Friendship over....or is it? Reading request please

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Sunny Side Up
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Friendship over....or is it? Reading request please

Post by Sunny Side Up » Mon Sep 05, 2016 8:10 am

I've had a fight with my trainer and friend. He was doing something that upset me and I got grumpy with him and told him so, and how I would prefer to be treated. I was expecting he would understand where I was coming from, and do things differently but he turned on me and I did not see that coming.

My metaphors for the situation is like: I squirted him with a water pistol and he hit me with a nuclear bomb. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion and not being able to stop it. I really don't understand his behavior.

I tried messaging him but it made things worse. He asked me to drop some of his stuff back, and then he blocked me on the messaging platform. I popped a letter in the box with his stuff and gave it to a friend of his to give to him. The letter was heart-felt and I thought I'd get a response. I never did. Its been 4 weeks.

I'd like some intuitive / psychic insights in what to do now please. I don't feel there is anything I can do, but wait. Are we going to resolve this and train together again, or is our friendship over. Thank you

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Tue Sep 06, 2016 12:52 am

Whatever you did to upset him it clearly pushed one of his emotional buttons, so his refusal to have anything more to do with you at present is probably more about something within his mind which was already there long before this most recent episode caused a shutdown of your friendship.

Unfortunately for the both of us readings directly about any person other than yourself (third party) are not allowed to be given on Mystic Board, which makes determining exactly what is going on in his mind toward you very difficult to impossible.

I can attempt to read him indirectly through your relationship with him as a friend, but any predictions or insights gained using this indirect method tend on average to be far less reliable when compared to if the third party route had been open to us.

I am therefore resistant to advise you in a way that could potentially make things significantly worse than they already are between the two of you, but at the same time I would like to what I am able to help you to become good friends again.
I don't feel there is anything I can do, but wait.
I agree that this is mainly a waiting game on your part, but it is also suggested that you should immediately check up to see whether in fact the box of his stuff and the letter have actually been delivered to your friend. Simply assuming that it has been delivered could have serious negative consequences for your chances of ever restoring the level of trust and respect between you which would be needed to save both your friendship and working relationship, with him being your trainer. If this has not been done, then you could be jumping to the wrong conclusions about why he has not responded to your heartfelt letter after a month.

And that is what I feel is at the core of his hostility. A loss of trust and respect towards you, which on the surface appears to be way out of proportion to whatever led to him becoming grumpy with you in the first place. Trust and respect once lost are difficult to get back, and they must be earned by your words and actions becoming more consistent or in line with each other. If you constantly say one thing but do the complete opposite, then this would be a good reason for him not to trust or respect you now.

Remember that any person's emotional reactions to what we do or say are often more about whether they perceive your words and actions to be consistent with each other, whether or not this is true. In other words it is perfectly possible that in his mind you betrayed his trust in you, when you are completely innocent of any wrong doing which is serious enough to lead to this breakup.

It might also be that his (unrealistic?) expectations of you are based upon some earlier event in his own life where another completely different person betrayed his trust, and he became determined at the time to never allow this happen to him again by being extremely vigilant for (continually watching out for) any signs that history was repeating itself with you.  

Vigilance (over vigilance) like that can sometimes if taken to the extreme make a person perceive a betrayal of their trust, which never happened Our subconscious minds cannot easily tell the difference between what we imagine that the person has done to us, and what they actually did.

Our emotional reactions to an imagined betrayal of trust by the other person are often identical to those where there has been a genuine betrayal of trust by them. And frequently these emotional reactions are way out of proportion to whatever we imagined the other person has done to lose our trust in them.

So in summary your friend and trainer's emotional overreaction and him distancing himself  from you could be based upon fact, or be based upon what he perceives or imagines that you have done to make him not trust you any more. Finally you need to closely examine whether what he expected of you was unrealistic (and what you expected of yourself).

Human beings often learn their most valuable life lessons from the mistakes which they make, so if he will not allow you to make mistakes because he will not allow himself to make mistakes, then neither of you will be able to move forwards once again until one of you admits that he or she is not perfect, and cannot therefore expect their friend to be perfect and not make mistakes.

You will ultimately have to decide for yourself whether you are willing to lose your friend and trainer for the rest of your life over what could be a simple misunderstanding, or alternately the product of unrealistic expectations by him about you never being allowed to make mistakes, as if he also never makes mistakes.

If you really did something to upset him then saying that you are genuinely and sincerely sorry through a shared friend could be the first positive step in the right direction. However if he only imagines that you betrayed his trust or did him wrong, it is going to be much more challenging to convince him otherwise (but never impossible).

Punishing yourself endlessly for making a mistake will only make it more likely that you will keep making the same mistake or worse in the future. By all means take responsibility for your mistake, then do whatever you are reasonably and practically able to fix or reverse any damage which was caused by you not being perfect.

This self forgiving instead of the usual self punishing approach is the only workable method for any of us in order to be able to move forwards not only with our own lives, but also in all our relationships with other equally imperfect human beings. I wish the both of you all the very best for your healed friendship in the future.

Love, Light & Healing,

Brian  Image

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Post by Sunny Side Up » Wed Sep 07, 2016 12:15 am

Thank you for your quick response, I am grateful for your lengthy reply. I did text him a week after saying I dropped the box off and my phone gave a receipt he received the text, but again he did not reply. So it makes it difficult to resolve the issue if he won't communicate with me. I could go sit and wait for him at the usual training spot, but that would be stalking, and I'm not really comfortable doing that.

The broken trust and respect is actually mine, I feel used and disregarded, taken for granted, and that was the basis of my initial grump at him. Any time a "new shiny object" came into view, I was pushed aside, yet I was loyal, honest, and upright with him. He is easily influenced by other people and I feel someone is in his ear and took this opportunity to poison our friendship. From the very first thing I said, I have been backpedaling the whole way, in total confusion with his strong responses.

Trust is huge in our type of training relationship, and it may be that he has lost respect for me, and I feel it is unlike him to take such a strong stance against me. It makes no sense. I must admit, even if we did get back together I would not afford him the same level of trust again.

I agree he has been betrayed many times in the past, and that is a huge “button” of his (being used), and I would never do that to him. I hinted he did that to me (which he was doing) and that is what he is so angry about. He used me, I felt hurt and said something, and he got angry at me for thinking he used me. He proved me right, yet he still sees me in a negative light!?! WTF! At that point his actions were unreal and insensitive.

I am sorry we are both hurting, that we are no longer training together, and that the friendship is broken. I can't take back what I said, it was my truth. I hope one day he sees me differently, until then I think I have to let go. None of it makes sense.

Thank you so much for your kind words EOT, I will review them often.

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Wed Sep 07, 2016 12:40 am

You are very welcome for the reading, and I thank you in return for your complete and honest feedback.
I can't take back what I said, it was my truth.
And you should not be pressured into taking it back.

While it is painful and terribly upsetting that your friendship and training relationship both appear to be at an end, remaining true to oneself and one's feelings is vitally important if you are to be able to move forward with courage and self respect as your  loyal traveling companions.

Loving regards,

Brian (please use my real name)  :smt007

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Post by Sunny Side Up » Wed Sep 07, 2016 5:07 am

Thank you Brian, though I am saddened it seems to be over, I can't see anyway to fix it without lowering myself in the process. My hope is that he re-reads the letter with love in his heart, instead of anger, and loves me anyway. I am willing to learn to forgive, and in that I leave the door open. It is now up to him to choose whether or not to walk through.

hugs to you, thank you  :smt039

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