Dear Caroline,
Because much of what I am about to say relates to the numerology reading which I gave you on New Year's Day last year, I am providing you with a link in order to go back and review it's contents.
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No by themselves medications cannot fix a broken heart and spirit, but if used in the short term they can at least lighten your emotional burden of your grief, as you deserve to get all the extra help and support which you can access and afford.
In other words, just because properly prescribed medications cannot fix everything, they certainly can help, so do not rule out the possibility that they could stay play an important role in your recovery.
Eighteen months since the tragic event is not really a long time in the general scheme of things. You say that a lot has changed during that period, but the way in which we grieve for our significant losses and for how long the initial shock phase lasts is highly individual.
Doctors frequently act upon the belief that the sooner you are back at work and are therefore no longer isolated from your work colleagues, the faster and more complete your recovery will be.
This theory sounds perfectly logical when it is written down, but who ever said that human behaviour must necessarily be logical? Grief or the mourning process is very much like being caught in the middle of an seemingly endless tug of war between what we think is the best thing to do, and what we feel is the best thing to do next.
You are definitely not OK, but that in itself is OK.
Of course there is no guarantee that if your application for sick leave is approved and you take the required time off, that at the end of your leave (how long would it last) you will be feeling any better than you are now, but once again you are being encouraged not to turn your back on this golden opportunity for accelerated healing, simply because the application process is stressful. Is there any chance that if you cannot return to your full workload after your sick leave has expired, that your job will be in jeopardy, as I cannot imagine anything which would put more terror into the heart of a person such as yourself who is walking the number 8 life path to have their long term financial security threatened.
LPN Number 8s generally believe that anything worthwhile (including their long term financial security) can be achieved, if they only work long and hard enough, making them more likely to become perfectionists and workaholics. Your personal and professional lives are so closely intertwined, that it is difficult to impossible to separate them into neat little boxes, of how you should think or feel about any such stressful situation. Remember that it is not so much what happens to us in this life which determines how we feel and therefore how well or otherwise we respond to life's slings and arrows. Instead it is what we think is the meaning of the event which decides in the end if we will sink or swim, or at the very least learn to temporarily tread water, and keep ourselves from drowning in depression and despair.
The reading is asking you that if your current employment was terminated, as to what other type of job you would be looking for (what job do you have now).
There are many good choices in jobs for number 8s, including medicine, banking, financial planning, legal services or becoming a broker. Eights often possess excellent management and communication skills, and are high achievers. They also often have completely unrealistic expectations about being able to balance the complex demands of their personal and working lives in a way which is almost superhuman. They do not think that the normal rules which apply to us enjoying good health, equally apply to them. In this theory alone, they could not be any more wrong if they tried to be!
It is the old and familiar story of a person who has a huge potential for achieving good health, happiness and success in their lifetime (as they understand the meaning of these words to them), with so many positive strengths of character that it is hard to imagine that they would not overcome any challenges placed in their path, effectively overnight.
But the first step to developing greater self love, which is in turn the first step towards your healing, is to accept what has been called our shadow self. That part of our personality makeup which we would rather keep secret from other people (and from our own conscious awareness), because we would feel ashamed or embarrassed if they found out that we (like everyone else) are less than perfect.
I know that you will feel disappointed that your reading has not provided you with any specific advice or guidance about your future professional life, but I wrote in your last reading that number 8s are highly resistant to the well intended advice of others. Look at the following quote.
It is frequently difficult for an Eight to take advice. When they make a choice, they must feel it is their decision, NOT SOMEONE ELSE'S. As a result, they do tend to learn their lessons the hard way.
Yes I could offer you word by word advice and guidance about both your personal and professional lives, and how to keep moving forward from where you are now.
But I seriously doubt, knowing what your personality profile is telling me, that you would follow the advice or guidance exactly as it was given to you.
It is felt that the most that I could hope for is that this reading and the previous one together will act like a framework or foundation, on which you can then build, as you have personally chosen to.
The foundation for you ultimately getting through this extremely challenging period is for you to develop greater self love. If you can mainly by yourself but with other people's help if or when needed learn to value and respect yourself more (the definition of self love), then much of the rest of what you are most worried about should seemingly, automatically fall into place.
Courage, faith and patience will be proved many times over from now on, to be the most powerful components which you possess in your emotional fix it tool box.
Love, Light and Healing,
Brian
