both of you another chance to stay together. Consulting a professional or other independent person to help you in doing this is a positive sign that your commitment to one another remains strong. Looking or asking for help when things get too much for you (which in this life is often the case) must never be seen as a sign of weakness or surrender.

Hoping that this reading at the very least points you in the right direction for seeking the best type of help for you and your husband.

16 years and still together, must be worth something?

Love, Light and Healing,

Brian  Image

crystala7x
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2016 10:57 am
Location: sacramento california

Post by crystala7x » Wed Aug 10, 2016 1:14 am

thankyou

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Wed Aug 10, 2016 2:32 am

Crystal,  :)

You are very welcome for the reading.

Brian  Image

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