Cybertree12 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 3:22 pm
Hello Eye of Tiger
I hope this finds you well.
I was wondering, if I may, ask for a small reading? I have recently had an experience I can't quite make sense of.
I am self employed, and was working for an very apparently charming man that made for 40% of my income. He disappeared out of the blue 3/4 weeks ago, after seeming consistent and reliable with his working style, treatment of me etc.
Something seemed 'off' before his disappearance. He has resisted paying me after resurfacing, and seems to have what appears to be rather unfathomable excuses with dismissiveness for the rest of the time.
I guess I am writing here to ask for your wisdom on if I am judging this situation too harshly/ wrongly in some way ... and to be able to just put this situation to rest, after a protracted amount of time that that the stress of the situation has dragged out.
I have been conned in the past in my personal life. so I'm not sure if I'm projecting that situation onto this one (unreasonably), or not. If so, I'd appreciate any advice on being able to avoid finding myself in these reoccuring situations. I believe I'm relatively intelligent and have done a lot of personal work around this, but not sure how to actually make this all work out, to eventually just not get tied up in complex situations.
Many thanks in advance
CT
Something seemed 'off' before his disappearance.
This was your intuition, trying to tell you that he was not to be trusted.
His resistance to paying you and his unfathomable excuses, are yet further evidence that his apparently charming, consistent, reliable and sensitive to your needs behaviour, is just a cover up job.
No, I do not think that you are judging the situation too harshly or wrongly.
No, I do not sense that you are projecting past situations where you were conned onto this one.
And clearly to me neither does your intuition feel that you are overreacting, or that you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Your reading is not saying that you should never trust anyone ever again (particularly men), but it is suggesting that if you continue to ignore your inner guidance, then this is going to keep happening.
You cannot reasonably keep doing the same thing over again and again, but simultaneously expect a completely different outcome.
Much of this ignoring of the red flags which your intuition keeps throwing up at you is unconscious and learned behaviour, and is therefore not an excuse for you to beat up on yourself for being human.
Doing that (beating up on yourself) is almost guaranteed to make this automatic behaviour dig deeper and deeper into your unconscious, where even an expert/professional/medical person will have great difficulty reaching it, making the task of loosening its grip on you much harder than it already is.
People like him are attracted to people who want to constantly please everyone they meet, mainly by sacrificing their own equally important needs, in order to feel loved and accepted.
The only (but certainly never easy) ways to avoid continuing to find yourself in these recurring situations would be to.......
1. Start listening to and learning to trust your inner guidance/protector, more than you do now.
2. Do whatever you are reasonably and practically able and can afford, to strengthen your feelings of self love, and self worth.
Being a professional people pleaser is merely a symptom of not valuing and respecting (loving) yourself and your needs enough to set definite limits on what you are willing to accept from the other person. This has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence, or a lack of effort on your part.
You have a perfect right to feel angry and hurt about how he has walked all over your sensitive feelings.
Bottled up emotions/feelings will eventually explode, with serious negative consequences for your health (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual).
Decide to channel that anger in a positive manner into a greater commitment and determination to learning to love yourself more, each and every day.
Do not make the common mistake of turning the anger inwards upon yourself (depression), or direct it instead outwards upon the people around you who love and care for you (destroying all your supporting relationships with them in the process).
Be more patient and a lot more compassionate with yourself, in the future.
The only way to avoid making mistakes, is to never live in the first place.
Take more positive lessons from your mistakes into future situations, and do not continue to use them as a weapon to somehow force yourself to change.
Not only would this strategy of "the more self criticism the better" not work, but the results of all your self punishment and self martyrdom could easily turn out to be the complete opposite of the results which you are looking for (increased self love and feelings of self worth).
Loving regards,
Brian
