Reading request for Eye of Tiger

[eye_of_tiger]

Vogue,

I am not sure what your spiritual beliefs are, and particularly whether you believe in a Higher Power, Creative Intelligence, Universal Consciousness or God as I do, but how does one explain a miracle?

Perhaps we were never meant to explain what a miracle is, or how it works, but rather we should learn to accept with both humility and gratitude that such an unexplainable event has happened to you (and leave it at that).

I do not know if this is relevant to your miracle, but since I last posted to this thread, I cannot get the following song lyrics out of my head.

The song is "A Hundred Million Miracles" from the film "The Flower Drum Song", by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II

The chorus goes like this.....

A hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day,
And those who say they don't agree
Are those who do not hear or see.
A hundred million miracles,
A hundred million miracles are happ'ning ev'ry day.

Source: https://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/flowerd ... racles.htm

Thank you for allowing me to be a witness to your miracle.

Kindest regards,

Brian

[Vogue123]

Hello EOT (and Mystic-boarders).

I hope you’re well!

I thought that I’d give an update.
And simultaneously give some feedback (as well as advice), to those that may have related to some of my past posts.

Things are still going well in my life!

• I’ve now have financial stability (via self employment).
The clients are decent/kind people.
I certainly don’t take that sort of thing for granted, since colleagues in my past were far from that description.

• EOT :
I wanted to give you some feedback/praise.
When I initially posted, you gave me advice to sit in a café, instead of just getting my usual takeaway.

I did this (with no expectation), and guess what ?

I made a friend for the first time in 4 years.
This doesn’t sound like much to the average person, but for someone thats spend their life completely alone for years - it’s a big deal.
In addition to that, she is a kind and respectful person.
She was in my city visiting from LA.
And we ended up spending 4 days together, where I showed her around London.
It was great having lighthearted fun, nothing heavy, and a super relaxing time.
So, thank you so much for your advice, and I’m sure that you’re glad to hear of the positive outcome!

• I’m still pretty introverted, and do tend to cancel going to social situations a great deal of the time - but I’ve learnt to trust that my intuition is guiding me.

• Other feedback/predictions that you were quite right to give me, was advice of clarifying intentions (upfront) when meeting new people.

I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone, by going to meetups organised by people suffering from anxiety and isolation.
I didn’t end up exchanging phone numbers, but did manage to enjoy having open honest and mutually supportive conversations with friendly faces (that I now see regularly at that at the same meet-ups).
... HOWEVER, your advice was spot-on.
The females have been great company, however the men have had non-platonic agendas, which I’ve been rather taken aback by.
It certainly wasn’t expected, for a number of reasons.

• I also like to take this opportunity to (justly) apologise for the unreasonably long, rambling, and embarrassingly self absorbed post that I wrote awhile back.

I’d also like to take the opportunity to say to those going through a difficult time, that it is easy to fall into a pit of despair.
BUT ultimately only you can help yourself, with a little help from your MB friends
No one should ever be looked at as an emotional saviour.
It isn’t fair on you, and it isn’t fair on them.

Out of crisis can come opportunity, I’m living proof of that - as I believe that EOT and I’s joint setting of the intention of positive energy in my situation, resulted in a complete turnaround - which manifested the life that I have today.

• My daily attitude is one of optimism, taking one day at a time, exercising patience towards myself and others, and daily gratitude meditations.

• If you look closely you can ALWAYS find something to be grateful for.
And speaking of which, I’ve been practising law of attraction, which involves gratitude exercises and visualisation. I’ll keep you posted

• So if I may, I’d love to bend your ear at this stage EOT?

I’m contemplating dating in the (near or distant) future.

However I’m not sure if it’s ‘too much, too soon’ this year - since my ‘mindset turnaround’ is one that is relatively recent.

I made the mistake of trying to find an emotional saviour (vs a partner) in the past - and paid a massive price for it, literally and metaphorically.
He was diagnosed sociopath, and his motives were opportunistic and purely mercenary.
I won’t go down that path again, since I’ve rebuilt my self esteem and faced my insecurities.

So in regards to my current status ...
So if it aint broke, why fix it?

I’m comfortable/happy with current self-love and self acceptance, and feel like I should just leave things be? - and just sit comfortably in this state for some years.

I feel like if you reach paradise, why take off very shortly after, when you don’t really know what lies ahead?
Especially since it’s taken me literally a lifetime to reach this paradise/serenity ‍♀️...

I knowledge also, that like any human, I have further work to do on my self esteem, addressing my body image issues etc.

And in all honesty, I can’t say that I’m appetised by the future men you previously mentioned (i.e. looking for substitute mothers and alcoholics).

Tbh, I don’t think they will be able to hold my interest for longer than 1 second, as any expectation to pay for someone’s lifestyle will have me at the exit in nano seconds. Even something like non reciprocated drinks tabs (it is the matter of principle, not the money). I have no time for parasitic, emotionally immature people.

The advice brings back bad memories - and I’m certainly not sacrificing my hard earned serenity for that.

I acknowledge that life is a journey/you grow from experiences ... but I’m not sure I’m ready for that uncertainty/potential turbulence - and disturbance of my very calm state of mind.

I’m also VERY introverted, and can’t imagine being comfortable with regular dating, meeting strangers.

So wondering if you have any insight?

Shall I trust my intuition, and just stay happily single for the next 1-4 years, or do you disagree ?

As always, thanks so much in advance ...

All the very best

Miss V

[Vogue123]

Please excuse the typing errors in my last post. I’m not a good speedtyper

[Vogue123]

Oh and how could I forget to mention ...

I’ve been spending GLORIOUS time in nature. Gorgeous parks, boat rides, long walks. It is so therapeutic and energising. Thank you so much for the tip EOT!

[eye_of_tiger]

Dear Miss V,

You asked me.........

Shall I trust my intuition, and just stay happily single for the next 1-4 years, or do you disagree ?

The short answer to that question is YES, I do feel that you should trust your intuition/feelings about you not being ready to potentially place yourself in such a vulnerable position again, at this stage.

It is difficult for me to offer you independent advice when your lack of success in having a loving relationship with the men who have passed through your life, so closely mirrors my own daughter's situation.

While there are significant differences between her situation and your own, a definite lack of emotional maturity demonstrated by one boyfriend after another over several years, has lead her to seriously considering remaining single for the rest of her life.

It has been said that all of us want three main things in our lives.

1. HEALTH
2. HAPPINESS
3. LOVE

Of course what exactly constitutes good health, what makes each of us happy, and from whom we receive the type of love which we are seeking can vary considerably from one person to another.

Plus a job which you enjoy doing (some days more, some days less) and which allows you to have a reasonably comfortable existence after paying the never ending bills, will certainly support all of these three major life goals (having a relationship can be

If your health is OK (it can always be improved), you have found what makes you feel happy (some days will inevitably be happier than others), and you have learned to love yourself more each day, then you do not necessarily need a man in your life to feel like being a whole person.

A healthy, mature relationship involves two whole people, and not two half people who desperately need each other, in order to feel like one.

But this does NOT and should NOT completely rule out the possibility that sometime in the future you will feel the need to look again for love.

I’m sure that you’re glad to hear of the positive outcome.

I am not just glad to hear about your positive outcome.

I feel both DELIGHTED and INSPIRED by it.

The huge amount of progress which you have made since we first met each other on MB towards developing greater self confidence and a lasting feeling of self worth is a credit to your courage and persistence in the face of significant challenges, which could have easily made a lesser person than yourself give up and become permanently bitter at life, and pessimistic about the future.

A credit which you richly deserve, mainly through your own efforts.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

L&L,

Brian

[Vogue123]

Hello EOT

Thanks so much for your feedback and advice. Much appreciated. I hope you enjoyed the updates also!

This comment helped me to decide that I have definitely made the right decision by holding off anything love related.

"A healthy, mature relationship involves two whole people, and not two half people who desperately need each other, in order to feel like one."

I'm not sure I am quite at that stage yet, and don't really have much interest in testing the waters. My intuition is rightfully guiding me.

As you noted, I take one day at a time, and I trust that life can only continue to get better in the future ... so I'll be better placed to cross the bridge in that area at a later stage. What's the hurry, after all? ...

In regards to your daughter, she has a great guardian in you ... so I'm sure that whatever decision she makes, it will be for her best and highest good.
If she ever feels down, perhaps remind her that some people don't even have parents (mine are dead, mentally ill in a hateful/malignant way - and both were disinterested in me for my entire lifetime). So, she could have much less than she currently does ...

Also, perhaps remind her that other people's bad behaviour is a reflection of them, not a reflection of her. That is why I don't really take the sociopath et al's behaviours personally.
Quite frankly, I pity those sorts of people are their lives will never be authentic. It must be horrible to look at/experience the world through hateful eyes. There are lots of great guys out there, it is just a question of finding the right vibration through self healing, to be able to attract such people. It is a journey ...

Expressing gratitude and acknowledging blessings tends to help puts things in perspective, and has certainly helped me not take things for granted.

That is why I see life as overall positive most of the time, rather than focusing on things that might niggle at me for a short while at times.

For all those reading, I hope that you can take inspiration from this exchange. That it is never too late for life to turnaround, whether you are 40, 60 or even 70. I'm nearly 40 and I feel like I have the rest of my life ahead me

Practise gratitude daily, and you will always be able to find happiness in some way. I even thank the universe for basics like waking up in a warm bed, having food to eat and being able to be mobile etc.

Never take anything for granted and never compare yourself to others. Live life for YOU, and not the misrepresentations that social media tries to sell, to make people feel less than.

I also your health is better EOT. I mentioned red light therapy awhile back, my intution feels that I should mention it again for some reason. I do it daily myself in my home as my health is up and down (up to you, if you'd like to google the health benefits).

Namaste (to all!)

V

[Vogue123]

Please excuse the typing errors.

I meant to write: 'AS their lives will never be authentic' and ' I HOPE your health' is ...

V

[Vogue123]

PS: Last point.

I disagree with your view, that all I have achieved was done independently. I was at a low ebb when I posted on here. I was totally isolated and rejected across the board. You were the only person that was considerate, responsive, and gave sound advice.

That means a lot, as you could have just dismissed me like the rest of people had at and ahead of that stage. Feeling less isolated and receiving sage advice helped me to be able to find the courage to attend meetups, speak to people in similar situations and get out out my house etc.
I probably would have just continued on in my mental prison without your advice.

So your help and consideration did propel massive change in my life. As always, I'm very gratefu l.

[eye_of_tiger]

PS: Last point.

I disagree with your view, that all I have achieved was done independently. I was at a low ebb when I posted on here. I was totally isolated and rejected across the board. You were the only person that was considerate, responsive, and gave sound advice.

That means a lot, as you could have just dismissed me like the rest of people had at and ahead of that stage. Feeling less isolated and receiving sage advice helped me to be able to find the courage to attend meetups, speak to people in similar situations and get out out my house etc.
I probably would have just continued on in my mental prison without your advice.

So your help and consideration did propel massive change in my life. As always, I'm very grateful

Dear Miss V,

You are very welcome.

I am not quite sure from where you got the mistaken impression that my view was that all that you have achieved since we first met, happened entirely independently of others.

No matter how much courage and persistence you possess, no woman is an island unto herself. Human beings are by their very nature social creatures.

The massive progress which you have made would not have been possible without some degree of support and encouragement from others around you.

Asking for help from other people when it is needed (not expecting them to always do it for you) should always be viewed as a sign of your own inner strength and determination not to give up (including when the going gets especially rough), instead of being automatically seen as a sign of weakness and complete surrender.

But I come back to the point which I was initially trying to make, that having the support of others does not make your own courage and persistence any less critical to successfully achieving your goals.

Without the courage and persistence and ongoing efforts on your part, nobody else will be able to help you.

I also hope that this thread will continue to inspire and encourage other members on their own life journey, each with its unique challenges.

Kindest regards,

Brian

[Vogue123]

Thank you Eye of Tiger.

One last question if I may, and please don't worry if it is too long after the initial reading to refer to or revisit.

I refer to the comment you made about being wary of men looking for 'substitute mothers', I wondered if this mostly meant people that view me as a walking ATM machine that they can use for money and resources? I'm asking out of curiosity mostly. It isn't really of offence to me, as that is reflection of them vs a reflection of me. I guess I also ask as I can't imagine entertaining something like that, I'd block/run for the hills at a slight scent of anything like that, since my self esteem is no longer low as it was in the future, where I was in denial/delusion etc about such things.


Again, please don't worry if you can't revisit this point for any reason ...

Best

V

[Vogue123]

Also, a note to all reading, that might be going through a rough time (short, or extended ...).

Another remedial action that I strongly recommend is volunteering.

It is very easy to stuck in a deep 'pit' of depression and despair. This is often super isolating , and just sinks you ever lower in terms of your feelings.

Volunteering, even just for 2 hours a month helps you to feel valued, and encourages much needed social interaction. Even if leaving the house feels like climbing a mountain, with the required effort, when you are in dark place.

If you are reserved and/or lacking in confidence - then you can even do back office work for a charity.
This will help to build up confidence through minimal interaction ... and eventually you will feel up to liaising with more people etc. This could eventually encourage you to do front line support work, or whatever is equivalent for the charity of your choice.
There is ALWAYS someone that would be grateful for your consideration.

After all, think about how uplifting it is when someone shows you kindness and consideration, when you have lost hope.

A number of people in my anxiety/depression/isolation meetup group said the same - even people that just handed homeless people soup for 2 hours a week.

You also tend to meet likeminded people in this sorts of situations, that are non judgmental and co-supportive.

I wish you all the best, whatever your path and choice.

V

[eye_of_tiger]

Dear Miss V,

I refer to the comment you made about being wary of men looking for 'substitute mothers', I wondered if this mostly meant people that view me as a walking ATM machine that they can use for money and resources?

I was actually referring to men who are emotionally immature, and who want to be protected from life's misfortunes and not take any personal responsibility for their actions.

They want to have an adult relationship, but long for the relationship they had as a child with their own mother. They are always looking for a woman who is willing (consciously or unconsciously) to take on the role that their mother performed all those years ago.

But I do understand the point which you are attempting to make.

If their mother gave them everything they ever wanted including endless amounts of money and other resources when they were living under her roof, then a "substitute mother" would be a woman who does the same thing.

Or one who for one of many possible reasons UNCONSCIOUSLY sends out signals to men that she is willing to "mother" them.

I had honestly never thought about such a different interpretation of what role a substitute mother could play in a relationship, until you mentioned it.

Note that the warning was about emotionally immature men.

It was not in any way meant to offend you, or any other woman who feels that they have been the unwilling target of a "mummy's boy".

Brian

[Vogue123]

Hello Brian

Thank you so much for your further feedback, and advice.

That makes sense, and accurately describes past interactions. I've done a lot of work around that, with my meditations and healing work over the past 2/3 years, to get rid of the unconscious messages.

I am also quite considerate and loving of animals and towards children (other people's) - but felt 'irritated' at the thought of having my own.
It makes sense now, since I was obviously triggered and made negative associations without understanding why, since I had been mother to an insolent 'adult' (aka child).

I went on a date with someone unsuitable last year, and could immediately tell he was of the description you have mentioned, so I'm glad that I've learnt from the past.

One can only look to the future ... and be thankful for the wisdom that the past brings.

Again, thank you for so kindly helping me on my journey.

All the very best

V

[Vogue123]

One last point I'd like to make, if I may ...

For any other women that have experienced/ been on the receiving end of what Brian and I have discussed above ... remember that it is a reflection of THEM and NOT you.

[eye_of_tiger]

Message read and understood.

Brian