Hello again Vogue,
Answering your questions, one at a time.
I hope you are well and don’t mind me contacting you again. Honestly please don’t worry about responding, if you don’t have the time or bandwidth. I’d feel awful if I pushed you over the edge with this, as applied in 2017. I completely understand if you aren’t able to respond.
Thanking you for caring about my health, and I certainly do not mind you contacting me again, particularly as it gives me an opportunity to see what progress you have been making, as well as the work which still needs to be done. Good news about the nature walks. Reconnecting with nature is a vital part of the healing process. The simple fact that you have made such a personal commitment to doing these nature walks is to your credit, so give yourself a well deserved pat on the back for investing in your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. I have explained to you before that I have now taken complete responsibility for balancing my needs against helping good people such as yourself get your needs met, so there is no need in future to apologise to me for you reaching out for some encouragement and assistance. Indeed, do you realise how many times you have written the phrase "I am sorry to sound negative, but.....................? I am wondering if you do the same thing with other people in your life, as doing this gives people the impression that you do not have confidence in and do not trust yourself. And that you are not up to doing what you have been asked to do, or that you have said that you will do. Which naturally makes them hesitant about giving you a fair trial Effectively you are telling everybody that you believe that you have no confidence, cannot be trusted and find yourself repulsive by what you are saying about yourself, as well as your negative body language. Before you begin beating up on yourself for having unconsciously developed this negative habit, unconscious means that you have no conscious control over and are therefore not responsible for the habit developing. But you are responsible for what you are going to do about it, with some help. It is not what happens to us which determines our future, so much as what meaning we give to what happens to us. This is why BTW two people can have the same experience, but feel and behave completely differently from one another in response.
I’d like to move forward with the next step, of connecting with others.
But in all honesty, I’m rejected by 99% of people. So I’m not sure how to go about this.
I’d like to volunteer for charity work, potentially helping youths from troubled backgrounds gain some direction in their life, or phone support work for people going through a difficult time.
But you are already moving forward with the next step. One baby step at a time please. Be fair to yourself. None of this is easy. You seem to want to go straight from kindergarten to university. Start small and gradually as your self confidence grows through a series of little successes which might not seem a big deal to other people but are important to you, move on to bigger projects. Do not fall into the common trap of comparing your progress with what other people are doing. Failure is only when you do not pick yourself up at least one more time than you have fallen, and will not try again. Since you are still trying to get help with this you have not given up, and therefore you cannot fail or be a failure in your own eyes. Take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time when life gets rough. Why not begin by helping other members on Mystic Board? I am almost housebound, so even though I am a retired school teacher and I would like to be able to get out to help charities (I can no longer safely drive), helping on Mystic Board has become an outlet for me to do what I am unable to do in my local community. Instead of only helping a few people living within a short distance from my home, I am helping people from all four corners of the planet. Try doing that without the internet.
(1) People are repulsed by me, or whatever explains the above 99.9% lifetime occurrence ...
Unless you have three heads they are most likely not repulsed by you as a person, or by your physical appearance. But they could definitely be turned off big time by your constant apologizing which makes them uncomfortable, because they are thinking that you expect them to fix things for you, and see you as too hard work. In other words your constant apologizing unintentionally makes them run out of patience and energy in their ongoing effort to want to help you all that they can. Remember that this is an unconscious habit which you have practiced many times and reinforced over the years. Beating up on yourself for having developed this unconscious habit will make the habit even stronger, and even more difficult to change to something more positive and constructive. The constant apologizing is creating a self fulfilling negative prophecy. It almost guarantees that they will respond in a negative manner, and eventually give up trying to help you any further. I am nowhere near to doing this yet, and what help I can give you will only be part of the help which you need. I cannot be your only support person, or it will negatively affect my health and ability to do this spiritual labour of love.
(2) Can I realistically bring any value to another’s life, given my multiple failures in life?? (ie a single lifelong spinster, with no friends, family or any stability pushing 40 etc).
If you replace the word "failures" in the above question with "challenges", the answer is a resounding YES. Being alone or lonely does not automatically make you a failure as a human being. A lot of what has happened in your life was never under your control to change. And some of what has happened is the result of these unhelpful unconscious habits of thought which you have developed,which everyone has some of. You are acting as your own, judge, jury and executioner by labeling yourself as someone who has always failed, is failing now, and will always inevitably fail in the future. Yes you have made mistakes. Who hasn't? But regardless of everything which has happened to you so far, you have survived long enough to ask for my help. Therefore I choose to count you from now as a SURVIVOR, and NOT as a FAILURE of any sort. You cannot fail if you are still trying, but may take longer to reach the same goal when compared to someone else, who themselves has different life lessons to learn from your own. Put the past behind you. By all means learn what positive lessons you are able to from your past, but leave the negative lessons of the past where they belong. I know that this is always easier said than done, but you will eventually have to do this if you wish to continue to make forward progress. WE ARE BOTH SURVIVORS!!
I’ve been told my whole life that I have no social skills, disliked by all etc - when I feel I’ve been nothing but kind, considerate and giving. Somehow people interpret me the opposite.
The real reason for their opposite misinterpretation of you is mainly but not only the unconscious habit which I have already described.Which tends to make them feel that too much of their own energies are being used up helping you, not leaving them with enough energy for themselves. Why shouldn't they try to conserve or protect their energy levels by saying to you, ENOUGH IS MORE THAN ENOUGH? Some people have trouble saying NO, or setting limits on how much of their energy they are willing and able to spare to help another person who is having a rough time. This is a lesson which I have learned the hard way.
See the following web page for details as to what unconscious habit I believe that we both share as HEALERS. Through promoting healing in others, we ourselves are healed. It will use the kind, considerate and giving part of you which is your SOUL. Especially read the symptoms and causes lists in this article.
"Are you suffering from healer's disease?"
https://foreverconscious.com/are-you-su ... rs-disease
Love, Light and Healing,
Brian
