Request for a Reading Eye of Tiger

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bhogarmyguru
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Request for a Reading Eye of Tiger

Post by bhogarmyguru » Wed Sep 14, 2016 5:22 pm

I am very depressed on the fact that i am always hurt by women/girls. Intentionally or unintentionally i will be sad at the end. I cant figure out why this is happening or how to get out of this cycle. There can be something of my past hurts doing something. Please shed some light

thanks in advance

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Thu Sep 15, 2016 6:13 am

Do you mean that your feelings are hurt when women reject you as their lover or future life partner, or do you simply lack confidence in yourself when dealing with all females in your life, of any age?

I will watch out for your answer to my question from tomorrow onward (Friday).

Thanks,

Brian

bhogarmyguru
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Post by bhogarmyguru » Thu Sep 15, 2016 6:28 pm

From my schooldays i was bullied by girls, i was totally rejected by all girls. I didnt had a good love returned from a girl, few liked me but they put me very low in priority. I was not expecting a lover kind of relationship but only some kind of acceptance. I really dont know what exaclty my mind lacks and it is searching.
I had a good friend , i tried to propose but she had someone else , i was hurt at that time but now not much.
From there i always take precautions while with girl/women...not for any love kind of relationship but normal relationship too. But i dont know somehow something will get misunderstood by me or them and will finally end in a hurt. I feel like some kind of deep cycle running a program or so. I am getting too sensitive when comign to these matters...i get angry...

That is why i would like to get your help to look a bit deep what is the problem.
my deep enquiry says that what i need is some kind of acceptance...

Hope this is enough for you to look into it....

You always helped in the past and i am sure you will get a solution to uncover my hidden problem...

thanks in acvance...

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To be accepted by others, you must first learn to fully accept yourself

Post by eye_of_tiger » Fri Sep 16, 2016 2:06 am

my deep inquiry says that what i need is some kind of acceptance...
Yes acceptance is exactly what is needed here.

To be precise, SELF ACCEPTANCE.

In order to be accepted by others, you must first learn to accept everything about yourself.

Everything about yourself not only includes accepting that you have many good and positive qualities about you, but it also means that you must accept that you are a human being, and therefore that like every other person on the planet you have some negative qualities about you, you make mistakes and some times you do not live up to your own expectations as to what you believe that you should have done (but for one or more reasons failed to do).

Earlier in your life you received what you thought was a bad response from girls and women whom you met, immediately believing or assuming that their negative responses must all be because there was something wrong with you.

Your inner voice tricked you into believing that they rejected you because you were either too ugly, your family did not have enough money, your clothes were not as nice as theirs, nobody could ever like you, or a large number of other excuses for you not to try to make friends or form relationships with any girl or woman in the future.

The girl or woman might might have been  having a bad day when you approached them, for reasons which have absolutely nothing to do with you. They might have also earlier in their lives been abused or teased by a man, so when they meet you they might be expecting that any man from then on will abuse or tease them. Often when women have been bullied by men, they feel that they must become bullies themselves to survive.

But your inner critic will completely ignore any other possible reason why the girl responded poorly. Any evidence that she has reasons for rejecting your friendship other than that there is something wrong with you will not be accepted by your subconscious mind, which will make you lose what confidence you had in meeting girls before these things happened.

Your mind is not only making you ignore any evidence that does not agree with its theory that there is something wrong with you, and that because of this you will always be rejected by girls and women from now on, no matter what you try to do to improve things, but it is now making you expect that all girls and women will reject or bully you in the future.

If when you meet a woman you already expect her to reject or not like you, then you want her to like you but everything about you (your words and body language) are telling her that you do not expect her to like you.

Understood?

You are sending her signals that you would like to know her better, but at the same time you are sending her signals that you do not believe that you deserve to be treated kindly and in a friendly manner by any woman. In other words you are sending them mixed signals, which confuses them and makes them wonder if you are trying to trick them into believing that you are a good person when you are not.

It is always easier said than done, but you need to do anything which will make you like and accept yourself more. Confidence gained from successes in other areas of you life will eventually spill over into your love life. Success builds confidence, as well as making you accept and like yourself more.

Once this starts happening, slowly but surely (this takes patience) the signals you will be sending out to women will no longer be mixed and confusing to them. And as an extra bonus bullies tend to ignore people who like and accept themselves. They get much more pleasure and satisfaction from bullying people who do not like or accept themselves, and will not stand up to their right to be treated nicely.

Unfortunately there are no shortcuts or a magic formula or prayer which you can use to speed up this improvement in your relationships with women. But the only things holding you back from having happy and harmonious relationships with women are your negative expectations about how they will respond to you, your mixed signals and your lack of self confidence in relating to women, which is mainly a result of you not liking and accepting yourself as much as you should.

Be yourself and always be true to your own values. Why be a second or third rate copy of someone else, when only one person on this planet can be uniquely you?

Love, Light and Healing,

Brian  Image

bhogarmyguru
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Post by bhogarmyguru » Fri Sep 16, 2016 11:28 am

You are cent precent correct...

I lost self acceptance /confidence/love in the life course when my life didn't go as i expected.

One more thing i forgot to mention. I for about one year i went for a martial arts class where the master was a sinister guy, he wanted to control all, so he degraded my self confidence for his control. After that my confidence level went below average.

I am totally aware of situation. I need to reprogram the mind to reality. I know that is not a quick or magic way, but i think if i created this..i can end this thinking also... Need to change the perspective.

i will immediately start on this...and thank you brian for helping me with love and light..

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Fri Sep 16, 2016 4:47 pm

I am always happy to be of service.

Thanking you in return for the extra information about the martial arts instructor.

With a "friend" like him, who needs enemies?

The following webpage might give you some useful, practical hints on how best to begin improving your self confidence.

Note that not all of these suggestions will apply to you, so be selective.

http://zenhabits.net/25-killer-actions- ... onfidence/

Regards,

Brian  :)

bhogarmyguru
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Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 8:08 pm
Location: India

Post by bhogarmyguru » Sat Sep 17, 2016 2:24 pm

Thanks Brian...

Now i have a clear picture of what to be done... I feel that the main point is to keep the mind under check and limit it from wandering around and making new stories based on old negative thoughts.
Previously i was meditating a lot. I think i need to restart on that and slowly change from inside...

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FClosing comment

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sat Sep 17, 2016 11:03 pm

Previously i was meditating a lot. I think i need to restart on that and slowly change from inside...
I agree that this would be the best approach to take, particularly as you have already meditated in the past.

Brian  Image

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